Every Cloud
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Dylan has no interest in Angela, the new nurse on the psych ward, so he has no idea why he thinks about her so often. She's not his type at all. He's not even sure he has a type. And if Angela has a type, it's certainly not going to be someone like Dylan. Or is it? For westlife4ever80.
1. Chapter 1

_This story is for and requested by **westlife4ever80**_. _I'm not really happy with it, but I'm not sure what I can do to make it better. I hope it will improve in future chapters. I love Dylan and I identify with him, but that doesn't make him easy to write!_

 _I apologise to the Lofty fans. Characters are always saying and doing things I don't agree with. I've spoken to them about it, but they won't listen._

* * *

Dylan had seen a few strange things in his time at the ED.

Zoe locking lips with a porter. Louise being nice to someone. Lofty being... well, Lofty.

But this was something a bit different.

It was the car alarm that had caught his attention. Although Dylan was not particularly interested in whether or not someone's car was being stolen, it was only natural to glance in the direction of the sound. What he'd seen had surprised him so much, he couldn't help but stare.

A girl was putting her head underneath a parked car. She'd then got up, moved to the next car and set that alarm off too before putting her head underneath that car too.

Dylan watched her for a few minutes, telling himself that when someone behaved so oddly, it was only sensible to keep an eye on them. She might have a perfectly logical explanation for everything, but until she'd provided it, Dylan was going to treat her with suspicion.

He didn't think he'd seen her before. That didn't necessarily mean anything as he made a point of forgetting his patients' faces as soon as he'd discharged them and as for their relatives, he barely even glanced at them. But he was almost sure this was the first time he'd seen her. She had shoulder-length brown hair that shone in the sunlight (Dylan was a little bit surprised at himself for noticing that, but he was a doctor: it was his job to be observant). She was wearing a white blouse and a black, knee-length skirt. Even from a distance, Dylan had the impression she was anxious and in a bit of a hurry.

But whatever her reasons, such behaviour could not be allowed in a hospital car park. Dylan spent a few moments wondering who would be the correct person to report her to, but he quickly came to the conclusion that there wasn't time to report her to anybody. She could be gone by the time Security had arrived. Therefore, the correct thing to do would be to approach her himself.

Dylan walked over to her, trying to ignore the fact he had no idea what he was going to say, but she suddenly became aware of his presence. She scuttled out backwards from underneath the car and lost her balance, almost landing on Dylan's feet.

"Are you hurt?" asked Dylan.

After all, he was a doctor. It was a perfectly reasonable question to ask.

"Oh, no. I'm fine." The girl got to her feet and turned to face him. "I'm Angela Hamilton."

"I'm D… I'm sorry, is this relevant?"

Angela smiled. "Sorry. You're probably wondering what I was doing."

"Oh, no, I don't care what you're doing," said Dylan, not entirely truthfully. "But I thought I should warn you we do have CCTV."

Angela didn't take offence. She looked slightly embarrassed, but she was nodding as though she agreed. "I suppose I did look a bit weird."

Dylan had the impression she was a little amused.

He hoped she was amused with herself and not with him.

Actually, no. It didn't matter who she was amused with. All Dylan required was an explanation.

"I've lost a patient," said Angela.

Dylan reminded himself to be kind and polite and more like Lofty. "I'm very sorry to hear that, but you don't think speaking to a bereavement counsellor might be more helpful than indulging your secret desire to be a mechanic?"

 _Did I really say the words 'secret desire' to her?_

 _Do I care if I did?_

 _No. I don't care._

Angela stared at him, then she laughed.

It was a rippling sound of amusement and delight and Dylan tensed, convinced she was laughing at him. It wouldn't be the first time, of course, but it wasn't something he'd ever got used to.

Angela must have noticed something in his expression. She stopped laughing abruptly, a look of guilt coming to her face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you!" she said quickly. "I was laughing at myself. At my choice of words. When I said I'd lost a patient, I actually meant it literally. I'm sorry, um…"

"Dr Keogh."

"-Dr Keogh. I'll try to explain properly this time. I'm a nurse on the psych ward. We mostly keep a pretty close eye on our patients and to be honest, most of them wouldn't think of running away, at least not unless they're told to."

"Told to?" said Dylan blankly.

"If they have voices," explained Angela. "Voices in their head telling to run away because we're trying to poison them or something. It's understandable really. If someone told you your wife was trying to poison you, wouldn't you run away?"

"I don't have a wife, so it's irrelevant," said Dylan.

"That's a shame… but great news for the single ladies!" said Angela. She looked at him quizzically. "Or possibly for the single men."

"Ladies," said Dylan. "Though not… not recently. Don't you think we should be discussing your errant patient?"

Angela nodded and became instantly more professional. "Of course. As I was saying before I distracted myself by prying into your personal life, this particular patient has voices telling him he needs to get away and he needs a vehicle. Last time he disappeared, we found him attempting to hot-wire a car. I don't think he has any idea of how to do it, but he probably could still do a bit of damage."

"Don't you think," said Dylan, "if he was underneath the car, he might set off the car alarm? Perhaps if you look for a car that is already beeping, it seems not unlikely that your missing patient will be underneath it. That seems much more practical than setting off every car alarm yourself."

Angela laughed. "I know. It is a bit embarrassing! I wish we could use the lack of car alarms as a guide, but he didn't set it off last time. Perhaps, if you crawl up to a car and go underneath it without touching it, you don't set off the car alarm. I have no idea, to be honest. I've never tried it. Have you?"

"No. Funnily enough, I never have," said Dylan.

"I hope no-one calls the police," said Angela. "I know what I'm doing is perfectly innocent, but they won't know that and I don't want to waste their time. And I really do need to find him."

"Instead of which, you're standing here, talking to me," said Dylan.

Angela laughed again. "You're right again! I suppose I had better get back to searching. But it was nice meeting you, Dr Keogh. I might see you around."

"That seems unlikely," said Dylan, and turned away – though not fast enough to miss the disappointed look on her face.

He thought about feeling guilty, but then he decided he must have been mistaken. What could she possibly have to feel disappointed about? She was probably glad to see the back of him. Most people were.

He walked a couple more paces and stopped. He stood for a moment, then he turned towards the sound of the latest car alarm. Quickly. Dylan walked over to her. "Nurse Hamilton."

"Dr Keogh!" said Angela. "Didn't I say I might see you around?"

Dylan ignored this – mostly because he didn't know how to respond. "This patient you're looking for: is he wearing a hospital gown?"

"Yes, he is!" said Angela, looking around eagerly.

"Does he have stupidly-long dark brown hair and a fondness for Mars bars?"

"I don't know about 'stupidly-long'," said Angela, "but the rest sounds just like him."

She wasn't in any way reproving him for his description of the man's hair. She'd simply dismissed it as unimportant and responded to his question. All the same, Dylan found himself wishing he hadn't said it.

Even more strangely, he found himself wanting to apologise for it.

"This way," said Dylan, and walked off without waiting for a response, but he soon heard the sound of her hurrying to catch up with him. "There you are."

There was young man sitting against the wall. He was eating a Mars bar and there were several on the ground beside him, along with some empty wrappers.

Angela touched Dylan's arm and made eye contact. "Thank you, Dr Keogh," she said as though she really meant it. "Thank you so much." She hurried to the man's side. "Leo, there you are! I was worried. Come on: I'll take you back to the ward."

Leo looked up at her. "They said you wanted to poison me," he said in a childlike voice.

"I know they did," said Angela. "But you know it's not true, don't you? It's natural to worry about it, but now you've had a time-out, you do know I'd never do that?"

"There's a new man!" said Leo.

Angela nodded. "Yes, there is. But he's very nice and he's not going to poison you either. His name's Simon and he's a nurse like me and if you come back with me now, I'll introduce you to him. I know you won't be able to trust him straight away and that's fine, but I hope you'll get to know him better over the next few weeks. In the meantime, I'll keep an eye on him for you, so I can make sure everything's all right."

Leo pointed over Angela's shoulder. "No, that man!"

Angela looked over her shoulder and saw Dylan. She smiled.

It was a friendly enough smile, but Dylan was uncomfortably aware he shouldn't still be here. He shouldn't be listening to a private conversation between a nurse and a patient who weren't even from his department. He couldn't imagine why he'd even want to listen.

"Oh, that's Dr Keogh," said Angela. "He's a very nice man and he's been helping me to find you." She turned and smiled at Dylan again. "We're okay now, Dr Keogh: I'll be able to take him back to the ward in a moment and I don't think I'm going to need backup, but thanks for waiting."

Dylan recognised the dismissal, polite and friendly as it was, and hurriedly began to walk away.

It wasn't as though he had the slightest interest in either of them.

If they stayed on the floor and got hit by a car and needed emergency treatment, he'd do his job, but unless that happened, he had no reason to think of them again.


	2. Chapter 2

**westlife4ever80** , I'm so relieved you like it! I'm afraid you're not in this chapter, but you are on a few people's minds. This chapter introduces a few of the other Casualty characters. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I had a similar experience with Dylan - he didn't make much impression on me at first, then I thought I didn't like him, but this site made me fall in love! I loved the OCD and Brian storylines too. I'm glad you like Angela. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think fiction can be very inaccurate in its representation of people who hear voices - though modern fiction is full of dangerous people killing each other, whether they hear voices or not. I have known lots of people who hear voices - most of them are lovely and actually terrify me less than a lot of 'normal' people, who are less likely to accept me as I am. It all depends on what they hear and to what extent they listen or obey, which can vary. I hear voices myself. Some are horrible (I mostly ignore them); some are comforting. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm not sure how much of a Dylan fan you are, but Cal, Ethan and particularly Zoe will also feature.

 **LoveFiction2016** (it won't let me type your name with the full stops), that's really interesting about Dylan and OCs - it makes sense as he doesn't seem like someone who needs a relationship, but it's still surprising. Perhaps this will be the first of many! Thank you for your review. I hope you enjoy the story!

 _Thank you to **westlife4ever80** , **X-Sammii-X** and **LoveFiction2016** for the follows and favourites._

* * *

Dylan hadn't expected to think of Angela again. There was no reason to think about her. The incident was over and there was no reason to suppose that they would ever meet again.

Yet he thought of her often during his shift.

He told himself this was because so much of his cases happened to have features in common with his meeting with Angela. In the course of the morning, he treated an Angela, a Leo and a patient with mental health problems who was referred to the psych ward. Dylan found himself wondering (just wondering, not hoping) whether Angela would be the one to come down and collect the patient, but although they did send a nurse, it wasn't Angela.

Dylan told himself he wasn't disappointed.

After that, Dylan treated a couple of boys who were injured in a car crash after hot-wiring and stealing a car and made the unwelcome discovery that his nil-by-mouth patient had almost as big a fondness for Mars bars as Leo. He'd eaten at least two when Dylan wasn't looking.

So if Angela was still in his thoughts, perhaps that was only natural – but he was still surprised by his reaction when he walked into the staff room to discover Cal telling Ethan about 'that hot new nurse on psych ward'.

"Do you mean Angela?" Dylan blurted out – and immediately wished he hadn't when Cal's eyes lit with surprise and interest.

"Yeah, do you know her?" said Cal.

"I've… met Nurse Hamilton, yes," said Dylan shortly.

Cal smiled hopefully at Dylan. "Any chance you could put in a good word for me?"

"No," said Dylan. He turned his back on Cal and went to his locker.

There was a definite smile in Ethan's voice as he addressed his brother. "I think you might be too late, Cal."

Cal looked confused, but then Ethan's meaning (which was far from clear to Dylan) seemed to hit him and he turned to Dylan in complete amazement. "What, _seriously_?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Dylan, "but as everything I've said to you is true, I'm inclined to think the answer is yes."

"Since when?" said Cal disbelievingly.

Dylan wished Cal would talk in proper sentences. While he approved of economy in theory, there was no advantage in being incomprehensible. "Again, your lack of clarity could mean I'm giving you entirely the wrong answer, but if you're asking about Nurse Hamilton, the answer is: since this morning in the car park."

Cal's mouth was so wide, he could probably have fitted his whole ego inside it. "Do you mean _inside_ a car?"

"No. Outside a car," said Dylan, slightly confused. "Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say 'under a car'."

Cal shook his head and reached out for the table as though he needed its support. "I never knew you had it in you, Dylan… I also never knew you had it in other people!"

Dylan had no trouble translating the first part into correct English. The second part was more confusing, but Dylan had a suspicion of what it might mean. He considered checking with Ethan – Ethan usually spoke impressively well for a young person, though Dylan had a feeling he wasn't quite as young as he looked – but he decided he wasn't really interested. If Cal had said it, the chances were it wasn't worth listening to.

Dylan shut his locker door and went over to the fridge.

"I can't believe it!" said Cal in an unnecessary loud voice.

Fortunately for Dylan, these words prefaced Cal's exit from the staff room.

Ethan came closer to Dylan and spoke in an apologetic voice. "I'm sorry. I'll try to stop him."

"Stop him?" said Dylan, bewildered. Not even Ethan was making sense now. "You mean from demonstrating his interest in An… in Nurse Hamilton?"

"Oh, no," said Ethan at once. "Cal would never do that. I hope. I just mean I'll try to stop him from telling the whole hospital about…" Ethan hesitated and blushed slightly. "About what happened in the car park."

Dylan shrugged. "He can tell the whole hospital if he wants to. Though if he really has so little to occupy his mind, perhaps he needs more work to do."

Ethan smiled. "I've been telling him that for the last two years." He turned to leave the kitchen but paused in the doorway, looking back at Dylan. "I'm really happy for you, Dylan."

Dylan stared after him as he left the staff room. Everyone was behaving so oddly today.

* * *

There was more oddness at the nurse's station. Finding Robyn and Louise whispering was, sadly, far from unusual, but the content of their whispering proved to be something of a surprise.

"No! I don't believe you," said Louise. "No way did Dylan do that. You've got some stupid bet on with Max. You can't pull the wool over my eyes."

"No, it's true!" insisted Robyn, her eyes wide with hurt. "I'd never lie about something like that. Besides, Cal heard it from Dylan himself."

"Then Cal's the one who's lying," said Louise.

Dylan walked over to them and picked up a file. "Are you talking about me?"

"No, of course not!" said Robyn at once. "Just... um... a patient. H's called Dylan too."

"In that case, Louise, I can confirm that whatever Robyn has just told you is the truth. You can see for yourself she's a terrible liar."

Louise seemed almost speechless.

Dylan suspected there wasn't anyone in the hospital who didn't wish it happened more often.

"So… you were having sex under a car with that nurse from the psych ward?" For some reason, Louise seemed almost impressed.

Dylan was the almost–speechless one now. "I… who told you…. of course I wasn't!"

Louise looked pityingly at Robyn. "I knew you were lying."

"But Cal told me!" said Robyn. "He told me you'd told him about it."

Dylan sighed. "Is that likely? All I said was that I'd met her. It's hardly my fault if Cal chose to misinterpret that."

Robyn looked disappointed.

"Robyn, is the waiting room empty?" asked Dylan.

Robyn stared at him. "No, Dylan. When is it ever empty?"

"I'm sorry," said Dylan, making it very clear he was anything but: "I assumed that as you were standing here discussing my private life, we must have run out of patients to treat."

Louise handed him a file. "Male. Forties. Hygiene issues and projectile vomiting. I can't blame him, to be honest. I nearly projectile-vomited too when I smelled him."

"Then you'd better come with me," said Dylan. "I'm sure he'd be glad of your empathy because he certainly won't be getting any from me."

* * *

Cal received the news from Robyn with great interest.

Not only did it look as though Angela was single, which was great news as far as he was concerned, it also looked as though Dylan had been trying to warn Cal off and that was _very_ interesting.

So interesting, in fact, that Cal had almost considered backing off. He couldn't imagine Dylan in a relationship and the thought was intriguing. He almost wanted see them together for the sheer novelty value.

But the thought of Angela in his bed… no, there was no way Cal was giving up on that. If Dylan wanted her, he'd have to get through the Knight first.

As soon as his shift was over (or rather, as soon as Cal thought he could get away with sneaking off early), he hurried out of the ED and around to the exit nearest the psych ward.

He stopped by the glass doors and peered at the faint reflection, fussing with his hair and adjusting his shirt.

Cal smiled in satisfaction.

Angela wasn't going to know what had hit her.

* * *

Ethan wanted to hit him.

He couldn't believe Cal had done it again. He hadn't done it for a while and Ethan had been almost convinced his big brother had finally grown up, but it was a good ten minutes until their shifts were due to end and there was no sign of Cal.

Not only had Cal disappeared, he'd forgotten to discharge one of his patients, who was now breaching. Ethan sighed in annoyance and mentally called Cal several names he would never say out loud. He could, of course, go and find Connie and tell her that Cal had gone AWOL and leave her to deal with it, but the trouble with brothers was that you did tend to feel an irritating sense of loyalty towards them.

Besides, there was a small chance Cal had left early because he was upset. He mostly coped very well, but occasionally, one of his patients would remind him of Emilie or little Matilda and he needed to take an extra break. Ethan was more than happy to support Cal when that happened, but that didn't mean he had to condone sneaking away for any other reason.

Ethan ducked into a corner and sent Cal a quick text. _Are you okay?_

 _Got a headache_ , came the reply.

 _Then I'll see you at dinner. Even I know it's impossible to be intimate with a headache._

 _That's just women Nibbles. It actually helps men. But it's okay. You couldn't have known!_

He heard hurried footsteps. "Ethan, are you okay?" asked Zoe. "Was that you screaming?"

Ethan felt himself turning red. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I was, but I was feeling annoyed with Cal, so it's possible I did scream." I'm terribly sorry."

"It's all right," said Zoe, smiling as she patted his arm. "We all feel like that sometimes. Are you coming to the pub later?"

"I… um… I'm not sure," said Ethan. "I was going to spend the evening at home with Cal. I'm really not at all sure he is going home, but what if I'm wrong? What if he really is ill?"

"You could always drive home and see," said Zoe. "Then if he's not at home, jump straight into a taxi and meet us at the pub!"

Ethan smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks, Zoe. I think I might do that. Now, I'd better go and find Cal's… I mean my last patient. She's one of Cal's exes. That's why I said…"

Zoe shook her head. "You don't have to lie for him, Ethan."

"Okay, she's Cal's last patient," said Ethan. "But maybe Cal's headache was really bad."

He didn't think so though. He suspected Cal was paying a visit to the psych department.

 _With any luck, they won't let him out again!_ thought Ethan - and only felt the tiniest bit guilty. _  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm sure Cal would like to think he knows everything about what women can and can't do whilst being intimate! I'm glad you liked the conversation between Cal and Dylan. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever** , I have to admit I wouldn't mind at all if Cal and Dylan were both thinking about me! You'll be on someone else's mind in this chapter... Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and even more glad everything's okay between us. Poor Dylan is having quite a bad day, despite meeting the lovely Angela, and the day isn't over yet!

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter and I hope you'll keep reading!

 **Guest** , Angela works in the psych ward because it fits in the request, but I think if they were working together closely, Dylan might find it easier to distance himself by thinking of her as a colleague. Thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the story so far.

* * *

Cal checked his watch and sighed. He'd been waiting here for nearly twenty minutes and there was still no sign of Angela. He knew this was the end of her shift because he'd visited the psych ward during his break and asked. He hadn't been lucky enough to see Angela himself – she'd been out looking for a patient, which must have been when she'd met Dylan – but he'd recognised a psych nurse he'd met in the pub on quite a few occasions and he'd been more than happy to tell Cal what he wanted to know.

At least two people from the psych ward had come out with this way. Cal's mate, who'd also got away from his shift a little bit earlier than he should have done, had been fairly sure Angela was still there. Then he'd met an attractive blonde psych nurse who'd somehow got it into her head that Cal was waiting for her. Cal had taken her number out of politeness, but he had no intention of calling her. He was still testing the waters when it came to getting back into dating and he didn't want to get involved with anyone unless he was sure he could trust them. There was something about Angela that made Cal feel as though he could tell her anything that was on his mind, but flirtatious blondes who talked about charity work couldn't help but set up warning signals in his mind at the moment.

Even if this one was genuine, she was obviously using her charity work as a means to get his attention and that bothered him.

It did cross Cal's mind that Angela might have left another way because his mate had warned her about him, but although his experiences with Taylor had given his self-confidence a bit of a knock, Angela didn't seem the type to hide from anybody. Either she'd left early (though almost certainly in a less sneaky way than Cal) or she was still working. If they were unusually busy or short-staffed, Angela might have agreed to work a double shift or at least to cover until a tardy colleague had arrived. Cal could imagine her staying late to help out She seemed kind and thoughtful - and it wasn't every girl who made a good impression on Dylan.

Cal thought about going home. If she'd already gone, he was only going to look stupid, waiting out here for hours. If she hadn't gone, that was also likely to mean a very long wait.

But he decided to wait for a little bit longer. Angela was the first girl he'd been interested in for a while – and he had competition. He wasn't going to give her up without a fight.

* * *

Ethan had just left the staff room on his way out of the ED when he saw a girl wandering a bit uncertainly through the ED. She looked vaguely familiar, but so did a lot of his patients. He went over to her. "Excuse me. Can I help at all? Are you lost?"

The girl gave him a grateful smile. "I'm not lost. I was actually looking for someone, but I thought he might still be working."

"Most of the people on the last shift have already left," said Ethan apologetically. "But you shouldn't really… I mean, I don't want to be rude, but this is a working hospital and I'm afraid members of the public can't really walk in and look for members of staff. I'm really sorry. If you've made an arrangement to meet someone, I'm sure they'll be out soon."

"No, _I'm_ sorry," said the girl. "I should have explained. I'm actually a member of staff myself, but you're right. I shouldn't have come. I was just on my way out of the hospital and it doesn't really take any longer to go out through the ED. I thought I'd come this way and keep an eye out on the off-chance, but I won't do it again..." She glanced at his name-tag. "...Dr Hardy."

Ethan started to feel guilty. "Ethan. Please. And it's okay. As you're a member of staff, of course you're welcome to come out this way. I'm so sorry I didn't realise."

"Oh, it's not your fault!" The girl laid her hand on his arm. "Doctors and patients can look pretty much the same when we're not in our working clothes. Though I don't wear scrubs in the psych ward so I do sometimes get mistaken for a patient in there as well. Anyway, I've delayed you enough so I'd better be going. It was nice to meet you, Ethan."

"You... you work on the psych ward?" said Ethan, as a thought came into his mind.

It would be a bit of a coincidence if Angela came to the ED on the very day that Cal and Dylan had been talking about her, but coincidences often happened in Holby.

"Yes: I'm a nurse," said the girl. "I'm sorry. I should have introduced myself. I'm Angela Hamilton - I hope you'll call me Angela."

"Oh, yes, of course. It's nice to meet you, Angela," said Ethan. Now the shock had worn off, he was feeling quite guilty for coming so close to telling her off. "I'm actually going off-duty now, so if you tell me who you were looking for, I can have a quick look around for you." He couldn't help thinking it would be quite amusing if she was looking for Cal. It was just Cal's luck that the girl he liked would come looking for him on the day he'd gone home ill.

"I was looking for Dr Keogh," said Angela. "He helped me to find a patient earlier and I didn't thank him properly at the time – my priority was my patient and I'm sure he understands that, but he really did me a favour and I feel a bit rude."

Ethan smiled. "As you say, I'm sure he'll understand completely, but it's very thoughtful of you." He had a feeling Dylan would understand a nurse's decision to prioritise the patient a lot more clearly than he'd understand her desire to seek him out and thank him – but judging from the look on his face when he'd spoken about Angela earlier, Ethan thought he might make an exception for this particular nurse. "I'm afraid Dr Keogh has gone home, but I can find out if he's on the rota tomorrow if you like."

"Oh, I don't want to put you to any trouble," said Angela. "But thank you, Ethan. I really appreciate the thought."

"It really is no trouble," said Ethan. "I haven't got anything better to do. Oh, I'm so sorry!" He felt himself turning red. "That came out completely wrong. Please let me help you to make up for saying that."

Angela smiled. "It's fine, Ethan. Don't worry. I knew what you meant. But if you're sure you don't mind, that would be really helpful."

They went to find the rota. Ethan found Dylan's name and pointed it out to Angela. "There you are. He's actually finishing the same time as today, so if you're finishing at the same time too…"

"Yes, I am," said Angela.

"So am I," said Ethan. "If you wanted... please say if you'd rather not, but why don't you text me when you're about to leave tomorrow, then I can find Dylan for you? Then you won't have to worry about being mistaken for a patient and I'll be able to let you know if he's left early or changed his shift or if he's staying longer."

Angela hesitated, but only for a moment. "If you really don't mind, Ethan, that would be great."

They exchanged numbers and walked out of the hospital together. As Ethan drove home, he caught a movement in his mirror and saw Cal walking across the car park. It was obvious to Ethan that he'd come from the direction of the psych ward.

Despite his annoyance, Ethan smiled. He wondered what Cal would say if he knew that as he'd been waiting vainly for Angela, she'd been giving Ethan her phone number.

He waited until Cal had almost reached him, then he drove over to him and leaned across the front seat to open the door. "How's your headache? Did the fresh air not help? You don't look too good. I'd better drive you home and then you can go straight to bed."

* * *

Dylan jumped slightly as the record he was listening to came to an end with a click. Dervla looked up at him enquiringly and Dylan patted her head.

Though 'listening', Dylan realised, was an inaccurate term. He didn't think he'd heard one bar of the music. He couldn't even remember which record it was.

He decided he must be tired.

"Time for bed," he told Dervla, who followed him happily to the bedroom.

As he got ready for bed, Dylan tried not to think about what had distracted his mind so much, he hadn't heard the music. He remembered wondering what kind of music Angela liked and whether Angela liked dogs, but he was sure he hadn't been thinking about Angela the whole time. He hardly knew her so there wasn't anything much to think about.

It was far more likely that he was thinking about Dervla or Zoe or something work-related.

He hoped Cal hadn't made his move on Angela yet. Not that he cared in any way, but he imagined that most girls regretted going out with Cal. If they wanted a one-night stand, all well and good, but if they didn't, they were only going to be disappointed, if not heartbroken. Dylan didn't like the thought of Cal breaking Angela's heart.

Dylan frowned at himself in the mirror. He really must be tired if he was worrying about things like that.

He got into bed and felt the bed dip as Dervla leapt onto it. Dylan smiled as she climbed onto his lap for a cuddle. Now, this was the only kind of girl Dylan wanted in his bed. There were no complications with Dervla. She had been known to eat his dinner on occasion (and Dylan still felt guilty when he remembered throwing her out of the boat for that), but there was no agenda with Dervla (unless it was food). No playing mind games with him (unless she was trying to convince him to give her food). No manipulation (or not much). No demands for reassurance that Dylan loved her (unless that look she got in her eyes sometimes counted). No sulks and tears because he forgot their anniversary (though she did get a little bit reproachful when he forgot to feed her).

On second thoughts, thought Dylan, as he snuggled down in bed, maybe Dervla was a typical woman. But he would never swap her for a male dog. He would never swap her for anything or anyone.

He certainly wouldn't swap her for the kind of woman who tried to batter his door down at 4am.


	4. Chapter 4

**westlife4ever4** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far. I'm afraid you're not in this chapter either, but you are in various people's thoughts.

 **Tanith Panic** , and you've ensured I won't spend my money on a Val McDermid... it's never a bad idea to spend less money! You'll have to wait and see which doctor Angela likes best. I think she's already decided! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Ethan is quite enjoying the sibling rivalry for once! I didn't mean for Cal to seem like a stalker. There's no guarantee if meeting her unless he seeks her out. Dylan definitely loves his Dervla best! For now, at least. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you like this, even though there's no Lofty. I'm not sure it would enter Cal's head to back off and let Dylan have a chance with Angela, but maybe Ethan can keep him under control! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 _Thank you to **Gingersnaps2507** for the follow._

* * *

Dylan knew who it was at once. Only one person of his acquaintance would be out at such a ridiculous time.

The only surprise was that she hadn't phoned him first.

Dylan sighed and got out of bed with Dervla at his heels. He opened the door of the houseboat and looked critically at a tearful and intoxicated Zoe. "The last time you showed up on my boat in this state, it exploded."

"I wasn't drunk then," said Zoe. She was definitely drunk now. She was slurring her words and using the houseboat to prop herself upright. "I'm not really very drunk now." She gave a sob. "I tried to call you, but your phone was switched off! Unless I called your old phone again."

Dylan had to admit that either was possible. "Come in. I'll make tea, shall I? Then I suppose you'd better tell me what's wrong."

"Thanks, Dylan." Zoe tripped over the step and Dylan steadied her. "Sorry. Stupid shoes!"

Dylan knew she must be very upset if she was saying things like that. "Sit down and don't move unless you're going to vomit, in which case I recommend moving very quickly to the bathroom."

"I don't need to. I did it outside," said Zoe. "Not right outside. Kind of to the left."

"Thank you for that piece of information," said Dylan. He went to the kitchen and switched the kettle on. "What happened?"

"Max!" wailed Zoe.

"Ah." Dylan had guessed Zoe's husband might be something to do with it. He waited for Zoe to continue, but she didn't. "Are you going to give me any more details? Or are you going to leave me to imagine them?"

Zoe slumped in an armchair. "He was kissing a girl! Not just kissing. Really _kissing_. She was pushing herself right up against him and she had one leg wrapped around his waist and his hands were-"

"I don't think I need any more detail than that," said Dylan. "Just tell me what you did and we'll go from there."

"What do you think I did?" said Zoe. "I grabbed hold of her and told her to keep her dirty paws off my husband!"

Dylan wasn't shocked. He knew Zoe well and would have been more surprised if she'd gone off and left them to it. "And how did Max take this?"

"I think he was a bit shocked," said Zoe, sniffling. "But _she_ had the cheek to ask if I actually meant my son. Can you believe it? I'm not anything like old enough to be Max's mum and I don't look it either."

Dylan poured boiling water into two mugs.

"Do I, Dylan?"

"Do you what?"

"Do I look old enough to be Max's mum?"

"No, of course you don't," said Dylan, with only half his attention. "Nothing like. What happened next?"

"Well, you might have said it with a bit more conviction!" snapped Zoe.

Dylan turned to find her lying lengthways across the armchair with her head hanging down and her arms brushing the floor. "Zoe. You don't look anything like old enough to be Max's mother. Now sit up properly and I'll give you your tea."

"Forget me being Max's mother. You're starting to sound like _mine_ ," said Zoe.

Dylan averted his eyes as she wriggled round into a more conventional sitting pattern, then he handed her her tea. "What happened next?"

"Where was I?" said Zoe.

"The girl made an inappropriate comment about your age."

"I slapped her," said Zoe, looking slightly more cheerful. "Max grabbed my arm and took me outside. I was quite happy with that, but I still pulled away from him and I asked what he thought he was doing. You can't just let a man drag you around like that even if you do like it. Can you?"

"It's certainly not something I'd allow to happen," said Dylan.

Zoe's smile faded. "Then Max told me to mind my own business and I'd forfeited any right to object on my hen night and then he went back into the pub!"

Dylan decided not to mention that Max had a point. He watched, trying to hide his sympathy as Zoe started to cry again. "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"

"Let me stay here for the night?" pleaded Zoe.

"Of course," said Dylan. "I'm not about to let you go anywhere alone in that state and if you thought I'd be willing to leave my nice warm boat to take you home, you'd be sadly mistaken."

"Why do I always do this?" wailed Zoe.

Dylan sighed and sat in the armchair near her. He hesitated before moving it slightly closer to hers. "Why do any of us keep making the same mistakes over and over?" He put an awkward hand on her shoulder and sat silently until Zoe had stopped crying. "Feel better now?"

"Actually, yeah," said Zoe. "You should try it some time."

"Perhaps I will, in my next lifetime," said Dylan.

Zoe sighed. "I'm tired, Dylan."

"You can sleep in my bed if you like," said Dylan.

Zoe's eyes widened. "What? Seriously?"

"Seriously," said Dylan. He took the cup from her. "Of course, it goes without saying that if you sleep there, I won't."

"Oh, Dylan. What would I do without you?"

"I really wouldn't like to think," said Dylan.

* * *

Dylan was woken the next day by someone screaming.

It was very muffled screaming, but it was enough to get Dylan out of bed and send him running into his bedroom.

Zoe was screaming into the bedclothes, but the stopped and rolled over when she heard Dylan. "Oh, Dylan. I did it again, didn't I?"

"Even without knowing quite what you mean, I'm inclined to say yes," said Dylan.

"Got drunk again; went after Max again; left you a drunk voicemail again; expected you to clear up my mess again; woke up in another man's bed ag… actually, scrap the last part. Just the drink, Max, voicemails and mess. It keeps on happening. I keep telling myself 'never again', but I don't listen to myself, Dylan."

Dylan shrugged. "We've all done it."

Zoe's eyes widened. "Have you? You never told me that!"

"Well, only the first one," admitted Dylan. "And that wasn't very recently and only because you spiked my drink."

"Dylan, you have absolutely no proof that I spiked your drink," said Zoe. "I have no memory whatsoever of spiking your drink or even thinking about it."

"Yes, well, that clears the matter up entirely," said Dylan.

Zoe groaned. "What's wrong with me, Dylan? I need my head examined." Zoe massaged her forehead. "You might as well refer me to the psych ward and have done with it."

Dylan was surprised to find he wasn't completely against that idea. "I think they're very nice on the psych ward."

Zoe took her hand away from her face and stared at him. "Did you really just say that?"

Dylan had a horrible feeling that he had.

"So basically, you agree I need a psych referral?" said Zoe. "Thanks a lot, Dylan."

"No, I didn't exactly mean..." Dylan stopped. "But perhaps it would help you to talk to someone."

Zoe laughed "Do you even know anyone on the psych ward? Name one person who's on the psych ward."

Dylan knew she was referring to a certain difficulty he sometimes had with remembering names. He wavered between not mentioning Angela and proving Zoe wrong. The second instinct won. "Angela."

Zoe pointed at him, a triumphant look on her face. "I knew it! I knew you'd get her name wrong. It's Andrea, not Angela."

"No, it isn't," said Dylan irritably. "Perhaps there's an Andrea too. I wouldn't know. But there's definitely an Angela. I've met her."

"Like to tell me more?" said Zoe, a curious look on her face. She sat up, then immediately thought better of it. "Why don't you tell me more after you've done something about my head?"

Dylan was more than happy with that idea. "How does a glass of water, a cup of strong coffee and some toast sound?"

"Like a dream come true," admitted Zoe. "Except that my dreams sometimes have Max in too. No. I didn't say that."

Dylan turned to leave the bedroom. "I think you did."

* * *

Last night hadn't exactly been the best night of Cal's life. He'd planned to spend it with Angela, but instead, he'd spent it with Ethan.

Ethan had actually been very kind and he'd done everything he could for Cal's fictional headache. At first, Cal had thought Ethan was toying with him and the stress of waiting for Ethan to drop the act and hit him with the lecture almost caused Cal to develop a headache for real, but Ethan had remained calm and supportive.

If he had seemed a bit more cheerful than Cal would have expected, perhaps he'd simply had a very good day.

This morning had been the same. Ethan had made Cal breakfast and let him lie in for just the right amount of time, giving Cal as much sleep as he could whilst leaving him ample time to get ready for work. When Cal had got out of the shower, breakfast had been waiting on the table for him, along with a glass of water and some paracetamol: "Just in case you're still feeling rotten."

Cal had felt almost guilty then. He usually enjoyed pulling the wool over Ethan's eyes (on the rare occasions when he managed it), but they'd been closer recently and Cal didn't much like the idea of deceiving him.

But now they were at the ED and as Cal got closer to Angela, the guilt became a distant memory. "I think I'll just have a quick walk before my shift," he said as casually as he could.

Ethan looked concerned. "Is your head bad again? Maybe you should have stayed at home."

"No, it's fine," said Cal. "But you know what it's like being cooped up in there all day. I thought getting some fresh air before my shift might help."

Ethan looked at him with just a hint of suspicion, but then he smiled and checked his watch. "That's a good idea actually, Cal. I'll walk with you if you don't mind. I think it would do us both some good."


	5. Chapter 5

**westlife4ever** , Cal thinks he's being so clever, but Ethan knows him so well. Zoe could get jealous - she probably thinks she's got Dylan to herself now Lofty's gone. I'm so glad this is surpassing your expectations! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , yes, Ethan knows exactly what Cal wants and I think he's enjoying playing games with him rather than just getting annoyed! I suppose he is 'being more Cal'! I think Zoe does want to be happy, though who doesn't? Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. As we know, Zoe is inclined to act before she thinks! I don't think she looks that much older than Max, but the girl wanted to upset her and thought that might do it. No plot twist, I'm afraid! Just Zoe's ignorance.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I haven't based this around a particular episode as that would be too restrictive, but it's set this season, after Lofty's departure but before Zoe's. I was asked to give Zoe a big role in the story and much as I love Lofty, I thought Zoe's role would work better if Lofty wasn't there to support and advise Dylan. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. This story has quite a way to go and there might be some twists you won't like, but I certainly haven't ruled out a Zax reunion. They're so good together - I wish Max had gone with her!

* * *

 _Yes, I do mind if you walk with me, actually!_ thought Cal. _I don't need my little brother cramping my style, thank you very much._

But Cal couldn't say that. Ethan would definitely know he was up to something if he started getting annoyed with him. So he pasted a smile onto his face and tried to look thrilled with the prospect of his little brother's company. "That would be great. Oh, wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to be meeting Lily before your shift?"

"No: Lily isn't working today," said Ethan.

"And it's not your appraisal with Mrs Beauchamp?"

Ethan laughed. "That's not till next week. You really must be ill if you're remembering things like that!"

"Oh. Right," said Cal gloomily. "Let's go get some fresh air then."

They walked across the car park and Cal tried to steer them surreptitiously towards the entrance nearest to the psych ward.

"There's the psych ward," said Ethan, pointing upwards

"Oh?" said Cal, failing to sound nonchalant. "Really?"

Ethan nodded. "Yes." A thought seemed to strike him. "Did I tell you I saw Angela Hamilton last night?"

"WHA-" Cal started to shout. He tried to turn it into a cry of pain. "I stubbed my toe."

"Really?" said Ethan. He sounded a bit surprised.

Cal glared at him. He stood on one leg and leaned on Ethan while he tried to massage his completely painless toes through his shoe. "Yes. Really. Don't you believe me?"

"Of course I believe you," said Ethan. "It's just you usually make so much more of a fuss than that."

"It's… not as bad as usual."

"That's a relief," said Ethan innocently. "Otherwise I'd have had no choice but to fetch you a wheelchair and I know how much that would embarrass you."

Cal put his foot back on the floor. "It's fine now. Anyway. What were we talking about?"

"Um… let me think," said Ethan.

Cal realised in annoyance that he could hardly remind Ethan without looking suspicious.

"Ah, yes," said Ethan. "I was telling you I saw Angela Hamilton last night."

"Oh?" said Cal, trying to sound bored. "Where did you see her then?"

Ethan turned away. "Fine. I won't tell you about it if you're not interested." He stalked a couple of paces ahead of Cal.

Cal ran to catch him up, remembered he should probably be limping and nearly tripped over his feet. "No, I'm not bored. You can always talk to me, Ethan. Especially about girls. I mean, with all my experience and your… completely different experiences, I might be able to help."

Ethan smiled. "Oh, I see. Sorry. I suppose I'm so used to you making digs at me. Not very much happened really. We met on the way to the car park. We exchanged a few words and then we went our separate ways."

Cal tried to contain a sigh of relief.

"But if you really wouldn't mind giving me advice," said Ethan, "what do you think I should say next time I see her? I mean, I don't usually have a problem at first, but as soon as I've said hello, I get a bit stuck."

Cal laughed. "You get stuck after 'hello'? Oh, Nibbles."

To his surprise, Ethan laughed too, but it did sound a little bit forced.

Cal put his arm around Ethan's shoulders and turned him back towards the ED. The last thing he wanted was to meet Angela now. Sure, Ethan could be a bit dim when it came to flirting, but Cal wasn't sure even he was quite suave enough to make a move on Angela whilst fooling Ethan into thinking he wasn't interested. "You could always ask if she fancied a drink."

Ethan looked a bit unsure of himself. "Really? You don't think that's a bit forward?"

"If you think that's forward," said Cal, "you probably shouldn't hear some of my other lines!"

"Perhaps I shouldn't," said Ethan.

"But I think asking someone if they fancy a drink is fine," said Cal reassuringly – before remembering that he didn't want to reassure Ethan at all. Imagine if he actually did what Cal said and Angela said yes! Cal didn't consider Dylan any kind of threat, but Ethan was quite good-looking if he kept his mouth shut and didn't stand too close to Cal. "Though… well… it is a bit obvious. And no-one likes a guy to be too obvious. It's much better to be subtle."

"Subtle," echoed Ethan, chewing on his lower lip.

Cal nodded and smiled encouragingly. "Subtle. But you're usually good at that, Ethan. Half the time, you're so subtle, I don't have a clue what you're on about. I'm sure it'll be the same for Angela. A girl likes a man of mystery."

"Man of mystery," said Ethan thoughtfully.

* * *

Dylan could see from the smirk on Louise's face that the news was not good. He sighed and held out his hand for the file.

"Just the one for you to choose from, Dylan. Female, twenties. Lacerations to the face, arms and legs following a fall. Complete and utter fruit loop."

"On what do you base this medical opinion?" said Dylan.

"She said she was being chased by zombies," said Louise. "I thought she was having me on at first, but no-one ever has me on for long. She believes it."

"Right: I'll see what I can do," said Dylan with a sigh. He had a quick glance at the file, then walked towards the cubicle.

Only to stop so suddenly, his shoes squeaked on the floor.

A fruit loop. Chased by zombies. It sounded like a case for the psych ward.

Not that this fact was of any interest to him whatsoever. It was a fact. That was all.

"Hello, I'm Dr Keogh," said Dylan. He made the effort to smile. Just as an experiment really. Not for any particular reason. For a moment, he considered inviting her to call him Dylan, but he decided that was going a bit far. "Mysti, is it?" He privately thought you were asking for trouble giving a child a name like that, but it wasn't part of his experiment to insult the girl's parents.

The girl nodded. She had silver hair (not natural) with purple stripes (even less so). "I was being chased by zombies and I fell over."

"Er, yes. So I heard," said Dylan. "I… I believe there's a lot of it about."

Mysti stared at him, her eyes widening. "Are you saying you believe me? Nurse Tyler didn't."

"Nurse Tyler and I don't agree on very many things," said Dylan – even though he was inclined to agree with her on this occasion. "Okay. I'm going to clean and treat your wounds for you and I'll find a nurse to take some bloods – and it won't be Nurse Tyler."

Mysti smiled at him gratefully.

Dylan wasn't sure which nurse it would be. If Lofty was still here, the choice would have been obvious. It still surprised Dylan how often Lofty seemed the obvious choice; the _only_ choice.

As Dylan examined the wound, he ran his mind over the possible choices. Robyn was no good. If she noticed Dylan's… experiment she'd tell the whole ED and that didn't suit Dylan at all.

Rita was too astute: she'd guess what Dylan was up to in an instant. Not that Dylan was up to anything, but she'd think he was and that was bad enough. Charlie was even worse. He might start giving paternal advice. The further Dylan stayed away from paternal matters, the better he liked it.

Jacob would make fun of the zombies and ruin the effect entirely. Not that Dylan was trying to create an effect.

David?

Dylan nodded thoughtfully. The thing about gossiping, reporting Dylan to Connie, giving advice and making fun of the zombies was that they all required some form of verbal communication. That wasn't likely to be a problem for David.

Having made the decision, Dylan had another go at smiling at his patient. To his surprise, she smiled back.

"I don't think you're going to need surgery," said Dylan. "You were right to come in as the wound is quite deep, but there's no injury to the deeper structures. But there is quite a lot of dirt and debris. Are you up to date with your tetanus jabs?"

"I think so," said Mysti.

"Well, when was your last one?" said Dylan.

"Two years ago?"

Dylan nodded. "How did the wound occur?"

"I was being chased by zombies," said Mysti.

"Yes, but how did the actual injury occur?" asked Dylan. "Did you fall to the ground?"

"No, I was pushed!"

"But you fell in response to the push?" Dylan saw her nod. "You'll need a local anaesthetic so I can clean and treat the wound properly and while we're waiting for that to work, perhaps you can tell me about the, er... zombies."

Mysti looked startled. "Do you believe in zombies, Dr Keogh?"

Dylan had prepared his answer. "I have never seen a zombie. However, I have also never seen the person who owns the houseboat my dog likes to bark at and that doesn't mean no-one lives there."

"Maybe a zombie lives there," said Mysti nervously.

"Do zombies eat sausages?" said Dylan.

Mysti shook her head. "Of course not. They eat _human_ flesh."

"Then I very much doubt my dog would be very interested in a zombie houseboat," said Dylan.

He didn't wonder why he was having this conversation.

Much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew the answer to that.


	6. Chapter 6

**westlife4ever80** , yes, it does sound like a case for you! I think that might have occurred to Dylan too. He certainly seems anxious not to upset your future patient.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I wanted to write something about Ethan being reasonably happy for a change! I think he's really enjoying himself. I love Dylan's sarcasm so I'm glad I'm not messing up.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Dylan might have an ulterior motive for being sensitive, but it's certainly not doing the patient any harm. Louise is always great if you want a bitchy comment or two! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still enjoying the story.

 _Thank you to **CharieK** for the follow._

* * *

It was actually quite interesting. If you were able to put aside the fact that the zombies did not exist, Mysti's fears and precautions were completely understandable. Dylan was forced to admit (to himself) that running from a zombie was far more sensible than running away from a Resus bay with a particular number. A number, as Dylan still sometimes had to remind himself, could not hurt you. A zombie could, and if you could see a whole gang of them coming after you, then running away from them was eminently sensible.

Running away from imaginary zombies was also likely to be far less distressing than being eaten by imaginary zombies.

Dylan wasn't entirely sure Mysti would agree to a psych referral, but it was actually much easier than he expected. "You might not know this, but there are actually two types of zombies. The zombies that attack you physically and eat your, er, flesh, and the zombies who attack your mind. If your zombies are physical zombies, then I'm sure there are… exorcists who can help with that sort of thing, but if they're mental zombies, there are ways of making them go away."

"How do you do that?" asked Mysti.

"I'll get someone from the psych ward to come down and have a chat to you," said Dylan.

Mysti looked reproving. "Do you think I'm crazy, Dr Keogh?"

"I'm not saying that at all," said Dylan. "Just because I can't see a zombie, it doesn't mean it's not there or that it doesn't do any damage. But doctors do like to rule things out. We'd like to rule out the possibility of mental zombies before we can, er, advise you on how to fight the physical zombies. There's a… lady I know who works on the psych ward called Angela. She's very… nice. I'm sure she'll listen to you and have some ideas."

"Is Angela your girlfriend?" asked Mysti.

"No," said Dylan shortly.

"But you'd like her to be your girlfriend?"

"I don't think I've really considered the matter. Is this relevant?"

"It's relevant to you," said Mysti knowingly.

Dylan was beginning to think she must be right. He was, _willingly_ , having a conversation about zombies, just because…

Well, it didn't matter why.

He made the referral and told himself he really didn't care if they sent Angela or not. As long as they took the patient away before she breached, that was all that mattered to Dylan.

He left Mysti in the cubicle and went back to the nurse's station, wondering who Louise had lined up for him next, but he didn't get there.

Angela was walking towards him, her hair bouncing around her shoulders.

Dylan wasn't sure why he'd noticed that. He tried to work out why, but he then decided he didn't want to know the answer and put the matter out of his mind instead.

Angela smiled. "Hi, Dylan. I heard you asked for a psych assessment."

Dylan looked at her and experienced the unaccountably odd sensation of wondering exactly what a psych assessment was. Then he remembered.

He must have stayed up too late last night with Zoe.

"Of course. The psych assessment. Yes."

"Obviously, I'm not here to make the final assessment myself," said Angela. "But I'm here to meet your patient and have a chat to her and go through various forms."

"Yes. Yes, I… I know," said Dylan.

"Of course you do," said Angela. "But I'm still supposed to say it. Most of the department have no idea who I am, even when they've met me several times."

"I can't imagine that," said Dylan. _Why did I say that? Why?_ "Actually, knowing my colleagues, I can imagine it very well."

Angela laughed. "It sounds like a typical hospital to me. Why don't you talk me through the main points before I meet your patient?"

"Right," said Dylan. "Do you know anything about zombies?"

"We have a zombie up on the ward, actually," said Angela. "He's kind, thoughtful, intelligent and vegetarian. We've talked about it a lot."

"Oh. That might be a problem," said Dylan. "My patient really doesn't like zombies. She was, er, being chased by a whole gang of them when she fell over."

Angela gave him a reassuring smile. "We'll work something out, Dylan. Don't worry. We've got patients up there who don't like people, but we cope."

"Not liking people," said Dylan thoughtfully. "I can relate to that."

Angela laughed. "So can I, some days!"

* * *

"How's your head?" Ethan asked Cal when they met in the staff room at the end of the day.

"Banging," said Cal, who really did have a genuine headache this time. "Unlike the rest of me."

He added the last bit, expecting to get a disapproving reaction from Ethan, but his brother had been distracted by the arrival of a text. "Must be Angela," he murmured.

At least, that was what it sounded like. But he must have misheard. Why would Angela be texting Ethan? When would they have even met?

Ethan read the text and then made a call. "Hi, Angela. It's Ethan. I've just finished my shift. How about I meet you near the lifts like yesterday? Great. I'll see you soon."

Cal's head was aching even more now. He just couldn't understand how Ethan could have met Angela yesterday. When had he had the time? And why hadn't he told Cal?

"I'm sorry, Cal. I've got to go and meet Angela," said Ethan. "Do you think you could drive yourself home? I don't think drinking would be good for your headache."

Cal wasn't sure it would either, but he felt like he really needed a drink after news like this.

He couldn't believe it. Angela could have had Cal, but she'd chosen Ethan.

"Whatever. I'll see you at home later," said Cal, and walked out of the staff room.

But he didn't go home. He went to the pub.

Assuming Ethan didn't whisk Angela off to some restaurant, which was definitely possible, he would almost certainly bring her to the pub with him. This was something Cal wanted to see.

It might, of course, be humiliating, but Cal thought it was more likely to be hilarious.

* * *

Ethan smiled as the lift doors slid open and Angela stepped out.

She looked good. She had a lovely smile and she didn't look nearly as tired as Ethan felt. Although the ED undeniably had a higher patient turnover, Ethan doubted the psych ward could be easy.

"Hey," said Ethan. "Um, how was your shift?" He silently called himself names. "I'm sorry. That's absolutely none of my business."

"It's okay to ask," said Angela. "And it was good, thanks! How was your shift?"

"Busy," said Ethan, "but I thrive on it really. I'm really not sure what I'd do with myself if I had nothing to do. Um, I'm afraid Dylan's still with a patient, but I'm sure he'll be out soon. Would you like to come and wait in the staff room?"

"That would be good as long as I'm not in the way."

"You could never be in the way," said Ethan gallantly. They walked to the staff room. Ethan was sure everyone was looking at him, wondering what such an attractive young lady was doing with him, but he thought that was a perfectly reasonable thing to wonder. "Would you like a coffee or something?"

"Thanks, Ethan, but I can't let you do that," said Angela. "It's not my staff room and I wouldn't like you to get into trouble."

"Then I'll get you one from the shop," said Ethan.

Angela shook her head. "That's really sweet of you, Ethan, but I don't suppose I'll be here that long. I'll be fine."

Ethan hovered awkwardly, unsure if he should stay or go. He doubted Angela really wanted to spend time with him, but it didn't seem quite right to walk off and leave her.

"Ethan, if you have to be somewhere else, you really don't have to stay with me," said Angela. "If you want to stay, you're very welcome to, but please will you sit down and stop hovering?"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Ethan, blushing. He sat down. "I didn't realise I was. Hovering, I mean. So… um… do you come here often? No! I'm so sorry. I meant do you come to the _ED_ often. Um, in a working capacity, I mean. Not as a patient."

Angela smiled. "It's okay, Ethan. I knew what you meant. I've only been down here a couple of times. We don't get referrals from the ED all that often and they don't always send down the same nurse – if they send a nurse at all. I came to see a patient today – it was actually Dr Keogh who made the referral, though we didn't have the chance to chat – and I met Dr Knight last week."

Ethan heard the slightly apologetic note in her voice and hastened to reassure her. "Oh, I know what it's like. It's very difficult to have a conversation about anything but work when the patient is the priority. It's the same for me. There are usually a lot of things I want to talk to Cal about – like the state of the bathroom and the fact all our mugs seem to have disappeared into his bedroom – but even though we're working in the same department and sometimes working together, there just isn't the chance to talk about anything else."

"Oh, do you and Dr Knight live together?" said Angela.

"Yes, we do," said Ethan.

Angela smiled. "That must be nice."

"It's… a mixed blessing," said Ethan.

"I imagine it is," said Angela. "I expect sometimes you just want to get away from each other."

"Oh, all the time!" said Ethan. "And honestly, if I trip over another pair of his boxers, I really might… oh my goodness. I'm so sorry." Ethan had a feeling he was bright red. "I didn't mean to talk about… that."

"No need to be embarrassed," said Angela. "Most people wear underwear."

Ethan immediately felt even more embarrassed and started to worry that she'd interpret his blushes to mean that he didn't wear underwear. "Not that I'm suggesting I..." He stopped. He couldn't say that. He just couldn't.

"There was actually something I wanted to ask you," said Angela.

"Yes?" said Ethan nervously.

"Do you think Dr Keogh will mind me seeking him out like this?"

Ethan really didn't know what to say to that. "I have absolutely no idea why he would mind. But he might think thanking him for his help is completely unnecessary, in which case he might be a bit surprised, but I'm sure he'll appreciate the-" He heard a sound and looked up. "Ah! Dylan! Just the person I wanted to see."

Dylan looked far from enthusiastic.

Ethan gestured towards Angela. "You have a visitor."


	7. Chapter 7

**westlife4ever** , I think Dylan is very clever - he could probably even deal with people if he really puts his mind to it, though he would have to have a very good reason for making the effort! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad Dylan's character is coming out, even though his behaviour is quite out of character! I couldn't write a story without a bit of sweet Ethan.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Ethan is loving it! This story is probably set after he decided to 'be more Cal' and he is embracing the concept. Perhaps Ethan does like Angela - if so, she's a lucky girl! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the chapter.

* * *

Dylan had been thinking about her.

Well, not really about _her_. He was just, perfectly naturally, wondering about his patient. Cloudy or Foggy or whatever she was called and as Angela had been part of the psych team, it made sense that she was in his thoughts too.

Even so, it was a bit of a shock when he walked into the staff room to find her there waiting for him. He felt embarrassed; perhaps even slightly nervous, but he told himself everyone experienced a small amount of shock when they unexpectedly saw someone they'd just been thinking about.

"Hey, Dr Keogh," said Angela.

She was smiling. She was actually smiling. At him.

"How's… er… Cloudy?" he asked.

Angela looked confused. "Cloudy?"

"The patient," said Dylan. "You know. With the zombies." He studiously avoided looking at Ethan.

Angela's face cleared. "Mysti? She's fine. Thank you for dealing with her so well. Not all doctors are understanding about experiences with zombies, but you really are a natural. She couldn't stop talking about how lovely you were."

Dylan examined her face (a far from distasteful exercise), certain there must be some sarcasm in there, but it looked to him as though Angela meant every word.

"That's why I'm here, really," said Angela. "The trouble is, when I'm with a patient, I don't really get a chance to thank all the people who help me. But I really am grateful for the help you gave me with both Mysti and Leo."

"Oh… I was… doing my job," said Dylan. The he worried he might have sounded dismissive. "But I was happy to help." Then he wondered why he cared if he sounded dismissive.

Angela smiled. "I hope we can work together again."

"Yes. Me too," realised Dylan with some surprise.

"Are you going to the pub?" said Angela.

"I have to take my dog for a walk," said Dylan. He actually felt quite regretful.

"Oh." Angela actually seemed disappointed. "Anyway, I'm glad I got the chance to see you. And I might see you soon!"

"Yes," said Dylan, and because he had absolutely no idea what to say next, he turned and left the staff room.

* * *

Ethan wasn't usually that good at knowing what girls were thinking, but he could tell Angela was disappointed Dylan had left so abruptly.

"Thanks for sorting that out for me," she said, and started to leave.

"Wait!" said Ethan. He couldn't let her walk away. Not like that.

Angela turned to face him.

"He really does have a dog, you know," said Ethan.

Angela looked confused, but then she smiled. "Oh, you mean it's not an imaginary dog? I guessed that, though it wouldn't matter to me either way. In my experience, patients with imaginary dogs often have just as much - if not more - to say about them than people with real dogs. It's not always true, of course, but the people with imaginary dogs have to imagine details that people with real dogs, no matter how much they love them, won't necessarily be aware of."

"Really?" said Ethan. "That's really interesting. I…" He paused. "I'm actually going to the pub now. Maybe I could buy you a drink and we could talk more about dogs?"

A look of consternation came to Angela's face. She laid a gentle hand on his arm. "Ethan. It's not that I'm not flattered. I really am. You're a lovely man and very sweet, but aren't you and Dr Knight…"

"Aren't we what?" said Ethan.

"I'm sorry if I've made a mistake, but aren't you and Dr Knight living together?"

"Yes, but we're not exactly joined at the hip," said Ethan.

Angela looked worried. "So, he wouldn't mind if you brought me a drink?"

"Oh, yes, he'd mind terribly," said Ethan. "But I really don't care, to be honest with you. I think I'd actually find it rather hilarious."

Angela took a step away from him. "Well, your relationship is your own business, Ethan, and everyone has their own way of doing things."

"I'm sorry? Relationship?" said Ethan.

"Your relationship with Dr Knight," said Angela.

"It's really not much of a relationship," said Ethan.

Angela seemed to flinch slightly, though Ethan wasn't sure. "Ethan, this isn't really my business, but maybe you and Dr Knight need to have a chat about your relationship and whether it's going anywhere. I mean, if my boyfriend was asking other people to go to the pub with him, I would be quite upset."

Ethan stared at her with his mouth open. He was aware he probably looked unattractive, but if Angela was thinking what he thought she was thinking, she probably thought he was a complete cad and it probably wouldn't have made much difference to her if he looked like Cal. "Do you think Dr Knight is my boyfriend?"

"Oh, are you just flatmates?" said Angela. "I'm so sorry, Ethan. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. You can often tell quite a lot about a relationship by the way one person talks about another's underwear and you were talking about his boxers in such a familiar way, and then I remembered the way Dr Knight kept checking out his reflection in anything remotely shiny… but that's no excuse. I really am sorry. I should know better than to jump to conclusions like this."

"It's okay," said Ethan. "It's difficult not to sometimes. I mean, you've got to think _something_. It's easy to say that you never judge anyone, but you have to make judgements about people all the time. Especially in our job. We need to assess our patients' symptoms and in some cases, our own safety."

"So, you are actually straight?" said Angela.

Ethan nodded. "I think so. I've never been attracted to a man before, though I'm actually not attracted to all that many girls. My 'type' tends to lean towards girls who work in the food industry, but I think my ideal woman would be someone who works in the hospital. I've always liked brunettes, though personality is the most important thing. And it would have to be someone kind. My last girlfriend Honey was lovely to most people, but she was really rude to Dylan when he was having mental health problems. I'd really like a girlfriend who understands mental health problems."

Angela was looking worried again. "Ethan, as I was saying, you are really sweet. A completely lovely guy and I must be crazy to turn you down, but I do really prefer older guys. I'm so sorry if I led you on."

"Oh, I didn't mean…" Ethan wasn't sure what to say now. If he said he wasn't interested in her, that might be a bit rude. "I mean, I do think you're really beautiful. And intelligent. And lovely and kind and funny."

Angela shook her head sadly. "Oh, Ethan."

"But I'm actually rooting for you and Dylan, if anything," said Ethan.

Angela's voice was gentle. "Ethan, you don't have to say that."

"I think I do," said Ethan. "The thing is… I'm sorry: this is going to sound awful…"

"Of course it's not," said Angela. "I'm really flattered, Ethan. But you don't have to say anything."

"I would really like to be your friend," said Ethan.

Angela smiled. "I really hope we can be friends too."

"But I was actually… I'm sorry if this offends you, but it's actually my brother who's… you know. And he's got a bit of a reputation, so I thought I'd… you know. And then I found out Dylan… you know. So I thought… you know!" Ethan frowned. "Actually, you probably don't know what I'm talking about at all."

"I think I've got an idea," said Angela. "Please correct me if I'm wrong. You said your brother has a reputation… do you mean he has a reputation for having no particular interest in long-term relationships?"

"Yes, that's exactly what he's like," said Ethan gratefully.

"So you're concerned about me," said Angela. "But there's really no need. I'm sure your brother is lovely, but I don't think his dating needs and mine are really compatible."

"You really would be much better off with Dylan," said Ethan. "I don't think he's been on a date the whole time I've been at the ED, so he must be really desperate." He clapped his hand to his mouth. "Oh my goodness! I didn't mean he'd have to be desperate to go out with you. Of course he wouldn't. I think anyone with any sense would love to go out with you. Except me. Because I probably haven't got any sense, as you can tell from my rambling."

Angela laughed, but not in an unkind way. "You're lovely, Ethan, and I know exactly what you mean. You think I'd be more suited to Dylan than to you or Cal."

"Yes: exactly," said Ethan in relief. "Dylan's really… loving."

"Is he?" said Angela with interest.

"Oh, not to me!" said Ethan quickly. "Only to his dog. Not that I'm saying you're a dog. In any sense. Oh dear. Is there any way I can get my foot out of my mouth and salvage this conversation?"

"No salvage required," said Angela. "It really is fine, Ethan. You've warned me about Cal and I'm grateful. You've made it clear you're not interested in me, which will make it much easier for us to be friends. And you've implied that Dylan might be interested in me, and let's say I'm not exactly disappointed to hear that. So I'm really not sure this conversation could have gone any better."

Cal saw movement out of the corner of his eye and quickly looked towards the door. There was Ethan. He and Angela had taken their time getting here, but Cal didn't blame Ethan. If he was with Angela, they probably wouldn't have got to the pub at all.

He was a bit surprised Ethan hadn't let Angela enter the pub first. It was unusually ungentlemanly of him, though Ethan was always so awkward when he was trying to be a gentleman. Cal was so much more suave about it.

He watched as Ethan walked towards the table where Cal and the others were sitting, but Angela didn't follow.

Ethan looked at Cal in surprise. "I wasn't expecting to see you. Are you sure you're well enough?"

"I felt much better after a bit of fresh air," said Cal, and changed the subject quickly. "Where's Angela? You didn't scare her off, did you?"

"No, not at all," said Ethan. "She decided not to come to the pub, so I walked her to her car and then came here."

"How long have you known her?" said Cal jealously.

"Just a couple of days," said Ethan.

Cal perked up a bit. "Not long then."

"Long enough to know how we feel about each other," said Ethan.

Cal pushed his drink away. "You know what? I think my headache's come back. I'm going to head off home."

Ethan's face filled with guilt, which made it even worse. "Cal, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Ethan, even now, you don't talk quite enough to give me a headache," said Cal. "I'll see you at home."

 _Though probably not till tomorrow morning_ , thought Cal, as he made his way to a different pub.


	8. Chapter 8

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Dylan and Angela together. They are really the central characters in this, though a lot of other characters are getting involved too. I think Ethan is enjoying being an annoying little brother!

 **westlife4ever80** , I love it when Ethan gets tongue tied, so I had to include a bit in this story! Cal doesn't like losing at all - especially not to his brother. Who doesn't love being fought over by handsome doctors? Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad I'm managing to keep Dylan as his lovely quirky self! It does look like Angela only wants a friendship with Ethan, though wouldn't really be any better if she was interested in more than friendship with all three of them! Not that it wouldn't be completely understandable... Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're still enjoying it.

* * *

It was 4am and Dylan's phone was ringing.

He thought about ignoring it. He knew exactly who it was and what she was going to say. There wasn't any need to answer it really. She'd be perfectly happy to leave a message.

Dervla was usually good at sleeping through late-night phone calls. She was so used to them by now. But when the ringing finally stopped, only to start again almost immediately, Dylan decided he couldn't take the risk of disturbing Dervla's beauty sleep (not that she needed it).

He went into the living room. "Yes, Zoe, what is it?"

"Dylan, you've got to help me," said Zoe.

Dylan sighed. "Where are you?"

"In a bathroom," said Zoe. "I'm not sure where and I'm not even all that sure whose bathroom, but I know I don't want to be here."

"Right. I'm assuming unlocking the bathroom door and calmly walking out of the house isn't an option."

"He'd stop me," said Zoe. "Unless he's passed out by now, but I don't want to take the chance."

"And I'm assuming you don't feel comfortable with telling him you're having second thoughts."

"It would look really bad if I did that," said Zoe. "I mean, I did come to his house. I _wanted_ to come to his house. It was only when I got here and saw the whips and chains everywhere that I started to have second thoughts."

Dylan could see the logic behind that. "So, it seems to me that the only option you have is to remain in the bathroom for the rest of eternity. I imagine I'll miss you, but it's your choice."

"There is another option," said Zoe. "If you'd be willing to help me."

Dylan didn't bother to suppress the sigh this time. "What do you want me to do?"

"Can you come down here, all guns blazing and demand to have your wife back?" said Zoe.

"I really don't see how I can," said Dylan. "In the first place, I have no idea where you are and in the second place, I don't have a wife."

"No, I mean pretend I'm your wife!" said Zoe. "He'd listen to you. You can be quite freaky sometimes."

"How can I resist flattery like that?" said Dylan. "But that doesn't solve the problem of where I'm supposed to find this newly-acquired wife of mine."

Zoe's voice took on a tinge of exasperation. "Obviously, Dylan, you have to track my phone! There's an app you could use."

"Yes, and how exactly am I supposed to get online?" said Dylan. "In case you've forgotten, Zoe, it's 4am, and I'm on the boat, which, as you may remember, has no internet access."

"Then walk around till you find someone's wi-fi to piggyback on!" said Zoe impatiently.

"I see," said Dylan. "So, you not only want me to endanger my life by accosting a man with a whip in order to rescue someone else's wife, you also want me to break the law."

"Oh, Dylan, it's hardly breaking the law," said Zoe. "Everyone does it and they'll never know. If it's that much of a problem, go to the hospital and use the wi-fi there."

"Yes: I'll attract no attention whatsoever if I arrive at the hospital at this time of night when I'm not on shift," said Dylan.

Zoe sighed. "You can get it from outside, Dylan. You don't have to go in. Listen, are you going to rescue me or do I have to humiliate myself by asking Max?"

"All right!" said Dylan. "I'll do my best. But I'm not promising anything."

He finished the call and groaned aloud before going back to his bedroom to get dressed. Dervla woke up and looked at him curiously and Dylan was able to relieve some of his feelings by telling her what Zoe had done _this_ time. Dervla listened intelligently and then ran towards the door. She looked back at him and gave a sharp but muted bark.

"You want to come with me?" said Dylan.

Dervla's look told him that was the general idea.

"No. I'm not taking you anywhere that's got whips," said Dylan.

Dervla came towards him and started nudging him back towards the bedroom.

"I know you don't want me going anywhere with whips either, but I don't have a choice," said Dylan. "I have to rescue Zoe."

Dervla barked again.

"Oh, all right," sighed Dylan. Arguing with determined females at 4am was not his forte. "You can always bite him, I suppose."

* * *

Dylan didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. He was able to access the internet without entering the hospital and even tracking Zoe's phone proved quite easy. To his relief, she hadn't left Holby (he did remember one occasion when Zoe had phoned to say she'd woken up in Brighton) and he arrived within twenty minutes. He knocked on the door, with Dervla adding some very loud barks.

There was no answer. This didn't entirely surprise Dylan: if he was about to whip someone, he imagined he wouldn't want to be disturbed either.

At last, the door was answered by a woman in a dressing gown. "What is it? Is your dog hurt?"

"No: We're looking for my… my wife," said Dylan.

The woman looked annoyed. "So you're knocking on every door in Holby, are you?"

"The phone tracker said she was here," said Dylan. "In your bathroom."

"Well, the phone tracker is wrong," said the woman irritably. "There's no-one in our bathroom and if your wife is the kind of woman who can be found at random houses at this time in the morning, I really don't think she's worth your trouble." She slammed the door.

Dylan phoned Zoe. "Zoe, did someone knock on your door just then?"

"No," said Zoe.

"Okay. I must be at the wrong house," said Dylan. "I don't suppose you happened to notice what the house looked like on the way in?"

"Um… it had a door," said Zoe.

"It had a door? Really?" said Dylan. "Well, that's very helpful. I suppose it had windows too?"

"I don't remember. Probably."

Dylan tried to keep his irritation under control. "Zoe, this bathroom. Is it at the front of the house or the back?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, if you look out of the window, can you see the street?"

There was a pause. "I can see a street," said Zoe. "But there might be a street both sides."

"Okay," said Dylan. "Dervla and I are going to walk up and down the street I'm in. If you think you can see us, tell me."

He started walking to the end of the street. Zoe said nothing. He turned around and started to walk to the other end.

"Oh, I think I can see you," said Zoe. "I can see a human being and a dog."

Dylan stopped walking. "Has the human being stopped walking?"

"Yes, they have," said Zoe. "So's the dog."

Dylan lifted a hand and waved stiffly.

"Oh my God, Dylan, there's a really creepy guy waving at me."

"Zoe." Dylan held on to his temper with difficulty. "That's me."

"I know. I was just teasing you!" Zoe waved back.

Dylan sighed. "I don't think this is quite the moment for teasing."

"I'm sorry. You're right," said Zoe. "So are you going to come in all guns blazing?"

Dylan tried to pretend the idea didn't terrify him. "Unfortunately, I don't own a gun. However, I do have Dervla and we shall do our best."

He walked up to the door and knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again. Still no answer.

Dylan opened the letter box and shouted through it. "Answer the door at once! I have reason to believe my wife is in here and if you don't answer the door, I shall inform the police. And I'm sure they'd be very interested in the contents of your living room."

There was a pause, then the door opened a crack. "Your wife isn't here, mate."

"I think you'll find she's in the bathroom," said Dylan. "And I am not your mate. In fact, I have never felt less inclined to become mates with someone."

The man looked him up and down. "You're Max the porter then."

Dylan groaned inwardly. Trust Zoe to ask him to pretend to be her husband when she'd already told him she was married to Max. "Yes, I'm Max the porter. Are you going to let me in or shall I get the police to do it?"

"Listen. Zoe came here of her own free will."

"Maybe she did," said Dylan. "And if Zoe tells me honestly that she wants to stay here of her own free will, I'll go away quietly and file for divorce. If she's changed her mind and she wants to leave, I trust you will make no attempt to stop her."

"Zoe!" shouted the man loudly. "Your hubby's here."

There was a pause, then the sound of a door being unlocked. Zoe ran down them (most inadvisedly, considering her footwear) and threw her arms around Dylan. "Oh, Dylan! You came to rescue me!"

"I thought your husband's name was Max," said the man.

"Oh. Um… I've got two husbands," said Zoe.

The man looked at Dylan, an ironic eyebrow raised. "Are you sure you want her back?"

"I wouldn't want to miss out on the pleasure of divorcing her," said Dylan.

"Dylan!" said Zoe reproachfully.

"How else would you expect a husband to react?" said Dylan.

"I married you first, so the marriage to Max is invalid," said Zoe.

"Yes: that makes it all a lot better."

The man was watching them curiously. "Are you going to leave or what?"

"Oh…. er, yes," said Dylan. He bundled Zoe out of the house and looked over his shoulder at the man. "Er… sorry to interrupt you."

"No problem," said the man. "Sounds to me like your wife is more trouble than she's worth."

Zoe spun round indignantly. "How dare you?"

"Zoe. Can we just go before you make things worse?" said Dylan.

They walked away from the house. Zoe hugged Dervla, then Dylan. "Thanks for rescuing me. I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful. It must be the drink. You're a real knight in shining armour."

"I hope not!" said Dylan. "One of those in the ED is more than enough."


	9. Chapter 9

**westlife4ever80** , I think that's a very good point about Zoe. She's often has trouble sorting out her own problems, but she's lost Max, Tess isn't around and I doubt she'd get much sympathy from Robyn, so Dylan is her only option at the moment. She could definitely cause trouble for Dylan! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're finding the story amusing. I find it very interesting that Zoe and Dylan are such good friends because they are very different. Dylan wouldn't be seen dead doing some of the things Zoe does and vice-versa!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I do agree - Zoe belongs with Max and there's only one person who should be rescuing her. I'm afraid this story is kind of about making the wrong decisions and the fact that taking the 'safe' option can be a big risk too, so Zax fans might not like this, but Zoe will learn from her mistakes.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it is lovely when two friends are so close, they can insult each other and it's actually a sign of affection! I think it suits Zoe and Dylan as they don't really like talking about emotions (though Zoe makes an exception where Max is concerned). Thank you for your review - I'm glad you found the chapter funny.

 **Tanith Panic** , a Casualty film is an interesting idea! I'd watch it! Imagine Cal and Ethan on a great big cinema screen. I prefer Dylan to Max too - I do want to cuddle Max when Zoe breaks his heart, but I want to cuddle Dylan almost all the time. Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter. I hope you'll enjoy this one too.

* * *

Dylan forgot about Zoe the next morning and nearly walked in on her in the bathroom, but luckily, Dervla started barking as soon as he'd got the door open.

"Dylan, you haven't got any spare underwear I could borrow, have you?" said Zoe.

"No," said Dylan firmly.

"And I didn't leave anything here last time?"

"No."

If she had, Dervla would have certainly have found it by now. And picked it up in her mouth and presented it to Dylan, ideally when someone was visiting. Fortunately, he didn't have many visitors now Lofty had left Holby.

"Looks like I'll have to stop off at La Senza before work," said Zoe. "Want to come with me?"

"Unfortunately, I have an appointment with Ben Harding before work." Dylan no longer saw Ben regularly, but Ben liked to see him every three months to see how things were.

Dylan could see the logic in it, but he resented these appointments and usually cancelled them if he could possibly think of an excuse. He'd been going to cancel this one too (even though it was pointless as Ben would keep on at him until he'd made another appointment and attended it), but as the alternative was going underwear-shopping with Zoe, seeing Ben had become almost appealing.

"Shame," said Zoe. She smiled. "I'm glad you're going though. I know you didn't like the idea at first, but you're doing really well."

"I wish Ben could see that," said Dylan.

"I'm sure he does," said Zoe.

"He hasn't discharged me, though, has he?"

Zoe moved closer to him. "He just wants to make sure you're all right. You're managing your condition brilliantly and I'm proud of you, but the trouble with OCD is that anything can start you off again." She smiled. "There's no harm in humouring him anyway."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," said Dylan.

"Unless you'd rather come underwear-shopping with me…"

"Tempting as the offer is, I'd rather get this appointment out of the way," said Dylan. "If I don't see him, he'll be sending me messages five times a day till I agree. It's extremely irritating: it's almost like being in a relationship."

Zoe laughed. "And you wouldn't want that."

"No, I most certainly wouldn't." But Dylan couldn't help thinking of Angela as he said the words.

* * *

Dylan was sitting outside Ben's office when he saw her. She didn't see him at first: she walked to the pharmacy and joined the queue, standing with her back to Dylan.

 _She's ignoring me_ , thought Dylan.

Then he felt annoyed with himself. _Of course she's not ignoring me. She didn't see me. And why would I care if she did ignore me?_

The next few minutes were quite disturbing. One moment, he was hoping Angela would notice him on her way out. The next, he was hoping he wouldn't notice him.

It really didn't make any sense. Either he wanted something or he didn't.

Angela had reached the front of the queue. Dylan found he was straining his ears to hear her voice, but Angela was speaking softly. Clearly, she had a high regard for confidentiality.

Unless she knew he was there and she didn't want him to hear what she was saying.

Dylan looked at Ben's door, but it remained closed. He hadn't expected anything else: he'd told Zoe his appointment was earlier than it was. But as Dylan was the first appointment of the day, perhaps Ben would make an early start.

He looked towards the pharmacy again. As he did, Angela turned, a paper bag containing medication in her hands. "Hi, Dylan," she said and came towards him. "How are you?"

"I am… very well… thank you," said Dylan awkwardly. He really didn't want Angela to know he was receiving counselling. She didn't want him to start thinking of him as a patient because… that could affect their relationship. Their _working_ relationship. "I am… hoping to have a word with my… friend Ben Harding before he starts work. About… friend stuff."

"Oh, you're friends with Ben?" said Angela. She looked delighted. "I love Ben. He comes down to the ward quite a lot. He's lovely."

"Er… yes," said Dylan. He had a lot of respect for Ben, but he'd never thought of him as 'lovely' before.

Angela smiled. "Half the nurses on the psych ward are in love with him. But you can see why, can't you?"

"We're not friends like _that_!" said Dylan quickly.

"Oh, you're not close friends?" said Angela.

"No. Not at all. Not the least bit close," said Dylan.

Angela looked slightly surprised, but she said nothing.

"Not in _that_ way," added Dylan.

"Oh, you thought I meant…" Angela started to laugh. "I suppose I can see why you did. No, I didn't think for a minute that you might be in love with Ben too. It wouldn't matter to me if you were though."

 _No, I suppose it wouldn't_ , thought Dylan sadly. He was glad Angela was so open-minded, though he wouldn't have expected anything else, but if Angela was interested in him, he'd have thought his orientation would matter to her a little bit.

He could only conclude Angela was simply not interested.

"Anyway, I'd better go," said Angela. "Some of the patients don't like it if I disappear for too long in the middle of a shift. But I'm sure I'll see you around."

"I hope so," said Dylan, before deciding that was much too forward. "I mean, I hope… I hope the patients aren't too worried."

"I hope not too," said Angela. "Some of them have abandonment issues. It's horrible sometimes, saying goodbye at the end of a shift. I know I'm coming back, but they won't know for sure until they see me again."

Dylan saw the pain in her eyes and almost couldn't bear it. He didn't want her to be upset. He wished he could say something to help, but he knew he wasn't any good at that sort of thing. "I'm sure they feel better about it once they've got to know you and they know they can trust you," he said at last. "I'm sure you're a really… nice person to… have around."

"I hope so," said Angela. "Thanks, Dylan. For being so kind. I wish I could stay and chat, but I really do need to be getting back now." She touched his shoulder lightly. "Say hi to Ben for me."

Dylan watched her go. She always seemed so together; so able to cope with anything, but he could tell how much she cared about her patients. A part of him thought she needed to take a step back and not care quite so much – after all, she could hardly stay on shift 24/7 and it would be unreasonable for her patients to expect it – but at the same time, he rather liked the fact she'd been comfortable to show him the tiniest flicker of vulnerability. It made him feel… well, important.

He tried to think of the last time someone had shared their vulnerability with them. The patients did it all the time, but that was different. It was never a response to him in particular (unless he was the one who'd upset them). It was a response to their situation.

But he had the feeling Angela wouldn't have shared her thoughts with him unless she trusted and liked him.

* * *

Dylan was glad when the day was finally over. Working often did seem more difficult after a session with Ben, though this time, he was actually more concerned about not saying things than he was about saying them.

He'd decided not to mention Angela to Ben – as they were friends, it would be very awkward if he did – but that had made things extremely difficult because Angela turned out to be relevant to almost every question Ben asked him.

He was glad to get out of there and get back to work, but although he didn't see anything of Angela, she kept intruding upon his thoughts all day. He felt almost hopeful when a patient with BPD was admitted, but the injury seemed like a genuine accident and the patient was perfectly stable so there was no reason to contact the psych ward.

"Tough day?" said Zoe, when they met on the way out.

"You could say that?" said Dylan.

"What happened?"

"Nothing in particular."

Zoe looked at him for a moment and changed the subject. "I bumped into Max today. Literally."

"Are you all right?" asked Dylan.

"I'm fine," said Zoe. "We both said sorry and went our separate ways."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Dylan.

Zoe nodded. "That's what I thought too. Me and Max… it was never going to work out. We're too different. I need a guy who's more like me." She paused for a moment. "Someone like you."

Dylan tried not to show his complete and utter horror. "Have you started drinking _already_?"

"No. I'm just saying we're quite alike."

"I would hardly say that."

"We're both doctors," said Zoe. "We've both had disastrous marriages. We're both kind of drifting."

"You might be drifting, but I am not," said Dylan.

"Dylan, you live on a boat," said Zoe. "How can you not be drifting?"

"The boat is secured," said Dylan.

They walked a bit further in silence. Then Zoe said: "You don't think I'm unattractive, do you?"

"Not exactly," said Dylan.

"And you don't think I'm stupid."

Dylan hesitated. "You aren't lacking in intelligence. Common sense is another matter."

"And we know we can cope with living together."

"On a short-term basis, perhaps."

"So why not?" said Zoe. "If we don't like it, we can always break up."

" _No_ ," said Dylan. He didn't doubt she would have moved on to another crazy idea by tomorrow so there was no need to be particularly careful of her feelings.

Zoe smiled. "You mean you don't want us to break up? Well, neither do I, if things go well."

"I mean no to the relationship, Zoe, and you know it."

"I don't know what your problem is, Dylan." Zoe sounded slightly offended. "It's not like there's anyone else."

Dylan turned his face away and continued walking.

There wasn't anyone else now, no.

But he couldn't help hoping that would change.


	10. Chapter 10

**westlife4ever80** , you would expect Dylan to be good at reading body language, but he really is far more interested in the illnesses than in the patients and he completely disregards most social conventions. So I can imagine him ignoring body language too, maybe. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I agree Zoe wants to be loved, but I think she's also a bit afraid of it. She genuinely loves Max, but I think she's afraid he might hurt her. She doesn't really love Dylan in that way so she feels less vulnerable and more able to trust him. Does that make any sense at all? I love Dylan you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I meant by the last sentence that Dylan was thinking of Angela, but he genuinely loves Zoe, so maybe he is starting to consider a relationship at this point (I know I wrote it, but I often change my mind about what I meant based on reviews). I'm glad you liked the underwear scene.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Maybe I did miss a trick by not letting Dylan go underwear-shopping with Zoe! I can imagine the reactions of the other shoppers too. There are other chapters to come though, so it could happen! Unless you want to write it.

 **LoveFiction2016** , Zoe is speaking hypothetically about a relationship with Dylan. She's trying to convince Dylan that he's already agreed to the relationship - in the hope that he'll decide going along with it is easier than arguing. I can imagine it would work with less important matters, but not with a relationship! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Francesca Willows** for the follow._

* * *

Ethan was enjoying getting the better of Cal for a change. Of course, he was mainly doing this for Dylan's benefit, but the fact it meant scuppering Cal's plans with Angela wasn't exactly a deterrent.

Ethan checked no-one was around and quickly typed a text to Angela. _I don't suppose you'd like to go for a drink after work? I'll invite Dylan too. I can't promise he'll come, but if he does and things are going well, I'll slip away at an opportune moment and leave you to enjoy each other's company._

Angela texted back to say she'd love to.

Ethan jumped as a hand descended on his shoulder. He glared at his brother. "Maybe you should buy some shoes like Mrs Beauchamp, Cal. Then perhaps you wouldn't be able to sneak up on me."

"I don't know about that: Mrs Beauchamp is surprisingly good at sneaking," said Cal.

"Thank you, Dr Knight," said Connie's voice from behind them.

Cal smiled, for once seemingly unabashed by his boss's sudden appearance. "Thank _you_ for proving me right in front of my brother."

"You're welcome – but don't get used to it," said Connie.

"I don't think there's much chance you'll give me the opportunity," said Cal.

"It seems we're in agreement," said Connie. She paused. "But I wouldn't get used to that either." She continued speaking as she walked away. "I've heard you've made some good calls today. Keep up the good work… _Dr Hardy_."

Ethan tried not to smile at the look on Cal's face.

"Are you coming to the pub tonight?" asked Cal.

Ethan shook her head. "No – well, not across the road, I'm not. I'm going for a drink with Angela."

"Don't get back too late," said Cal sulkily.

"Who are you? My mother?" said Ethan. As soon as he'd said the words, he felt a pang of sadness he couldn't ignore. "I've already had two mothers and I think that's the perfect number." His voice had gone all wobbly. "I-I don't need you to be my mother too."

"Just looking out for you the way you look out for me," said Cal. He was silent for a while, gently stroking Ethan's arm. "Okay now?"

Ethan nodded.

Cal smiled. "I hope you have a good time with Angela. I won't pretend I'm not disappointed, but if anyone deserves a bit of happiness, it's you."

Ethan watched him go, feeling guilty now. Maybe deceiving Cal wasn't such a good idea after all.

* * *

Dylan looked at Ethan in amazement. He wouldn't have been _completely_ surprised if the old Ethan had asked him to go for a drink, but he had the very strong impression that his drinking style and Ethan's were now very different.

"Not just the two of us," said Ethan. "Angela's coming too. Angela Hamilton. You know."

Oh yes, Dylan knew. "Perhaps… perhaps I'll think about it."

"Excellent!" said Ethan. "I'll see you after work."

Dylan nodded and was still inwardly debating the wisdom of this idea when Zoe approached him.

"Dylan, can I go home with you tonight?"

Dylan eyed her suspiciously. "You're not planning on seducing me, are you?" Zoe had been dropping hints about it all day. She'd also tried to initiate physical closeness by asking for a hug after the loss of a patient (Dylan had done it as she had seemed genuinely upset) and 'accidentally' walking into him.

"What? Oh, no. It's not that," said Zoe. "It's just I know that if I go off to the pub or if I'm on my own, I know I'm going to start drinking and God knows where I'll end up and who I'll end up with and what I'm going to say in my voicemails to Max. I've got to get out of this cycle somehow – I know I do – but I can't do it on my own. Please say you'll help me, Dylan."

For one second, Dylan imagined telling her he was busy tonight, but then he felt ashamed. Zoe was his friend. She was going through a marriage breakup, which Dylan knew for himself was extremely painful, and if he did leave her on her own tonight, she would almost certainly end up getting herself into a mess. "Of course you can stay."

* * *

Ethan was waiting in the staff room. "All set, Dylan?

"No," said Dylan. "Unfortunately, I'm going to be spending tonight with Zoe."

Ethan's eyebrows shot up and Zoe couldn't restrain a chuckle.

Dylan hurriedly rephrased the sentence. "What I mean is, I'm going to be spending the evening supporting a friend."

Ethan looked disappointed. "Oh, I see. I understand. Perhaps another time?"

"Perhaps," said Dylan, not particularly encouragingly.

"Look, if you already have plans…" said Zoe.

"Only very tentative," said Dylan.

"Extremely tentative," agreed Ethan. "It really isn't a problem at all."

* * *

Cal was woken up by a crashing sound and a cry of pain. He gasped and sat up, convinced for a moment he'd fallen asleep at the hospital, but he quickly realised he was in his own bed and the source of the noise was probably his younger brother.

Cal flicked the bedside light on and checked the time. 4am. _Ethan_ had just arrived home drunk at 4am.

Cal got out of bed and found Ethan lying on the floor giggling, his arms wrapped around a large object that definitely had no place in the flat. "Ethan, what are you doing with that shopping trolley?"

"I thought it might be useful for when we went shopping," said Ethan. He rolled from side to side, laughing some more. His glasses were hanging off the side of his face (Cal tried to console himself with the thought that at least he still had them), but this didn't seem to bother him.

"How did you get it in the lift?" said Cal. He guessed the trolley, which had come from a local supermarket, would probably have fitted into the lift, but he wouldn't have thought there was room for the trolley _and_ Ethan.

"I carried it up the stairs!" said Ethan gleefully. "Because I'm big and strong!"

"And drunk," said Cal. He knelt beside Ethan and put his glasses on properly. "Are you hurt? I heard you cry out."

"Hurt?" Ethan frowned. "I don't think so. I don't remember."

"You'd better go to bed," said Cal. He grabbed Ethan by the shoulders and hauled him up. "Did Angela get home okay?"

"Angela?" said Ethan vaguely.

"Your girlfriend," explained Cal wearily, wondering why Ethan was always so stupid when he was drunk. Cal had never had that problem himself. He'd always found that alcohol stimulated his brain and made him extremely intelligent and witty.

Ethan beamed. "Angela loves me!"

"She probably won't when she sees the state of you tomorrow morning," said Cal. He started to walk Ethan towards his bedroom, but Ethan seemed to have forgotten how to walk in a straight line.

"I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!" sang Ethan. "I feel pretty and witty and gay!"

"I really hope you didn't sing that one to Angela," said Cal. "Actually, I really hope you didn't sing at all."

"Though I suppose, as it's night time, I should have gone with the original stage lyrics, not the film lyrics," said Ethan thoughtfully. "I feel pretty and witty and bright!" He pulled away from Cal without warning and started to spin in a circle. Then he stopped abruptly. "Cal, I feel sick!"

He really wasn't lying.

* * *

Dylan opened his eyes, wondering what had woken him. Dervla was cuddled against him. His back was aching, probably because he was sleeping on the sofa again. He was seriously reconsidering his decision to buy only the one bed when he'd moved into his new houseboat. He'd told himself that having a second bed was not only a waste of space, it only encouraged people to come and stay.

But all it meant was that when Zoe insisted on staying the night, Dylan had to make do with the sofa.

He tried to remember why Zoe was staying over _this_ time and the events of the previous night quickly came back to him. He'd tried to spend the evening distracting Zoe from drinking and Max, but although he had managed to persuade her not to have a drink (it helped that there was no alcohol on the houseboat), they'd actually ended up spending the whole evening talking about Zoe's husband.

Dylan was now in possession of several facts about Max he really hadn't wanted to know, including the location of a certain birthmark; the noises he made when Zoe indulged in a particular piece of foreplay (he'd heard the noise before but had not wanted the mental image to go with it); and the reason why there was a very small scar on a very intimate part of Max's anatomy.

Dylan almost wished he and Zoe had got drunk. Perhaps then he wouldn't remember so much.

He closed his eyes. Whatever had woken him, there were no unusual sounds now, so he might as well go back to sleep. It was probably someone messing around outside the boat.

Unless…

Dylan's eyes snapped open.

 _Surely_ Zoe wouldn't have been so stupid as to sneak out after he'd gone to bed.

Dylan got up from the sofa very carefully so he wouldn't disturb Dervla. As quietly as he could, he made his way to the bedroom and opened the door, fully expecting to find either an empty and unmade bed or (worse), a bed occupied by two people: Zoe and either Max or a Max substitute.

As it happened, he saw neither. Only Zoe was there and she was sleeping soundly.

Dylan looked longingly at the half of the bed not occupied by Zoe but decided it would give her the wrong impression. Reluctantly, Dylan returned to the sofa.


	11. Chapter 11

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I think drunk Ethan is feeling a lot less funny in this chapter! Zoe is starting to get a bit clingy - just like she was with Max. I think Max quite liked it, but I'm not sure Dylan will!

 **Tanith Panic** , I love the idea of Ethan as a happy drunk even though he's not necessarily doing it for the best reasons. I think Ethan probably will want to return the trolley - you've given me an idea about that! I'm afraid Ethan is still sick, but not too graphically, I hope. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I hope the site is working better for you now. I think the site has been less busy so maybe a lot of people are having problems. I'm glad you like drunken Ethan and mature Cal - it's a bit of a role reversal! There will definitely be more Dylan and Angela. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan lay in bed, groaning.

He'd no idea what he'd been up to last night, but it was fair to say it involved alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

The only good thing was that he (or more probably Cal) had had the sense to leave a bucket beside his bed.

Someone knocked on the door. It was probably quite a light knock, but it still made Ethan's head vibrate. He tried to tell Cal to come in. It came out as another groan, but it seemed to work.

"How are you feeling?" asked Cal sympathetically.

Ethan decided groaning was as good a method of communication as any.

"That bad?" said Cal. "I've been there, mate." He came and sat on the edge of the bed. He gestured towards the bucket. "You want me to empty that for you?"

Ethan started to shake his head but immediately thought better of it. "Might need it again."

"Have you had a painkiller?" asked Cal.

"Couldn't eat anything," moaned Ethan.

Cal started stroking his hair. "I think a painkiller would really help. Take it from me. I know what it's like."

Ethan whimpered. "Stop that. It hurts. Cal, I feel so awful."

"I know," said Cal gently. "I know you feel like you're going to die – and I know you're more than happy with the idea. But if you have the painkiller, some of the pain will go, and then you won't feel as sick. Then you'll be able to have some toast and that will make you feel-"

He stopped as Ethan went even paler and leaned over the side of the bed.

Cal expertly repositioned the bucket and then held Ethan's head. "It's okay, buddy. It's okay."

"No, it's not!" wailed Ethan, who seemed to have completely forgotten he was a doctor and reverted to being a little boy again.

"Okay. No. It's not okay," agreed Cal soothingly. He helped Ethan to sit up against the headboard.

"Cal, I want to lie down!" whimpered Ethan.

"I know, Nibbles. I know. You can in a minute." Cal picked up a packet of paracetamol from Ethan's bedside table and shook one out. "Open your mouth for me, Ethan?" He put the tablet into Ethan's mouth and then held a glass of water to his lips. "Come on, Ethan. Swallow the tablet."

"It might make me sick again," mumbled Ethan.

Cal stroked his hair away from his forehead. "I think you'll be more likely to be sick if you don't have it. Come on, Nibbles. Do you remember all those lectures you used to give me about drinking?"

Ethan just groaned. He swallowed the tablet obediently and slowly sipped the water.

"We'll wait a bit, then I'll give you another tablet if you need one," said Cal. He stood up.

"Where you going?" said Ethan, alarmed. He didn't really feel like being on his own.

"Nowhere," said Cal, getting his phone out of his pocket. "I'm just going to phone Mrs Beauchamp to say you're not coming in today because you're not well."

Ethan opened his mouth to say he was going to work, but the words didn't come and he came to the conclusion that Cal was probably right. "Cal, before you phone, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah. Sure. Anything," said Cal.

"Was I dreaming or did I bring a shopping trolley home with me last night?"

* * *

Zoe smiled at Dylan as they made their way into the ED. "Thanks, Dylan."

"What for?" he said, his mind partly elsewhere.

"For not letting me drink last night. It really is good coming in here without a hangover and with a clear conscience."

Dylan nodded, only half-listening. He was wondering if Angela went up to the pharmacy every day.

Zoe glanced at him. "Dylan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said Dylan. He thought for a moment. "No. I'm not fine. I have a slight sore throat." It was actually true, but he wouldn't normally have given it a thought, much less mentioned it.

He didn't know what bothered him more: the fact he'd broken the habit of a lifetime or the fact he knew exactly why he'd done it.

Zoe looked momentarily startled, then concerned. "Maybe you should go home. I mean, if you're not feeling well and actually admitting to it…"

Dylan shook his head. "I'm fine. I don't know why I mentioned it. I must be getting used to you."

"I suppose that's a compliment, coming from you," said Zoe. She smiled. "It's nice to have a compliment from you, Dylan."

Dylan stepped back. "I'm going up to the pharmacy. For some lozenges."

He wished Zoe wouldn't stare at him like that. She looked… well, predatory. "Dylan, wait. Why don't you come into a cubicle and I'll have a look for you?"

"No. No. I'm fine." Dylan moved quickly away from her.

By the time he'd reached the top of the stairs, he'd almost managed to convince himself that his flight was more due to a desire to escape from Zoe than anything else.

Immediately, he felt more… well, not exactly cheerful. That really would be strange. But less embarrassed by what he was doing.

And after all, he had a genuine sore throat so he had every right to visit the pharmacy if he felt like it.

He rounded the corner.

And stopped.

Angela was there.

She was talking to Ben Harding. They were both smiling. As Dylan watched, Angela leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

Cal told himself that he was only being considerate. Angela was in a relationship with Ethan and it was natural that she'd be worried by his non-appearance at work. Normally, of course, Ethan would always get in contact to apologise for not being where he should be, but Ethan had been feeling so ill today, it wasn't inconceivable that it could have slipped his mind.

He decided to go up to the pharmacy to buy some painkillers (Ethan was getting through their supply very quickly of late). On his way, he passed Dylan.

There was something odd about him.

Something different from the usual odd things, that was.

He walked past Cal, apparently without seeing him. Cal turned to watch him go and slowly managed to work out what it was.

Dylan seemed to be in the grip of some violent emotion - and that just wasn't like Dylan. Even that time he'd lost it completely and walked out of Resus covered in blood, he'd apparently been reasonably calm. That was partly what had made it so disturbing.

The thought of Dylan experiencing emotion was certainly intriguing, but Cal decided to let it go for now. He had other things to think about.

When he arrived at the pharmacy, he spotted a familiar figure walking away. Unable to believe his luck, Cal followed her, but he waited until they were a short way away from the pharmacy before making his presence known. "Angela." He waited till she'd turned to face him. "Hey."

"Hey, Cal," said Angela. "How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good," said Cal. "You?"

"Couldn't be better, thank you."

Cal had to admit she looked great. Unlike Ethan.

"Though I probably should be getting back." The words were accompanied by an apologetic smile.

"Yeah. Sure." Cal hesitated. "I was wondering if you'd heard from Ethan."

"No, not since last night," said Angela.

"Right," said Cal – and it came into his mind to wonder when exactly she and Ethan had said her goodbyes. Angela not only didn't look the least bit hungover, he also had trouble believing she'd been out on the town until 4am.

So perhaps she hadn't been. Perhaps it was just Ethan.

Ethan was spending the evening with his beautiful girlfriend and _then_ going to the pub and getting sozzled?

Something was very wrong there. Why didn't he just spend the night with his girlfriend like a normal person? That was what Cal would do and Ethan was supposed to be trying to 'be more Cal'.

"Is Ethan okay?" asked Angela. She looked worried.

Cal looked at the floor as though that might provide him with inspiration. _So, what do I do now? Do I tell Angela her boyfriend got drunk after their date and didn't come home till 4am? At one time, I would have done exactly that. All's fair in love and war and all that. Anything to give myself the upper hand over Ethan. But now, it seems… disloyal?_

"Cal," said Angela gently. "You can tell me. If you don't want me to tell Ethan, I can keep it confidential."

 _She's offering to keep a secret from her boyfriend?_

Or is he her boyfriend? Had Angela dumped him? Was that why Ethan had come home in such a state? But if so, why hadn't Angela mentioned it?

 _Or maybe she's grabbing the opportunity to get close to me…_

Cal enjoyed that idea for several seconds before remembering that the girl trying to get close to him was his little brother's girlfriend.

"Cal?" said Angela.

"I just wanted to make sure you knew that Ethan's not in today," said Cal. He's not very well. Usually, he would have told you himself, but he really was feeling so awful when I left, it wouldn't surprise me if he forgot or didn't feel strong enough to pick the phone up."

Angela looked worried. "Oh dear. Poor Ethan. He seemed fine when I left him. What's wrong?"

 _Now, here's where you decide, Caleb. Do you stay loyal to your brother and lie? Or tell the truth and risk messing up a relationship he might, to be fair, have messed up already?_

"A stomach bug, I think," said Cal.

"Oh, poor Ethan," said Angela. "I am sorry. I hope he feels better soon. I'll send him a text."

Cal smiled. Even if there was something funny about their relationship, Angela did seem to care about his little brother. "I'm sure he'd like that." As an afterthought, he added: "You're feeling okay, though?"

"I feel fine," said Angela. "You don't have to worry about me. I need to go, Cal, but thanks for telling me about Ethan."


	12. Chapter 12

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan's 'bug' is actually a hangover, so Angela is quite safe. Cal asked if she felt okay because he thought it would look uncaring and unprofessional not to after claiming Ethan had a bug, but I should have made that clearer. You know Cal and his lies! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Everyone steals shopping trolleys when they're drunk (well, perhaps not everyone, but I'm sure I'm not responsible for all the shopping trolleys I see in peculiar places), so I thought Ethan would be no exception, though being Ethan, he's got some crazy, drunken idea that he's being helpful.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think if Ethan's being more Cal, Cal has no choice but to be more Ethan! I think he showed that in the show when he found Ethan's spare glasses, as well as rescuing him from the girl in the cupboard. I like Zoe and Dylan's friendship too - they're such opposites, but they like each other. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still enjoying the story.

 _Thank you to **rlogo1520** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Dylan knew the feeling well, but he hadn't expected it now. He barely knew Angela. While disappointment would be an acceptable emotion under the circumstances, it was ridiculous for him to feel as though his heart had been torn in two.

In any case, he didn't feel like that. If his heart had been torn in two, he would certainly be dead.

Appealing as the idea was at this present time, Dylan was very much alive.

He stopped walking in the middle of the corridor and told himself firmly that he was not upset. He had no reason to be upset. Perhaps other people might be upset in his position – but not Dylan.

"Dylan?" Zoe had somehow managed to creep up behind him. He looked down at her feet, wondering if she was wearing sensible shoes for once, but of course she wasn't.

Somehow, Dylan had been too sunk in despair - no, in _very_ slight disappointment - to hear her.

Zoe put her hand on his arm. "Dylan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Dylan, but the word was far from convincing and his voice didn't sound like his.

Zoe rubbed his arm gently. "Come and have a chat."

He went to the staff room without arguing, mainly because he didn't want to have this conversation in the corridor. "There's nothing wrong, Zoe. There's really nothing wrong." There was no way he was going to tell her about Angela.

Zoe looked at him sympathetically. "It's your OCD again, isn't it? It's understandable. Everyone has bad days. And I think that even though therapy can be really helpful, there are times when a session will stir everything up again. I'm afraid I can't see Connie letting you go home – we've got Ethan off sick already – but be kind to yourself, okay? Don't put too much pressure on yourself and take five minutes whenever you need it. We'll manage."

Dylan looked at his friend and reflected that even though Zoe could be a complete imbecile at times, she was also extremely caring and kind and maybe Max was also a complete imbecile too for letting her go.

* * *

Ethan wasn't very happy when the text arrived. Although he'd taken the maximum number of painkillers, any loud noise made his head throb madly for a few seconds afterwards.

As soon as he'd recovered, he groped around on his bedside table for his phone. He knew this could end in disaster as he'd known a hungover Cal to knock things off his bedside table on numerous occasions, but Ethan was lucky.

He smiled slightly when he realised the text was from Angela. She really was lovely and he'd enjoyed his date with her yesterday. Dylan was so lucky… if only he would realise it. He probably had no idea how much Angela liked him and Ethan knew there was a chance he wouldn't be interested even if he did. Dylan seemed quite happy on his own.

Ethan only wished he felt so comfortable with the idea of being alone. He'd always worried he would never find anyone special and he'd been thrilled to find out that Honey felt the same way about him, but that had ended in disaster and he'd never found the courage to phone Kate from the café because he couldn't offer her any kind of future.

He read Angela's text and smiled again. She really was so lovely. Ethan usually preferred girls who were involved in food in some way - baristas or girls who worked in cafés or delicatessens usually got Ethan's attention – and in any case, he'd already decided his diagnosis made relationships impossible, but Angela was so kind and thoughtful and perhaps it was natural for Ethan's daydreams to turn towards caregivers now.

Not that he would ever put any woman in that situation, but if he had been free, Ethan doubted he'd have been quite so eager to help Angela and Dylan into each other's arms.

Pushing away the sadness that always seemed to be there, Ethan read the text again.

 _Hi Ethan, Cal told me you weren't feeling well, I hope you feel better soon. I really enjoyed last night , hardly missed Dylan at all! I'm sure Cal is looking after you but let me know if there's anything I can do. Get well soon x_

Ethan firmly squashed the hope that rose up inside him. He'd known from the beginning that it was Dylan who Angela really liked. He was just a friend who was doing all he could to keep Cal away and encourage Dylan. 'Hardly' missing Dylan wasn't the same as not missing him at all.

He closed his eyes for a moment and decided he did feel just about well enough to reply.

 _Hi Angela, thanks so much for your message. I really appreciate it. I am feeling better now – hopefully I'll be back to my usual self tomorrow. Always happy to have a drink with you any time Dylan is being an idiot (I'm so sorry if that offends you – I just mean anyone would be an idiot not to want to go out with you. I actually have enormous respect for Dylan). I'll see you soon – I hope you're having a good day and that you see Dylan. Thanks again and best wishes. Ethan x_

Cal would say it was far too long, but Ethan didn't think Angela would mind. He sent the message and closed his eyes to have a nap.

* * *

Cal watched, trying not to cry as his patient took his final breath. Iain had suggested getting another doctor and Cal had hoped someone in Resus would have been available, but Lily and Dylan were both busy. Dylan had finally come to help at the end, but there was nothing that could be done.

Cal put his hand over his mouth and gave a strangled sob.

Dylan finished giving instructions to the nurses and turned awkwardly to Cal. "Your… mother had Huntington's, didn't she?"

Cal nodded. _And my little brother too. My little brother, who is only ten years younger than this man._

Even though it was Dylan, Cal yearned to tell him. Connie and Charlie knew – Connie because she was clinical lead and Charlie because he was old and wise enough to figure it out – but Ethan had asked him not to tell anyone else.

"You couldn't have done anything else," said Dylan. "You can go now. It's nearly the end of your shift."

Even though the words were spoken matter-of-factly, Cal appreciated them because Dylan wouldn't normally have said them. "Thanks," he whispered as he tore his gloves from his hands and dropped them into clinical waste.

He hurried to the staff room and sat down for what was intended to be a few minutes, but he was still sitting there twenty minutes later when Dylan arrived. "I said you could go home."

"I know." Cal was overtaken by another wave of sobbing. "But I don't want to worry Ethan by coming home early." It wasn't as though he could tell Ethan what had happened.

Then he heard another voice. "Hi, Dylan. I was wondering… what's happened?"

To Cal's amazement, Dylan sat down beside him. "Cal. It's… normal… to have this reaction. Sometimes. Ethan will want to… support you. Or perhaps go and see… a friend."

Cal couldn't understand what was happening. Why was Dylan being supportive? He was obviously very uncomfortable with it and he quite wasn't making sense, but since when did Dylan even try to give emotional support?

Then Angela sat beside him. "Cal, I'm sorry. I should probably mind my own business, but if there's anything I can do…"

Something clicked in Cal's mind. Angela was the person who'd walked into the staff room. Dylan liked Angela. So he was trying to impress her by being all sensitive.

Anger chased away Cal's tears, perhaps quicker than anything else could have done. "That's my little brother's girlfriend you're hitting on, you know, Dylan."

Dylan looked absolutely stunned. He glanced uncertainly at Angela. "But I thought…"

Angela was looking understandably guilty. "Dylan… I need to tell you something."

"No! No, you don't need to tell me anything at all." Dylan was on his feet. "I'll leave you to…" He didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he turned and left.

Angela looked after him. She seemed upset, but then she turned back to Cal. "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Has Ethan told you about… our mum?" said Cal.

Angela's face filled with sympathy. "He's told me about both your mums. And I know that Ethan has inherited Huntington's from your birth mother. I'm so sorry, Cal. It's terrible for Ethan, of course – but it must also be terrible for you."

"I just lost a patient with Huntington's in Resus. He was only ten years older than Ethan." Cal started to cry again.

Angela stroked his arm. "And that made you think of Ethan?"

Cal nodded. "I feel so guilty sometimes," he confessed. Then he wondered why he was telling that to someone who was almost a stranger.

"That's natural," said Angela. "Of course it's in no way your fault and I hope you can come to realise that – I'm sure that, as a doctor, you do know it really, but it's so different when your emotions come into it. But it's understandable that you feel that way. Have you thought of talking to someone about it? It's fine if you haven't and I'm in no way trying to talk you into having any kind of therapy. It's your decision and it doesn't work for everyone."

Cal sighed. "I don't see how I can talk to anyone really. Ethan's the one who's going through it."

"A lot of people feel like that," said Angela. "But the truth is that you're suffering from Huntington's too, in a way. Not physically but emotionally. A lot of people in your position wouldn't want any kind of support for the same reason as you, but you could look at it another way. Perhaps you're not getting support for yourself exactly but you'd be doing it for Ethan's benefit, so – indirectly – you'd be getting support for _Ethan_. I don't necessarily mean therapy – there are other kinds of support available." She smiled. "And now I'll stop talking and give you time to change the subject if that's what you want."

Cal smiled back despite his sadness. "I can't think about anything now. It's too much."

"Of course," said Angela.

"But I will think about it." Cal changed the subject. "Were you looking for me?"

"I was wondering if you'd give this to Ethan." Angela held out a book. "We were talking about it last night and he said he'd be interested in reading it. I was going to wait till I saw him again, but as he's not well, he might be in the mood for reading."

Cal took the book from he and smiled. "That's really sweet of you and I'll be happy to pass it along." He opened his mouth to suggest that she came with him, but then he thought better of it. Ethan was (he hoped) perfectly capable of inviting his own girlfriend over if he wanted to see her.


	13. Chapter 13

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like Angela - it's always really lovely when someone likes an OC. I think Dylan is quite caring. He doesn't usually know what to say, but he has been caring towards Zoe and Lofty. I think he might struggle to show he cares because he's been rejected so much.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you like Dylan's reasoning! I thought it was muscle-tightening in the centre of the chest that caused the heartache feeling, but the quickening of the heartbeat does contribute, so heartache isn't entirely inaccurate. Maybe Angela will end up with Cal, then you can be equally sad for Dylan and Ethan! I'm glad you like Angela. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid Dylan and Angela won't get together for a while as the person who requested the story wanted to see Dylan with someone else first. But I'm really pleased you're rooting for Dylan and Angela.

 **westlife4ever80** , hangovers definitely aren't fun! I think Ethan might be wishing he'd been a bit more sympathetic to Cal when he was hungover. Dylan does quite often behave in sensitive ways - like towards Zoe and Lofty - but he does struggle with saying the right thing. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan hoped nobody had realised how shaken he was. Luckily, Cal had been too upset to ask anything; Angela seemed to realise she was caught in the act and consequently had her own worries; and everyone Dylan passed on the way out seemed too busy even to notice him.

Some might feel hurt by their lack of interest, but not Dylan. A lot of people claimed to want to be alone when they were upset, but it was usually a perverse way of asking for help. Dylan genuinely wanted to be alone.

Apart from Dervla, of course.

He was almost out of the hospital when he remembered Zoe. For some reason, Zoe seemed to be under the impression that she lived on the boat now. Dylan stood for a moment by the entrance doors (the timely arrival of somebody on a trolley meant he wouldn't draw anyone's attention by doing this) and wondered what to do. Going back to the staff room to wait for Zoe was not an option while Angela was there; neither was hanging around the reception desk, which a lot of the younger staff members seemed to find enjoyable. Dylan thought they made the place look untidy, but it was up to Connie to deal with things like that, not him.

The trolley went past him and Iain nodded his thanks. Dylan went outside – and kept walking.

It wasn't, after all, as though he and Zoe had made any definite plans to meet after their shifts – and to say they lived together was an exaggeration as that implied there had been some agreement between the lodger and the owner of the boat. If Zoe wanted to come over later, that was her choice, but Dylan didn't see any reason why he should hang around the hospital and wait for someone who might have already decided to go to the pub.

Having dispensed with the vague feelings of guilt, Dylan collected Dervla from Doggy Care and took her home. On the way, he told her everything. He often did that. Dervla always seemed to know when something was wrong and she always seemed to know how to make him feel better too.

"I don't even know why I tried to comfort him," he said to Dervla after telling him about his attempt to support Cal. "I never do that. Even if I did want to, I wouldn't be any good at it. And why would I want to impress Angela? I already knew she was Ben Harding's girlfriend. I didn't know she was Ethan's girlfriend too, but I'd have thought one boyfriend at a time was plenty."

Dervla growled disapprovingly.

Dylan checked there was no cat in the vicinity before bending down to pat her in acknowledgement of her sympathy. "Exactly. More than enough."

Dervla's bark sounded like agreement.

"So, even if Angela was interested in me - which isn't impossible considering she seems to be making a collection of boyfriends - it looks as though I've had very a lucky escape," said Dylan.

Dervla rubbed her head sympathetically against his leg.

"I don't even know why I liked her so much," said Dylan untruthfully. "I mean, she's a very pleasant person to talk to, but so is Robyn. So is Ethan. So is Lofty." He sighed a little bit as he said the last name. He was sure Lofty would have had some supportive words of advice for him. "But I don't have the slightest interest in having a relationship with Robyn, Ethan or Lofty."

Dervla looked as though she found the idea of Dylan dating any of them quite ludicrous.

"If I had to choose someone at the hospital to go out with, I suppose it would be Zoe," said Dylan. He looked down at Dervla. "Why am I even having this conversation?"

Dervla moved closer to him.

"Yes, all right: perhaps I have been a bit lonelier since Ben left," said Dylan. "Perhaps I do miss him."

The look in Dervla's eyes suggested there was no 'perhaps' about it, but Dylan wasn't prepared to go that far.

"Though why I think Angela would be any kind of replacement for Lofty… but who else is there? None of the others even like me apart from Zoe."

Dervla looked as though she'd be more than happy to bite anyone who didn't like Dylan.

"And do I care?" said Dylan. "I would like to say no. I don't care. But the fact I'm even having this conversation…"

Dervla nuzzled him sympathetically.

"Perhaps I should go out with Zoe," said Dylan. "It sounds ridiculous and she's hardly a shining example of fidelity herself, but at least when she's unfaithful, it's for one night only. Perhaps that's the best you can hope for these days."

Dervla whined a bit reproachfully.

"Oh, I'm only talking about humans," said Dylan quickly. "Not dogs. There's no doubting your fidelity, Dervla. But I think perhaps there is something to be said for human companionship too. Or why would I have spent the last five minutes talking about it?"

* * *

Ethan was still in bed when Cal arrived home, though he was feeling quite a lot better and he'd almost managed to convince himself he was enjoying the DVD he'd stolen from Cal's collection. He listened as Cal kicked his shoes against the wall and threw his keys onto the table and smiled to himself. It sounded like Cal had forgotten about his hungover brother already – though perhaps the thought was unfair. Cal had come home at lunchtime to check on him and make him some dry toast and he'd kept checking on him throughout the day.

He listened to Cal's heavy footsteps. They stopped outside Ethan's room and Cal tapped lightly on Ethan's door.

"Come in!" called Ethan.

Cal pushed open the door and came to sit on Ethan's bed. "How-" He stopped to clear his throat. "How are you?"

Ethan looked in surprise at Cal's red eyes and blotchy face. He put his hand on Cal's arm. "What happened?"

Cal's eyes filled. "Just had a bad day. That's all. How are you?"

Ethan looked at him in concern but decided to let it go for now. "I'm feeling much better, thank you. I'm just a bit tired."

"Yeah. That's what staying out till 4am will do to you," said Cal. He tried to smile, but it didn't hide the sadness in his eyes.

"You can tell me what's wrong, you know," said Ethan.

Cal shook his head. "No, I can't."

"Why not?" said Ethan, slightly hurt.

"I don't want to upset you too." Cal wiped his eyes and had another go at smiling. "How does pasta sound? That'll be nice and light on your stomach."

"My stomach feels fine now, but pasta sounds nice if you're sure you're up to it," said Ethan.

Cal nodded. "I just need to focus on something."

"Was it a patient?" asked Ethan, and saw the shutters come down over Cal's face again. Ethan felt slightly annoyed now. "Can't you even tell me that?"

"Well, obviously, it's a patient!" snapped Cal. "We work in a hospital." He sighed and put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Nibbles."

"My name is Ethan."

"Okay. Ethan. Yes."

"And it isn't always a patient," said Ethan. "It could have been a relative or a colleague…"

Cal rubbed his hands over his face. "You're right. I'm sorry, Ethan. I've just had a really bad day. I don't want to go into details, but I lost a patient in Resus today - someone quite young – and it got to me a bit."

Ethan felt his annoyance drain away. He took Cal's hand and held it tightly. "It is worse when they're young." He tried to focus on Cal. He didn't want to think that one day, Ethan would be the patient who was dying too young.

Cal nodded, his hand tightening around Ethan's.

They stayed like that for a while.

* * *

Zoe was making herself at home in the kitchen when Dylan and Dervla got home. Dylan had no idea how she'd got hold of a key, but he decided not to ask.

"How do sausages sound?" said Zoe.

Dervla shot across the floor like a rocket and licked Zoe's legs.

"Dervla, I don't think those are the sausages on offer," said Dylan.

Zoe turned to glare at him. "Dylan, are you sure you ought to be insulting me when I'm working with hot fat?"

Dylan decided that was a fair point. "Why are you cooking for me?"

Zoe played with her hair. "You know what they say about the way to a man's heart…"

"And _you_ should know that statement is anatomically incorrect," said Dylan. "If not, I pity your patients."

Zoe smiled. "Dr Keogh, are you flirting?"

"No, Dr Hanna, I am not," said Dylan.

Zoe laughed. "Oh, I think you are."

Dylan imagined for a moment that it was Angela who was standing in his kitchen, flirting with him and cooking sausages.

But if it was, she'd probably be cooking sausages for Ben Harding tomorrow and Ethan the next day, so as a daydream, it was even more pointless than most. Not that many daydreams seemed to have much foundation in reality.

Yet he'd still been disappointed and upset to discover firstly that Angela wasn't single and secondly that Angela was… well… doubly not single.

"Dylan?" Zoe was standing in front of him. He didn't remember her moving. "Are you okay?" She put her hand on his shoulder. "Has something happened? I did wonder when you left without speaking to me. Come on. It's Zoe. You can tell me "

And Dylan thought… why not?

Zoe was beautiful, without a doubt, and you always knew where you stood with her. She was on a similar intellectual level to Dylan, though she tended not to use her brain outside work. She was perfectly happy to live on the boat without a fridge and internet access. She loved Dervla. She was actually single... well, married, but separated. She liked and accepted Dylan as he was and very few people did that. She wasn't easily offended by him and she didn't have any irritating, well-meaning ideas about mending his relationship with Brian.

"All right," he said.

Zoe looked slightly surprised. "You mean you're going to tell me?"

"No. I mean I'll be in a relationship with you," said Dylan.


	14. Chapter 14

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying the drama! I'm really enjoying writing it.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. An advantage of the relationship is that Dylan knows Zoe very well and accepts her as she is. I'd love to see more of Cal and Ethan together, but they've only been in one episode together in the last couple of months! At least we can still read and write about it.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm glad you didn't see that coming! I've never considered the Zoe and Dylan pairing, but it could work! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Zoe definitely has commitment issues! I don't think she cheated on Max till the hen night, where she would have been especially anxious, not to mention very drunk. Not that that makes it okay. But I think Dylan accepts Zoe as she is. I wonder if Lofty would have thought twice about leaving if Dylan had hugged him. Probably not... Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , Zoe is still married to Max, but as Max has requested a divorce and is seeing other people, I think it's fine for Zoe to see other people too. Whether Dylan is the right choice remains to be seen! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Brooklyn-may23** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Dylan knew immediately that something was different.

He was in bed and he wasn't alone.

This wasn't a particularly unusual occurrence. Although Dervla had her own bed, she always knew when Dylan was upset and he often awoke to find her beside him.

But it wasn't Dervla. Not this time.

He felt Zoe stirring. She turned around and placed her head on the pillow, her face almost touching Dylan's. "Did you sleep well?"

The events of the night slowly came creeping back.

Not that there were many events. Dylan had persuaded Zoe he wanted to take things slowly "for the sake of our friendship," and Zoe had found the idea so novel, she'd agreed instantly. But she had said it was silly for Dylan to sleep on the sofa when there was plenty of room in the bed.

Dylan hadn't been able to think of an argument for that and he had missed his bed, so he'd agreed.

Now, in the cold light of day, he was wondering if he'd made the right decision. Being with Zoe still made a certain logical sense, but it felt odd.

Perhaps he would get used to it.

"Dylan?" said Zoe. She pressed her lips against his. "You're cute when you first wake up."

"Am I?" Dylan wasn't aware he was cute in any circumstances. "I… I'll go and make breakfast. For you. My, er, girlfriend."

"What about dessert?" said Zoe.

"At this hour of the morning?" Dylan got out of bed. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"A sausage!" said Zoe promptly.

Dylan sighed. Honestly, she was as bad as Dervla. "Coming up."

Zoe smiled contentedly. "Oh, I hope so."

* * *

Cal was relieved to see that Ethan was much better in the morning. He ate his usual amount of breakfast with relish and displayed a typical keenness to get to work early. Going to work early hadn't been part of Cal's plan, but he decided to go along with it for Ethan's sake.

There was a lot he went along with for Ethan's sake. How could he not humour and cosset his brother, knowing what his future would be?

Cal got ready as quickly as he could and they drove to the hospital.

"Is Angela working today?" asked Cal.

Ethan smiled sentimentally. "I hope so."

Cal reached across to pat his arm. "I'm really happy for you, you know, Ethan. I know you felt like you'd never find someone, even before… well, you know. But I always believed you would."

"Really?" said Ethan doubtfully. "You never acted as though you thought I'd find someone."

"Well… I may have neglected to mention it," said Cal. "But it doesn't make it any less true." The best thing about Angela (apart from the fact she was gorgeous) was that Ethan had already told her about his diagnosis and she didn't mind. If it was someone like Honey, who wasn't overburdened with brains, Cal might have thought she didn't understand what she was getting into, but Angela was intelligent. Even if she didn't know exactly what she was getting into, she probably had a fair idea. As mental health problems could be a symptom of Huntington's, it was possible she'd worked with people with the condition.

"I'd probably have thought you were making fun of me if you had," admitted Ethan with a bright smile.

Cal smiled too. Even though the new Ethan wasn't quite Ethan, it was good to see him so happy.

But when he looked at Ethan again, the smile had gone and there was sadness in his eyes.

"Ethan, are you okay?" asked Cal anxiously.

"I'm just a bit worried about seeing Mrs Beauchamp," said Ethan. "I'm sure you didn't tell her the real reason why I was off yesterday, but she is extremely good at guessing."

Cal would have liked to reassure Ethan, but he did have a point. "You'll be okay. She hasn't killed me yet and it's not like you make a habit of it." But if Ethan needed to drink even after a date with his lovely girlfriend… "Ethan?"

Ethan parked the car and then turned to his brother. "Yes?"

"When you went drinking," said Cal awkwardly. "Who went with you?"

There was a slight hesitation before Ethan replied: "Do you know, I can't remember?"

This was a feeling Cal knew well. He felt himself relax. After all, considering the amount of time Max, Iain and the others spent in the pub after work, it wasn't impossible they'd have still been there after Ethan had had dinner.

"How come you went to the pub in the first place?" said Cal. "I thought you'd head off home after your date."

"The night was still young, Caleb!" Ethan got out of the car and started walking briskly towards the ED.

Cal picked up Ethan's phone and wallet and hurried after him. "You might need these."

"Thanks, Cal." Ethan took them. "My mind must have been on other things."

"That's what it's like when you've got a girlfriend," said Cal.

But his heart was sinking as he and Ethan went into the ED because Ethan didn't usually forget anything.

* * *

"You've been very quiet," complained Zoe on the way to work.

Dylan glanced at her. "I have no particular desire to hear the sound of my own voice."

"Maybe I do," said Zoe. She let her hip bump against his. "Maybe I desire a lot of things."

Dylan tensed slightly as he remembered he and Zoe were a couple now. "If you must know, I was thinking."

"About?" said Zoe. She slid her hand into his and swung it back and forth.

Dylan found the movement most unnatural. "If a friend of yours was going out with a girl and you found out she was seeing someone else, what would you do?"

Zoe snatched her hand away. "Dylan, I'm not going to cheat on you, okay?"

"I'm not talking about you," said Dylan.

"Okay. Do you mean Lofty?" said Zoe.

"No, I… Zoe, this is not a guessing game!" said Dylan. "Just tell me, please: what do you think I should do?"

Zoe looked annoyed, but she gave the matter her full attention. "Saying something is always dangerous. Your friend isn't going to be happy and in that situation, people often shoot the messenger. But I don't think I could see a friend being treated like that and keep quiet – and the longer they're together, the more your friend might be falling in love."

* * *

Cal watched as Ethan headed off for the start of his shift. Ethan was smiling and he was walking with confident strides that did make him seem 'more Cal', but all Cal wanted was for him to be 'more Ethan'.

Was all this really making him happy? _Could_ it?

He looked up as Dylan entered the staff room. "Hey."

"Cal. I was wondering if I might have a word."

"Yeah, sure," said Cal. Dylan wasn't his favourite conversationalist, but anything that might shorten his shift by a few minutes was welcome.

Not that he didn't love his job, but shorter shifts were always appreciated.

"It's about Ethan," said Dylan.

Cal sighed. Most people had welcomed the new Ethan into their lives, but he knew some people had doubts. Charlie had advised Cal to let Ethan's 'be more Cal' phase run its course and just be there for him, but Cal knew he was worried. He'd also noticed Connie giving Ethan her close attention more than once and Cal thought it spoke volumes that he'd never heard Connie speak sharply to Ethan, despite his newly-acquired habits of showing up to work hungover and dancing around the ED.

Cal didn't know if Ethan had told her or not, but not much got past Connie. She knew their mum had had Huntington's. She could have worked it out from there.

"You told me yesterday that Ethan is in a relationship with Angela Hamilton," said Dylan.

Cal nodded. "Yeah, he is. Why? Are you jealous?" He sighed. "That makes two of us."

Dylan shook his head. "Why would I be jealous? I just thought that perhaps Ethan ought to know that Angela is also in a relationship with Ben Harding."

Cal stared at Dylan. At first, he only registered that Dylan was gossiping, which was surprising enough. But then the full meaning sank in and he turned away from Dylan, closing his eyes tightly. "I hope… I so hope you've got that wrong."

"I would like to have got it wrong," said Dylan. "But I saw her kissing him and she told me she loves him."

"Obviously not very much if she's cheating on him!" said Cal.

"Perhaps not," conceded Dylan.

Cal dropped his head into his hands. "Oh God. What's this going to do to Ethan? He really cares about her."

"I imagine it'll upset him, but he'll get over it," said Dylan.

"Get over it?" Cal stared at him in disbelief. "Do you have no idea what Ethan's been going through recently?"

"Well, obviously I know you lost your mother," said Dylan.

Cal nodded. "And there's more. I can't tell you what it is, but this might destroy Ethan. What am I going to do, Dylan?"

Dylan shrugged. "I suggest you either tell him or keep it to yourself. I don't see what other options are available." He walked away.

"Don't you care about anyone but yourself?" said Cal.

"If that were the case, I wouldn't be having this conversation," said Dylan.

Cal blew out a breath. "Okay. Thanks for telling me, mate. I do appreciate it. I just can't stand the thought of Ethan getting his heart broken again."

"Then don't tell him," said Dylan.

Cal only wished that were an option.

* * *

Dylan was still wondering if he'd done the right thing when he walked into reception to discover his new girlfriend standing by the reception desk.

"Dylan!" said Zoe.

"Yes?" said Dylan nervously. He wondered if he should have added 'darling', but the idea made him want to cringe. Maybe this relationship with Zoe was the best thing for him, but he really hoped she was going to keep it to herself for now. At least until he felt more comfortable with the idea of a relationship. She'd kept her relationship with Max a secret for a long time.

Would she do the same with Dylan?

Zoe grabbed Dylan by the head and planted her lips on his.

 _I suppose that answers my question_ , thought Dylan.


	15. Chapter 15

**westlife4ever80** , I'm so glad you're still enjoying this! I think Angela probably doesn't realise because although she's self-confident and intuitive, I think she's also quite modest and it probably hasn't crossed her mind to wonder if Cal and Ethan like her (Cal flirts with her, but her flirts with everyone so that doesn't necessarily mean anything). I imagine she thinks Dylan _might_ like her, but it might be wishful thinking. What do you think? Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Zoe and Dylan scenes. They're not in this chapter or the next one very much, but I think Chapter 17 will be mostly Dylan and Zoe, if not all.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I like Dylan too. He can be sarcastic and he doesn't always try very hard to be nice to people, but I don't think he'd ever actually want to hurt someone. Yes, I think everyone will be very shocked to see Zoe kissing Dylan! But there are also a few people who won't be entirely happy.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you like Dylan and Zoe together. I can actually see it working, though of course, I don't necessarily want it to work too well in this story! I think sometimes Dylan can be empathic, but he doesn't know how to put it into words. He is definitely caring in his way. He doesn't always speak to his patients in the best way (though how many do in that ED?), but he always works hard to make them better and I think it's a bit more than job satisfaction.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid Dylan might seem a bit out of character in this because he's in love and he has no idea what to do about it, so it's making him a bit crazy. Dylan also has another reason for keeping an eye on Ethan, which will be revealed later, but in the meantime, I'll try to keep it more realistic.

* * *

Ethan stared at Dylan and Zoe with an astonishment that still managed to be dwarfed by his dismay.

It had to be a joke. Zoe had initiated it, but Dylan would push her away.

Of course he'd push her away. Dylan had no interest in Zoe.

A few seconds passed.

Dylan didn't push Zoe away.

It was true that Dylan didn't look particularly comfortable with the embrace. He looked very tense. He kept his head completely till and his hands didn't so much caress Zoe's back as move jerkily up and down, but that could just mean he was still getting used to the idea of being in a relationship.

Ethan became aware he was staring in a manner that might give completely the wrong impression about him and quickly moved away before the kiss ended, but the image remained imprinted on his mind.

The image would have been unpleasant enough in any circumstances, but knowing Angela would be hurt made it far worse.

Ethan stopped walking and wondered what to do. He didn't want to be the one to tell Angela. He didn't want to be the one who hurt her. But if she didn't tell her, she might find out another way. Perhaps in the same way as Ethan had found out.

He couldn't let that happen.

Ethan slammed a fist into the wall. The pain made him cry out, but he did it again because life was so unfair. On everyone. Why couldn't something go right for a change? That was all he wanted: for something to go right!

He knew he could never be happy, but he'd hoped that by focusing on Angela's happiness, it would cease to matter that he would never have any of his own. He could live through other people's happiness, or so he'd told himself, but now Dylan had kissed Zoe, and Ethan felt so angry and so hopeless and as though nothing would ever be right.

He drove his fist into the wall again.

"Ethan!" He felt someone touch his arm and he jumped. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" said Rita.

"Nothing!" said Ethan. He tried to walk away, but Rita detained him.

"Ethan, you're crying."

"Am I?" Ethan was confused, but then he felt tears on his face and realised he was sniffing.

"And you've hurt your hand," said Rita, her face full of concern.

Ethan looked down to see his knuckles were bleeding. "Oh, yes. Perhaps that's why I'm crying. I'm so sorry, Rita."

Rita stroked his arm. "Come on. Let's get you into cubicles."

"Oh, no, I couldn't!" said Ethan. "There must be patients who've been waiting for hours."

Rita nodded. "So, we need you to start treating them, don't we? And we can't let you do that with your hand in that condition. Come on, sweetheart. Would you like me to ask someone to find Cal?"

"No," said Ethan, as he wiped his tears. "I mean, no, thank you, Rita."

"Okay," said Rita. "Let me know if you change your mind."

* * *

Dylan knew at once what Jacob wanted to speak to him about – and it was not about a patient.

That was very clear from the gleam in his eye.

"So. How long has this being going on, Dr Keogh?"

"How long has what been going on?" Just because Dylan knew exactly what Jacob meant, that didn't mean he was going to make it easy for him.

It wasn't as though Jacob was going to make things easy for Dylan.

"You and Zoe!" said Jacob. He laughed. "Seriously, man, if you wanted to keep it a secret, kissing Zoe in front of Robyn was not the way to go."

Dylan hadn't even noticed Robyn, but he was sure that even if she hadn't been there, someone would have seen the kiss.

"So, are you going to answer my question?" said Jacob.

"What question?"

"How long have you and Zoe been together?" said Jacob.

Dylan looked around in the hope of seeing a patient who required his immediate attention, but there were none. "I would say about fifteen or sixteen hours."

Jacob looked delighted. "Ah, so you're counting the hours? Sounds serious!"

"No!" said Dylan in annoyance. "I was trying to answer your question."

"So, you got a hot date planned for tonight?" asked Jacob.

"No," said Dylan shortly.

Jacob looked shocked. "Dylan, man, you've got to take her on a hot date! She's your girlfriend. You've got to pull out all the stops."

"I thought we'd have a quiet evening on the boat," said Dylan.

"Oh, Dylan." Jacob shook his head pityingly. "You sure have got a lot to learn about women. Trust me. A woman likes to be spoiled. Wined and dined. Take it from me. And it's not difficult. All you got to do is book a nice restaurant – but not straight after work."

"Not straight after work?" said Dylan blankly. "Why not?"

"Because if one of Zoe's patients becomes a bit too free with their bodily fluids," said Jacob, "she's going to want to go home and change."

"Yes: thank you for that image, Jacob," said Dylan, but he had to admit it was good advice. For that matter, he might also want to go home and change.

Jacob smiled, unperturbed. "So, what are you waiting for? Get online and book somewhere. Not too expensive: you don't want Zoe to think you're showing off. But definitely not too cheap."

Dylan's head was spinning. "Perhaps you could recommend somewhere."

"I'd be delighted," said Jacob.

* * *

When Ethan's lunchbreak arrived, he found himself a quiet corner and very reluctantly sent a text to Angela, asking if he could see her.

He didn't want to hurt her. It was the last thing he wanted. But if he waited any longer, she might come to the ED herself, and if she saw what Ethan had seen…

"Oh my God, Ethan!" Robyn was running towards him. She grasped his arm and spoke in a hushed voice. "Did you hear about Dylan and Zoe?"

"Yes," said Ethan expressionlessly. He had no interest in gossip, but then he realised Robyn wasn't relishing the moment at all. She looked upset. "Robyn, are you all right?"

"How do you expect me to be all right?" demanded Robyn. "That's my brother she's cheating on!"

Ethan spoke sympathetically. "It must be very difficult for you, Robyn, but Zoe and Max are separated and he has been seeing other women."

"But he still loves her!" said Robyn, her eyes filling with tears. "He's going to be devastated, Ethan."

"I'm sorry," said Ethan. "I always liked them as a couple once I'd got over my surprise. I really am very sad at the way it's turned out."

Robyn wiped her eyes. "I'm not going to let her get away with this! And neither are you."

Ethan felt a bit nervous. "What exactly do you want me to do?"

"We're not going to be unprofessional," said Robyn. "If she asks us to work with her, we do it. We're polite to her. But it's always Dr Hanna, not Zoe."

As Ethan usually called her Dr Hanna anyway, this didn't make much difference to him, but he couldn't help worrying what else Robyn might have in mind. "Robyn, I do understand how you feel, but as Max has asked for a divorce and is actively seeing other people, I really don't see how we're in a position to object."

"What: so you wouldn't do the same if me and Cal were married and he kissed Rita?" said Robyn.

Ethan tried to imagine this very unlikely scenario. "It would depend on the situation. If you weren't separated, I would be very angry, yes."

"So, it's the same thing!" said Robyn. "Max might not be your brother, but he's your mate. Come on, Ethan. All you've got to do is not talk to her off-duty. If you're in the staff room and she comes in, you walk out. If she sits next to you in the pub, you move to another table."

"So, in other words, you're going to treat Zoe exactly as you treated Lily?" said Ethan. He shook his head. "Robyn, we're adults and this is a hospital. You can't help being angry with Zoe: it's natural considering Max is your brother, but you mustn't be unfair to Zoe. Or to anyone. Lily treated Alicia very badly, but she'd just lost her father at a time when there was a lot of… unfinished business between them. I don't know if you've ever lost someone, Robyn, but when you do lose someone and when you wish there's more you could have said; more you could have asked; more you could have done for them…"

Robyn stared at him in shock as Ethan's eyes filled with tears. She stood still for a moment, then she stepped forward and put her arms around Ethan.

Ethan was surprised to object and then he realised he didn't want to. He needed someone to hold on to because he felt so lost and helpless. He'd tried so hard to be strong, but his grip was weakening every day.

"It's okay, Ethan," said Robyn gently. "Don't worry about Zoe. You've got other things to think about now. Just focus on grieving for your mum and treat Zoe how you like."

"I'm sorry," said Ethan as he desperately tried to stop himself from crying.

"Shh. No. Don't be sorry," said Robyn. She held him for a moment longer. "Come on. I'll make you a cup of tea."

"I was actually going to go and see someone," said Ethan, barely able to get the words out.

"You can see them after you've had some tea," said Robyn.

* * *

Cal had been about to go and find Ethan when the patient's stats had started dropping. He helped rush her into Resus, silently hoping there would be other doctors available to take over his patient's care, but there was no-one.

So Cal had led his team and worked to save the patient's life, but it was more than half an hour before he was ready to leave Resus. Once the patient was stable, Cal had had to arrange for further tests and when they were done, the patient had become distressed and needed Cal's reassurance. Much as he wanted to leave, he knew it would be unprofessional and unkind. Not even handing her over to another doctor would be an option now.

He didn't blame the patient. This was in no way her fault and she couldn't have known that Dr Knight's brother was about to have his heart broken. All Cal could do was hope he would be able to tell Ethan before someone else did.

He finally left, having asked David to stay with the patient for the time being, but he couldn't find Ethan. Nobody had seen him for some time.

Cal tried phoning him, but it was some time before Ethan picked up.

"Cal, I'm sorry. I can't talk now. I'm with Angela."

That was exactly what Cal had been afraid of.


	16. Chapter 16

**X-Sammii-X** , I didn't think of Cal interpreting Ethan's quick phone call in that way, but that's a brilliant idea! I'll see if I can add a short scene to the chapter. Robyn's intentions are probably good, but I don't think being mean to Zoe is the way to cheer Max up! I blame Louise. She's a very bad influence. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm sorry for the graphic 'bodily fluids' image! I thought it was a reasonable point to make and that's how I imagined Jacob saying it. I think it could have been worse though? Robyn hasn't been on her best behaviour recently, but I'm sure her kind heart is still there somewhere! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I think Robyn should know what Max has been up to considering she lives with him, but I think she also sees Max at his saddest and she wants to help. But for the most part, she seems more interested in punishing the so-called 'bad guy' than comforting the one who's suffering.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. Dylan is in love with Angela - or perhaps 'intrigued by' would be a better way to describe it. He thinks he can't have Angela, but having finally opened himself up to the idea of dating, he's decided to go for the 'simple' option of dating his good friend Zoe. Good idea or disaster waiting to happen?

* * *

Cal stared at the phone in disbelief. Was Ethan really...

No. No way! This was _Ethan_. Ethan wouldn't do that at work! He hardly ever did it at all as far as Cal could work out.

But why else would he ring off in such a hurry?

Cal started to laugh. _Ethan_ was having sex at work while Cal was sitting here worrying about him. Talk about role reversal!

Then he stopped laughing.

Ethan wouldn't sleep with any girl unless he was really in love with her - but Angela didn't return his feelings.

She couldn't. Not if she was cheating on him with Ben Harding.

* * *

"Ethan?" Angela looked at him in concern. She put her arm around him. "What's wrong?"

Her kindness made Ethan's eyes fill with tears again. "I'm so sorry."

"It's all right," said Angela. "Everyone gets upset sometimes. Working in a hospital can be very emotional."

Ethan nodded, but he knew that wasn't the reason why he was crying. It wasn't even because of the pain he was about to give Angela, though he did feel terrible about that.

The truth was he was feeling sad more and more often. He'd cried a lot when he'd first found out he had Huntington's, but after deciding to 'be more Cal', the feelings had seemed to pass. Not completely: there were moments perhaps once a week when he cried himself to sleep, but it wasn't that often and he'd always been able to hold back his tears until there was no chance of being caught by Cal.

But over the last couple of weeks, something had changed. Ethan felt constantly on the edge of tears. He struggled to get through every shift and it was always such a relief to find himself in the pub with a drink in his hand; to feel the fiery liquid disappearing down his throat and know that soon, his sadness would disappear too.

Today had been the worst of all. He'd now cried three times and it was only lunchtime.

"Come on. We'll go into one of the offices," said Angela.

Ethan had a feeling the offices were for private meetings with patients, but he said nothing. Angela kept her arm around him and he was grateful for her comfort, but he knew he had to get himself under control.

Angela tapped lightly on one of the office doors – "I know it says 'vacant', but you'd be amazed how many people forget to change the sign" – and showed him inside. "Sit down," she said, pushing him gently down into an armchair and putting some tissues in front of him. "I'll make tea."

"Thank you," said Ethan gratefully. He knew a lot of people would have sat beside him and tried to comfort him, but Angela seemed to realise Ethan wanted a couple of minutes to himself. He dried his tears and reminded himself that he was here to comfort Angela, not the other way around.

"Ethan? Is that your phone?" said Angela.

Ethan didn't know how she'd heard it over the noise of the kettle when he hadn't, but it seemed insignificant in comparison with all his other problems. He thought about ignoring the call, but it was Cal and he didn't want to worry him. "Hey, Cal. Sorry, but I can't talk now. I'm with Angela."

"Ethan-"

"I'm sorry, Cal. I'll take to you later, okay? Bye. "

When Angela had made the tea, she pulled a chair closer to Ethan and put her hand lightly on his arm. "Would you like to tell me what's happened?"

"I actually came here to tell you something," said Ethan, trying to smile.

Angela's eyes lit with interest. "That does sound intriguing, but don't worry if you don't feel up to talking."

"No, I need to tell you," said Ethan. "I…" He broke off, frustrated. He wished he was better at this sort of thing. "It's about Dylan. I am so sorry, but…" He wondered if he should hold her hand. She was his friend and she was bound to be upset.

"Does he already have a girlfriend?" asked Angela gently.

Ethan nodded sadly. "I'm really sorry."

It was Angela who reached for his hand. "Don't worry, Ethan. It's okay. I am disappointed and I'm very grateful you came to tell me, but it's fine. That's how things work out sometimes."

"You're really okay?" said Ethan doubtfully.

Angela smiled. "I'm fine. I'm honestly much more worried about you than me! If Dylan's happy, then I'm happy for him."

* * *

Cal was waiting for Ethan when he left the psych department. He grabbed his brother by the arm and looked into his eyes, upset but not surprised to see Ethan's eyes were swollen. "So, she told you then?"

"Told me what?" said Ethan. He pulled his arm away from Cal's grip and rubbed it.

"Why were you crying?" said Cal.

"I wasn't. One of Angela's patients squirted something in my eyes," said Ethan.

Cal looked at him closely. "I'd have thought your glasses would have stopped that from happening."

"I wasn't wearing them," said Ethan. "I was… cleaning them."

 _In the middle of the psych ward?_ thought Cal, but he didn't question Ethan further. There wasn't much time left before they had to go back to work and although Cal could have waited until it was time to leave, he already knew Ethan was planning on going to the pub. If Cal didn't speak to him now, he might not get another opportunity until tomorrow morning.

"Ethan… I need to tell you something," said Cal.

Ethan sighed. "What have you done?"

Cal was annoyed. "What do you mean, what have I done? Why do you always have to assume I've done something?"

"Because you usually have!" said Ethan.

"Well, I haven't this time," said Cal. He looked around the corridor. It was deserted, but it wouldn't necessarily stay that way. "Let's go outside." They found a bench to sit on. Cal took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Ethan. But it's not good news."

Ethan looked worried. "What's happened?"

Cal took Ethan's hand and squeezed it.

Ethan gave him a funny look.

"The thing is..." Cal stopped. "I'm rubbish at breaking things gently. I'm just going to say it, okay?"

Ethan looked worried again. "Okay."

"It's Angela," said Cal awkwardly. "She's seeing Ben Harding behind your back."

"No, she's not!" exclaimed Ethan.

Cal dropped Ethan's hand and put his arm around him. "Ethan, I know you don't want to believe it."

"And I don't believe it," said Ethan. He was looking down into his lap. Cal had assumed he was upset, but he suddenly realised Ethan was embarrassed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean… Angela and I aren't a couple," said Ethan apologetically. "Angela really likes Dylan and I wanted them to get together, but I didn't think Dylan would ever ask her out if you were all over her. So I… I pretended she was my girlfriend so you'd leave her alone."

Cal stared at him in shock. "You _what_?"

"I'm sorry," said Ethan, his face miserable and red. "It seemed like the right way of dealing with it."

"Lying to me?" said Cal, hurt. Of course, it wasn't like he'd never lied to Ethan, but this was so… so pointless. "Why didn't you just tell me she liked Dylan?"

"Because I thought you'd see it as an extra challenge," said Ethan.

Cal continued to stare at him angrily, but Ethan's words kept repeating himself in his mind. Very reluctantly, Cal began to smile. "I probably would have done, to be honest."

"And I really wanted Dylan to be happy for once," said Ethan earnestly. "He's had such a difficult time lately. He gets on with Angela as a friend and I thought they'd be happy together." He sighed. "Or I did until today."

"You mean until Zoe gave Dylan a tonsil examination with her tongue in reception?" said Cal. He hadn't seen the event, but he'd heard all about it more than once.

Ethan made a face at Cal's description, but he nodded. "I told Angela about it today.. I thought she'd be upset, but she took it really well."

"Well, why wouldn't she if she's already got someone?" said Cal. He laughed. "Everyone says we're nothing alike, Ethan, but we've both been spending the whole day worrying about someone getting their heart broken."

"I suppose we have," said Ethan with a smile. "Except…"

"What?"

"Angela didn't say anything about going out with Ben Harding," said Ethan.

Cal shrugged. "Girls don't always tell you everything."

"I'm just surprised she didn't mention it when we were discussing Dylan," said Ethan. "I mean, we are friends. We've gone on fake dates together. But the only guy she's ever talked about is Dylan. Are you sure she's going out with Ben?"

"I haven't heard anything about it," admitted Cal, "but Dylan saw her kissing him."

Ethan looked confused. "So, _Dylan_ told you about Angela and Ben? Because he was worried about me?"

"I know. I was surprised: it's really not like him to care about people," said Cal. "But he really did seem worried. I don't know… maybe Zoe's softened him up. Or maybe he sees you as a younger version of himself? You're both a bit weird."

"There's no need to be insulting," said Ethan. He paused. "But I could do worse than be like Dylan. He's very intelligent and I think he's got a kind heart there somewhere. You've just got to find it."

Cal nodded thoughtfully. He never really thought about Dylan much, but perhaps Ethan did have a point. "So, why were you crying, Ethan?" he asked, more to see if Ethan would tell the same cover story than because he was expecting the truth.

"Um… someone bought one of my patients a bunch of flowers and it made my eyes water," said Ethan. He stood up. "I'm sorry, Cal. I need to have something to eat and get back to work."


	17. Chapter 17

**X-Sammii-X** , Angela knows Ethan has Huntington's, but I think she knows he's vulnerable at the moment and she's treading carefully and trying to support him without prying. I love Cal too! He's really caring - he thinks so deeply about Ethan and tries to do the right thing, but Ethan doesn't realise. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , it's not so much a love triangle as a love hexagon! So many obstacles for Dylan to overcome if he's going to get the girl. I'm so glad you think the story is getting better. I'm going to start pushing Dylan and Angela into each other's company more after this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I suppose Ethan is doing quite well at being 'more Cal' - he started with good intentions, tried to deceive his brother and ended up in a big mess! That's very 'Cal'. I love Zoe and Dylan's friendship - it would be a shame if their attempts at a relationship spoiled it.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter.

* * *

When Dylan saw Zoe coming his way, his first instinct was to hide.

She'd already smacked his bottom and mentioned that he 'wasn't exactly small' in front of a patient (though how she knew, Dylan couldn't say). What would it be next? Tear his clothes off and ravish him in Resus?

He had a feeling he ought to like the idea, but all he could think of was how unhygienic it would be.

"Hi." Zoe walked towards him, a smile on her face.

"Zoe," said Dylan. "I thought you might like to go out for dinner."

Zoe put her arms around him. "Oh, Dylan. I never knew you were such a romantic."

"Oh, er... no. Neither did I," said Dylan. "I've reserved a table for eight o'clock."

"That's a bit late," said Zoe.

"I thought you might like to go home and change," said Dylan.

Zoe looked down at her dress. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Well, you will have been wearing it all day," said Dylan.

Zoe let go of him. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Dylan suppressed a sigh. He'd forgotten how exhausting being in a relationship was. "What do you think it means?"

"Obviously, you're implying that I smell!" said Zoe.

Dylan shook his head in bewilderment. "I just thought someone might be sick on your dress. That's all."

"And why would they do that?" demanded Zoe.

"We do work with ill people," said Dylan. "I was just trying to be prepared. I wanted to avoid a situation where we were late for dinner because you – or I, for that matter – had to go home and change."

"And being late would be worse than seeing your girlfriend go hungry?" said Zoe.

Dylan sighed. "Fine. I'll cancel it. Whatever you want."

"You're going to cancel our dinner?" said Zoe. "Just because I said it was a bit late?"

"No. Of course I'm not going to cancel it," said Dylan quickly. "Maybe we could… have a drink before the meal."

"Fine," said Zoe. "I need to get back to work."

"Yes," said Dylan to the empty corridor. "I'm looking forward to it too."

* * *

"Are you sure you feel up to going to the pub?" said Cal.

"Why shouldn't I go to the pub?" snapped Ethan, glaring at Cal through red-rimmed eyes.

Cal shook his head. was almost sure Ethan had run off for another cry halfway through the afternoon. It was just about possible the young patient who didn't like needles really had knocked Ethan's glasses off and accidentally poked him in both eyes. That could just about explain why Cal had found Ethan in the on-call room with swollen eyes and a slightly red nose. After all, injured eyes did water and watery eyes did make your nose run.

But Cal believed Ethan had been crying and he didn't think going to the pub and getting drunk was going to solve his problems.

"I thought maybe you should go home and… rest your bad eye," said Cal.

Ethan huffed loudly. "My eye is fine, Cal! You know, just because I've become 'more Cal', it doesn't mean you have to be 'more Ethan'!"

 _Well, one of us has to be_ , Cal thought sadly as he followed Ethan to the pub.

* * *

Dylan had walked all the way across the road before he realised Zoe wasn't with him. He looked back to see she was still sitting in her car. With a sigh, he went back and opened her door, intending to ask rather sarcastically if she was coming or not.

"Well, finally!" said Zoe. She got out of the car, leaving the door wide open.

Dylan slammed it and went to catch up with Zoe. Women really were inexplicable at times.

"Aren't you going to give me your arm?" said Zoe.

"Zoe, I might not be an expert on women's shoes, but even I can see that if you require a man's arm in order to walk in them, they really must be too high."

Zoe looked askance. "There's nothing wrong with my shoes. I've done a whole double shift in these shoes. But this isn't a double shift. It's a date."

Even Dylan had realised that. He tried to think of something to say. "How was work?"

"You know how work was," said Zoe. "We worked together most of the day."

Dylan tried to think of something else to say, but his mind was blank. He was relieved when they arrived at the restaurant.

"Oh, I've always wanted to go here!" exclaimed Zoe. She flung her arms around Dylan and kissed him on the cheek.

Dylan tried not to flinch. There was no reason to flinch. Zoe was his girlfriend and she was beautiful.

It just felt so odd kissing Zoe in public. Even odder than kissing her in private.

Zoe started to laugh. "Dylan, you've got lipstick everywhere."

"That's hardly my fault," Dylan pointed out.

Zoe took a tissue out of her bag and cleaned Dylan's cheek for him. "There. Now you look hot." She laughed. "Dylan, are you blushing?"

"Of course not," said Dylan irritably. "You probably rubbed my face too hard. That's all."

"Fine. Whatever. I was only being nice."

They started walking towards the restaurant again. They were almost at the door when Zoe stopped.

"Is everything all right?" said Dylan.

Zoe smiled. "Everything's great."

Dylan waited for her to start walking again.

Zoe didn't. She was looking at him expectantly. He stared back at her in confusion. Zoe started nodding her head.

She seemed to be nodding towards something. Dylan had a look to see what she was nodding at, but all he could see was the restaurant door.

Eventually, Dylan lost patience. "Zoe, if you want me to do something, can you just tell me? Otherwise, we'll be out here all night."

"Dylan, I shouldn't have to tell you!" said Zoe. "Are you really this clueless?"

"Apparently so," said Dylan.

"Oh, for God's sake!" said Zoe. "We're on a date, Dylan, right? And you're the guy."

Dylan sighed. "Zoe, I can assure you I'm perfectly well aware I'm male."

"Then be a man!" exclaimed Zoe impatiently. When Dylan still looked blank, she added: "Open the door for me!"

"You don't usually expect me to open the door when we go out for dinner," said Dylan.

"No, but we're not usually on a date, are we?" said Zoe.

Dylan considered pointing out that any 21st-century woman should be more than capable of opening a door, but he was starting to get hungry now and he had a feeling it wouldn't take much for Zoe to give up on him and go home. He walked to the door, pushed it open and held it for Zoe to walk through.

"Thank you, Dylan!" said Zoe. "You're such a gentleman!"

The hint of sarcasm was probably deserved.

They were shown to a table for two by the window. Dylan decided that if Zoe was insisting on behaving like some fragile romantic heroine, she would expect him to pull her chair out for her.

He walked forwards confidently towards Zoe's chair and pulled it out.

"Dylan, that's the wrong table!" hissed Zoe.

Trying to look as though he wasn't mortified, Dylan sat opposite Zoe and accepted a menu. To Dylan's relief, there was a wine on the list he knew Zoe liked and she looked perfectly happy when he suggested it.

Dylan felt himself beginning to relax. Perhaps everything would be all right now. After all, everyone ate in the same way whether they were on a date or not.

Or did they?

Wait a minute…

When Dylan was handed the main menu, he scanned it and quickly made his selection. "What are you having?"

Zoe smiled in a sympathetic sort of way. "Having trouble making up your mind?"

"No, but I need to know what you're having so I can order for you," said Dylan.

Zoe put the menu down with a thump. "Dylan, I'm perfectly capable of ordering my own food!"

"That's funny," said Dylan. "You couldn't open the door on your own."

"I was giving you the chance to be a gentleman!" said Zoe.

"I was under the impression that a gentleman ordered the lady's dinner," said Dylan.

Zoe took a deep breath in and for a moment, Dylan thought he was really in trouble (and he was rather glad the drinks hadn't arrived yet as Zoe looked perfectly capable of throwing one at him), but then she sighed. "I'm sorry, Dylan. I suppose I'm just a bit nervous. Friends to lovers… I thought it would be easy, but it's not."

Dylan wasn't sure what to say. "A lot of things are difficult, but it doesn't mean they aren't worth doing."

"You're right," said Zoe, looking more cheerful. Dylan was relieved, but then Zoe continued. "And you, Dylan Keogh, are definitely worth doing!"

* * *

Cal smiled to himself as Ethan skipped through the car park. It looked like he'd been wrong again. A good night out at the pub had been just what Ethan needed after a tough shift – and why not? It always worked for Cal, after all.

Ethan cried out suddenly and Cal rushed towards him as Ethan lost his balance and toppled over.

"Ethan, are you okay?"

Ethan rolled over onto his back and giggled.

Cal decided Ethan probably was okay. He sat down beside him. "Are we going to stay out here all night then?"

"Yes!" said Ethan happily. He pointed upwards at the sky. "Look at the stars!"

"Yes, they're very pretty," said Cal. "But you can see quite a few from your bedroom window too."

"No, I want to stay out here!" said Ethan.

Cal smiled, amused. "I know you do, Nibbles. But you've got work tomorrow and you need to sleep. Mrs Beauchamp won't be happy if you show up all tired."

"Mrs Beauchamp is a moany old bag!" said Ethan in a sing-song voice. Then he gasped and sat up, grabbing Cal's arm. "Do you think she heard me?"

Cal pretended to listen. "No, but I think she might hear you next time. So you'd better not say it again. Come on, Ethan. Bedtime for little Nibbles!"

"Bedtime!" agreed Ethan, to Cal's relief. He held out his hands and let Cal pull him to his feet. "I love you, Cal."

"Oh God, you really are drunk!" groaned Cal. "Come on, Nibbles. Let's get you inside and sober you up."


	18. Chapter 18

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Dylan and Zoe's relationship. It's quite difficult imagining them as a couple! I love drunken Nibbles too. It's a shame we haven't seen Cal and Ethan together much recently, but as Ethan isn't used to lots of alcohol, I imagine he would need looking after sometimes!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Ethan drunk is quite a strange idea, but apparently, that's what he likes to do now! I thought he'd definitely be a sweet drunk and not a violent or flirtatious drunk, though I'm sure he does get a lot of female attention because he's gorgeous! I'm glad you like Dylan and Zoe together.

 **westlife4ever80** , it's probably difficult for Dylan to put his heart into anything when his heart is in someone else's possession! I imagine it can be really awkward when two people switch from friends to lovers. Sometimes it just suddenly clicks into place and everything's fine, but sometimes it's just a disaster! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't think Connie's an old bag either, but she can be moany! Zoe was very tough on Dylan - I'm sure she was never like that with Max, but she's putting so much pressure on herself to make this work and I think she's forgetting who she is, as well as who Dylan is. It's a bit of a mess! Thank you for your review. Great story about Lynda Baron!

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. I don't know if there will be more Drunk Ethan in this story, but maybe I could manage another couple of scenes. Or I could write a Drunk Ethan story. Dylan is a bit rusty and I don't think it's really occurred to him that Zoe might want him to treat her differently now they're a couple.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I'm sorry you felt Zoe was annoying in the last chapter. It is difficult sometimes reading about characters who aren't really being themselves. There won't be another scene exactly like that one, but I can't promise the others won't be annoying too, though I hope they won't be. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Panicatcasualty123** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Cal rapped lightly on Ethan's bedroom door. "Nibbles? Are you awake?"

Ethan didn't answer. Cal knocked again, then pushed open the door.

The room was in darkness. Cal groped for the switch. As light filled the room, he discovered Ethan lying in his bed, his covers pulled up to his chin, squinting in the sudden bright light but making no other reaction to it.

"Ethan, are you all right? said Cal, concerned. It wasn't like Ethan not to get out of bed.

"Don't feel well," said Ethan in a weak voice.

Cal smiled sympathetically and went to sit on the bed. "I'm not surprised! You had a lot of fun last night, Nibbles." He looked for the tablets he'd left Ethan last night and offered one to him. "Here you are: this should stop your head from banging."

"Not hungover," mumbled Ethan.

"Are you sure?" said Cal, trying not to smile.

"Sure," murmured Ethan. He closed his eyes.

Cal put his hand on Ethan's forehead. He didn't seem to have a temperature, but it was the fact he didn't shake his hand off that worried Cal. "In what way don't you feel well?"

"Um… throat." Ethan certainly wasn't speaking very loudly, though he didn't really sound croaky. "Nose."

Cal looked at Ethan's nose. It was a little bit red – but so were his eyes.

Well, it wasn't impossible. People got colds all year round and they could affect your eyes too. Ethan met a lot of ill people. A lot of patients who presented with 'flu' or 'pneumonia' had colds.

"Okay… I'll phone Connie and say you're not very well then," said Cal. He waited for the inevitable argument, but it didn't come. Cal rubbed Ethan's shoulder. "Is there anything I can get you? A cup of tea? Some throat sweets?"

"Okay," whispered Ethan.

Cal wondered if Ethan even knew what he'd agreed to. "I'll just phone Connie, then I'll sort it out for you. Okay?"

Ethan didn't answer. Cal stood up. He looked at his brother for a moment. He definitely wasn't well: Cal could see that. Maybe he'd been unwell yesterday too. He'd had a red nose and watery eyes then too.

But Cal wasn't convinced.

He went into the living room to make the phone call. "Mrs Beauchamp?" he said nervously. It's Cal."

He expected Connie to be annoyed, but he must have betrayed some of his anxiety in his voice. "What's wrong?" she said gently. "Has something happened?"

"Yeah, um, Ethan's not very well," said Cal.

Connie's voice hardened to ice. "Hungover again?"

"He says it's a cold, but Ethan never takes a day off with a cold if he can help it," said Cal worriedly. "I practically have to tie him to the bed usually."

"Full details of your domestic arrangements are not required," said Connie. "Are you sure it's a cold?"

"I don't know," admitted Cal. "He has got a red nose, but I think he's been crying. I think he's depressed. I mean… he does have a reason to be."

Connie's voice softened again. "I know he does. Of course he can have the day off if you think that's what he needs, but I'm afraid I can't let you stay with him. Lily's already called in sick, so with Ethan off as well…"

Cal sighed. They could get locums, but Connie preferred to work with people who understood the way her ED was run.

"Do you think staying in bed is what he really needs?" said Connie. "It might be better for him to come to work. I can put him on a reduced workload and we'll keep a close eye on him."

"I don't know what he needs," said Cal sadly. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know him anymore. Sometimes he's definitely my little brother, but other times…"

"Okay. I'll leave it up to you to make the decision," said Connie. "If you do leave him at home, you can have longer breaks so you can check on him. I know it's tough for Ethan. For both of you. We will support you both."

"Thank you." Cal was close to tears. "I really appreciate it. I'm sure Ethan would too."

"I know he would," said Connie.

* * *

Dylan awoke to find he wasn't alone.

The relief that filled him when he discovered the other occupant of the bed was Dervla was rather worrying. He didn't think he should be waking up in bed and feeling glad his girlfriend wasn't there.

Yes, Zoe was exhausting. She could be demanding. But even so, Dylan was sure he should be a little bit disappointed.

 _Maybe I'll get used to it_ , he told himself as he got out of bed and prepared Dervla's breakfast.

Once they'd both eaten, he put Dervla's lead on (not that Dervla needed it, but it did mean she was subjected to fewer complaints) and they set off for Doggy Care. They were close to the shops when he got a text from Zoe.

 _Hi babe, could you pick up some tampons for me? Thanks xx_

If Dylan had cringed at the word 'babe', that was nothing in comparison with how he felt about the word 'tampons'.

 _No I most certainly can't!_ he typed back.

 _Oh come on Dylan, you're a doctor! xx_

 _A male doctor._

 _So I've noticed! ;) xx_

 ** _No_** _._

 _Tampax Pearl, please. I'm sure the assistant will help if you can't find them xx_

* * *

Dylan told himself it wouldn't be his fault if he failed to notice a pharmacy, but Dervla must have been in an intuitive feminine mood. She moved away from Dylan and put her paws on the step of one of the shops.

The pharmacy.

"Yes, thank you, Dervla," said Dylan. "So, you can not only read texts, you can do so without actually looking at them."

Even wonderdogs had their downsides.

Dervla looked at him reproachfully.

"Okay," said Dylan. "You stay there and wait. I'll go and look for these… _things_." He was fairly sure it would be easy enough to walk around the pharmacy and fail to see the… _things_. Then he could tell Zoe he tried, but unfortunately, he was unsuccessful.

He tied Dervla to a lamp-post (again, it was unnecessary, but it kept people quiet and Dylan was all in favour of people being quiet) and went into the shop. He started to walk up the first aisle, being very careful not to look at anything too closely.

He reached the end of the first aisle and turned the corner.

"Can I help you, sir?" An assistant was stacking shelves.

"I… no," said Dylan. He hurriedly walked past her, taking care not to look at the shelves as he did. Just a quick glance left and right every now and then, just to give the appearance of.

Oh no.

There they were.

But they probably didn't have the type Zoe wanted. She'd been very specific about the brand. Not that he could actually remember which…

Tampax Pearl.

 _No. I'm not going to do this. I'm not even contemplating doing this._

And then he heard a noise.

Dervla. Barking.

Dylan loved his dog. She might have got him into this mess, but she'd also got him out of it.

He hurried out of the shop to discover Dervla nuzzling someone who was sitting on the ground.

"What are you doing to my d-" began Dylan, only to stop. "Angela?"

"Dylan!" she said with a mixture of relief and embarrassment. "Is this your dog?"

"Yes. Her name's Dervla," said Dylan, staring at them. Angela had her arm around Dervla and they couldn't have looked more comfortable.

"I tripped over and Dervla came over to help me," explained Angela. "Then she started barking – obviously, she was calling the doctor for me!"

Dylan crouched down beside her. "You tripped over? Are you hurt?" he said anxiously. Then he wondered why he was so anxious. Angela was conscious and making jokes, so she couldn't be that seriously hurt. A horrible thought struck him. "You didn't trip over Dervla's lead?"

"No, I tripped over the curb," said Angela. "I was crossing the road when a car came by, much too fast, so I ran out of the way and missed my footing a bit. But I'm fine."

Dylan scanned her face. "Did you hit your head?"

"No: I just scraped my knee and my hands a bit, I think," said Angela. "Nothing major."

"Can I see?" Dylan took one of her hands in his. He felt a tremor run through him as he turned it over slowly and actually came close to gasping when he saw the very slight abrasions on her hand. "It's not serious, but I imagine it's quite painful. I'll clean it up for you and find you something to put on it when we get back to the ED."

"Oh, thank you, Dylan, but there's really no need," said Angela. "It doesn't hurt."

"Nevertheless, it needs to be treated," said Dylan. "Can I see your other hand, please?"

She extended it towards him, palm-upwards this time. This time, he did gasp. "You're bleeding."

Angela glanced at her hand. "Only a little bit."

She was right, but for some reason, it bothered Dylan in a way that life-threatening injuries usually didn't. "I'll phone for a taxi."

"That's really sweet of you, but I'm fine to walk," said Angela. "It probably won't take any longer."

"I have to go to Doggy Care," said Dylan. "I mean, _Dervla_ has to go to Doggy Care. I have to take her there." What was wrong with him? He was treating a patient. He'd treated thousands of patients. Why was this one different?

"That's okay," said Angela. "I love dogs."

"Okay." Dylan stood up and awkwardly offered Angela his hand. She took it and he helped her up. Again, he got a strange feeling inside him. A kind of tingling.

Peripheral neuropathy? Highly unlikely. He hadn't suffered a recent injury or infection or anything that was likely to cause such a reaction. He doubted he was suffering from any kind of vitamin deficiency. Even without a fridge, he ate well. He didn't think any kind of disease was likely. It was far more likely to be simple paraesthesia.

Angela was looking a bit worried. "Dylan? Are you okay?"

"Paraesthesia," he said. "Pins and needles. That's all."

Yes. That was all it was.

Definitely nothing to do with holding Angela's hand.


	19. Chapter 19

**westlife4ever80** , one thing I love about Connie is that you don't always know how she's going to react - sometimes she makes you feel three inches tall and sometimes she's the most supportive person ever. It's not often Dylan gets a diagnosis wrong, but love is so similar to pins and needles... okay, maybe not! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked Zoe's texts - I don't think Dylan did! I remember an episode ages ago where Zoe sent Max off to the shops for her, though he was only getting washing powder. Dylan could probably have coped with that.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Zoe isn't that easily embarrassed, so I don't think it even occurred to her that Dylan might be. To be fair, there are a lot of things that would embarrass most people but don't bother Dylan at all, but there are limits! That's an interesting idea about Connie and Cal. I might steal that! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I'm sorry I misinterpreted you - I do get things wrong sometimes! Usually, when someone doesn't like something, I enjoy the challenge of trying to sort things out, but it's not always possible! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

 _Thank you to **Gingersnaps2507** for the favourite._

* * *

Dylan showed Angela rather awkwardly into an empty cubicle. He didn't know why it was awkward. Although a lot of patients were initially shown into cubicles by nurses rather than doctors, it wasn't unheard of for Dylan to perform this particular function.

Yet, it was different.

Dylan was unable to account for the nervousness that filled him. The flutters in his stomach. The tingling that definitely wasn't pins and needles. The way that, despite the fact Angela was hurt, he felt _happy_.

Sad and concerned at the same time, of course, but he was sure he was also happy.

"If… if you'd like to get into bed for me. I mean onto the bed," said Dylan, his voice sounding weak and scratchy. He cleared his throat and experienced a surge of embarrassment that he'd made such an unattractive sound.

Angela sat on the edge of the bed and then shuffled round, keeping her legs together as she swung them up onto the bed. Dylan found himself transfixed, but he decided he must be checking on Angela's knee injury. There were holes in the knees of both her tights, but one knee had been scraped more severely than the other.

"Right," said Dylan, suddenly aware that she was watching him. Waiting for him to speak. "I, er… I'll get everything I need."

He wouldn't quite have said he _ran_ out of the cubicle, but he certainly moved at a slightly faster speed than normal. Once he was out of the cubicle and had closed the curtain behind him, he stood for a moment, breathing deeply, aware that the hospital was much warmer than normal.

"Dylan? Are you okay?"

Dylan came out of his trance to discover Robyn looking at him in concern. "Yes," he said distractedly. "Yes, of course."

Robyn looked unconvinced, though she didn't push it. "Did you need any help with your patient?"

The correct answer to that was 'yes'. There was no part of Angela's treatment that could not be performed by a nurse.

"No, I can manage," said Dylan.

"Okay," said Robyn with a smile. She didn't seem all that surprised, which gave Dylan a momentary panic that she knew exactly who his patient was and was currently busy jumping to all kinds of conclusions, which would have spread round the entire hospital within the space of half an hour – but perhaps she wasn't surprised because she knew Dylan and she'd given up on expecting him to behave like other doctors.

Dylan had mixed feelings about that.

He was on his way back to Angela when was stopped by Cal.

"Dylan, I don't know if you heard, but Ethan and Lily are both off sick so we're a bit short-staffed."

The news was even less welcome than it would normally have been. Not only were Ethan and Lily two of the easiest doctors to work with (Connie was liable to explode at any time; Cal wasted far too much time trying to flirt with the patients and Zoe was… Zoe), their absence meant that Dylan had even less reason to treat Angela himself. In fact, he _shouldn't_ treat her. He was needed elsewhere.

"They're both off sick, are they?" Dylan found himself saying, despite not being remotely interested. (Perhaps he was sick too. Perhaps that would account for all the strange physical sensations, though he had to admit they had abated slightly since he'd left the cubicle.)

Cal laughed. "They didn't tire each other out, if that's what you're thinking."

Dylan prepared to give a suitably sarcastic response, but then Cal's face changed.

The smile disappeared, the eyes filled with worry and his mouth might even have trembled a bit as he brushed past Dylan and walked quickly away.

Clearly, none of the doctors were themselves today.

Dylan returned to the cubicle to find Angela texting someone.

Probably Ben Harding or Ethan, thought Dylan. The thought produced a very strange feeling inside him that wasn't unlike jealousy, but that made no sense at all, so he decided the emotion must be protectiveness.

For Ethan, that was.

He'd felt protective towards Ethan quite often recently. He wouldn't normally have cared, but it was difficult not to compare Ethan with himself. Not his usual self: the person he'd been for a while last year when his OCD had completely taken hold and he'd lost Dervla.

He didn't think Ethan had either OCD or a dog, but Dylan had recognised the desperation in his eyes. Ethan was clinging on by his fingernails and one more disaster could fell him completely. Dylan involved himself in the personal lives of his colleagues as little as possible, but he hadn't escaped knowing that Ethan had been through a lot.

Dylan looked at Angela again and tried to dislike her what she was doing to Ethan, but he couldn't. It was so difficult to imagine her trying to deceive anyone.

Yet he knew it was true.

"So, er, I'm going to clean the cut on your hand," said Dylan.

"I don't want to be any trouble," said Angela. "It's stopped bleeding now and it really doesn't hurt."

"It is recommended that any dirty wound is cleared," said Dylan, ignoring the fact that the wound didn't really require the services of a doctor. "There is a small risk of infection." He took her hand in his and a floaty feeling washed over him. "It shouldn't take long. The wound isn't long or deep enough to requires stitches. I assume you're up to date with your tetanus shots?"

Angela nodded. "Completely."

"Do you have any medical conditions that affect your resistance to infection?"

Angela shook her head. "I'm afraid I'm very boring."

"Not at all," Dylan found himself saying. He mentally shook his head at himself and got on with taking Angela's medical history.

As he worked, he heard several texts arriving on Angela's phone. To his surprise, although she glanced in its direction, she made no attempt to read the text. "I'm sorry," she said as she received a fourth text in a couple of minutes. "I would switch it off, but I'd have to move a bit and I don't want to interrupt your work."

"It's all right," said Dylan, feeling his chest squeeze slightly. He tried to make himself relax.

"I was just checking to see if Ethan had replied," said Angela. "I haven't heard from him today."

Dylan lifted his head, surprised she didn't know. "Ethan's off sick."

The worry that came to Angela's face almost hurt him. "Oh, poor Ethan. Do you know what's wrong?"

"I have absolutely no idea," said Dylan.

This did nothing to dissipate Angela's concern and he found himself experiencing a ridiculous urge to offer to find Cal and ask him.

"Ethan's so sweet," said Angela.

Dylan dropped the swab he was using. He felt the heat in the cubicle increasing as he picked it up and disposed of it. "Then I wonder you don't treat him a little better."

Angela looked startled. "Have I done something to upset him?"

"Well, don't you think infidelity would upset most men?" said Dylan.

Angela stared at him, her eyes wide. Then, to his great amazement, she started to laugh.

His disappointment with Angela for her reaction was quite mild in comparison with his disappointment with himself for finding her laugh enchanting.

 _Enchanting?_

What was wrong with him?

"Dylan, I'm so sorry," said Angela. "I'm not actually in a relationship with Ethan. He was just pretending to be in a relationship with me so Cal would back off and allow-" She came to an abrupt stop and embarrassment suffused her face.

"And allow what?" said Dylan, intrigued.

"And allow… other men… to…" Angela couldn't look him in the eye now.

"You mean like Ben Harding," said Dylan. Light was beginning to glimmer now, even if the light wasn't entirely welcome.

Angela started to laugh again, though she was quicker to control it this time. "I'm not going out with Ben Harding either. He's a very good friend of mine and I love him to bits, but he's more like a big brother than a…" She went off into another peal of laughter. "I'm so sorry, Dylan. You haven't done anything wrong. It's just the idea of me and Ben…"

Dylan's heart seemed to be lifting. He reminded himself this was medically impossible. "So… er… not that it's remotely my business, but in the interests of accuracy, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I'm completely single," said Angela.

Dylan's heart was now not so much lifting as jumping. _Angela is single. Angela is single._

"Though, of course, in your experience, friends sometimes do turn out to be great lovers," said Angela. "So maybe me and Ben… but I can't imagine it. I really can't!"

"I… in my experience?" said Dylan.

Angela nodded. "Ethan told me you and your girlfriend Zoe were friends for years. He said she's married to one of the porters, but that's over."

 _My girlfriend Zoe… oh yes._

 _Angela is single, but I am not._

Dylan had the sensation of sitting on an aeroplane, plummeting towards earth.

"Zoe's marriage ended before the reception did," said Dylan. It really was a shame about Zoe and Max. They were an odd couple, but it worked and they loved each other.

Until Zoe had suddenly decided she loved Dylan.

"It's sad," said Angela, "but if two people aren't right for each other, the sooner they realise it, the better."

"But they are-" Dylan stopped. Saying that his girlfriend belonged with someone else probably wouldn't put Dylan in a very good light and he found, for once, that he actually cared.

He didn't want Angela to think badly of him.

He also didn't want her to pity him for having a girlfriend who was in love with someone else.

 _No, I really don't think I could bear that…_


	20. Chapter 20

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you liked the last chapter! I'm afraid this one is a bit darker, but I hope you'll still like it. I have to agree that Angela would be more than happy to get into bed for - and with - Dylan! And who could blame her? She's clearly a woman of taste.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Cal and Ethan are back in this one.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , I'm really glad you like Dylan worrying about Ethan. Yes, two of the obstacles between Dylan and Angela have been removed - but there's one left and Dylan put her there! Thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're enjoying this story. I don't think it will be ending in the near future.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think Dylan was over the moon (at least by his standards) for a few seconds, but there is the slight problem of Zoe! Dylan likes to act as though he doesn't care, but we know the truth. My current intention is for Dylan to have a happy ending, but whether it's with Zoe, Angela or no-one, I can't say!

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked it. Zoe isn't in this chapter, but she'll be back in the next one.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your reviews. I hope you had a good time despite the lack of a signal. It was a bit unfair of Zoe, but she's probably not used to Dylan being embarrassed. That's true about Dylan - he isn't always kind to his patients, but he's conscientious. I remember Ethan supporting Dylan after the explosions last year - Dylan upset a patient, but Ethan smoothed things over and explained that Dylan had mental health problems but he was still a brilliant doctor. I thought that was so sweet.

* * *

Cal knocked on Ethan's bedroom door. "Ethan? Are you awake?"

The sound of explosive sneezing came to his ears.

Cal hurriedly pushed the door open. Ethan was in bed, sneezing repeatedly into a tissue. As Cal watched, he reached for another tissue, screwing the first one up in his hand.

Cal went to his side and sat on the bed, rubbing Ethan's back and firmly telling himself off for having imagined even for a minute that Ethan's throat and nose problems weren't genuine.

He'd never seen anyone sneeze this much.

At last, the sneezing stopped. Ethan sat for a moment, his eyes wide as though the sneezing fit had shocked him as much as it had shocked Cal. Cal passed over more tissues and waited until Ethan had finished blowing his nose.

"Goodness me," said Ethan at last, his voice faint, as he flopped back against the pillows. His face was flushed and his eyes were watering. Ethan dabbed them with another tissue and sniffed.

"Yeah, that was quite something!" said Cal.

Ethan might have blushed if his face hadn't been so red already. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be silly. You can't help it and it's not like I'm not used to being around ill people." Cal put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "I just came home to see how you were, but I think the answer to that is obvious."

Ethan sniffed, holding a tissue to his nose with a panicked look in his eyes, evidently fearing another sneeze, but it didn't come. He let his hand drop onto the bed. "I really don't feel very well," he said faintly as he closed his eyes.

Cal rubbed his arm sympathetically. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm okay," said Ethan tiredly. "I'm not really very hungry."

"I think you should eat something," said Cal. "I'll make you a sandwich."

Ethan wiped his nose. "Okay. Thanks."

"I'll throw your tissues away for you," said Cal, but Ethan pushed his hand away.

"No, don't! They're all germy, Cal. You might catch it."

Cal smiled "We do live together, Ethan. It's going to be a bit difficult for me to avoid catching it."

"I'll do it," said Ethan, even though he didn't look capable of anything.

"Okay." Cal leaned over to ruffle his hair and frowned. "What's that smell?"

"I can't smell anything," said Ethan.

Cal smiled. "No, you probably can't! Poor Nibbles." He breathed in again, but the scent was gone. "Probably just aftershave or deodorant or something. A bit flowery for my tastes, but whatever turns you on." He got up from the bed. "Let me see what I can find to tempt you. Don't worry: I won't try to make you soup. The last thing you need is a stomach upset on top of everything else."

* * *

"Laceration to the left wrist or known painkiller addict claiming whiplash and requesting morphine?" said Louise.

Dylan took the nearest folder and tried not to show any relief that he'd chosen the laceration. It wasn't that he doubted his ability to deal with a drug addict, but treatable medical problems were far more interesting.

Halfway to the cubicle, it crossed his mind that the drug addict might be in need of a psych referral – but he told himself this fact was of no particular interest to him and continued on his way.

Dylan arrived at Cubicle 4 (which was just a number, he told himself), pushed the curtain aside - and immediately wished he'd chosen the drug addict. Teenage girls in floods of tears were one of the few things that bothered him. This one was not only noisy but messy. There were black trails of make-up all over her face. When she saw Dylan, she sniffed loudly and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Naturally, she used the hand with the blood-soaked dressing. The hand he was going to have to touch.

Dylan would wear gloves, of course, but he still wished he'd chosen the drug addict. "You're Phoebe Lane?"

She nodded, wiped her nose again and wailed even more loudly.

"I'm Dr Keogh," said Dylan, but she wasn't at all sure she'd be able to hear him over the caterwauling. "Can you stop that noise, please? I imagine my baby sister makes less noise than you." He frowned, slightly surprised. He was well aware he had a baby sister, but this was the first time he'd mentioned her to anyone.

Phoebe turned up the volume a notch. Dylan had a feeling there was a word for people like her. Something like lemur. Lemo? Some word he'd never consider using in a million years.

"I'm going to have a look at your wrist," said Dylan. He put some gloves on and began to unwind the manky bandage. From the faint pattern visible between bloodstains, he suspected it might have been a tea-towel at one stage, but it wasn't much use for anything except clinical waste now. He looked at the three stripes of red across her wrist. "How did this injury occur?"

"I cut myself!" howled Phoebe.

Dylan sighed. Teenagers did have a habit of stating the obvious. "I'm going to need a bit more than that."

"Like what?"

"Well, let me see. You might like to consider telling me the implement? And perhaps also its cleanliness?" Dylan paused, but no reply was forthcoming. "It's a perfectly simple question. "

Phoebe cried harder. "Why does everyone hate me? Why can they just _tell_?" She sniffled loudly and wiped her nose on her other hand.

Dylan sighed and tried to be kind. "I don't hate you. I'm just interested in your injuries. I really don't care about anything else."

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Phoebe pulled her wrist from his grasp and ran out of the cubicle.

Dylan waited for a while to see if she'd return. She might have decided to go and do something sensible, like blowing her nose. It didn't seem very likely, but occasionally people did surprise you.

At last, having decided he'd waited long enough, he returned to the nurse's station. He put the file down and spoke to Robyn, who was nearest. "The patient has gone. I don't know whether she intends on coming back, but I feel I've waited long enough."

Robyn glanced at the file. A look of concern came to her face. "That wasn't the girl who self-harmed, was it?"

"How am I meant to know?" said Dylan. "She wouldn't say a word to me. All she said was that she'd cut herself and any fool could see…" He stopped as his eyes met Robyn's.

"Well, _you_ obviously didn't see," said Robyn sadly, and ran off down the corridor.

Dylan closed his eyes for a moment. If only he'd been thinking. If only he'd been _concentrating_. If he hadn't jumped to conclusions that she was another attention-seeker, simply because she was producing ridiculous quantities of tears. If only he'd made the connection between apparent attention-seeking and mental illness. He should have made the connection. Why hadn't he?

He was about to follow Robyn when an idea came to him. It wasn't necessarily a good idea, but he knew someone who'd be able to get through to Phoebe a lot better than he could.

He found a number in his phone and called it. "Angela? I think I need help."

* * *

Dylan sat in the staff room as what felt like hours ticked by.

He had no idea what was happening. Robyn had asked Zoe to help and had told her quite enough to bring Zoe to the conclusion that Dylan would be better off staying out of the way.

"I think you've done enough!" she'd said, but more with sadness than anger.

Dylan probably should have gone back to work, but he couldn't face it. He'd made a mistake in Cubicle 4. He'd caused a vulnerable patient to leave before he'd checked her over thoroughly. And now she might die.

Of course, he didn't _know_ that she would die. She might have gone home, cleaned her wound adequately and carried on with her life.

But he didn't think so.

Why hadn't he realised?

After all, slashed wrists did often indicate self-harm. There was presumably also something in her notes that had raised Robyn's concerns. Louise _should_ have mentioned the possibility of self-harm when she'd given Dylan the file - clearly too busy criticising the painkiller addict to worry about the other patient - but he couldn't blame Louise for his mistakes. There had been more than enough evidence of Phoebe's instability. She was clearly extremely distressed – more so than you'd expect from someone with an injury, though you couldn't always take this as proof of anything. She'd injured her left wrist and although he didn't know she was right-handed, there was a high probability that she was.

Dylan remembered instead what Angela had said to him on the phone. She hadn't reproached him or shown anger, though she had reminded him gently that she should really have contacted the department on the official number rather than phone her mobile. Dylan knew that, of course, but it hadn't occurred to him for some reason. He hadn't even been thinking of the psych department especially. He'd just thought of Angela.

 _Angela..._

He closed his eyes. What would Angela think of him now?

He stilled, aghast at the thought. Angela's opinion of him didn't matter. What mattered was the patient he'd let down.

A face came into Dylan's mind. A kind, understanding face with startlingly blue eyes, framed by brown, curly hair. A _lot_ of brown curly hair. Dylan grabbed his phone and his finger was hovering above the call button before he came to his senses. He couldn't call Lofty now. Lofty would be understanding and supportive, as he always was. He'd be happy to listen and offer Dylan what reassurance he could. He knew how serious mistakes could be – and how easy it was to make them.

But it wasn't Dylan's way to phone a friend for support when something went wrong, and the manner of his parting from Lofty hadn't helped. Lofty's announcement that he was leaving Holby had Dylan so shocked and hurt and (ridiculously) betrayed, he hadn't been able to give his friend the hug he wanted and probably needed after everything he'd been through.

It had been another mistake. Yet another mistake, though at least that one wouldn't prove fatal.

The tapping of expensive heels came to his ears and Dylan turned his eyes desperately to Zoe. "How is she?"


	21. Chapter 21

**westlife4ever80** , it is very sad. I hope you will graduate soon - you understand things so much better than most people who work in mental health. I hope you think Angela is good - she's not based on anyone as she's much better than anyone I've worked with! I don't blame Dylan either. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I imagine Cal's protective instincts would be stronger than ever when Ethan is ill. It is sad that Dylan has so few friends - I think he's really lovely, but only Zoe and Lofty - and maybe Rita - really seemed to appreciate him, but all three of them have left! Maybe he'll bond with David. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , yes, if only Dylan had phoned Lofty! He would have supported Dylan and we would have had a Lofty scene! But it could still happen. It is difficult to find the right way of speaking to anyone vulnerable - Zoe is really good with teenagers, but the other doctors tend to struggle, even Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. It's not really a sickfic as such, but there are elements! It's not another Tissues & Issues. I agree it wasn't Dylan's fault - he was just trying to do his job - treating the injury - and he's never been known for his bedside manner. And with vulnerable patients, all doctors get it wrong sometimes.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. There is a good chance of Zoe having bad news. In a way, good news in this situation is impossible - a physical illness can be cured in the ED and an injury can be given treatment to help it to heal as quickly as possible, but the ED can't do much for a mental illness.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter. This chapter has lots of Zoe and Dylan, so I hope you like it!

* * *

"She's okay, Dylan," said Zoe. "Well, not okay, but she's alive. She's having a psych assessment. One of the doctors came with a really excellent nurse – Amanda, I think she was called."

"Angela," said Dylan softly.

"That was it," said Zoe. "You know, you really shouldn't have called them: it was no longer your call and there might be questions about that along with everything else, but… I'm glad you did. Angela was so good with Phoebe." An odd note came into her voice. "I got the impression that she knew you."

"We've… met," said Dylan shortly. "I treated her this morning. She fell over on her way to work. Outside the pharmacy. So I couldn't buy… you know."

"Right," said Zoe, apparently not completely happy with this reply, though maybe it was the lack of Tampax Gold that bothered her. "Looks like I'll have to go shopping after work then."

"I'm glad Fifi's okay," said Dylan quietly without looking at Zoe.

" _Phoebe_ is okay," said Zoe. She frowned slightly. "So, you got Phoebe's name wrong and corrected me on Angela's?"

"I know Angela," said Dylan tightly.

"Yeah, but you knew 'Evan' and 'Lilian' too," said Zoe.

Dylan was confused. "Who's Evan? There's no-one in this department called... oh, never mind." Dylan steeled himself to ask the question. "Was she… when you found her… was she… hurting herself again?"

Zoe hesitated. "She'd found a broken bottle – or perhaps she broke it herself: I'm not sure. She said she hadn't used it and when I checked it over, there were no signs of new cuts. I treated the initial injury and sent off some bloods. She should be going up to the psych ward soon. Her family are away – they left her alone for a couple of weeks and she didn't collect her medication, which meant she ran out."

Dylan hadn't even got around to asking about medication. If he had – or if he'd just checked her notes – he'd probably have realised she was mentally unwell and maybe this wouldn't have happened. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think it's probably best if you go home," said Zoe honestly. "Not that I doubt your ability, but you don't seem in the frame of mind-"

"There's nothing wrong with my frame of mind!" said Dylan irritably. He took a moment and then spoke more calmly. "Besides, we're short-staffed. I'll be fine."

Zoe looked at him for a moment, clearly anxious. "Okay. I'll make you some tea and I'll come and check on you in half an hour. That's my final offer."

Dylan knew she meant it. "If you hear anything…"

"I'll let you know," promised Zoe. She came towards him and bent down so their faces were level. "It was a mistake, Dylan. A mistake a lot of doctors could have made. It's not something we ever want to happen, but we can't always stop it." She paused. "What worries me, Dylan, is how much you're beating yourself up over it. There's no need. There really isn't."

She moved her lips towards his.

This time, he welcomed her kiss. He'd probably have welcomed any kind of comfort at all.

* * *

Ethan's head ached. Right behind his eyeballs where he couldn't massage it. His nose felt sore and stuffy. He felt a bit sick too. He felt, in every way, dreadful.

He closed his eyes, hoping for sleep, but it was no good. He sat up and drank some more water, but it didn't helped. Nothing helped.

Tears filled his eyes. He didn't try to fight them. There was no reason to fight them. Cal would think his cold had made his eyes water.

And that was good. It was better if Cal didn't worry. He didn't want Cal to worry.

But that only emphasised the fact Ethan was alone.

* * *

Angela didn't exactly look pleased to see Dylan, though she did manage to smile. "Hi, Dylan. I'm sorry. I'm quite busy."

"I was just wondering how Fifi - Phoebe was," said Dylan. "Zoe said she referred her."

"I can't really talk about her," said Angela apologetically. "But she is on the ward. We're going to help her."

Dylan's relief was profound, but it did nothing for the guilt. "I didn't know. I didn't realise."

"You're not the first doctor to make a mistake like that," said Angela. "You won't be the last either."

She seemed different, thought Dylan. Perhaps she really was busy or she might just be tired. Working in a hospital could be mentally and physically exhausting.

But perhaps it was him. She'd seen what he was capable of. The mistakes he could make. His lack of understanding and empathy. She was finally starting to see what everyone else could see.

"I need to get back to work," said Angela. "But don't worry, okay? You did what a lot of doctors would have done. Even the best doctors make mistakes, especially with mental health. I've seen nothing to suggest you aren't one of the best. It could have been a tragedy, but it ended with Phoebe getting the help she needed. It's a cliché, but sometimes things do need to get worse before they can begin to get better. Don't worry, Dylan. We've got this."

* * *

Cal knocked on Ethan's door. Again, he was greeted with a volley of sneezes. Poor Nibbles. He really was ill.

He pushed open the door. "Hey. You feeling any better?"

Ethan replied with more sneezes.

"I guess not," said Cal worriedly. He sat on the bed and waited till Ethan's nose had settled down, then offered him the bin to put his tissues in.

"Thanks," mumbled Ethan. His face looked flushed and sweaty and his eyes seemed slightly unfocused – but perhaps that was due to his lack of glasses.

Cal gave him a hug. He could smell that flowery scent again, but he decided not to mention it. It was easy to go overboard on things like deodorant when you didn't have a sense of smell. "I've got you some stuff."

Ethan just sniffed. He was probably too ill to show much interest in anything.

Cal started unpacking his bag. "Here you go. Tissues. More tissues. Paracetamol. Decongestants. Chocolate chip cookies. One doughnut _without_ jam. A few tins of soup – they'll taste much better than the stuff I make. Lemon squash and, um, bee product."

"You can say 'honey', you know," muttered Ethan, rubbing his forehead. "I've been over her for months."

"Okay. Yeah. Honey," said Cal. He offered Ethan a cookie. "How about something to nibble, Nibbles?"

Ethan took a cookie and he did nibble it, but he couldn't finish it.

* * *

The last Dylan needed was to get home and discover Zoe draped over the sofa, naked.

She smiled. "Hi, Dylan."

Dervla whined a bit reproachfully. She knew Dylan wasn't in the mood for this, even if Zoe didn't.

"I thought you might need cheering up," said Zoe, smiling.

Dylan sat on the chair furthest from the sofa and sighed. "Someone nearly died, Zoe."

"Dylan, I don't want to be insensitive, but three of my patients did die. It's sad. It's horribly sad. I'll have to look into that and question why and look at what could have been done differently. It's going to be awful. But we can't let ourselves dwell on that now. We need to switch off."

"I don't know if I can," said Dylan.

Zoe looked at him for a moment. Then she got to her feet.

Dylan shrank back rather nervously and was grateful when Dervla positioned herself between him and Zoe, but she walked past him into the bedroom.

She returned about thirty seconds later wearing a floaty negligée. Dylan looked at her in slight alarm, but she walked back to the sofa and sat down, patting the cushion beside her in a friendly fashion. "Come here, Dylan."

Dylan had a feeling it wasn't a good idea, but she sounded so much more like his old friend Zoe rather than his rather disturbing girlfriend Zoe, he did as he was told.

"Dylan, it's okay," said Zoe. "It was an unfortunate mistake that could have been very serious, but that's what happens sometimes. We can't always get it right. It's not possible. We aren't in control of how the patient presents – if our gut feeling is telling us this patient doesn't need a scan or that patient is just drunk or your patient is just being an emo teenager and enjoying every minute of it, a lot of the time we have to act on our gut feeling. There are always so many people in the waiting room and there just isn't time to investigate every possibility for each patient."

"But it says in her notes that she has a mental health condition," said Dylan.

"True, but the notes can be just as misleading as the signs and symptoms," said Zoe. "I've had patients with a history of self-harm come in with a nasty cut and although they insisted it was an accident, I've decided they needed a psych assessment. In some cases, I was right, but not always. One girl I saw hadn't self-harmed for five years, but she had recently developed hyperthyroidism, which caused a tremor in her hands. This made her clumsy and she had an accident with a knife - just an accident. But I didn't believe her and the experience of being referred to psych when she'd been doing so well was really distressing for her. She ended up back on anti-depressants, desperately fighting the urge not to self-harm."

"It was probably partly the hyperthyroidism affecting her emotions," said Dylan.

"It is possible that played a part, but being treated as a self-harmer when she'd got past all that was far more damaging," said Zoe. She stroked his arm, but not in an inviting way. "You see, Dylan? Mistakes do happen. No matter what you do or don't do, there are going to be times when things go wrong. Knowing the truth might not have helped – though the nurse really should have flagged it up anyway."

Dylan sighed. "The nurse probably thought I could read."

Zoe spoke gently. "Dylan, you know that medicine – and life – is full of choices. You can't always know you're making the right one and that means that sometimes you'll make the wrong one. It's horrible when it happens. Believe me, I know. But you mustn't let it drag you down like this. It's not your fault. A series of events combined and the result was nearly tragic." Concern came into her eyes. "And usually, you wouldn't let something like this drag you down. What's changed, Dylan?"

"I don't think anything's changed," said Dylan.

He could hardly tell his girlfriend that he was worried he'd caused Angela a lot of unnecessary distress.


	22. Chapter 22

_I hope this chapter isn't boring. It's mostly Cal. I tried to make his scenes shorter so I could write more Dylan, but Cal is very difficult to shut up._

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you felt the patient was convincing - I sometimes feel I don't do justice to mentally ill patients because the scenes tend to focus more on the doctors than the patients. Dylan and Zoe do have a great friendship - I really miss Zoe. I'm glad Ethan's over Honey too - he has too much to be sad about already. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I think Angela would feel terrible if she knew she'd hurt Dylan, but even the most empathic people get it wrong sometimes. I'm glad you feel Zoe and Dylan are unconvincing as a couple - it can take a while to adjust from friends to lovers, but maybe they belong with other people.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I love it when Dylan gets names wrong. It might imply he doesn't care enough, but some people have real trouble with that. I'm good at remembering names, but I have prosopagnosia, which means I can't remember faces. So remembering the names doesn't really help! Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , I think Zoe would terrify a lot of men! I think she might even scare Cal considering he never actually made a move on her as far as I can remember. No wonder Dylan can't cope! The answer to your question will be revealed soon, but I can pm you if you'd rather know sooner. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Even though Dervla's not an aggressive dog, I can imagine her being very protective of Dylan. It is difficult going from friends to lovers, but it's also difficult forcing a relationship that isn't meant to be. Time will tell which is the case for Dylan and Zoe!

 _Thank you to **Casualtyfan9** for the follow._

* * *

Cal always used to be right at the centre of any ED-related banter. Now you could only say he was at the centre in the sense that he was sitting between Jacob and Max.

They were laughing about something or other that was probably very funny and extremely rude, quite possibly involving enticing hints about current or former clinical leads, but Cal wasn't listening.

All he could think about was Ethan.

Those sneezing fits were worrying. Ethan said it was a cold and he knew what he was talking about when it came to illnesses, but colds didn't usually make him sneeze that much and didn't leave him so completely wiped out.

So instead of having a good time with his mates, Cal was spending his break trying to think of other possible explanations of Ethan's sneezes; an explanation Ethan might have missed, unlikely as it seemed. Cal didn't usually do anything that could amount to work in his breaks, but this was different.

This was _Ethan_.

Ethan did have allergies, but Cal couldn't see him mistaking his allergies for a cold. He was fairly sure they felt completely different and Ethan would know if he'd been in contact with any of his usual triggers. Smoke in the air could sometimes cause sneezing, but unless Ethan had now taken up smoking as part of his 'be more Cal' phase, he didn't see how smoke would have got into Ethan's bedroom. Besides, tobacco smoke usually made Ethan cough and and Cal hadn't heard him cough once.

Rhinitis? Cal ran through the most common causes. He didn't think there was any pollution in Ethan's room (in Cal's room, quite possibly, but not in Ethan's).

Grass? Not in Ethan's room. Mould? Again, much more likely to be found in Cal's room. Animal droppings? Highly unlikely. Household odours? Ethan was in charge of buying all the household stuff so he wouldn't buy anything that made him sneeze. In any case, Ethan hadn't done any housework since he'd become ill. He was even leaving the washing up for Cal. So even if he had been exposed to the wrong kind of cleaning product, he should be getting better by now.

Food? Ethan was hardly eating. Weather changes? It was still raining as far as Cal could tell. Medication? Ethan had no problems with blood pressure to Cal's knowledge and there wouldn't be any point in him taking tablets either for erectile dysfunction or birth control. Sexual arousal? Really not at all likely.

Stress was the most likely. Ethan had been under a lot of stress lately. That could sometimes make you sneeze, though Cal had never experienced it himself or seen it in a patient.

But Cal didn't believe Ethan's sneezing was the result of stress. Ethan was a doctor - and a very good one. He was more than capable of working out what was causing his sneezing. If he said it was a cold, it was a cold.

Unless it was flu. Ethan was a bit weird with illness. Cal tended to upgrade his illnesses as far as possible, but Ethan did the opposite. It was possible he had flu, but Cal's doctor's instincts told him that wasn't right either.

"Cal?" said Jacob. "You okay?"

Cal sighed. "I'm worried about Ethan." He realised he'd said it out loud and tried to think about something less embarrassing he could change it to, but then he decided he didn't care. Ethan was his baby brother. "He's really ill."

"I thought he just had a cold," said Jacob.

"That's what he says," said Cal. "And he would know. But I'm not sure."

* * *

Dylan walked out of the cubicle and stood for a moment, his eyes closed.

 _I'm all right_ , he reminded himself. _There's nothing wrong with me._

But he definitely felt a bit shaky.

There was no reason for it. His patient had a fractured phalanx and all Dylan had to do now was splint it. The patient was in no way difficult – he was completely relaxed and was forthcoming about his injury and its cause without showing any irritating loquacious tendencies.

"Dylan? Are you okay?"

Dylan recognised Zoe's voice and opened his eyes. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Zoe shook her head. "You're not fine. Come on: come and have a break."

"I need to splint a displaced fractured distal phalanx," mumbled Dylan, avoiding Zoe's eyes.

"No, you don't. A nurse can do that." Zoe looked around. "Rita. Fractured distal phalanx needs splinting in Cubicle 3, please."

Rita glanced at Dylan and nodded. "No problem, Zoe. Has the patient had surgery?"

"No: I, er, I assessed the injury and decided surgery wasn't required," said Dylan, without looking at Rita.

"Okay," said Rita. "Anything else I need to know? Is the fracture displaced?"

Dylan reluctantly turned to face her and gave her the details. He could see the concern in Rita's eyes, but to his relief, she remained professional.

"Right," said Zoe, once Rita had gone. "Let's go to my office."

* * *

At least Jacob and Max didn't laugh. They actually did their best to help, with Jacob suggesting medical causes and Max non-medical causes, but nothing seemed to fit.

"I suppose his deodorant might be making it worse," said Cal at last, once they'd exhausted every other possible option and a good many impossible ones too.

Max stared at him. "Deodorant? Ethan's wearing deodorant?"

Cal nodded and discovered he did still remember how to smile. "Yeah, he's using tons of the stuff! His nose is blocked so he doesn't know he's overdoing it."

Max looked completely confused. "Why's Ethan wearing deodorant?"

"I don't know. Maybe to deodorise?" suggested Cal, with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"No, I mean he's ill, right?" said Max. "He hardly gets out of bed. So why's he bothering with deodorant?"

Jacob sat up a bit straighter. "And why's he overdoing it? If I can't smell anything, I don't spray on loads just to make sure I'm not stinking the place out. I spray on the same amount as usual."

Max nodded. "Yeah. Maybe a little bit extra just to make sure, but only a little bit. You can sort of time it, can't you? Or count the squirts."

Cal stared at them. It was a good point - especially with regard to someone like Ethan, who was always fussy about using correct amounts and hated to waste anything. "Yeah, that's what I usually do. I might vary it a bit if I'm working in Resus in the middle of summer, but apart from that…"

"And I don't wear it in bed," said Jacob. He grinned. "Not unless I'm expecting a very special guest."

Max gave a sudden gasp, his face lighting up, but then he shook his head, his animation fading.

"What?" said Cal, who was desperate enough for any suggestion.

"I was just thinking maybe he had a girl hidden under the bed," said Max. "Zoe used to hide under my bed sometimes, like before everyone knew. And sometimes for old time's sake. But that's not really Ethan."

"No, it's not," agreed Cal.

Max sighed sadly. "I miss Zoe."

Jacob patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, but he clearly wasn't thinking about Max's problems. "So, why would a guy use deodorant in bed? Do you think he's got any embarrassing smells he might want to cover up?"

Max sniggered.

"If he's taking ibuprofen or high-dose aspirin to relieve his congestion, then nasty smells could be the bottom line," said Jacob.

"No," said Cal at once. You could always tell when Ethan had a gas problem because he always blushed and looked completely mortified (not that Cal had any intention of revealing this fact to Jacob and Max. Only Cal was allowed to tease Ethan about things like that). Ethan had been flushed, but Cal wouldn't have said he was blushing and he hadn't looked mortified. "Ethan's been taking paracetamol and anyway, the smell was higher up than that."

They all fell silent, thinking.

"You are sure it's actually deodorant?" said Max.

"No, but whatever it is, we've got the same problem," said Cal. "Body spray, aftershave (and it can't be that because he hasn't shaved), cologne, whatever… why would he bother?" He laughed. "You can tell he's got no sense of smell though. I don't know where he found it, but it smells like flowers!"

Max's eyes looked ready to fall out of his head. "I can't see Ethan with flowery cologne. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me if he secretly liked it, but I don't think he'd have the nerve to wear anything like that."

"And again, why bother when he's ill?" Cal almost shouted, his frustrations getting the better of him.

"Maybe you've got some perfume stashed in a cupboard that you meant to give to some woman and Ethan mistook it for something else because he wasn't wearing his glasses," said Jacob.

Cal shrugged. "It's possible, I suppose."

Jacob nodded thoughtfully. "Are there any other symptoms?"

"Runny nose," said Cal. "He said his throat was sore."

"Did it sound sore?"

"No," admitted Cal.

"And you say he's not coughing either."

Cal shook his head. "But sometimes you don't cough."

Jacob got up and started to walk around the room. "Has anything else surprised you about this cold of his? Has he done anything odd that isn't like him?"

"Um… well, he wouldn't let me throw his tissues away," said Cal.

"Ethan is quite big on hygiene," said Max.

"Not usually when he's in this sort of state," said Cal. "If he's working, he's very hygienic. If he's sitting around at home, yeah, to an extent. But not when he's _really_ ill. He, um… well, he quite likes me fussing over him. Obviously, I hate having to look after him, but I try to put up with it for Ethan's sake. It's not like he's got a girlfriend to look after him."

Max looked sympathetic. "It sounds like he is really ill. But it is better than you thought, right? You thought he was depressed. You were quite relieved it was only a cold."

Jacob stopped pacing and turned to face them. "What if… it isn't a cold?"


	23. Chapter 23

**westlife4ever80** , I don't want to give too much away, but two of her friends are certainly suffering and they might need someone to talk to in the future. If so, they could do a lot worse than talk to Angela! Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. I do like making Cal worry about his brother! I didn't want to make his conversation with Jacob and Max too sad and I can imagine the three of them making jokes to help them through an awkward and emotional conversation. Not too much longer to wait now! I hope it's not disappointing.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad the chapter made you smile. I hope you're having a better day today. I have to admit I'm rather fond of the sound of Cal's voice! I think he might be too. Everyone does need support and I love seeing Dylan getting support as he probably had no-one for a very long time. Thank you for your review.

 **CharieK** , thank you for your review. I'm really pleased you're reading and enjoying the story. I'm glad you liked the cliffhanger too - a lot of people don't like them, but sometimes I just can't resist!

 **Tanith Panic** , there was a brilliant scene in one of the episodes where Max is nearly caught in the on-call room with Zoe - I imagine there were probably quite a lot of close shaves like that! I'm glad you liked the medical detail. It amazes me that stress can make you sneeze - it's never happened to me! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're enjoying the story.

* * *

Dylan sat beside Zoe in her office and tried to console himself with the thought that she hadn't tried seducing him yet.

The thought wasn't quite as much of a relief as he'd expected. Not that he had any particular desire to be seduced, but the lack of seductive moves probably did mean she was worried about him and that meant he wasn't hiding his feelings nearly as well as he'd thought.

"What's wrong, Dylan?" said Zoe.

He wanted to be grateful for the kindness and concern in her voice, but it just irritated him. "Nothing's wrong, Zoe."

Zoe took his hand. "Dylan, it's me. You don't have to lie to me. I'm your friend; I'm your _girl_ friend! You don't have to hide anything from me."

"Obviously, the events of yesterday have been rather unsettling," said Dylan. "But we discussed that last night. There's no need to discuss it again."

"I… I know what cubicle she was in," said Zoe awkwardly.

Dylan tensed. "You don't really think that made any difference to the outcome."

"No, I don't," said Zoe. "And I'm sure you don't really. But if it's preying on your mind…"

"It's not."

"It's okay if it is," said Zoe.

"That may be so, but as it's not preying on my mind, it's not really relevant, is it."

Zoe dropped his hand with a sound of frustration. "I'm trying to help you, Dylan!"

"Well, don't."

Zoe's frustration gave way to hurt. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because there's nothing to talk about and we really should be working," said Dylan.

He stood up and walked towards the door, but Zoe came after him and caught his hand. "Dylan, please. If you won't talk to me, talk to someone else. Talk to Ben."

Dylan sighed. "That's going to be a bit difficult when he's off raising money for charity and planning his new career, isn't it?"

Zoe stared at him for a moment before her face relaxed into a smile. "I meant Ben Harding, not Lofty. But if you want to talk to Lofty, I'm sure he'd be happy to listen. He's a very good listener."

"Why on earth would I want to speak to Lofty?" said Dylan - not quite as convincingly as he'd wanted to say it. "He wants to be a bereavement counsellor and as you have told me on so many occasions I've lost count, my patient did not die."

"But he's your friend," said Zoe. "And I know you miss him."

"I have noticed there have been far fewer breakages," said Dylan.

"Come on, Dylan. You know there's a lot more to Lofty than that."

"I thought we were talking about the other Ben," said Dylan irritably.

Zoe raised her eyebrows. "Wow. You really _don't_ want to talk about Lofty. What happened between you, Dylan? You seemed like such good friends."

Dylan wanted to say something cutting and dismissive about Lofty, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. "Nothing happened. I'm just aware that time is passing and more patients are no doubt entering the ED, so if you want to say something about Ben Harding, I suggest you do it now."

Anger flashed in Zoe's eyes and for a moment, it looked like she was going to storm off and leave him to suffer. But then the anger faded and she reached out to touch his arm. "Just… if you're struggling, talk to someone. A friend or a professional – it doesn't really matter. But please, Dylan." Her eyes looked imploringly into his. "Don't try to deal with this alone. It's not weak to ask for help. Sometimes that can take more courage than keeping quiet. But if you keep dealing with this on your own, it's going to get worse. I don't want to see that happen. I really don't. I… I love you, Dylan. Sometimes I think you don't know how much."

* * *

Cal looked at Jacob doubtfully. "You mean you think it's flu?"

"No," said Jacob. "This is… well, it probably sounds crazy. But hear me out. Say Ethan is depressed. He doesn't feel up to going to work, but he doesn't want anyone to know the truth. So he has to invent a physical illness. He chooses a cold. Colds aren't that serious so it's unlikely to worry anybody too much – Ethan won't want to worry us - but every so often, you do get a bad cold that half-kills you and all you can do is lie in bed. But if you have a cold, you usually have sneezing and a runny nose. If you're not really ill and you live with one of the people you're trying to fool, you need to fake your symptoms. Ethan has allergies. If he holds something he's allergic to close to his nose, he's going to start sneezing. So he sprays something smelly and flowery, perhaps into the air or perhaps onto a tissue. And then he sneezes."

Cal shook his head. "You seriously think Ethan would do that?"

"Work with me a minute," said Jacob. "When does he usually have these sneezing fits?"

Cal stared at him. "I don't keep a written record, Jacob! He doesn't want me in the room with him most of the time anyway."

"But you've said a couple of times, you've walked in on him sneezing," said Jacob. "Do you just walk into the room or knock first?"

"I knock," said Cal. "Ethan goes mad if I walk straight in."

"And then what?"

"Ethan tells me to come in," said Cal. He felt a quiver of unease. "No. He doesn't. Not at the moment. He can't tell me to come in because at that moment, he starts sneezing. Uncontrollably. And I go rushing in to see if I can help."

Jacob nodded. "When you're with him, does he have other sneezing fits or just the one at the beginning?"

"Well… it comes and goes a bit," said Cal. "He sneezes a lot to start with, then he settles down for a couple of minutes, then he sneezes again. But… the sneezing fits never start when I'm in the room and they only start just after I've knocked on the door..." He looked anxiously at Jacob and Max. "Oh God. He is faking it, isn't he? And this is _Ethan_. How much must he to be hurting if he's doing something like this?"

"It'll be okay," said Max soothingly. "You know now and you can help him. Go and see him at lunchtime and-"

"Lunchtime?" Cal jumped to his feet. "I'm not waiting till lunchtime. I've got to go and see him now!"

* * *

Dylan jumped out of the way as Cal came running towards him, a stack of files in his hands. When he saw Dylan, he stopped.

"Dylan, can you cover for me, please?"

"I-"

"Thanks." Cal dropped the files in his arms and ran off.

Dylan stared after him in exasperation. First Lily and Ethan, now Cal. There would be no doctors left at this rate. He carried Cal's files back to the nursing station and left them on a table. He would deal with them if and when he had the time. For now, he had his own patients to consider.

He was about to go and check on one of them when his phone rang. He told himself he didn't care who it was and he certainly wasn't hoping it was anyone in particular, but it was only sensible to look. It might be someone phoning from Doggy Care, after all. He couldn't risk missing a call like that.

It was Angela. Dylan didn't usually answer personal calls during work, but he told himself it wasn't necessarily a personal call. Angela was his colleague. "Hello."

"Hi, Dylan," said Angela. "I was just wondering if you wanted to meet for coffee."

"Coffee? I can't see myself having time for a coffee break," said Dylan. "I'd be lucky if I could meet you for lunch the way things are going in here. Ethan and Lily are ill; Cal's just run out of the hospital as though he's got a whole hoard of Mrs Beauchamps after him - and he'll certainly have one Mrs Beauchamp after him if he doesn't come back soon, and one is plenty."

There was a pause. "We could meet for lunch instead." Angela sounded… well, Dylan thought she sounded pleased. And almost shy as she added: "I'd really like that."

"Would you?" said Dylan, startled.

"Yes, I would," said Angela.

Dylan tried to think of a reason why she might be so eager for his company. "Is this about Fifi?"

"No, though I'm happy to give you an update," said Angela. "Not a detailed one, of course, but Phoebe's doing well. I just thought it would be nice to have a chat."

"I'd like that," said Dylan without thinking.

"So would I," said Angela. "If you're not too busy, I mean."

"Busy?" said Dylan blankly. "I don't think I'm busy. I mean, I _am_ busy, but Cal should be back by then."

Angela's voice was softer than usual and she sounded... well, happy. "I stop for lunch at one,, though I can probably swap with someone if the time doesn't suit you."

"No, I was planning on stopping at one myself," said Dylan. "Though it might not be possible if Cal isn't back. And if there's an emergency, my assistance might be required, in which case lunch will have to wait."

Angela's voice was understanding. "It's difficult sometimes, isn't it? Even on the psych ward, we sometimes have a new admission at the last minute or a patient goes into crisis and needs help. It can also be distressing for the staff at times so we do sometimes need to cover for each other. So I can't be 100% sure of being available either."

Dylan knew a lot of people would be disappointed if the girls they were interested said something like that, but the emotion he experienced was very different. Warmth flowed through him and he felt a most unusual urge to smile. As they were speaking on the phone and Angela couldn't see him, he let himself smile. It made him happy to learn that Angela was so committed to her job and to her patients, and was prepared to put it before her social commitments. Dylan did the same. So did most of the people he worked with, though some of them made it very obvious they wished they had been able to put their social lives first.

But not Dylan - and not Angela.

"I'll see you later then," said Dylan.

His voice sounded rather abrupt, but Angela didn't seem offended. She actually sounded like she was smiling. "I'll see you later, Dylan."


	24. Chapter 24

**westlife4ever80** , I thought Angela had better ask Dylan out - there wasn't much chance of him asking her, unfortunately! Ethan probably thinks he wants to be left alone, but I think he really wants to be helped so he can feel better. Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you enjoyed the banter! There isn't any in this chapter, but Cal will probably need his friends' support, so it's likely they'll be making more appearances. I think Zoe does love Dylan - they're very important to each other.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm pleased you enjoyed the chapter.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad Zoe seems kind rather than pushy. Cal shouldn't have dumped his workload on Dylan, but at the moment, he's only thinking of Ethan. So I hope it's sweet in a way! I hope you enjoy Dylan and Angela's date. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you weren't offended by my reference to Lofty breaking things! I'm hoping Lofty will make a personal appearance in this story at some stage. I have to say I like it when Ethan's vulnerable too! I think you can call it a date. I think everyone sees is that way except Dylan! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

* * *

Cal burst through the door and ran to Ethan's room, tearing the door open.

The sight that met his eyes wasn't completely surprising, but it still upset him.

Ethan was lying on his side, crying softly. He didn't seem to realise Cal was there. Tears streamed from his eyes, running across his face and nose. His eyes looked puffy and red. There was a tissue bunched in his fist and Cal wondered if there was anything on it to make him sneeze, but it seemed more likely he'd used it to wipe his tears away – at least until he'd become too upset to find the energy even for that.

Cal's heart ached. He'd felt a bit like this after he'd discovered the truth about Taylor - and again when he'd lost Matilda. Lying in bed, not having the energy to wipe his tears away. Any kind of movement had been a struggle.

Cal had a feeling that even if he had given him plenty of warning and knocked on the door, Ethan wouldn't have bothered with the sneezing routine this time.

 _How did I not notice?_ thought Cal. _I'm his brother! How could I not have realised how depressed he was? I'm a doctor: why did I just believe he had a cold when so much suggested otherwise? How could I have been such a useless brother… though since when have I ever been anything else?!_

Cal walked slowly over to the bed. Ethan showed no signs of knowing he was there. He just carried on crying. His cheeks were blotchy and very wet, as though he'd been crying for quite some time. Perhaps ever since Cal had left.

Cal sat on the bed beside Ethan. Ethan still showed no sign of having noticed anything but his own private torture. "Ethan…" Cal's voice caught slightly as he said the name. He stroked his brother's hair. "I'm here, okay? If you need a chat or a hug or anything at all…"

Ethan's eyes moved and he squinted at Cal. The gentle crying stopped and Cal's hopes rose. Perhaps Ethan would be okay now Cal was here.

Or if not okay, at least not quite as upset as he had been.

Then Ethan burst into loud sobs as though his heart was breaking.

There was an ache deep in Cal's chest and his eyes were filling with tears. He tried to speak, but no sound came out. He didn't know what he would have said. How could anything he could say make Ethan feel better?

Cal lay down on the bed beside Ethan. His foot knocked against something that rolled away and landed on the floor with a crash, but Cal ignored it. Only Ethan mattered now. He put his arms around Ethan, pulling his head into his chest. Ethan didn't hug him back, but he also didn't try to pull away. Cal held Ethan tightly, one arm around his shoulders as the other stroked his hair. He knew it might be a while before Ethan was ready to talk, but Cal knew he'd wait for as long as it took.

He knew he wouldn't be getting back to work any time soon, but work could wait. Work wasn't important. Not in comparison with his little brother.

* * *

Dylan was expecting something to go wrong. There would be an emergency, either in the ED or on the psych ward. _Something_ would happen to prevent him or Angela from having lunch together. It was incredible enough that she'd even asked him. It was impossible that it could actually happen.

Even if everything went as planned and they did manage to spend as much as half an hour together, he would probably say something offensive and ensure that Angela never spoke to him again. That was so often the way with Dylan.

The difference now was that he cared. If Angela decided she didn't want to speak to Dylan again (except in a professional context: he knew she would only ever be professional), Dylan would feel... well, disappointed.

But that didn't stop him from feeling almost excited as he made his way to the front of the ED to meet Angela - an excitement that was only increased when he found her already waiting.

"Hi, Dylan!" she said, smiling at him.

Dylan's eyes strayed to the clock. "I'm not late, am I?"

"No, not at all. I'm early," said Angela. She was speaking slightly faster than usual and seemed a little bit breathless. "How was your morning?"

"It was good," said Dylan. "I only lost one patient and that's always something."

To his surprise, Angela laughed. "I'm sorry. It's not funny that you've lost a patient. It's terrible." She looked at him a bit shyly. "But I like the way you say things sometimes."

"Really?" said Dylan. "I think you might find you're in a minority."

"I think you underestimate yourself," said Angela.

"It's probably less irritating than overestimating myself," said Dylan.

Angela laughed again. "You talk a lot of sense, Dylan."

Dylan wondered if she was making some kind of joke. He knew he talked a lot more sense than a lot of people. Zoe and Cal were always talking rubbish, though the other doctors were mostly sensible. But Dylan had the impression that people only noticed his oddities and objected to what he considered to be his good points.

"Are you ready to go?" said Angela.

Dylan nodded, feeling a flicker of nervousness – no: it was much more likely to be hunger – in his stomach. Together, they walked out of the ED. He found himself wondering if anyone would see him and what they would think.

Not that it was a date or anything like that. As if Angela would want to go on a date with him!

Besides, he was Zoe's boyfriend.

Actually, he probably shouldn't really be having lunch with Angela at all...

Dylan decided the sinking feeling he was experiencing was probably hunger too.

"How's Dervla?" asked Angela as they left the building.

Dylan stared at her. "You're asking about my dog?"

"She's important to you," said Angela. "But it's okay if you'd rather I didn't ask."

"No. I… I like it," said Dylan. "Most people don't bother to ask after Dervla. They ask after family members – though they don't ask me about my family, luckily – but they don't ask after pets."

"I don't know why: pets can be part of the family and much easier to answer questions about than someone you don't live with," said Angela. "You see your pets every day. With family, weeks and even months can go by."

"Or preferably years," said Dylan. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. Comments like that would only invite further questions.

Angela looked at him speculatively but made no comment. "So, how is Dervla?"

"She's very well," said Dylan. "Of course, she'd be too big to fit inside the boat if I didn't take her out for regular walks, but she can get through the door easily enough - though I don't know how as she eats far more than is good for her. Anyone would think they don't feed her in Doggy Care! I'm sure that's what she'd like me to believe, but I'd never send Dervla anywhere unless I was confident they'd look after her properly."

"She's such a character," said Angela, smiling. "I think most dogs are – though not all owners notice it. Some just like having a dog. Some, sadly, don't. But the best owners enjoy their own particular dog."

Dylan found he was smiling. "I do enjoy Dervla. She can be very greedy and very naughty, but she's… Dervla. She quite often doesn't listen when I ask her not to eat my dinner, but she always listens when I've had a bad day." He looked away, rather appalled he'd admitted to having such a thing as a bad day, but Angela didn't seem to mind.

"Dogs can definitely be better than people at times," said Angela. She looked at him for a moment and Dylan silently begged her not to say anything about his bad days. She smiled and changed the subject slightly. "I did actually consider AAT as a career - animal-assisted therapy, that is. It's a cliché and it always sounds a bit silly when I say it out loud, but pets are very healing. And they are good listeners."

"But you decided to work on a psych ward?" said Dylan.

Angela nodded. "I thought AAT would be too limiting. There are some people who don't like pets. For various reasons, some people don't have a connection with animals and that's fine. But I wanted to feel that I had a chance at helping as many people as possible. Not everyone would go to pet therapy, but anyone can be admitted to a psych ward."

"That's true," said Dylan.

"Also, with AAT a lot of the treatment will be the same – the aim is to get the client to bond with the dog. There will also be a pet handler present, which I think can limit the therapeutic process. It becomes more structured: more a matter of fitting the person to the therapy. I would much rather do it the other way round. In my job, you have to get to know each person in order to find exactly the right way of helping them. I really love that part of my job." She gave him a sideways glance. "I imagine it's similar for you."

"Me?" said Dylan. "I, er, I wouldn't say I really get to know my patients." He decided not to tell Angela that the less well he knew them, the better he liked it. The ideal patient described their symptoms concisely and accurately, provided all relevant information – and otherwise kept quiet. But he didn't tell Angela this. He had a feeling his attitude would tax even Angela's impressive levels of understanding – and he really didn't want to say anything that would discourage her from behind his friend.

"I didn't explain myself very well," said Angela. "My work is related to psychology and emotions, so I get to know patients in that way. But you get to know your patients in a physical sense."

Dylan didn't usually show shock, but his mouth dropped open when Angela said that. "I can assure you I don't!"


	25. Chapter 25

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I don't think Dylan is used to being along with a woman. I think it's fair to say Angela is very interested in Dylan! But I'm sure she'd never try to steal him from Zoe. Cal is a sweetheart - let's hope he can get through to Ethan.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I agree it isn't Cal's fault - he might have worked it out if he'd examined Ethan a bit more closely, but it was only later the doubts started to creep in. Ethan did a very good job of fooling him! Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. I'm sure Cal will try to help Ethan. Dylan doesn't usually seem to have friendships, so I don't think he's thought about how Zoe might view him having lunch with Angela... but she will find out!

 **Tanith Panic** , yes, I will write it my way! But I'll always take suggestions into consideration, so you never know... I'm glad you liked the part about Dervla - I see Dervla as being slightly cheeky sometimes (which is probably good for Dylan) but very loving. I'm glad you liked the ending! Thank you for your review and PM.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm really pleased you're enjoying it.

* * *

"Oh my goodness! I didn't mean… I'm so sorry." Angela looked deeply embarrassed. "I didn't mean it like that, Dylan. I'm sure you don't… get to know them in that way. I didn't mean to suggest that you'd…" She stopped and looked away.

She was upset, Dylan realised. He experienced a surge of emotions that seemed new He realised he hated seeing her upset and all he wanted was to make her feel better. To see her smile again.

 _What? Why would I want to see anyone smile? It's a most overrated facial expression._

"Everyone says things like that sometimes," said Dylan awkwardly. "Almost everything is a euphemism nowadays. And I know what you mean. I think. I get to know the signs and symptoms of a patient's illness or injury, relevant information about their medical history and relevant aspects of their lifestyle. From that, I work out a plan of how best to help them. Is that what you mean?"

Angela spoke without looking at him. "Yes. That's what I mean. I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed."

Dylan could see she was – and he hated it. "Please don't be. I'm sure it happens to everyone. I nearly got myself into trouble once. Robyn said I should be more 'breezy', whatever that means, so I tried to adapt my language into something a bit more colloquial. I asked a female teenager if I could 'jump her up on the bed'. I never used that particular phrase ever again."

Angela looked slightly comforted. "I'm sure she knew what you meant, but it can be difficult sometimes. So much of our work includes 'getting people into bed'."

"I quite often hear doctors asking patients to 'take their top off for me', though that's another phrase I choose to avoid," said Dylan.

"I can imagine Ethan makes it sound really innocent and Cal somehow gets away with making it sound flirtatious, but I's stay away from that one too!" said Angela.

"Zoe can be just as bad as Cal," said Dylan, before remembering Zoe was his girlfriend. "Oh, not that she's… I'm not saying… but she's a very friendly doctor and I find there's only a short step from friendly to overfriendly."

Angela nodded in agreement. "I try to be friendly, but there's always a line you have to try not to cross – and the line isn't in the same place for everybody."

It made Dylan's head ache just thinking about it. "That's one reason why I hold back from the patients. Lily is the same. It's simpler that way." He frowned slightly. _Am I gossiping? Am I gossiping to Angela about my colleagues?_

 _What is she doing to me?_

"I don't think I've met Lily," said Angela.

"She'd probably introduce herself as Dr Chao."

Angela's face cleared. "Oh, Dr Chao. She's very interesting. When you first meet her, she seems cold and distant, but I think she's actually very passionate about what she does and also very shy. She hides behind professionalism, which is often a very good thing when you're dealing with distressing incidents, but if you don't try to look under the surface, she might give quite a bad impression."

"I think she does, to many people," said Dylan. "I find her easier to work with than most. No distracting chatter. No attempts to be amusing. No wasting time by comforting the patient." He suddenly realised that comforting the patient might be quite important to Angela. Much to his surprise, he started backtracking. "Of course, sometimes the patient does need comfort, but ideally not at the expense of delaying the treatment, which will only increase the fear."

"It's not always easy to persuade a patient to think that logically," said Angela, "but you're right. Waiting in the hope that something will change is such a natural reaction, but it usually only makes things worse."

* * *

After Ethanhad stopped crying, he stayed in Cal's arms. For a long time, he'd been unaware of anything but the torment inside him, but now some of the anguish had faded, he became aware of sensations in his body. A slight, vague ache in the region of his head, which gradually increased into a throbbing, violent pain. His back and neck hurt too, perhaps from the awkward, hunched, twisted way he'd slept: curled into as small a ball as possible in the hope it would make him disappear. His face felt wet and he realised he was sniffing. He'd been crying… but he'd known that. He might not have been aware of the physical crying, but his soul had been in such terrible, frightening, agony.

"It's okay, Ethan." Cal was whispering. He stroked Ethan's hair. "I'm here. It's okay."

Ethan started crying again. He didn't know why. It just sort of happened. He pressed his face into Cal's shirt… (or was it his scrubs? Were they at work then?) and let the tears fall because he had no strength to fight them. No strength to do anything.

"That's it. You cry as much as you want," said Cal. He was rubbing Ethan's back now. "I hope you'll talk to me at some point, but we'll wait till you're ready."

Ethan didn't cry for very long this time. His tears stopped, but didn't move his head. He felt sick, but not seriously. There was an ache in his stomach. His throat felt a bit sore (was he ill? He wasn't sure, but there was a familiarity about that thought).

He couldn't move. He didn't want to move. He couldn't remember how movement happened. For a moment, it didn't matter, but then he became aware he needed a tissue and that panicked him because he couldn't remember where they were or how to ask for one and he almost started crying again, but then he realised he was moving. He didn't know why or how, but he was sitting up.

Cal sat up too, his hands firm on Ethan's shoulders, which was probably just as well as Ethan's body felt floppy and weak from exhaustion. "Did you want something?"

Ethan opened his mouth to form the word, but it didn't come. He looked around and realised he had a tissue in his hand. How had he not realised? He lifted his hand and moved it towards his face. His arm felt heavy, but at least it was staying reasonably still.

But for how long?

Ethan rubbed the tissue against his nose. He knew that made things better in some way, but it also did nothing at all. He felt the same as he had before. Hopeless. No future. And that made the present seem pointless too.

Ethan's strength left him quite suddenly and he flopped against Cal. He couldn't remember when he'd last felt good, but he knew it was better when Cal was holding him. Not much better, but any kind of better was good, even if it just meant a bit less completely awful.

Cal hugged him tightly. "I'm here, Nibbles. I'm here. I'll always be here."

It would have comforted Ethan more if 'always' wasn't such a terrifying thought.

* * *

Dylan couldn't quite believe he was here.

Eating lunch in a café. Voluntarily. With Angela.

He was even having a nice time.

"It must be nice living on a houseboat," said Angela. "When you go on holiday, you can just take your house with you. No packing or unpacking."

"Assuming the place I'm going to is accessible by water," said Dylan. "And assuming I can arrange for a place to park the boat."

"I see what you mean. I suppose holidays are always complicated," said Angela.

Dylan was inclined to agree. That was one reason why he avoided them. "There are times when it's good to get away from the people I know, but I don't find being in a strange place particularly relaxing."

Angela looked at him curiously. "You like to get away from the people you know?"

Dylan hadn't meant to say that. "Well, I don't mean _all_ the people I know. Just… most of them. I mean some of them."

"No, I like your honesty," said Angela. "You say exactly what you mean. I spend all day with patients who can't say what they mean and colleagues who like to wrap everything up in clichés. I have to translate everything in my head and hope I've understood correctly. I love doing that and it's so completely worth it, but at the same time, I do love a conversation where I don't have to think so hard."

Dylan looked at her in surprise. "Not many people know what I'm talking about."

"Perhaps they haven't realised you say what you mean," said Angela. "They're so busy looking for the subtle things, they miss the obvious."

"Perhaps," said Dylan. He wasn't sure that was the whole problem, but there might be an element of truth in that. He'd certainly met a lot of people who didn't believe he meant what he said; who insisted on twisting it in some inexplicable way so it no longer even resembled the thought which had prompted it. "But I can't always say what I mean."

"It is really difficult sometimes, isn't it?" said Angela. "We don't always think in complete and cohesive sentences. Sometimes it's a random word or an image and it's very difficult to put it into words that not only make sense to us but to other people."

Dylan nodded. "That's true. I have noticed that. But some things I can't say because I'm... afraid."

He felt himself cringe. _And there are some things I shouldn't say, but I end up saying them anyway when I'm with someone who makes me feel as though I can tell her anything…_

"It's natural," said Angela. "Some of our thoughts and feelings are so very personal and precious. But just so you know, Dylan, you can always say anything to me. As a friend, of course. Don't worry. I don't plan to go all therapeutic on you. I'm not a therapist anyway. And if you don't want to tell me, that's fine too."

Dylan looked at her and wondered. The temptation to tell her everything shocked him. He had a feeling that she would understand in a way that no other person hadn.

But he knew he couldn't do it. He'd been caught by this before, though not for a long time. When he'd been much younger, he'd tried reaching out for help. They'd listened and nodded and said they would do everything they could – and then done nothing.

Nothing other than slowly but surely backing away from him.


	26. Chapter 26

**westlife4ever80** , I'm glad you liked the scene with Cal and Ethan - and that you don't mind that they're playing such a big role in your story. Dylan definitely isn't used to people who 'get' him, but I'm sure he'll get used to it. He might even start to like it! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you liked Angela's description of Lily. It was quite difficult writing a scene where Dylan was enjoying himself - it wasn't easy to imagine! I'm sorry Nibbles is poorly. I'm not sure I can really change that. But at least Cal knows the truth now so he can probably move towards getting better. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the brotherly moment - there are more in this chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , no, you didn't sound pompous! It was lovely to hear I'd done something clever. It was a complete accident, of course, but I love it when things like that happen! I think Dylan's scenes need to be on the lighthearted side when Ethan is so unhappy, but I was hoping it wouldn't jut be comedy. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm pleased you liked the chapter.

* * *

Cal held Ethan close to him and tried to keep the sadness out of his voice as he asked the question. "Ethan… why did you pretend you were ill?"

"Easier," said Ethan. He was still sitting up but leaning heavily against Cal. His eyes were dry now, but they looked desolate and lost and Cal didn't think it would take much to make him cry again.

"Why was it easier?" said Cal gently. "I mean, you had to find something you were allergic to and give yourself allergic reactions. That seems like a lot of effort and it really doesn't sound like fun."

Ethan shook his head. "Not allergic."

Cal stared at him. "What do you mean you're not allergic?"

Ethan's face screwed up with the effort of producing the words. "Not an allergen. Irritant."

He was right, of course. Cal and Ethan usually described Ethan's problems with fragrance as allergies because that was a word that would be easily-understood. Even when talking to another professional, 'sensitivities' was so vague and misleading. But he couldn't help feeling a little bit glad that Ethan was fussing about it. That was the _real_ Ethan. Not the new Ethan who came home drunk with shopping trolleys.

The fact it was an irritant rather than an allergen came as a relief, though Cal had suspected it already. An irritant mimicked allergic symptoms but rarely led to anaphylaxis. Ethan's life hadn't been in danger from whatever he'd used to trigger his symptoms.

But the emotions that had prompted it might be another matter.

Cal wanted to clutch Ethan close and throw hysterical questions at him, but he knew that wouldn't help. He tried to be Dr Knight. "Why did you use an irritant to fake cold symptoms?"

Ethan looked up at him. "Don't know," he whispered.

"But you-" Cal began, but then he stopped and thought of all the things he'd done. The many things that had seemed like the only option at the time but had turned out to be big mistakes."It's okay." He held Ethan more tightly. "Don't worry about why."

"But I never do things without a reason," said Ethan, looking up at his brother. "Do I?"

Cal felt his breath catch as he saw the lost, confused look in Ethan's eyes. "Usually, no. But everyone has moments when they don't know why they did something. It happens to me all the time."

"But I must know…" Ethan's breathing became quick and agitated.

Cal silently berated himself for asking.

"Yes," said Ethan. "Yes, I think I know." He sounded completely composed now. Almost eerily so, as though he'd just discovered what was wrong with a patient and was calmly informing his team that it was actually something quite simple. "I didn't want you to know how I was feeling. So I had to pretend I was ill."

"So you made yourself sneeze," said Cal.

Ethan nodded. The calm look fell away from his face as quickly as it had come. "I'm sorry, Cal! I didn't want you to worry. But I made you worry because I'm stupid and useless and the sooner this disease kills me, the better!"

"Ethan!" The name came out almost like a sob. "Please don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"It's true, though, isn't it?" said Ethan bitterly. "I'm no use to anyone. I'm no use as a doctor. It could start at any time, Cal. At any time."

"It might not start for another thirty years. You'd have almost your whole career."

Ethan shook his head.

"It's not impossible, Ethan. And no matter how long or short a time you have, isn't any time at all worth fighting for? Carpe diem: isn't that what you said?"

"I also said 'be more Cal' and a lot of use that was," snapped Ethan.

Cal tried to massage the tense muscles across the back of Ethan's shoulders. "Maybe that part wasn't such a good idea, but you were basically right, you know. Throw yourself into life. Enjoy every minute. But enjoy it as _Ethan_."

"No point," muttered Ethan. "No point in anything."

"Ethan…" Cal didn't know what to say. He hated himself for not knowing. He held Ethan tightly to him as though he could somehow squeeze all the pain out of him, but he knew it wouldn't work.

Nothing would work.

* * *

Dylan glanced at his watch. He guessed they would probably only be about halfway through their lunchbreak, but there was no harm in checking. It would be a good idea to check and Angela was far too sensible to think he was checking the time because he was bored.

When he saw the time, he couldn't restrain a gasp.

"Oh dear: do we need to be getting back?" said Angela. She looked at her own watch. "Oh my goodness."

"We'd better run," said Dylan, only to remember something. "Or perhaps we should get a taxi. You probably shouldn't run with your leg injury."

"Leg injury?" said Angela blankly as she picked up her bag and stood up.

"Where you fell over yesterday," said Dylan, as the two of them hurried out of the café.

"Oh, no, it's fine now," said Angela. "I'm fine to run and it'll be quicker than waiting for a taxi. But feel free to run ahead of you if I'm slowing you down."

 _I wouldn't do any such thing!_ thought Dylan, but he managed to stop himself from saying the words out loud.

The pavements seemed to be awash with people. It made running difficult, but Dylan knew it was their only option. He started to run and was relieved to find his pace seemed to suit Angela. Side by side, they ran down the road, dodging around the other pedestrians. They were both out of breath by the time they arrived at the ED and Dylan was shocked to find he was almost enjoying himself.

It didn't make sense. What on earth was enjoyable about _running_?

"Thanks for lunch, Dylan," said Angela. "See you soon!" She ran off to her own entrance, leaving Dylan to walk through the doors of the ED, his shoulders still rising and falling slightly from the unaccustomed exertion.

He was fairly sure he was late, if only by a minute or two, but he felt no inclination to run now Angela was no longer by his side. He would gladly sacrifice some of his dignity to ensure that Angela got into as little trouble as possible, but he wasn't prepared to do it for himself.

He wondered why. Was it because he felt in some way responsible for Angela? That the fact their lunch had overrun was in some way his fault?

Or was it because, while he was prepared to look like an imbecile in front of passers-by, he wasn't prepared to do the same when their colleagues were watching?

Or was there another reason?

"Dylan!" Zoe had just exited a cubicle. She flung her arms around him and gave him a big kiss.

Dylan told himself it was only natural for him to cringe. After all, they were in public. In a week or two, he would probably accept it as part of his working day, but for now, it wasn't surprising if he found it slightly disquieting.

"Where have you been?" said Zoe. "I was looking everywhere for you. I thought we could have lunch together."

"I was having lunch with Angela," said Dylan.

Zoe went very quiet. For several seconds, she said nothing. When her words finally came, they were soft. "You had lunch with another woman?"

"Not in the sense you mean," said Dylan.

"What do I mean?" said Zoe. "Which other sense is there? She's a woman, Dylan, and you had lunch with her!"

Dylan sighed. He was late and Connie would not be happy, but even he could sense it wasn't a good idea to walk away from his girlfriend now. "Zoe, if there were anything untoward at all in my lunch with Angela, do you think I would have kept to to myself?"

"Well…" Zoe considered this carefully, though the hurt in her eyes hadn't faded. "No. I suppose not. But…" She stopped. "Why did you do it, Dylan?"

"She asked me if I wanted to and I didn't see any reason why not," said Dylan.

"But what about me?" said Zoe.

"We don't have to be together all the time. We couldn't really take our breaks at the same time anyway with Ethan and Lily off sick and Cal doing whatever he's doing, though I think I can probably guess."

"I don't mean that you didn't have lunch with me," said Zoe. "That's fine. But... lunch with her?"

"She's a friend," said Dylan, "Do you feel that now we're a couple, we shouldn't have other friends?"

Zoe gave him an odd look. "I'm not really used to you having 'other friends'. And Angela is a woman."

"I had noticed that," said Dylan.

"Yeah, I bet you did!" snapped Zoe.

Dylan sighed. "Angela and I are just friends, Zoe. We had lunch. We discussed medicine and therapy. I talked about you. I said you were always friendly towards the patients."

"Friendly?" said Zoe suspiciously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Not… aloof," said Dylan. "You don't promote a sense of distance between doctor and patient. "

"And you think I should, do you?" said Zoe.

Dylan decided that showing his annoyance wouldn't be at all helpful. "I think you should carry on working exactly as you are."

"Oh, giving your permission, are you, Dr Keogh?" said Zoe. "Well, thanks a lot!" She stalked off.

"Zoe." Dylan hurried after her. "I promise you. It was just lunch. Angela is just a friend."

Zoe completely ignored him, and Dylan's impatience spilled over.

"I'm not the person in this relationship with a history of infidelity, you know, Zoe!"

She didn't ignore him this time. She swung to face him. "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"


	27. Chapter 27

**Guest** , thank you for your review - it's lovely to know you could see Dylan and Angela as a couple! I've missed Zoe too, so I'm really enjoying including her in a lot of my stories. Dylan might have a difficult time getting rid of her though!

 **Panicatcasualty** , I will definitely include as many hugs as I can - as you say, it won't make everything better, but it might help a bit. I'm sure Cal will try to help Ethan. It probably wasn't the best idea for Dylan to have lunch with Angela, though I'm sure Zoe has male friends. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , yes, Zoe is annoyed and jealous! Now she has some idea of how it feels. I think Dylan is a lot more caring than he pretends to be, but occasionally, he does give himself away! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Dylan was stating a fact rather than taking a jab at Zoe, but he does have a point: Zoe isn't known for her fidelity! I couldn't make Ethan suffer so much without giving him a bit of caring Cal.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Ethan will try to explain his reasoning in the next couple of chapters, but he wasn't thinking clearly at the time so his reasoning will be quite shaky. I think Zoe was probably jealous of some of the girls Max went out with, but she doesn't control it so well here! Angela definitely isn't intimidated by Dylan. Thank you for your review.

 **Gingersnaps2507** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're enjoying the descriptions and internal monologues. I'll see if I can put some more in. I've already started thinking about the Ethan sickfic you suggested - it's probably not possible to have too many!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think a lot of people would be hypocritical in Zoe's place - you don't know how it feels till you're in that situation yourself and although Zoe does have a very gentle, kind side, she's also a bit of a firecracker! I don't think you can have too much of the old Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I don't think it's very easy for Zoe, trying to persuade herself that Dylan is the person she's meant to be with. I bet the whole ED is looking at them and thinking how crazy it is.

 _Thank you to **Strizzy** for the favourite._

* * *

"All right. Maybe I shouldn't have said that," said Dylan. "I have no concerns about your fidelity."

"No concerns?" said Zoe. "You mean you wouldn't care if I had lunch with another man?"

"No, I wouldn't," said Dylan.

"WHAT?"

"Well, there wouldn't be anything in it, would there."

Zoe glared at him. "How can you be so sure about that?"

"Because I trust you," said Dylan.

Zoe looked as though she wasn't entirely sure that was a good idea.

"But you can trust me too," said Dylan. "I would not be unfaithful to you, Zoe, and Angela isn't the type to want to steal somebody else's boyfriend."

Zoe failed to look reassured. "Sounds like you have quite a good opinion of this Angela."

"I think she's a nice person and a good listener," said Dylan. "But she's just a friend. Me having lunch with Angela would be just the same as you having lunch with… I don't know… Charlie."

"Charlie's hardly in my target age range," said Zoe.

"I'm a bit surprised _I_ am, to be frank," said Dylan. "I'd have thought Ethan would be more your type."

Sparks jumped from Zoe's eyes and she looked ready to hit the roof, but then, quite suddenly, she laughed. "Oh, Dylan. Listen to us. Screaming at each other like a couple of kids."

"I don't recall that I was screaming," said Dylan.

"Okay, maybe the screaming was all me," admitted Zoe. "But you're right. There's no reason why you shouldn't have female friends and I shouldn't get upset because they happen to be younger than me and attractive." She smiled. "Can we just forget about this and move on?"

"I'm only too happy to," said Dylan.

Zoe smiled and kissed him. "I'll see you later. Unless you've planned to have dinner with Angela too?"

Her voice was light, but Dylan recognised the challenge. "I've already had lunch with her. I really think that's enough for one day."

Zoe, who usually had breakfast and dinner with Dylan, looked more than happy with this reply.

* * *

Cal's phone was ringing again, but he ignored it. It was probably Connie, wanting to know where he was.

Well, she would have to wait. It was Ethan who mattered now.

The phone went dead, then started up again. Cal waited for Ethan to tell him he'd better answer it, but Ethan gave no signs of having heard.

Cal stroked Ethan's hair. "We're going to sort this out, Ethan, okay?" he said, his voice choked. "It's probably going to take time. But I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you happy."

"I'm never going to be happy!" Ethan tore himself from Cal's grasp. His face was blotchy and streaked with tears; his voice rough with emotion. "How am I supposed to be happy when I've got this death sentence hanging over me?"

Cal watched in agony as another torrent of tears fell from Ethan's eyes. "Ethan, you mustn't give up hope. You might not get any symptoms for years and years, and by then, there might be a cure. They're doing all sorts of research into Huntington's. It might not affect you at all."

"But it already has, Cal!" Ethan was almost shouting now. "Don't you get it? It's there with me, every minute, and no-one can ever take it away."

"No, not now, but maybe in the future…"

"I haven't got a future!" Ethan began to sob again, his shoulders slumping, and he didn't object when Cal reached for him, holding him close again. "I just want to die, Cal. I want it to be over! I don't want to be here anymore."

* * *

"Dr Keogh!"

Dylan didn't like to show any kind of emotion. He certainly didn't like to swing around in shock at the sound of his clinical lead's voice, but that was exactly what he did.

Connie, to his relief, chose not to comment on it. "Have you seen Dr Knight?"

"Er, yes. He's gone home," said Dylan, uncomfortably aware he probably should have said something before.

"And were you going to inform me of this at any point?" said Connie.

"It was very close to his lunch break," said Dylan. "I thought he would be back by now."

"Well, he's not," said Connie. She looked at him for a few moments, but Dylan said nothing. "Are you going to tell me where he's gone?"

"He didn't tell me," said Dylan. "But knowing Cal, I'd guess it was either a booty call or his brother."

Connie nodded. "And you didn't help matters by disappearing for so long."

Dylan had really hoped his tardiness had been unobserved – but Connie, of course, saw everything. "I'm sorry."

"I've called for some locums and we'll just have to do our best until they arrive," said Connie. "But if you've made any further plans to disappear in the next five hours, I suggest you _un_ make them. Immediately."

* * *

At last, Ethan's tears stopped. Cal ran his hand through Ethan's hair and settled him back gently against the pillows.

"There, Nibbles," said Cal in a soft and not completely steady voice. "It's going to be okay."

Ethan didn't bother to contradict him. He sat, staring straight ahead. He had no energy left to speak. He had nothing more to say anyway.

Cal gave him a tissue and put his arm around him. Ethan wiped his eyes and nose and wished again that he was dead.

Why did everyone think the fact the symptoms hadn't started yet made it all right?

Ethan let his head fall onto Cal's shoulder. He just wanted it all to be over. He almost wanted to start getting symptoms. The sooner it started, the sooner he would die.

"Ethan, have you thought about talking to anyone?" said Cal.

Ethan knew what he meant. He closed his eyes and sniffed. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I know you might not like the idea – I wouldn't either – but it might help," said Cal. He took one of Ethan's hands in his. "Whatever you're doing now clearly isn't working. Why don't you give counselling or something a try? It could hardly make you feel worse."

Ethan made no reply.

"Is there anything that makes you feel better?" asked Cal. He was still speaking gently to Ethan, but there was a catch in his voice as he asked the question.

 _It's my fault he's upset_ , thought Ethan as more tears prickled his eyes. _Always my fault_.

"Ethan?" Cal prompted softly. "What makes you feel better?"

Ethan opened his tear-filled eyes. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" said Cal. Ethan couldn't see Cal's eyes very well, but they looked shiny.

Ethan sniffed. "I thought being like you helped. Getting drunk made me forget. And I couldn't think when I was concentrating on all those salsa steps. I thought if I was you, I wouldn't be the brother with the gene anymore." His voice broke. "But I was just pretending. It's still there and nothing's going to make it go away!"

Cal hugged him closer.

"I just want it to go away!" Ethan's tears began to spill. But it never will and I just keep thinking that. Every day. Every minute. It won't go away!"

"I know, Ethan. I want it to go away too. I hate what it's going to do to you; what it's already done to you!"

Ethan wiped his eyes. "But you can't make it go away, Cal. No-one can."

"No, but if you talk to someone, Ethan, they might be able to help you come to terms with it," said Cal. "Stop it from hurting you so much. Help you to see that you do have a future."

"No point," said Ethan, his voice as heavy as his heart. "No point, Cal."

* * *

"I saw Max today," said Zoe, during dinner.

"I expect you did," said Dylan without interest. "I imagine we saw everyone who was on shift."

"It was… awkward," admitted Zoe. "I thought it would get easier. But every so often I see him and I just… he still gets to me, Dylan."

"Maybe it's not over between you," said Dylan.

"Oh, it's definitely over!" said Zoe. "I don't want him back or anything! I don't mean that."

Dylan sighed. "What do you mean then?"

"I nearly fell over outside cubicles," said Zoe.

"Well, if you do insist on walking around on miniature sky scrapers…"

Zoe hit him, though not so it hurt. "It was nothing to do with my shoes, Dylan! The floor was wet. I skidded. Into Max."

"It's lucky he was there," said Dylan. "Cubicles were quite busy enough without you injuring yourself too."

Zoe looked at him incredulously. "Don't you even feel a little bit of concern for my welfare?"

"A little bit, yes," conceded Dylan. "I'm glad you weren't seriously hurt."

Zoe glared at him. "Sometimes you're a little bit too _Dylan_ , do you know that?"

"Would you rather I was more Cal?" asked Dylan.

"Definitely not!" said Zoe. "Two Cals are more than enough for any department."

Dylan frowned. "Two Cals?"

"Cal and Ethan!"

Dylan shook his head. "Why is Ethan Cal? They're not even both Knights."

"Oh, never mind!" said Zoe impatiently. "I was telling you about Max. Anyway, he caught me. My body was pressed up against his and his eyes looked into mine and I think the shock of nearly falling must have affected me because I felt kind of… floaty."

"Yes: I'm sure the shock of falling was _exactly_ what it was," said Dylan. "Zoe, obviously you still like Max and you are married to him. Why not give things another go?"

Zoe started to laugh. She wrapped her arms around Dylan and gave a firm kiss. "Because I'm in love with you, of course!"


	28. Chapter 28

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I think you're right about Zoe playing mind games - and she's playing them with herself as well as with Dylan. Ethan can be a bit funny about physical affection, but I think he'd be grateful for your hugs at the moment.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the 'two Cals' bit. It must be really awkward for Zoe and Max, and because they don't really have a professional relationship, they can't even hide behind that.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Zoe really does love Dylan in a way. I think part of the problem with Max is that he loved her so much, she felt under pressure to be as perfect as him and was afraid she couldn't do it. But with Dylan, she doesn't feel that pressure. I'm sorry Ethan's storyline is so sad. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Dylan and Zoe could be a good couple as they get on so well, but only if they really do want each other and not other people. I'm glad the scenes with Cal and Ethan are believable. Even though I understand how Ethan feels up to a point, it's difficult to describe the feelings accurately. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and I hope you're having a good holiday.

* * *

Cal didn't want to go.

Ethan needed him. Cal wasn't sure he'd be able to do anything other than hold him, but even that was better than nothing.

But he had to work. Connie was willing to overlook his disappearance yesterday, inconvenient as it was, and she had every sympathy for Ethan, but she needed Cal to work, at least until Lily was better.

 _Let's see how you feel when I get home tonight and find Ethan's killed himself!_ Cal had thought viciously after he'd put the phone down, but his anger was almost instantly replaced by misery. He didn't think Ethan would have the energy to kill himself, but that was so far from making everything okay.

He drove his fist into a cushion several times, but it didn't help. He sat for a moment, his head in his hands, then he dragged his fists across his wet eyes. Going to work wouldn't help Ethan, but neither would sitting here, feeling upset about it.

Cal went back to Ethan's room. Ethan was hidden under the bedclothes. Cal put his hand where he judged Ethan's shoulder to be. "Nibbles, are you awake?"

Ethan's only answer was a sniffle, but that told Cal what he needed to know.

"I have to go to work," said Cal. He squeezed Ethan's shoulder. "But if you need me, I want you to phone me straight away. Will you promise, Ethan?"

Ethan sniffled again.

Cal gently pulled the duvet aside. It didn't surprise him to find Ethan in tears, but he knew the sight would always hurt him. "Come on, Ethan. Come and have a cuddle."

He thought Ethan would refuse, but instead, he lifted his head and placed it on Cal's lap. He began to sob quietly.

Cal stroked his hair. "I know, Ethan. I know. Do you want to sit up and have a proper cuddle?"

Ethan snaked his arms around Cal's waist, but gave no other sign of hearing.

"Ethan, you need to talk to someone," said Cal. "I can see you're depressed and anyone would be. But you can't handle this alone or even just with me. You need a professional. And as for pretending you had allergies… why couldn't you just tell me you weren't happy?"

Ethan sobbed more loudly and gave no reply. Cal's own eyes filled with tears as he hugged Ethan as best he could.

"You said it was easier, but how was it easy?" said Cal. "You had to find something that would make you sneeze; squirt it on a tissue or however you did it and then you had those sneezing fits, which must have been awful. Or are you feeling so bad, that even non-stop sneezing is a respite?"

Ethan continued to cry. Cal rubbed his back and didn't know what else to do, but after a few minutes, Ethan rolled onto his side and looked up at Cal.

"Come on. Sit up," said Cal. Ethan stayed where he was, but he was small and light and Cal had no trouble lifting Ethan, though Ethan flopped against him, his head falling onto Cal's shoulder. "I've got you, Ethan. I've got you."

Ethan closed his eyes and let more tears roll down his cheeks.

"Here." Cal offered Ethan a tissue.

Ethan opened his eyes. He wiped his tears away, then blew his nose. "Sorry." The word seemed an effort. His voice was soft and hopeless. "For everything."

Cal turned Ethan's face towards him. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Ethan. It's okay to be upset. You don't ever have to hide anything from me."

Ethan's eyes welled with tears again. "I didn't want to worry you. I didn't think you'd worry if it was a cold and I thought you'd leave me alone so you wouldn't catch it. But you're a doctor so I needed symptoms too, but it was so hard." Another tear slipped down his cheek. "I thought if I had a couple of days off, I'd feel better. I thought everything was just getting on top of me. I just wanted some time to myself with no-one bothering me. I thought it would help!" Ethan's voice rose. "But it didn't, Cal! I feel worse than ever and I don't know what to do!"

* * *

Dylan was about to go on his break when the trolley burst through the doors of the ED. He hurried over to it, only for his steps to falter slightly when he saw who was walking beside Iain and Jez.

"This is Donna Mitchell, aged 40," said Iain. "She's a patient in the psych ward. She left the ward in a state of distress about ten minutes ago and was found at the bottom of the stairs."

Dylan's eyes hadn't left Angela. She looked pale but calm. She'd probably experienced this before, of course, but he knew it couldn't be easy for her. She was professional but very caring.

"Straight through to Resus, please," he instructed once Iain had given him all the details. He dropped back and walked beside Angela. "You won't be able to come with us. You're welcome to wait in the relatives' room, or if you need to go back to work, we can contact you."

He could tell Angela was trembling, though she managed to keep her voice calm. "Can't I go with Donna? She'll be upset if she wakes up and finds strangers around her."

"I'm sorry. I can't allow that," said Dylan. "But we'll do everything we can." He looked around. "Cal, would you take Angela to the relatives' room, please?"

Cal was standing, staring off into space. Dylan had to repeat the request before he heard it. "Yeah, sure," said Cal, his eyes dull and his voice monotonous. ""Hey, Angela. Follow me."

Dylan hurried into Resus. For almost the first time in his career, he found himself hoping he would be able to do something. Of course, he did his best to help any patient in his care, but he'd always felt the job had no place for hopes. The situation was what it was and all you could do was to focus on the present and do what seemed to be needed. It was about following the next logical step in a sequence. There was little place for hope.

But he knew Angela would be hoping and for some reason, that meant Dylan hoped too.

* * *

Cal showed Angela into the relatives' room and sat beside her. He was supposed to be working in cubicles, but he couldn't face it. He couldn't do anything. He'd seen several patients already this morning and none of them had really needed to come to the ED.

It was true that some of them had been displaying worrying symptoms and they'd needed a doctor to rule out the serious conditions. Cal knew they'd been correct to come to the ED, but the fact they had all been false alarms made Cal feel as though they were wasting his time.

Ethan needed him. _Really_ needed him. None of Cal's patients had. Considering what was really wrong with them, they could have seen their GP, visited the pharmacy or treated the condition themselves at home. Instead, they'd come to the ED and wasted Cal's time when he could have been helping his little brother.

"Cal, are you okay?" asked Angela.

"Yeah, fine," said Cal. _He_ was fine, after all. It was Ethan who wasn't well.

There was another long silence, then Angela spoke again. "It's really good to have your company, but if you need to get back to work, that's no problem at all."

Cal sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm really not in the mood for work."

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" said Angela.

That was all it took. Tears filled Cal's eyes and a moment later,Angela was hugging him. He usually found that being in a woman's arms was the best possible comfort, but he was only too aware it wouldn't help Ethan.

"What's happened, Cal?" asked Angela gently. "You can tell me."

"It's Ethan." Cal felt his tears soaking into Angela's blouse. "He's really depressed and I don't know what to do. He just lies in bed and cries all day."

Angela's hand moved up and down Cal's back. "Do you know what's wrong?"

"You know Ethan's got Huntington's, don't you?" said Cal. She nodded and he continued. "Ethan struggled when he first found out. Understandably. He disappeared for about a week. Missed Mum's funeral. He was really angry and upset when he came back. But then he calmed down and decided to enjoy the life he had left to him and it did seem to work at first. He came out drinking with me. Learned to dance. Became a lot more outgoing. And I thought it was great."

"It probably did seem great," said Angela. "If someone seems happy, it's natural to assume they are. Finding out you have Huntington's must be a terrible shock, but it is possible to be happy."

Cal sat up and wiped his eyes. "But it was all an act and I should have known. This is my brother we're talking about. My geeky little brother. He's always hated drinking. One or two drinks, fine. But not a whole drinking session. He hates dancing. He likes foreign films and walking holidays and complete rubbish like that, but he's been watching my film collection and telling me how great it is. Why did I just believe him?"

"Perhaps because, to you, they're great films," said Angela. "Maybe you thought Ethan would enjoy the films if only he watched them with an open mind."

Cal sighed. "You're right. That's exactly how I felt. I really believed he'd enjoy getting drunk too if he relaxed enough to get into it. I can't believe I was so stupid! Ethan didn't act like a geek because he was scared of being… well, for want of a better word, 'normal'. He acted like a geek because he's a geek! That's who he's always been and that's who he's happiest being." Cal sniffed and wiped away more tears. "And that's the way I love him too."


	29. Chapter 29

**westlife4ever80** , I think everyone needs a hug! I think Cal badly needed to talk to someone and Angela has a way of making people want to confide in her. I think this would be difficult for Dylan because he's usually so good at not caring so he probably hasn't had much experience of coping when he does care. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you have sympathy for Cal - he doesn't feel as bad as Ethan, but he must feel so helpless and perhaps even guilty for being upset when it's so much worse for Ethan. Let's hope Cal's friends can see what you see!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think you're right about Angela giving Dylan more confidence. It's always amazing to meet someone who seems to like you. I don't think Cal is going to be happy for a while, but it is always good to see his emotions! He can give the impression of not caring sometimes, but he really does. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I don't think Dylan would like it if Cal and Angela got together, but it's not as though Dylan's available at the moment! I don't think it would be bad if Ethan went back to being an introvert. He was happy as an introvert; happy with who he was. He wouldn't be so happy if he dropped the 'be more Cal' idea, but then at least then, he'd be facing his situation rather than hiding from it and he could eventually work out how to be happy as Ethan. But I think that Ethan's gone.

 _Thank you to **Ezeiel** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Ethan needed to eat,

He wouldn't have said he was hungry, but he knew he needed to eat. He hadn't had any breakfast and it was now almost lunchtime. Cal would be upset if he found out Ethan hadn't eaten. Ethan didn't want to upset Cal. Cal had been so kind to him.

Ethan moved closer to the edge of the bed.

 _Yes. I can do this. I can sit up, put my feet on the floor, stand up, walk to the kitchen and get some food. It's not difficult. I've done it so many times before. I've done it without thinking about it._

He let his arm roll off the bed. It hung down, his fingertips brushing the floor.

But it wasn't enough. He couldn't reach the food. The kitchen was too far away. He would have so much to do. Such a long sequence of impossible movements and how would he even know what to choose when he got there? He didn't even _want_ anything.

Ethan buried his face in his pillow and began to cry again.

* * *

Dylan didn't want to stop.

If he stopped, he would have to go to the relatives' room and tell Angela he'd been unable to save her patient.

He started another round of compressions, ignoring the looks that were passing between the other team members. They didn't think it was worth carrying on, but it was Dylan's decision. He was lead doctor. If he wanted to carry on, then they would carry on.

"Dylan," said Charlie quietly. "It's been thirty minutes. I really think…"

"Well, I _don't_ think," said Dylan.

"Judging by the distance she fell and the likelihood of brain and spinal injuries…"

"We can think about that once we've got her heart beating," said Dylan.

Charlie shook his head. He reached out and put his hand over Dylan's. "Come on Dylan. Let her go. We could keep going for another thirty minutes, but I don't think we'd get anywhere. We'll be wasting resources; wasting a bed; wasting our time. There are other patients we can help."

Dylan kept working. What did Charlie know? Just because he'd been at this hospital since Dylan had been a child, he thought he knew everything.

"Dylan. Charlie's right." Rita was getting in on the act now. "I really think… if we're all agreed…"

Dylan ignored the nodding heads; the murmurs of agreement. "No, we're not agreed."

Charlie looked at the monitor. "Time of death: 12.04."

"One more minute," said Dylan.

"One more minute isn't going to make any difference," said Rita.

Dylan's compressions increased in ferocity. "One more minute!"

"If we give you one more minute and it stays the same…" said Charlie.

"Then I'll call it!" snapped Dylan.

The minute passed. It took forever and it took no time at all.

Dylan stopped. He looked at the patient. He tried to say the words, but he couldn't.

"Time of death: 12.05," said Charlie.

* * *

Cal looked helplessly at Angela as he wiped his eyes again. "What do I do? How do I make him better?"

"It's not always something you can do on your own," said Angela. "If you're concerned that he… that he poses a risk to himself or others, then you can bring him to the ED, of course, and we'll give him an assessment. If you think there's no risk but he's still clearly depressed, I would recommend taking him to his GP."

"His GP will be useless!" said Cal. "He'll just tell Ethan to come back in two weeks. Do you have any idea how long two weeks is when you feel like Ethan does? He might feel better in two weeks or even a couple of days, but is it worth the risk? How can you let someone walk out of your office when they're feeling like that? How can you do nothing?"

Angela put her hand on Cal's arm. "I know it's difficult. It's not the ideal way of doing things at all. If it was up to me, everyone would be assessed as soon as they reached out for help and everyone who needed help would be given everything they need, but we just don't have the resources."

"But if I bring him to the ED, will you assess him?" said Cal.

"If his doctor – which I know can't be you – refers him to us, then of course he'll be assessed," said Angela. "But I'm afraid I can't guarantee that we'll do anything either. We have limited space. Ethan would have to be very sick in order for us to admit him. But there are other ways Ethan could get support. He could talk to Ben Harding here at the hospital or have another kind of therapy. There are lots of different kinds available. There are groups he could attend. Positive coping methods he could try. Whatever happens, Cal, there is help out there for Ethan."

"I hope so," said Cal sadly.

Angela squeezed his arm. "You might also want to get in touch with organisations that support families that are affected by Huntington's Disease. I'm sure Ethan is not alone in feeling like this. It might help him to talk to people who are specifically trained or to meet other people who have been through the same thing. And you mustn't forget yourself in all this, Cal. Maybe it's worse for Ethan, but that doesn't mean it isn't very difficult for you. You're entitled to support too."

* * *

Dylan was making his way slowly towards the relatives' room when he heard Rita's voice.

"Dylan. Wait a minute."

Dylan turned irritably, though he was actually very glad of the delay. "What is it?"

"Dylan, did you know the patient?" asked Rita, concern in her eyes.

"No," said Dylan shortly.

"Then what's wrong?" asked Rita. "I could see you didn't want to stop and that's not like you."

Dylan looked away. "I thought it was worth continuing. You and Charlie didn't. So we stopped. Can I get on now?"

Rita didn't move. "And I noticed you didn't want to announce the patient's death at 12.04."

"That's a coincidence," said Dylan. "My problems with the number are finished now."

"Which number?" said Rita.

"You know which number."

"Say it then."

Dylan sighed. "Number four. Okay? I said it. I had a problem and I worked through it."

"Sometimes these things do come back," said Rita.

"Perhaps, but that isn't what happened to me," said Dylan. "I would have objected no matter what the time of death was going to be."

Rita looked doubtful. "Dylan, why don't you let me tell Angela? This has obviously affected you."

"No, I'll do it!" Much as Dylan was dreading the moment, he couldn't bear the thought of letting anyone else do it. Angela would be expecting to see _him_ , not Rita.

Rita stared at him in confusion, but then her face cleared. "Is there any relationship between you and Angela?"

"Of course not," said Dylan testily. "Zoe is my, um, my girlfriend. Angela is just a friend."

"That's really what I meant," said Rita. "Dylan, you should never have treated the patient. No wonder it was difficult for you."

"What else could I have done?" said Dylan. "I can't refuse to treat someone just because I know the person who brought her in."

"You know I didn't mean that," said Rita. "You should have found another doctor. Zoe or Cal could have done it."

"But the result would still have been the same, wouldn't it?" snapped Dylan. "Cal is Angela's friend too anyway. Now, if you've quite finished, I'd like to get back to my… friend."

* * *

Dylan was oddly comforted to see Cal was with Angela.

This feeling disappeared as soon as he realised Angela was the one comforting Cal.

She looked up as Dylan entered, her anxious gaze meeting his. "Any news?"

"News?" said Cal blankly. His face was red and tearstained. A look of horror came into his eyes and he jumped to his feet. "You mean about _Ethan_? Is Ethan in here?"

Dylan looked at him in irritation. "Of course Ethan isn't here. Angela is talking about a patient from the psych ward who was brought into the ED. Or did you think she came down from the psych ward specifically to comfort you?"

A stricken look came to Cal's face. He looked at Angela again. "Angela, I'm sorry. I didn't think. I suppose I thought you were just down here for your break or something… I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were right the first time: you _didn't_ think," said Dylan. "Perhaps you could leave now, Dr Knight."

Cal brushed his hands across his face and started to leave the room. At the door, he turned. "Unless you want me to stay, Angela?"

"I'll be fine, Cal. But thank you." Angela had gone pale, but she smiled at Cal. "Why don't you call Ethan?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will." Cal gave her a shaky smile. "Thanks for the chat."

"Anytime. I hope Ethan's okay."

Dylan waited until Cal had finally gone. He stayed standing for a moment, then he went to sit in the chair Cal had just vacated. "Angela."

"You… you couldn't save her, could you?" whispered Angela.

"I'm so sorry," said Dylan – and he meant it. He searched his mind desperately for some phrase of comfort he could offer; something he'd heard another doctor or a nurse say – but he could think of nothing. "We tried. We worked on the patient for thirty minutes and did everything we could. But in the end, we had to call it."

There were tears in Angela's eyes. Dylan was shocked by how much it hurt him.

He was even more shocked by the urge to take her in his arms and hold her tightly. The only person he felt comfortable hugging was Zoe. He hadn't even hugged Lofty… much as he regretted it now.

"Thank you, Dylan," said Angela, as her tears began to fall. "I know you did everything you could and I'm grateful to you for working so hard to save Donna."


	30. Chapter 30

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I feel sad about Donna too. It's horrible killing people off, especially when it's a potential suicide. It's really sad. I'm afraid Ethan won't feel better for a while, but at least Cal knows what's wrong now. Thank you for your review.

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the way I've written Ethan's depression. I know how it feels, but it's really difficult to put it into words. I'm not sure I could write a story where nothing went wrong! Especially not one that's set in a hospital. I'm sure Dylan wants to support Angela, but he might struggle!

 **X-Sammii-X** , Dylan isn't someone you'd usually think of as sweet, but I think he's very sweet sometimes! I think it probably helped Angela to be able to focus on Cal instead of thinking about the patient, but a lot of people probably couldn't have done it. I'm still sad about Ethan! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I've never seen Dylan hug anyone but Zoe, so I can't promise a hug will happen quite yet, but I'll see if I can sneak in some physical affection. Rita was right. I think Dylan puts a lot of pressure on himself not to let things upset him, but he is only human. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid this chapter isn't very happy either - I'm not sure when the next happy chapter will be! But I haven't ruled out a happy ending! I wondered about Angela blaming Dylan - it would have been an interesting situation for Dylan as he might not be able to convince himself he didn't care.

* * *

Dylan didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say.

All he knew was that he wanted to help.

He wanted that so badly, he was feeling actual physical pain as he watched Angela cry. He didn't ever want her to hurt like this.

He knew Charlie had been right. Donna had suffered multiple injuries, most likely including a head injury. Usually, in those circumstances, Dylan would have stopped a lot sooner than he had.

So why was Angela's patient different?

Of course, Angela was his friend and no-one _liked_ to give their friends bad news, but Dylan had been in that situation before and he very rarely let it upset him.

 _Not that I'm upset now_ , Dylan told himself. _I'm just… unsettled. A little bit._

He thought about finding Cal. _He_ and Angela were obviously friends and Cal would know what to say.

But Dylan didn't want to get Cal. He wanted to be the one to help Angela.

"I'm sorry," said Angela at last and Dylan realised he'd been sitting there watching her without offering any comfort at all.

He hated himself for it. What was wrong with him? Angela was his friend and she was hurting.

"No. Don't be," said Dylan awkwardly. "You've lost a patient. It's all right to be upset. It's normal." He paused. "Did you, um, know her well?"

Angela wiped her eyes. "It feels as though I get to know the patients. We talk a lot. They tell me things they don't tell most people. I see them at their lowest. But there's a lot I don't know."

"Well, I, um, if it feels like you know them, then I suppose you do, in a way," said Dylan, completely at a loss but wanting to say something.

"Do you... do you think it was an accident, Dylan?"

Dylan knew what she was asking. "I'm afraid I couldn't possibly say. It's certainly possible. If she was distressed, it's not unlikely she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings." He stopped and wondered if that made it better or not. "I can't say more than that. I'm sorry."

"But either way, it's my fault," whispered Angela.

"No, it's not your fault!" Dylan was shocked to find his hands were on her shoulders. "It's not your fault, Angela. It was an accident."

"It's horrible to think you haven't done enough," said Angela.

Dylan shook his head. "I'm sure you did everything you could."

"But I didn't," said Angela, as more tears fell. "I knew she was feeling down today. She asked me if we could talk. I said I'd come and see her. I gave her a time: she likes to know what time things are going to happen."

"But you were delayed?" said Dylan.

Angela nodded. "I was on my way to see her. I would actually have been early. But one of my colleagues dropped a whole tray of medication. It went everywhere. There was glass and tablets all over the floor. It would have been dangerous anyway, but so many of our patients have self-harmed or overdosed."

"So you stayed to help," said Dylan. He realised his hands had been on her shoulders for a while and rather reluctantly removed them. "You put the welfare of all your patients before the welfare of one individual. That was the correct thing to do."

"It seemed correct at the time," said Angela. "Donna has always found it upsetting when someone didn't do what they said they were going to do, but nothing serious had ever happened as a result. I never thought… I never imagined for a moment…"

"Of course you didn't," said Dylan. "There is no way you could have predicted this."

"But she told me she wasn't feeling good," said Angela as she wiped away another tear. "I could have gone into the ward to explain what had happened or asked someone else to go and help clear up the medication and everything. But I didn't. I just cleared it up, reassured the girl who dropped it… and then…"

"You couldn't have known this would happen. And if anyone is responsible for what happened, wouldn't it be the people who allowed her to leave the ward?"

Angela looked shocked. "Oh, no. It wasn't anyone else's fault. Of course, we try our best, but there are more patients than staff and they all have their own cubicles and if someone knows the code to open the door… you can't blame the other members of staff."

Dylan found himself backtracking. "Of course I'm not blaming them. I'm just saying that it wasn't your actions alone that allowed this to happen."

"Yes. Of course. I'm sorry," said Angela.

She looked fragile and broken and Dylan wanted to hug her. He wanted to hold her together until she was able to keep herself together.

What? Where had that thought come from?

"I… um… I'll make you some tea," said Dylan. "Some people believe it has certain comforting properties. We'll go to the staff room. Then we can, er, talk. If you'd like to."

Angela managed a small smile and stood up. "Thank you, Dylan. A cup of tea sounds really nice."

* * *

Cal tried again, but Ethan's phone went to voicemail. Cal left another message which he was sure Ethan wouldn't listen to and leaned his head against the wall. It felt cold under his hot forehead and for a moment, he wondered if he was ill. If he was ill, he could go home and look after Ethan.

But he knew he wasn't.

He lifted his head to discover his forehead had made a sweaty mark on the wall. He rubbed at it with his hand, then decided to leave it. He had more important things to consider.

"You all right?" asked a sympathetic voice from behind him and he turned to see Max.

Cal sighed. "I'm fine. Just a bit worried about Ethan."

"Yeah, I bet," said Max sympathetically. "It can't have been nice leaving him when he's depressed."

"It was horrible!" said Cal, close to tears again. "I hate seeing him like that! I hated leaving him. I hated _myself_ for leaving him."

Max put his hand comfortingly on Cal's arm. "Shall we go and have a break? You could call Ethan."

"I thought you'd already had your break," said Cal.

Max looked slightly sheepish. "I was going to have it, but when I went outside, Zoe was there, so I came back and did some more standing around, pretending to work."

His face and voice were fairly calm, but Cal knew it couldn't be easy for him to see Zoe around the ED. Particularly now she was with Dylan.

"I'm sure it won't last," offered Cal. "Zoe and Dylan, I mean."

"That's what I thought at first," said Max. "I just thought it was some crazy whim of Zoe's that Dylan would put a stop to after a couple of days. And it's not like I have any right to complain. We're separated. I've been seeing other people so why shouldn't she? And it's not like I can blame Dylan for wanting to be with her."

"I think Dylan's in denial just as much as Zoe," said Cal.

Max looked at him curiously. "You mean he doesn't _like_ Zoe?" His expression changed to anger. "He's stringing her along, is he? My _wife_?"

Cal glanced around as Max's voice rose. "Come on. I think we both need a break."

* * *

Dylan carried two cups of tea over to Angela. "Here you are."

Angela thanked him quietly and took one of the mugs. "Did Donna regain consciousness at all?"

"No, she didn't," said Dylan.

"So she wouldn't have been in pain."

"I wouldn't have thought so," said Dylan.

Angela looked a bit embarrassed. "You must think I'm so stupid. Getting this upset, I mean. You must deal with this sort of thing all the time."

"We do lose patients sometimes, but that's different," said Dylan. "We usually don't know the patients we're treating. If we do, we're advised not to treat them."

"I try not to care too much," said Angela. "I try to keep detached. But it's so hard. They're all so vulnerable and they need someone to care about them."

Dylan had never found that sort of thing difficult, but he decided not to say so.

"I'll have to let her family know," said Angela, a look of nervousness in her eyes.

"Yes. Someone will have to do that," said Dylan. He wasn't sure why he hadn't mentioned it before. "That would normally be my job as I was the most senior doctor involved in her care. But as the patient was already an in-patient in another department, it's possible someone from the psych ward, who will know the patient and possibly the family, will break the news."

Angela looked up at him. "Do you think I should do it?"

"No, I don't," said Dylan bluntly. "You're far too emotionally involved already. I will report the incident to one of the doctors and they will decide how to proceed."

"Of course you're right," said Angela. "It shouldn't be me. I probably wouldn't be very good at it."

Dylan shook his head. "I didn't mean that, Angela." He stopped and wondered what he did mean, but he didn't know. All he could be sure of was that he hated the idea of Angela telling the patient's family the sad news. What if they blamed her?

"No, of course you didn't," said Angela. "I'm sorry. I'm still in shock."

"No, you're not in shock," said Dylan irritably. "Shock is a physical condition that affects the…" He stopped. He might not be very good at offering support, but at the very least, he could refrain from giving medical lectures. "I'm sure if the circumstances were different, you'd do an adequate job. But you feel you're in some way responsible for what happened and that means you're too emotionally involved."

"I do think I am responsible though," said Angela. "I don't want to hide from that. I want to be honest about what happened."

Dylan saw the determination in her eyes and couldn't fault her courage. "Of course you do. And you shouldn't lie. But…"

He stopped. He was far from an expert and the advice he was about to give wasn't advice he made a point of following. He also didn't want to hurt Angela.

This wouldn't normally bother him. If something needed to be said, then it needed to be said.

But the idea of hurting Angela when she was hurting already…

Dylan took a deep breath. "Angela, is this about telling the family what you think they'd want to hear? Or is it more about you and what _you_ need to say?"


	31. Chapter 31

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. You'll find out what Angela's going to say very soon... I wonder if you guessed right!

 **Panicatcasualty123** , I think Dylan was always caring - he just doesn't like to show it. I imagine if he'd tried to show affection towards his dad, he would always have been rejected. I write 'poor' in most of my reviews too - I'm pleased you're sympathising with characters in my story! Thank you for your review.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you're enjoying this so far. I'm glad you like the way I'm writing Dylan - he's one of my favourite characters, but not always the easiest to write! I'm glad you're enjoying his interactions with Angela, as well as the Cal and Ethan parts. I have a slight (okay, major) weakness for brotherly love!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sorry Cal was crying again. He always does in my stories! He needs you to go and cuddle him. I'm glad you liked the bit with Max getting overprotective of Zoe. Angela has made a lot of effort for Dylan in the past, so I suppose he wants to do the same. Unless there's another reason... Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I usually like things sugar-coated, but Dylan is always clear and sometimes that's the most important thing - to know exactly what has happened and what's going to happen. I'm not sure how far Max would get in a battle of wits with Dylan, but it might be interesting to find out! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your reviews - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapters. It's nice to see you back and I hope you had a good time.

* * *

Angela stared at Dylan in shock.

Dylan tried not to feel guilty. He was saying something important, after all. "If you think the family would like to know that a member of staff made a promise and didn't keep it, then go ahead. _I_ know it wasn't your fault and so will most people. An accident happened – dropping the medication - that could have put a lot of people in danger and that was rightly your first consideration. But I'm not sure a grieving relative would understand that. You might have to tell them if they ask direct questions, but otherwise, there's no need to mention your involvement in this. This isn't an opportunity to confess the ways in which you believe you failed the patient."

Angela closed her eyes. "You're right, Dylan. It's not about me. It's about Donna and her family. Dylan, what was I thinking?"

"You were thinking like someone with a personal involvement in the case and not like a medical professional," said Dylan. "But you do have a personal involvement in the case so that's understandable."

"Has it happened to you?" asked Angela. "If I'm not prying."

Dylan almost felt like smiling. "Of course you're prying."

"Oh. I'm sorry," said Angela at once.

"But I don't mind and I'll tell you," said Dylan, much to his own surprise. "I wouldn't say I've ever had a personal involvement in a particular case, but I have sometimes felt responsible. I have..." He stopped and wondered if he was really going to do this. "I have OCD. It is under control now, but for a while, there were things I had to do in order to ensure the patient wouldn't die. If I didn't do them and the patient died, I felt responsible. Of course, I wasn't responsible. But I wasn't thinking like a doctor. The doctor part of my brain had been taken over by another, non-scientific part. The fact that medical evidence showed that the patient couldn't be saved was overruled by the fact I hadn't gone through my checklist."

Angela looked at him in admiration. "But you managed to control it?"

"Yes, I did," said Dylan. He found he rather liked the look on her face. He tried to think when someone had last looked at him like that, but he wasn't sure anyone ever had.

"So I need to do the same," said Angela. "I need to ignore my guilt and look at it rationally."

"Yes. That's right," said Dylan. It was his turn to be impressed now. Angela had identified the problem (with his help, perhaps, but she'd still recognised it as her own problem) and now she was overcoming it.

It was incredible really.

 _She_ was incredible.

"But I don't know if I can," whispered Angela. "She was a lovely person, Dylan. Really lovely. She was like you… well, actually, she wasn't really that much like you, but she worked so hard to overcome her problems. But now… whether it's my fault or not… she's gone. She'll never achieve what she wanted to achieve so badly. It's not fair, Dylan."

"No, it's not," agreed Dylan, feeling that pain inside him again. "It's not fair at all."

* * *

Cal left another message he was sure Ethan wouldn't listen to and sighed.

"You could go home at lunchtime," said Max.

"I'm _going_ to go home at lunchtime," said Cal. "But when Ethan's feeling so depressed and I'm stuck at work, lunchtime seems like such a long time away."

He was grateful when Max put his hand on his shoulder.

Cal accepted the comfort for a moment or two, then he turned and looked at his friend. "But I'm not the only person who's going through a tough time."

Max shrugged. "What have I got to complain about? At least Zoe's happy."

"Is she though?" said Cal.

"Why wouldn't she be?" said Max bitterly. "She's got a new boyfriend. A consultant. It's a bit better than a porter, isn't it?"

Cal looked at him reprovingly. "Max, you of all people should know Zoe doesn't judge people based on how high-status their job is."

Max looked away. "Yeah, you're right. Zoe isn't like that. I don't know why she's with Dylan, but it's not for that reason."

"Maybe Zoe's a bit like Ethan," said Cal.

Max stared at him. "You think Zoe's depressed?" He looked concerned. "She's not acting like it, but i suppose... maybe..."

"I'm not necessarily saying she's actually depressed, but Ethan wasn't acting depressed either until recently," said Cal. "But they're both in a bad situation, right? Ethan tried to ignore his problems by pretending to be me. Doing all kinds of things he would never normally do. He thought that if he did things differently and tried to think differently, he would become a different person. Zoe's marriage has broken down – and it's all her fault. So she might wish she was a different kind of person too. The sort of person who can have a successful relationship."

Max looked worried. "Do you think she is in love with Dylan?"

"No – I'm sure she loves Dylan in a way, but I can't see her being in love with him. He's not her type!" said Cal. "I think she's lying to herself, just like Ethan is." He laughed humourlessly. "Just like I do, all the time! She wants to be in a happy relationship and she's picked a single guy she's always got on with. And didn't they also live together for a while? So she knows they can do that side of things too. She's telling herself that's a recipe for love."

"Do you think it's going to work?" said Max.

"Not for long," said Cal. "I can't see those two falling in love. Zoe's obviously still crazy about you. She spends half her shifts staring at you and she looks around every time she hears a trolley coming in case it's you. Then she tries to pretend she's not looking! Seriously, it's hilarious. And as for Dylan..." Cal smiled.

"As for Dylan, he's really not interested?" said Max, with a rather amusing mixture of hope that Dylan wasn't interested and a desire to kill Dylan for stringing Zoe along.

"He's not interested in _Zoe_ , no," said Cal.

* * *

The pillow was hard. Very hard.

Ethan didn't know why. It didn't make sense, but he wasn't sure he cared enough to find out. It was pressing hard into his face and his face wasn't sinking into it as it usually did.

But it didn't matter if it was soft or hard. Everything still hurt and the tears kept coming. His eyes felt sore and his face felt sticky, but that was nothing in comparison with the way he felt inside.

He just wanted it to stop. All of it. Now.

But nothing stopped. Not his thoughts; not his feelings; not his tears.

Ethan hit his head against the pillow a couple of times. He stopped not because it hurt so much but because it was too much effort. Everything was too much effort. Even breathing was too much effort, but he couldn't stop that. He'd tried, but the air kept getting in.

He heard his phone ringing faintly. He must have left it somewhere. But he wouldn't have answered it even if it had been in his hand.

 _Just go away!_ he thought with another burst of tears, but he didn't really mean the person ringing him. _Why can't everything just go away?_

* * *

"Don't cry," said Dylan awkwardly. The pain in his chest was so intense, he was tempted to check his heartrate with his stethoscope, but he didn't. All he could do was look at Angela and wish he was normal.

If he was normal, he'd know what to say. If he was normal, he'd be able to take her in his arms right now and just hold her.

"I'm sorry," sobbed Angela.

"No, it's all right," said Dylan. "You have a reason to cry."

"I just feel it's my fault and she's been feeling so much better and I hate losing anyone. Most things, I can deal with. But not this." Angela tried to stop crying. "I'm sorry. I'm being so silly. So unprofessional."

Dylan didn't know what to say to that. He agreed she was being silly and unprofessional, but he could hardly say it, even though he might have said it to someone else – and he probably had.

He couldn't say anything to Angela though. His throat seemed frozen. There was nothing he could say. Nothing.

But perhaps…

Dylan reached out his arm. It felt stiff and awkward, but he placed it around her shoulders anyway. It felt clumsy and wrong, but she immediately moved closer to him and leaned against him. Dylan felt a jolt of something but he willed himself to stay still.

 _She's not pushing me away… I put my arm around her and she didn't push me away and it actually feels natural…_

Almost wonderingly, Dylan reached for Angela's hand. He felt her fingers curl around his. Perhaps she was upset enough to hold on to anyone.

But perhaps... perhaps she really did want to be comforted by Dylan.

He felt his arm relax slightly. To his surprise, his hand was moving slightly. Up and down her shoulder. He didn't remember deciding to do it. It had just happened. And it didn't feel too uncomfortable. Perhaps it was a bit jerkier than was ideal, but Angela didn't seem to mind.

Dylan searched his mind for something to say. He wasn't expecting to think of anything, but to his surprise, he did. "It wasn't your fault, Angela." He felt her hand tighten around his. "You shouldn't, um, blame yourself. It's very, er, sad, but it wasn't your fault. At all."

To his amazement, it seemed to work. Angela's sobs subsided, though she stayed in his arms.

She stayed in his arms…

And then Dylan heard a gasp from the doorway.


	32. Chapter 32

**westlife4ever80** , I remember you telling Dylan to hug Angela a couple of chapters ago - and as this is your story, it obviously had to happen! I hope it was convincing, as it is very unusual for Dylan Ethan really needs to be hugged at the moment. Maybe Angela will hug him in a future chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Dylan is my third favourite male character - I wasn't sure about him at first, but I love him now. Especially his scenes with Rihanna. Cal is probably the only person who sees Zoe and Dylan's relationship for what it is - clever Cal! This won't be the last hug between Dylan and Angela. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you feel Dylan is comforting Angela 'in his own way'. Even though I wanted him to hug Angela, I still wanted to retain as much of Dylan's personality as I could. It could be Cal in the doorway...

 **Tanith Panic** , actually, it probably would feel quite odd to get a compliment from Dylan! Or it might seen like heavy sarcasm. If you want to be proved wrong about the gasp, then I hope I'm about to do that, but I'm not confident. I'm afraid I'm not very good at Happy Ethan stories at the moment! Thank you for your review.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review. Yes, I think Zoe and Dylan's relationship could be grinding to a halt! It might be a while in terms of chapters, but it can't last for many more days. I'm really glad you liked Dylan's awkward comforting. It's not easy writing about someone doing something out of character while keeping them in character! I usually update every 4 days, but occasionally I do miss a day, as I did recently.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed the last chapter.

 _Thank you to **westlife4ever80** and **1234rewqasd5**_ _for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Zoe didn't seem able to speak at first. She just stared at Dylan and Angela with her mouth open.

Then she turned and hurried out of the staff room.

Angela sat up, wiping the tears from her face. "Was that Zoe?"

"Yes, it was," said Dylan.

Angela looked worried. "Oh my goodness. What must she have thought? You'd better go after her and explain."

" _Explain_?" said Dylan blankly. "If you're upset, I hardly think it's any of Zoe's business."

"But I was cuddling her boyfriend!" Angela looked so aghast, Dylan felt quite hurt.

He tried to hide it. "I was comforting you. Doctors do sometimes comfort patients. Zoe included."

But he had to admit Angela had a point. _Some_ doctors comforted their patients. Zoe did. Cal sometimes did, if she was female and pretty. Ethan did, though not always with a hug. Dylan thought even Connie and Lily might have offered comfort on occasion.

But not Dylan.

Until today.

Until Angela.

"I mean, I really appreciate your comfort," said Angela quickly. "I appreciate it a lot. I'm just worried as a comforting hug can look different from a partner's point of view."

"Zoe's not my partner!" said Dylan, feeling slightly panicky. "She's… my girlfriend."

 _Though we are living together… in the sense that Zoe hasn't gone home for days._

"I just meant partner in a general way," said Angela. "Including wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends…"

"Thankfully, I only have the one," said Dylan. "I find that more than enough."

Angela's eyes widened slightly, but she hid her surprise quickly. "Oh, of course. I didn't really think you had one of each!"

"I honestly think it would kill me," said Dylan.

"Me too," said Angela.

"And it would be morally wrong, of course," said Dylan quickly.

"Completely," agreed Angela.

Dylan felt slightly peculiar. Angela seemed to be staring at him and he was having trouble looking away.

Angela looked away first. "Right, I'd better get back to work. I'm sorry for getting so emotional, but thank you so much for being here."

"I was… er… happy to help," said Dylan. He was surprised to find he meant it. "And if there's anything I can do to assist with… I was obviously the senior doctor when… you can always contact me."

"Thank you," said Angela. "I expect someone will be in touch."

"Yes. Of course. That's fine. Or if you want to… you know…" Dylan stopped. If she did want to talk to someone, it wouldn't be him.

They looked at one another again.

Angela got to her feet. "Right, um, I'll… be going."

"Yes. I probably have some work to do too," said Dylan.

"I hope Zoe isn't upset."

"I'm sure she won't be," said Dylan. "I'm sorry for your loss. It… wasn't your fault."

* * *

Cal walked into the flat and talked to Ethan as he made his way to his bedroom. The door was open and a glance was enough to ascertain that Ethan wasn't in bed.

"Ethan?" he called sharply. The obvious place to check was the bathroom. His heart pounded with fear: he didn't know what he'd do if Ethan had locked himself in.

To his relief, the door opened – but the relief didn't last.

Ethan was lying face-down on the floor. Beside him was a pool of blood.

"Ethan!" Cal threw himself on his knees beside his brother. "Ethan? Can you hear me? Oh, Ethan, why?" Tears were pouring down Cal's face. "Ethan! Ethan, please answer me!"

Then he became aware that Ethan's shoulders were shaking. When Cal quietened, he could hear Ethan's soft sobs.

"Ethan, I'm just going to roll you over," said Cal. He'd rather not have done it alone, but he wanted to discover the source of the blood. He rolled Ethan carefully onto his back, but there were no signs of blood on Ethan.

Cal looked at the blood again and realised it wasn't blood at all – as he would have known instantly in any other circumstances. It was hand soap. Cal didn't know how it had got on the floor, but it didn't matter. It wasn't Ethan's blood.

He turned back to Ethan and pulled him into a sitting position, holding Ethan's head against his chest. "It's okay, Ethan. I'm here now."

Ethan sobbed some more. His arms went around Cal's waist.

"Come on. Let's get you back to bed," said Cal. "You can't be very comfortable on the floor."

"I don't know why I'm here. I don't know how I got here!" wept Ethan.

Cal put his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "I expect you went to the loo, then you felt going back to your bed was too much effort," he said soothingly, even though the explanation was devastating.

"I don't remember," sobbed Ethan.

"It's okay," said Cal, pulling him close again. "You don't need to remember." He held Ethan till he'd calmed down a bit. "Come on. Can you stand up for me?"

"I don't know!"

"Come on. I'll help you," said Cal, his heart breaking. He helped his brother carefully to his feet and guided him back to the bedroom. "Okay. There you are. Sit down. That's right." Cal sat beside him. "Is that better?"

Ethan looked as though he didn't know what 'better' was.

Perhaps he didn't.

Cal offered him a tissue. "Here."

Ethan frowned slightly in confusion, then he slowly took the tissue from Cal. He wiped his eyes and nose and then looked up at Cal, as though for approval.

"That's it. Well done," said Cal, as though Ethan was a little boy again, rather than the best doctor Cal had ever worked with. He gave Ethan a hug. "It's going to be okay, you know. It's going to get better."

"I want it to stop, Cal!" said Ethan, his lip wobbling as he looked up at Cal. "I want to stop feeling like this."

Cal was feeling teary too now. "I know, Ethan. I know. I want it to stop too. But I'm not giving up, okay? And I don't want you to either. We'll think of a way to help you and if that doesn't work, we'll try something else."

"I'm glad you're here, Cal," whispered Ethan as he cuddled close to his brother.

Cal stroked his hair. "I'm glad too, Nibbles. There's nowhere else I want to be."

He'd already decided he wasn't going back to work today.

* * *

Zoe was standing outside, puffing rather aggressively on a cigarette.

Dylan approached with caution, then wondered why. It wasn't as though he had anything to feel guilty for.

Did he?

Dylan walked slowly up to his… girlfriend and stood beside her.

"Oh, so you've put her down, have you?" said Zoe.

Dylan stared at her in confusion and hurt. "Of course I haven't put her down! She's a perfectly healthy dog. How could you even think something like that?"

Zoe's jaw dropped slightly, then she said: "I meant Angela, not Dervla. Dylan, I would never _ever_ say anything like that about Dervla. No matter how annoyed I am with you, I would not say that."

"Oh, um… well, I am pleased about that," said Dylan, still confused. "But why would I put Angela down?"

Zoe sighed. "I mean literally, Dylan. You were all over her – and she was all over you! I thought _I_ was supposed to be your girlfriend."

"I was comforting her," said Dylan. "One of the patients in the psych ward died today. Angela is upset."

"Oh, I… that's very sad," said Zoe with slightly unwilling but still genuine sympathy. "It must be horrible when something like that happens. Was it self-inflicted?"

"It's difficult to say," said Dylan. "The patient hit her head following – or perhaps during – a fall down the stairs. It's likely the patient was very distressed at the time she died, so if she wasn't paying due care and attention, she could easily have fallen. We can't be sure what happened at this stage. It's possible we'll never know."

Zoe's face filled with sudden concern. "Were you involved in her care, Dylan?"

Dylan nodded. "I made the call to stop attempts at resuscitation." The fact he'd done so under duress was hardly relevant. "Then I broke the news to Angela."

"It must be so difficult," said Zoe. "They probably get to know the patients quite well. It's bad enough losing someone we've never met before in the ED. I can't imagine how it must feel."

Dylan felt himself starting to relax. "Angela feels responsible for the accident."

Zoe gasped. "Oh, the poor girl. I'm sure it's not, but I do know that feeling."

Dylan hesitated and looked around to check no-one was likely to overhear. "The patient told Angela she was depressed and needed a chat. They arranged a time. Angela was delayed – unavoidably. To have gone to that patient would have meant endangering all the others."

"That wasn't her fault at all, but I can see why she feels it is," said Zoe sympathetically. "Where is she now?"

"She's gone back to the psych ward."

"I hope she'll be okay," said Zoe. "It's a horrible thing for anyone to go through." She looked at Dylan, her sympathy giving way to confusion. "But… well… I can understand she badly needed a hug, but I wouldn't have thought you…"

"Why shouldn't I hug her?" said Dylan defensively. "You hug relatives and patients."

"Yes, I know, but I always have done," said Zoe. "You never have. I suppose I'm just wondering why you'd break a habit of a lifetime for Angela."

Dylan was still wondering, himself. "I suppose… it's because she's my friend. I hugged you when you were my friend."

"Lofty was your friend," said Zoe. "But you never hugged him."

"Lofty's… a man."

Zoe shook her head. "Is that really why, Dylan? Because that implies you get some enjoyment from hugging Angela that you wouldn't get from hugging Lofty." She looked thoughtful. "Unless it means entirely the opposite, of course."

"Zoe, I'm not gay," said Dylan. Not that it would matter if he was, but everything was confusing enough already. "If I was, I would hardly be dating you."

"Are you sure?" said Zoe. "Because you don't seem to have very much interest in sleeping with me."

"It's… too soon," said Dylan. "We haven't been together very long."

Zoe looked at him closely. "Are you sure that's the reason?"

"What other reason could there possibly be?" burst out Dylan. "We don't all sleep with strangers on our hen nights, you know. Some of us prefer to get to know a person first."

He regretted the words immediately.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" said Zoe.


	33. Chapter 33

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Dylan and Zoe could work as a couple if it happened in a natural way, but it's not going to work when they both like someone else! Zoe isn't in a good place right now, but she is a kind and sympathetic person so I don't think she'd be able to help sympathising with Angela. You can't have too much brotherly love! Particularly not when Ethan really needs it. And thank you very much for the compliment.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I only know Jessica from your stories and from what you've told me about her, but I'm really pleased I've accidentally managed to echo previous episodes! It's always lovely when something reminds you of a favourite character. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I'm sure you would be able to help Ethan if you were in the same reality, but perhaps Angela will be able to do something. Cal is doing his best, but he probably has limited mental health training and Ethan is his brother. Dylan definitely has a point about Zoe! Thank you for your review.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review. Dylan and Zoe will be having a serious conversation about their future in the next chapter and there will be no more blood and soap, I promise. I'm so glad you liked Dylan's comforting methods and Cal and Ethan's literal bromance.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. There shouldn't be too much more of Zoe and Dylan. Dylan needs to realise he likes Angela and then actually do something about it, but I'll see if I can hurry him up a bit!

 **Tanith Panic** , I still blame Zoe's friends for leaving her alone in a pub, completely drunk, but Zoe's behaviour was worse! I agree that Dylan is in denial - he hasn't had feelings for anybody for a long time (except Lofty possibly), but he won't be able to fool himself forever! I'm glad you liked the soap incident. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. It's not a great moment for Zoe and Dylan, but it might help them to realise what we can all see - they're not meant to be together!

* * *

Dylan sighed. "I'm sorry. I was annoyed. I didn't mean it."

"What did you mean then?" said Zoe. "Are you saying you don't trust me? Is that what you're saying?"

Dylan decided not to point out that Zoe had a history of being not particularly trustworthy. It wouldn't help matters. "Of course I trust you. It's just…"

"It's just _what_?"

 _I'm having second thoughts about this relationship of ours. I don't think it's working. I think I like you a lot more as a friend than I do as a girlfriend._

Dylan knew he could have said all of that. At one time, he probably would have done. But he knew that if he did, he would risk losing Zoe as a friend and he didn't want that. He loved Zoe as a friend.

He'd always thought that he preferred his own company, but he was beginning to realise that wasn't true. He even liked sharing the boat with Zoe when she dropped the sex talk and kept her hands to herself.

And Angela… he did like talking to Angela…

He wasn't expecting his friendship with Angela to stand the test of time. His friendships never did. She probably wouldn't stay at the ED for long anyway. She would move on and forget all about him, or at least get caught up in her new life and have no time for Dylan. She would get married and have babies, though that didn't always stop women from working these days.

But Zoe… Zoe had been part of his life for such a long time and Dylan didn't want to lose her.

And if Zoe wanted their friendship to be a little bit more than friendship… was that really too much to ask?

It wasn't as though anyone else was likely to be interested.

"It's just what, Dylan?" Zoe usually sounded angry when she was required to repeat the question, but her voice had actually become softer. She sounded… almost vulnerable. Afraid.

 _She's afraid of being alone too_ , realised Dylan. _She's forty-one, attractive, intelligent, sociable, amusing, kind - and married - but she's still alone. She fears commitment, but she also fears not having anyone to commit to. I'm the easy option because she thinks she can have the fun and the closeness but avoid the heartache - because she's not in love with me and I would never be unfaithful._

But what could he do about it? If he told Zoe he knew exactly what she was doing, she was unlikely to be very happy. It was quite likely she hadn't even realised she was doing it. Even if she had realised, Dylan would be very surprised if she admitted it.

He was just going to have to be tactful about it, which was more a disaster waiting to happen than Lofty carrying a tray of drinks.

 _I wish Ben was here. He would know how to deal with this._

Dylan took a step closer to Zoe. "Zoe, I don't think you realise… it's been a long time. A _very_ long time since I… and I don't feel ready. But it's more than that. We've been friends for a long time and I like to think we're good friends. I don't want to ruin that. If our relationship goes beyond a certain point, then that will change our friendship. If we take things further, we could theoretically end up with something stronger than friendship. But we could end up with nothing at all."

* * *

Ethan didn't think Cal should be here. He was sure he was working today and he was sure it was long past the end of his lunchbreak.

But the thoughts floated through his mind as random images, not complete sentences. Cal in his scrubs. The clock. Connie's angry face. Ethan couldn't put them into words even in his own head, so how could he say them aloud?

Cal walked into the room with a … thing in his arms.

 _A tray. That's what it's called. A tray._

Cal lowered the tray onto Ethan's lap. "Here you are, Nibbles. One Thursday night special."

Ethan looked pleadingly at Cal and hoped he'd understand.

"No, I know you're not hungry," said Cal, to Ethan's relief. He put his arm around Ethan. "But you know it's important to eat. If you don't, you'll make yourself ill and then you'll feel even worse."

Ethan shook his head. He knew he couldn't feel worse.

"Here, have some milk," said Cal.

He held the glass for him and Ethan tried to swallow, but he choked instead.

He _choked_ …

He turned to Cal with a look of fear.

Cal hastily put the glass down and hugged him. "It's not a symptom, Nibbles. You just choked on your milk. Sometimes, when you're feeling very emotional, it's hard to swallow. That's all this is."

Ethan felt tears starting to flow again. Sometimes crying was physically painful, hurting his chest and his throat and every other part of him too. Now, the tears just fell like rain from the sky.

"Oh, Ethan." Cal took Ethan's tray away and gave him a proper hug. "I know. It's so unfair."

* * *

Zoe looked as though she was trying to understand. "So, you don't think we have a future then?"

"I think we certainly have a future as friends," said Dylan. "I have no idea about anything else. I'd rather be happy with what we have and not take any risks."

"But doesn't the fact we're good friends show you it would work?" said Zoe. "We know we can talk about anything. There's nothing I've done that's so stupid, I haven't been able to tell you about it. And you've told me so much… about your dad; about your OCD… things you've never told anyone else. If we can go through that and still care about each other, isn't that a good basis for a relationship?"

"Well…" Dylan wasn't sure of the answer to that. His marriage had lasted longer than Zoe's, but when it came to relationships, he felt completely in the dark. If Zoe was convinced a relationship between them couldn't fail, who was he to argue?

Zoe took one last drag on her cigarette and dropped it onto the ground. She smiled as she saw the look on Dylan's face. "I know. I know. I'm polluting my lungs and littering the hospital. But you don't hate me for it, do you?"

"No..." said Dylan cautiously.

"You see?" said Zoe. "This could work, Dylan. I know it's a big step, but sometimes you just need to let go of your inhibitions and give something a chance."

"If I let go of my inhibitions, I wouldn't be me," pointed out Dylan. "And you say it's _me_ you like."

Zoe laughed and kissed him. "I love a man who can make me laugh. That's actually one of the most important qualities. I'll see you later then, gorgeous."

* * *

Dylan was waiting outside the ED, trying to convince himself it would be perfectly all right and completely reasonable to assume Zoe had already gone home, when he saw the one person he actually wanted to see.

He could see she wasn't herself. Her head was down and she was walking slowly. She didn't look like someone who wanted company and Dylan doubted very much she'd want his, but he found himself walking towards her, calling her name.

Angela looked up and gave a smile that was tired but seemed genuine. "Dylan. Hi."

"How are you?" asked Dylan diffidently. It wasn't a casual question. He did really want to know.

He'd hoped to see her again, or at least speak to her, but it had been a psychiatrist who'd come to speak to him about Donna. Her family had come too. That had been more difficult than Dylan had expected. He hadn't known them, but the fact he knew Angela had made it more difficult for him to distance himself.

"I'm… okay, thanks," said Angela. "It's been a difficult day. There's always a lot to do in a situation like this and we're all sad. But I'm fine."

Dylan wanted to say more. He wished he had some idea what. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you, Dylan, but you've done so much for me already," said Angela. "I really do appreciate your kindness. I heard you were really kind to Donna's family too."

Dylan found he was relieved to hear that. He had tried to be kind, certainly, but he hadn't had any idea if he'd succeeded. It was difficult to tell with relatives. When giving bad news, you couldn't expect signs of happiness or gratitude. Not when they'd just lost someone they loved.

That had never bothered him before. His job was to save the patients if possible and deliver the news if not. It wasn't his favourite part of the job, but it was something that had to be done so Dylan had always got on with it. But when Angela said the words, he realised he was glad he'd managed to provide some comfort on this occasion. "Nevertheless. If there is something I can do…"

Angela smiled and reached out to touch his arm. "There isn't, but I do appreciate the offer."

"Would you like me to call you a taxi?" asked Dylan.

He wondered why he was being so pushy. Calling a taxi was a lot of effort, after all, and Angela was perfectly capable of doing it herself.

"I'll be fine," said Angela. "But thank you, Dylan. I don't think I could have managed without you today."

"I think you're the kind of person who will always manage," said Dylan. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't accept help and I'm glad I was able to give it."

"You helped a lot," said Angela, and smiled at him.

A sad smile but full of gratitude.

Dylan's mouth felt dry. "I'm glad, Angela."

They looked at one another for a moment. Dylan wasn't sure what he was thinking or feeling, but he knew he didn't want to look away.

"I'd better not hold you up anymore," said Angela. "Thanks again, Dylan. I'll see you soon, I hope."

"I hope so too," said Dylan. "Er… goodbye, Angela."

"Goodbye, Dylan."


	34. Chapter 34

**westlife4ever80** , Zoe is so stubborn sometimes! I can't see Angela acting on her feelings for Dylan while he's still with Zoe, but that relationship can't last very much longer! Ethan is very lucky to have Cal, who can explain away his apparent symptoms as well as being supportive. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. As horrible as it is for Ethan, it would be worse in some ways if it had happened to one of the characters who lives alone - like Lily or Dylan. I'm glad you can see something positive in Dylan and Zoe's relationship.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Zoe is desperate for love - and who can blame her? Everyone wants and deserves to be loved. Little Matilda made such a difference to Cal - since his experience of being a father, he's really grown up. I'm glad you like Dylan and Angela as a couple. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I like writing Dylan as a romantic figure - the 'real' Dylan seems happier alone, which is fine, but this is fanfiction! The trouble with watching out for symptoms is that you'll often find them - a lot of symptoms can either indicate another condition or happen for no clear reason. Thank you for your review.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review. I'm sure Zoe will realise before too long - she's very stubborn but not stupid. I'm glad you liked Dylan's internal struggle - in a way I could imagine him saying: "This isn't working. Get out of my bed and go home," but he does really care about Zoe, so I didn't choose that option!

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter.

* * *

"How was your shift?" asked Dylan woodenly when Zoe finally came out of the hospital.

It occurred to him that this wasn't a question they'd really asked each other before they'd started dating. In Dylan's case, this might have been partly because it didn't occur to him to ask. But he thought it was also because they were such good friends, they didn't need to ask meaningless questions. If Dylan asked Zoe how her shift was, it was because he had some reason to suppose it might have been difficult (for example, the first day she'd returned to work after the double trauma of her near-drowning and her wedding).

It was the same with Zoe. She'd asked him after he'd returned to work after getting his OCD under control, but as soon as she felt confident he'd settled back into the life of the ED, she'd stopped asking.

Of course, there _were_ the times when Zoe wanted a favour. If Zoe wanted something, she did sometimes open the conversation by affecting an interest in Dylan's life – or , to give a more charitable interpretation, perhaps by making absolutely sure this was a good time to ask for a favour.

Apart from that, the question wasn't asked because they both knew that if one of them needed to talk, they didn't need an invitation.

Yet now they were boyfriend and girlfriend and – one would expect - closer than they'd ever been, Dylan had started asking the casual questions again.

While Dylan was far from an expert on the nuances of social conversation, it did cross his mind that perhaps he and Zoe were reverting to conventional, formulaic conversations because they didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah… my shift was good," said Zoe. There was a pause. Dylan could almost see her brain working as she desperately tried to think of something interesting to tell him. Finally, she came up with: "I thought one of my patients had exactly the same shoes as me, but when we looked, they were different."

"Oh," said Dylan, not sure what else to say. "Perhaps that was another pair you own."

"Maybe," said Zoe.

They lapsed into silence. Dylan didn't usually mind silences with Zoe. They were comfortable silences and in some ways, it was a bit of a relief when Zoe finally stopped talking. She was her friend and he loved her as a friend, but she did like her little soliloquies. Mostly Max-themed, of course.

But this silence seemed wrong. They were supposed to be a couple.

"How was your shift?" Zoe asked a good three minutes later.

Dylan reflected that it had actually been an extremely difficult shift. He didn't think he was going to forget losing Angela's patient for a long time.

Then Zoe gasped and put her hand on Dylan's arm. "Dylan, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. How are you feeling? It's always difficult delivering news like that to someone you know."

"I'm fine," said Dylan.

"Look, I don't mind if you and Angela are friends," said Zoe. "I just don't want you seeing anyone behind my back, that's all."

"Why not?" said Dylan. "Are you afraid you won't like it?"

"Honestly? That's exactly what I'm afraid of," said Zoe. "I know I hurt Max and I'll always feel guilty for that, but if it happens to me and it turns out to feel even worse than I imagined…."

Dylan tried to think of something to say. He was sympathetic. It couldn't be nice being in Zoe's position, knowing she'd hurt someone she loved. "I don't think Max hates you," he said at last.

"No, I know he doesn't," said Zoe. "And that makes me the luckiest girl in the world because he has every right to hate me. But he doesn't love me anymore, does he?"

"Do you want him to?" asked Dylan.

Zoe turned to look at him. She seemed about to speak, but then her face changed and he laughed. "Of course not, Dylan! I'm in love with you, aren't I?"

* * *

Cal tried to book Ethan an appointment with his GP, but they didn't have anything for three weeks. He couldn't see one of the other GPs either. The receptionist explained that if he phoned back tomorrow morning, he could ask for a phone consultation from a doctor, who'd decide whether to offer Ethan an emergency appointment.

"He doesn't need a phone call. He needs to see someone!" said Cal. "He's seriously depressed. I'm not even sure he could talk on the phone. Listen, I do know what I'm talking about. I'm a doctor myself. Ethan needs medication, but I'm not in a position to prescribe anti-depressants." He wasn't even sure if he could prescribe amitriptyline, which was also used as pain relief. Even if he could, he needed to provide evidence that Ethan was in physical pain and that the normal painkillers were unsuitable.

Even if he did manage all that, he doubted he'd be able to prescribe it for Ethan long-term.

"If your brother phones at 8.30, the doctor will call back later that day as long as there are time-slots available," said the receptionist. "If you're concerned, you can always take your brother to the ED. Do you know where your nearest ED is?"

"Considering I work in the ED, I think I can probably just about remember," said Cal, and put the phone down. He knew it was rude of him – the receptionist couldn't change the rules just because Cal's little brother was depressed – but it was so frustrating. And terrifying. What If Ethan had been all alone? What if he'd had to access the help for himself? It would have taken all Ethan's energy to make the initial phone call. Cal couldn't see Ethan, in his current condition, rousing himself sufficiently to make another phone call at the correct time and then later say enough to the doctor to convince him that he needed an emergency appointment.

 _It's wrong!_ thought Cal, angry but helpless, as he made his way back to Ethan. _How can they make the system so difficult, the people who need the help most won't be able to deal with it?_

He knocked on Ethan's door before opening it. He often didn't bother when Ethan was well, but now, Cal wanted to do everything Ethan had ever wanted.

Ethan was lying in bed, exactly as Cal had left him. He wasn't crying, but he didn't look up or acknowledge Cal in any way.

Cal sat on the bed and took Ethan's limp hand in his own. "Okay. I phoned the doctor and they said if we phone at 8.30 tomorrow, we can get a phone appointment with a doctor, who will assess whether you need to go to the surgery. I'll arrange the callback for you and I'll answer the phone when the doctor calls, but I think they will need to speak to you."

"I can't," said Ethan, his eyes filling with tears.

"Okay. That's okay. We'll sort something out." Cal lay down on the bed and gave Ethan a cuddle. "It's okay, Ethan. Don't worry. I'll sort this out."

* * *

Dylan got into bed and sighed in annoyance as Zoe's arms snaked around his waist. "Zoe. I believe I told you I'm not ready for this."

"I thought maybe I might try to change your mind," said Zoe.

Dylan wished he'd let Dervla into the bedroom. She'd protect him. "Not tonight, Zoe. I have a headache."

Zoe laughed. "Didn't you know sex is actually good for headaches? Unless I start banging your head against the headboard."

"No, we don't want any banging, thank you, Zoe."

"Dylan, no offence, but most guys would be delighted to find a willing woman in their bed."

"As I'm sure you're well aware by now, I'm not most guys," said Dylan.

"No… and I'm glad of it, to be honest," said Zoe.

"Then perhaps you could let your appreciation of me extend to an appreciation that I need to sleep," said Dylan.

It was worth a try.

Zoe's hand began to move down his chest towards his stomach. Lower and lower and lower and…

Dylan was just about to ask Zoe if she could smell burning when Zoe got a text. "You should probably look at that," said Dylan. "It might be important."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Zoe turned over and reached for her phone. "I mean, how long does it take to read a text?"

Dylan didn't reply. He wondered if he wanted to fall asleep while Zoe was reading the text or whether it would be safer to stay conscious.

"It's from Max!" said Zoe in a tone of pleased surprise. "I wonder what he wants."

Dylan chose not to speculate.

"Oh my God!" gasped Zoe. "Why is he sending me a picture of _that_? I'm a married woman! Well, obviously I am married to him, but… I'm a woman in a relationship with someone who isn't him!"

Somehow, she completely failed to sound outraged.

"Oh, he wrote a message too!" said Zoe. "Hey Zena, here's something to keep you going till I … hang on. I'm Zoe, not Zena! That had better be a predictive text mistake. He'd better not be trying to send that picture to someone else. He's supposed to be my husband!"

Dylan could tell that, beneath the anger, she was genuinely hurt.

Slowly, he turned over so he was facing her.

"Oh, Dylan," said Zoe sadly. "Am I ever going to put this right?"

"It's impossible to say," said Dylan. "He might be doing the same as you: desperately trying to find happiness with someone else who has less power to hurt him."

"What?" said Zoe. "Why would he do that?"

"Well, you're not really in love with me, are you?" said Dylan.

Zoe stared at him. Guilt flashed across her features. "I'm sorry, Dylan, but... no. I'm not. I still love Max. I hoped if I tried hard enough, I'd fall in love with you. I mean, I do love you as a friend."

Dylan spoke gently. "How about we go to sleep now and think about Max in the morning?"

"Okay," said Zoe quietly. "Yes, that does sound good." She turned her back on Dylan and didn't say anything else, but Dylan could tell from the sound of her breathing that she was crying.

"Oh, all right," said Dylan. "If you're that desperate, you can have a _friendly_ cuddle."

Zoe didn't need a second invitation.


	35. Chapter 35

**westlife4ever80** , a cuddle can mean a lot - if anything it means more coming from Dylan, who doesn't usually hug anyone. Not that you'd guess that from the amount of hugging action he's had in the last few chapters! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal is very good at comforting and he seems to have lost his habit of turning every cuddle into a seduction - not that Ethan needed to worry about that! I'm glad you liked Zoe and Dylan's hug. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Zoe does want to be loved, but she's also afraid of how vulnerable we can be when we open our hearts. At least she's finally realised that friendly love isn't enough. I'm glad you liked Cal's scene. I think he'd really resent any implication that he doesn't know what he's talking about!

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter. I've split them up at last!

 **Tanith Panic** , Zoe and Dylan probably could work as a couple, but not in this story! I think a relationship between them would probably need to happen naturally, without Zoe pushing Dylan into it. Besides, I have other plans for Dylan - and Zoe was getting in the way! Thank you for your review.

 **1234rewqasd5** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you like the story so far and I hope you like where I take it next.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you liked the update! I'm afraid it might take a little while for Dylan and Angela to happen, but with Zoe out of the way, things are moving in the right direction at last. The first step is to get them to spend more time together and then after that... who knows?

* * *

Cal hated dealing with GPs. He was used to doctors who did as they were told. If he contacted a doctor in another part of the hospital and told him what his patient needed, they would accept he knew what he was talking about and see the patient as soon as possible.

GPs were completely different. They weren't so bad if Cal contacted them in his official capacity, but when Cal visited his GP as a patient, he simply did not see Cal as an equal. Anything Cal suggested was either ignored or dismissed – and when it turned out was right, his GP completely refused to acknowledge it.

Ethan had the same GP and said he'd never had any such problems with him, but Cal guessed Ethan's policy was to keep quiet and let the GP do all the work and only make a suggestion if he was really struggling.

Cal really couldn't see himself taking that approach.

As he'd expected, the surgery's phone lines were busy and he soon found himself being held in a queue. His eyes strayed anxiously to the clock. The longer he was kept waiting, the more chance there was that there would be no phone appointments available. "Come on, come on, come on! My brother needs you!"

At last, someone answered. Cal asked for a phone appointment, not really expecting that he'd be given one, and was shocked when he was told a doctor would phone that afternoon between 1pm and 5pm.

"What? Really?" he asked in disbelief, before quickly adding: "Thank you. That would be great."

"Can I take your name, please, sir?"

Cal hesitated. "Well, I'm actually calling for my brother. Would you like my name or his?"

"The patient's name, please."

"Ethan Hardy." Cal supplied Ethan's date of birth and a phone number and then went to Ethan's bedroom to tell him the good news. "Ethan, I-"

Ethan was crying again, tears running silently down his cheeks from desolate brown eyes. Ethan cried so much at the moment, but Cal knew he'd never get used to it.

He sat beside Ethan and hugged him. "The doctor's going to phone this afternoon between 1pm and 5pm, Ethan. But I'll be here so I can answer the phone for you and then pass it across to you if they really need to speak to you."

"Work," said Ethan weakly.

Cal held him more tightly. "No, Ethan. No way are you going to work."

"No… you work," said Ethan with obvious effort.

"I'm not leaving you."

Ethan jumped violently as Cal's phone rang. Cal found himself apologising, even though it wasn't his fault and he didn't usually apologise for anything if he could help it. He groaned when he realised who was calling him. "Hi, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Dr Knight," said Connie. "I trust I'll be seeing you at work today."

Cal trembled inwardly, but he knew what he had to do. "I'm sorry, but I really don't want to leave Ethan. We've got a phone appointment with his GP for later and I have to be here. Ethan can't really cope with talking on the phone."

"When is the appointment?" asked Connie.

Cal told her.

"Very well. You may have the afternoon off," said Connie. "I'll arrange locums to cover. If you want to apply for leave in view of whatever Ethan's GP says, you may do so. I do understand that your brother needs support at the moment, but so do the many people who come to our ED every day, expecting to find a full complement of doctors. Disappearing in the middle of your shift is not acceptable, Dr Knight, and I am prepared to overlook it _only_ if you come in today and give me a full morning's work. Is that clear?"

"Mrs Beauchamp, he really is very ill," said Cal.

Connie's voice softened. "I'm sure he is, Cal, and I'm genuinely sorry, but I do have a department to run. If you need to take time off to look after Ethan, I'll do everything I can if it's done through the proper channels. But pull another disappearing act and you might find you have a lot more time for looking after Ethan than you'd bargained for."

* * *

Dylan came out of his bedroom to find Zoe slumped in a chair. She looked as though she'd hardly slept. Dylan was feeling tired too after spending more time he'd anticipated on the unusual activity of hugging Zoe in bed, but he had a feeling Zoe had lain awake long after sleep had claimed Dylan.

Dylan sat beside her. "How are you?"

Zoe rubbed her hands over her face. "I don't know, Dylan."

"You're going to be fine," said Dylan, hoping it was true. "All right? You will get over Max."

Zoe looked up at him. "When?"

"How could I possibly be expected to know that?" said Dylan mildly.

"It's just been so long," said Zoe. "And every time I see him, he's with another girl. Or if he's not with a girl, he's on his phone and I wonder who's talking to. Sometimes he just smiles and I wonder who's making him smile."

"Max smiles for all sorts of reasons," said Dylan. "He's the kind of person who'd smile just because it's not raining."

Zoe smiled then. "Yeah, he is," she said dreamily, but her happiness didn't last. "I've tried, Dylan. I've tried so hard to get over him. But I can't do it."

"It is difficult," admitted Dylan. "It can take time. And seeing the person you love every day doesn't always help."

Zoe looked shocked. "Are you saying I should leave?"

The thought of it filled Dylan with panic. He couldn't lose anyone else. "No. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying it's difficult."

"But clearly not for everyone," said Zoe. "Not for Max."

"Maybe he's just a lot better at fooling himself than you," suggested Dylan.

Zoe half-laughed. "I shouldn't think there's anyone who's better than me at that."

"But you're being honest now," said Dylan.

Zoe nodded. "And you know what? It's not making me feel even slightly better."

* * *

Cal knew he really had to leave now. He checked he had his bag, his keys and his phone (it made him sad to know he had to remember for himself now, rather than relying on Ethan to nag him) and then went to check on his brother one last time.

Ethan was under the covers. Cal guessed he was either sleeping or crying and hoped it was the former.

He sat on the bed. "Ethan, I'm going to go now, okay? But I'll be back by one."

Ethan didn't answer. Cal stayed where he was for a moment, fighting tears. Then he leaned over Ethan, hugged him tightly through the bedclothes, and finally left the flat.

* * *

Zoe had talked about Max all the way to work. Dylan wasn't sure if he was more fed up or relieved. Listening to Zoe talk about Max wasn't his favourite thing to do, especially as Zoe often mentioned things Dylan definitely didn't want to know about, but it was better than living in constant terror that Zoe was about to kiss him.

When they arrived at the hospital, two people were on their way out. Dylan recognised them instantly as Angela and Ben Harding. They were obviously deep in conversation, but something must have attracted Angela's attention because she glanced in Dylan's direction, smiled, and gave a little wave.

Dylan stared at her, aware that he was feeling rather peculiar. He hoped he wasn't ill. He lifted his hand to shoulder height, intending to wave, but he realised Angela had already turned back to Ben and the two of them were walking away. He dropped his hand to his side again, feeling embarrassed, but Zoe made no comment and when he looked at her, it was clear she was sunk in her own thoughts.

They were almost at the entrance when Zoe touched his arm and stopped walking. "Dylan… do we need to tell everyone?"

"Tell them what?" said Dylan, who was still thinking about Angela. Her smile had seemed genuine, so she was obviously feeling happier than she had been yesterday. He was glad about that. It had been terrible to see her upset, particularly when she was blaming herself for something that was in no way her fault.

"About us," said Zoe.

"There isn't any us."

"Yes, that's what I mean," said Zoe in a low voice. "I don't want to tell everyone yet. I don't want everyone to know I messed up a relationship again. Can't we just pretend to keep things going for a little while?"

"How long exactly is a little while?" said Dylan warily.

"Oh, I don't know. Just until there's something else to talk about," said Zoe. "Another couple to talk about."

Dylan knew exactly which couple she had in mind. "You want us to continue to pretend to be a couple until you're back with Max."

Zoe looked embarrassed. "I know it's silly."

"It is – very silly," said Dylan. "I don't mind in the least if everyone thinks you've dumped me for your own husband, but I don't particularly want everyone thinking you're cheating on me and feeling sorry for me. I can't imagine anything more irritating. I also don't think Max is very likely to take you back if he believes you're involved with someone else and while I'm far from an expert, I don't really think all this relationship-hopping is going to do your reputation any good at all."

Zoe gasped slightly. "What's wrong with my reputation?"

Dylan tried not to sound too unsympathetic. "It would be extremely difficult to sleep with other men on your hen night without it affecting your reputation."

"Dylan, do you have to keep going on about that? It wasn't 'men' anyway. It was one man."

"Yes: that makes all the difference in the world," said Dylan.

"Okay. I know it was still bad."

"It was bad," said Dylan bluntly. "And if you move straight from me to Max, I think the… incident might be in a few other people's minds too."

Zoe nodded slowly. "Okay. I can see your point. But I was just thinking, if Max thought we were still together, it might encourage him to do something about it."

"Yes: because he's shown every interest in punching my lights out so far," said Dylan.

Zoe smiled unwillingly. "You're right. It's a stupid idea. Just like all my ideas lately."

"Your idea that sex with someone else can help you deal with your feelings for Max is certainly rather stupid, yes," said Dylan. "But your idea that a relationship can begin as a friendship... perhaps there is something in that."


	36. Chapter 36

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I've always loved Connie's softer side, but it's so rare to see it. I think now, she's completely switched off from work and all we're seeing is Connie the human being. It's horrible seeing her so unhappy, but at the same time, I do love this Connie!

 **westlife4ever80** , don't worry - you can't help being busy. I'm really happy and grateful you're still finding the time to read and review this story. Luckily, Connie can see there's a genuine problem, rather than just Cal being difficult again! But a lot of bosses don't care and just see it as an annoyance. Connie expects professionalism, but she doesn't expect Cal to be superhuman. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I don't want to give too much away, but it's definitely not my intention for my story to have a sad ending! I was disappointed that Max didn't leave with Zoe (though I'd have liked it even better if he'd convinced Zoe to stay).

 **Tanith Panic** , some of my favourite episodes are the ones where Ethan suffers, but I'm definitely not sitting there smiling as I watch! The English language does fall a bit short when it comes to our feelings about a sad story. I really am happy you were gripped and that you enjoyed Zoe and Dylan. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Connie can be wonderful with patients and relatives. She wants everything to be done in the right way because she has to consider the hospital as well as Ethan, but she does care about her colleagues. Zoe and Dylan do have a great friendship - I think she'd take a lot more criticism from Dylan than everyone else! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , yes, Zoe and Dylan have broken up now, so Dylan is free to make his move on Angela. I'm sorry it wasn't clear. Thank you for your review.

 **Ezeiel** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you enjoyed it. I'm sorry Ethan is making you feel sad! I don't think he actually cries in this chapter and he isn't in the next one at all, so I hope you won't feel quite as sad. I'm glad Zoe isn't completely loathsome. I like Zoe, but she's not short of flaws and she's made some big mistakes.

* * *

Cal really couldn't be bothered today.

Everyone he saw seemed to be a time-waster. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd had to say: "No: all your tests have come back clear," and "You really should have gone to your GP about this, you know."

He did have a certain amount of sympathy with the GP situation as they would probably have to have waited three weeks for a normal appointment, but they could have asked for an emergency appointment. Cal had managed to make one for Ethan easily enough.

He sighed and went to see his next patient, who'd presented with suicidal feelings. "Hi. It's James, isn't it? I'm Dr Knight. And you're having thoughts of suicide."

James nodded. "Yeah, and they just aren't going away. Every minute, they're in my head. Buzzing away by little flies. I would say they were driving me mad if I wasn't convinced I'd reached that stage years ago."

Cal stared at him. How could a suicidal person be making jokes? Ethan could hardly even smile, and even when he did, it wasn't genuine. "Have you acted on these thoughts at all?"

"Not this time; not so far," said James. "But a couple of times in the past, I have given into it and got myself into a pretty bad state. So I thought the best thing to do would be to come and see you before I caused myself a serious injury."

"Look, we are here to treat injuries and illness, you know," said Cal. "If you cut yourself or took an overdose, we can sort this out. What do you expect us to do for you now?"

James shrugged. "Make me feel better, I suppose. Listen, it doesn't make much sense to me either. All I know is I phoned the mental health team and they told me to come here. So here I am!"

He smiled. He actually smiled. And he was speaking to fluently and clearly and logically, while Ethan was struggling to produce every word.

Ethan needed to be able to make a phone call to assess whether he required medical appointment and this guy was just expected to walk in and ask for it?

"Okay," said Cal. "I can understand that you're concerned and I realise you're only following instructions. But you must see there can't be too much wrong. I mean, you were able to make a phone call to ask for help; listen to the instructions you were given and understand them; get yourself all the way over to the hospital without making any kind of attempt on the way; explain clearly why you're here and even make jokes about it. I really don't see what we can do and in the meantime, you've wasted time while genuinely injured and unwell people are sitting out in that waiting room, waiting."

James stared at him. The colour started to drain from his face. "So, that's what you think. That I'm wasting your time."

"As I said, I can't blame you for doing what the mental health team tell you to do, but basically, yes!" said Cal.

"Right," said James, getting to his feet. "I won't waste any more of your time."

"Thanks, James," said Cal. "I'm glad you understand. But while this isn't in any sense an emergency, I do get that you're not feeling great and I genuinely hope you feel better soon."

James walked out without acknowledging his words.

Cal didn't mind. Considering he'd just been told he was a time-waster, James had taken the news rather well.

* * *

Dylan was just leaving a cubicle when someone rushed past him.

He didn't seem aware of Dylan's presence at all. He ran so close to him, he knocked the file out of Dylan's hands and didn't seem to hear his shout of annoyance.

Dylan bent to pick up the file, hearing more shouts from colleagues, requesting the running person to stop, but they weren't able to catch him. As he reached the lift, he hurled himself through the rapidly-closing doors and Dylan heard the sound of the lift moving upwards.

He didn't think too much more about it. He thought the behaviour was bizarre, but it really was none of his concern and he wouldn't be the first visitor to the ED to run to the lift – he'd probably been told that the person he'd been visiting was in surgery, so he'd hurried upstairs to find them.

He jumped as a hand touch his arm. "Ready for a break, Dylan?" said Zoe.

"If you mean am I ready to pass a few minutes in the company of a friend, then yes," said Dylan. "If you expect me to stand beside you, polluting my lungs while you desperately try to get the attention of another man, the answer is no."

Zoe sighed. "Relax, Dylan. I have no idea if Max is even out there."

"But I imagine you do have some interest in finding out," said Dylan.

A slight smile appeared on Zoe's face. "Would you believe me if I said I don't care one way or the other?"

"No."

Zoe laughed. "Fair enough. But I would like a break whether Max is there or not and I'd love to spend it in the company of one of my best friends…"

Dylan relented. Zoe as a girlfriend was terrifying, but there was something irresistible as Zoe as a friend. "All right."

Zoe was smiling as they left the ED together. She stopped smiling as Louise ran towards them, panic on her face. "Zoe, Dylan, there's someone on the roof!"

* * *

Phone call. Phone call.

Was he supposed to be making a phone call?

The thought swirled in Ethan's head. He didn't think it would be there unless there was a reason for it, but he couldn't remember who he was supposed to be phoning. After a moment or two of confusion, he remembered he had a mobile phone and that there might be a clue on there somewhere. He even knew the phone was likely to be on his bedside table, but he couldn't remember how to get it. He knew the phone went against his ear and he spoke into it, but he couldn't remember how it got there.

That was wrong. Ethan was sure he used phones all the time. How could he have forgotten that?

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine using his phone. A picture finally came into his mind: he held the phone against his ear with his hand. So he probably picked up the phone from his bedside table with his hand.

Ethan tried to move his hand, but it was difficult. He knew that there were two groups of motor neurones in his brain, the pyramidal and extrapyramidal tracts, which were responsible for sending the signals for his hand to move. The pyramidal tracts were the ones he'd mainly be using in this instance as his hand movement would be voluntary, though the extrapyramidal tract would help with co-ordination and fine movement, ensuring he was able to move his hand to the right place and pick up the phone.

Not that his extrapyramidal tract would be able to help at all in that regard for too much longer. In a few years, he'd do well even to knock the phone off his bedside table because at least then he'd have moved his hand in the right direction.

Ethan lifted his hand, but it felt so heavy. He let it flop back onto the bed.

Why was picking up his phone so hard?

He was useless. Completely and utterly useless and his symptoms might not even have started.

He really would be better off dead.

* * *

Dylan burst out of the lift and ran to the door leading to the roof. He wasn't quite sure why he was the one doing this. Whoever the person on the roof was, Dylan doubted he was one of his patients. Two of his current patients were unable to walk. Another he knew for a fact to have a severe fear of lifts, while the fourth was female. Louise was sure the person on the roof was a man.

Dylan arrived on the roof. The man was standing close to the edge, looking down. Even from a distance, Dylan could see he was trembling hard. Even if he had no intention of jumping, falling was a real possibility.

He walked slowly towards him. He knew that any sudden, unexpected noise would startle the man, yet Dylan knew he had no choice. He would have to speak to him and that would startle him.

 _Why am I even doing this anyway?_ thought Dylan. He wasn't exactly known for his sensitivity, yet he, and not Zoe, was the one on the roof.

"Hello," said Dylan. "I'm Dr Keogh. I … er… I very strongly advise against jumping."

His heart thudded in fear as the man swung to face him, the movement sending him slightly off balance, but he didn't fall. "What do you care?"

"Well, I don't particularly want to have to scrape up your remains from the car park," said Dylan.

The man looked at him a bit blankly.

Dylan thought that was just as well. His comment probably had been a bit insensitive. "I also don't want a waiting room full of hysterical people who saw you jump."

"So it's all about you?" said the man, but not aggressively. "Because you're more important than me?"

"To be quite honest, at this moment in time, yes," said Dylan. "There are people here who need their lives saved - including you - and I'm one of the relatively small number of people who actually knows how to do it."

The man was silent for a moment. "I wanted to be a doctor."

"Then unless you think heaven has its own medical school, in which case I'm not allowed to comment as you're entitled to your beliefs, your chances of becoming a doctor will be absolutely zero if you throw yourself off this roof and die," said Dylan.

"But no-one cares. No-one wanted me to be a doctor."

"No-one wanted me to be a doctor either," said Dylan. "But I still became one. I don't care what anyone else thinks. You shouldn't either. This is about you, not them."

There was a surprised silence. "Aren't you going to tell me my family love me and they'd be devastated if they lost me?"

"How can I possibly know what your family think?" said Dylan. "From what you've said, they didn't care enough to support your medical ambitions so there is a chance they don't love you."

The man turned to face Dylan. "You listened then. You listened to what I said. You didn't come out with the usual rubbish. You didn't go on like you know my family better than I do."

"It is possible to misinterpret other people's feelings," said Dylan. "But it's also possible that you're completely right. Some families aren't supportive. But that doesn't mean you're not worth supporting. It might mean their support isn't worth having. So why not come with me and I'll try to help."


	37. Chapter 37

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. Cal definitely has completely messed up! Dylan probably came close to doing the same, but he's making progress now, luckily. He might need a bit of help though!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think a lot of people would really miss Ethan. It's bad enough thinking that the Huntington's is going to shorten his life. Dylan is definitely going to do his best.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I really am so happy you think this is a good story. I'm afraid there isn't any Zax in this chapter as Zoe has to talk to someone else, but I'll do what I can to bring Max into the story a bit more.

 **Tanith Panic** , Cal did get it badly wrong with James and Dylan very nearly did too! I really hate it when I explain how you're feeling and the other person comes back with stock phrases. Dylan would never do that. His approach wouldn't work with everyone, but knowing someone heard you can make a difference. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Cal was harsh, but I'm glad you liked it anyway. I wouldn't have written him like that if I hadn't already shown him doing everything he could to support his depressed brother. Cal doesn't want to be at work - like you, he just wants to wrap Ethan in his arms and hold him! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter.

 **Ezeiel** , I suppose it's difficult for Zoe not to be annoying when she's getting in the way of a potentially-good couple for no good reason! I think she's a bit more sensible in this chapter. I'm really glad you liked Dylan's scenes. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **RobynSOS** for the favourite._

* * *

The man's expression was guarded, but he was still looking at Dylan. He hadn't turned back to the drop below. "The doctor I saw didn't help me."

"Who was that?" said Dylan. He knew some doctors would be less receptive than others. Even Zoe, who was very empathic, occasionally allowed her personal life to have an impact on her clinical decisions and she certainly wasn't at her best at the moment.

"I think he said he was Dr Knight."

Dylan was slightly surprised, but he didn't let it show. Cal was usually quite good with suicidal patients, but Ethan wasn't well and Cal had always been the type to become overwhelmed by his emotions. "Then Dr Knight made a mistake. We all do it, unfortunately. We try very hard not to, but we all have moments where we get it wrong."

"He said I'd wasted his time," said the man. "The mental health team told me to come here and tell someone. I did. He told me to go home."

"He made a mistake, as I said," said Dylan. "He misjudged the seriousness of the situation and that's obviously upset you, but that doesn't mean you have to throw yourself off a roof. Look, er, what's your name?"

"James."

"James. You came here asking for help. Dr Knight wasn't able to offer it, but I am. So why don't you accept the help?"

James stayed where he was, clearly wavering. Dylan knew other doctors in his position might have panicked that they hadn't got through to him yet, but Dylan saw it as a good sign. It showed there was hope.

Dylan heard the sound of footsteps behind him, but he didn't take his eyes off James, Nevertheless, he listened to the sound, braced for action. He didn't want anyone running onto the roof and startling James.

"Dylan?" whispered a voice from behind him.

Even when she whispered, he knew her voice. "He's here," he replied. "James, this is Angela. She's a psych nurse, which would put a lot of people off, but she's actually really good. I've talked to her about… about my problems and I've always found her very helpful. She's good at listening. Angela, this is James. He came to the ED following advice from his mental health team, but Dr Knight misjudged the seriousness of the situation and discharged him. James took this to mean that he'd be better off dead. I'm endeavouring to convince him otherwise."

Angela came to stand beside Dylan. She gave him a quick smile before turning to James. "Hi, James. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. It is always very difficult when you ask for help and there's nothing there. Even the best doctors make mistakes sometimes – but Dr Keogh _hasn't_ made a mistake. You need help and we'd like to help you. I'm not trying to rush you and you should take this at your own pace, but I really hope you'll come down when you're ready."

James didn't speak, but he stayed where he was.

"James, is it all right if I tell Angela a little more about the history of what happened?" asked Dylan. "Or perhaps you'd like to? It will be easier for her to know what to say – and what not to say – if she has a bit more background."

James visibly tensed, but he nodded. In a low voice, he told them what Cal had said to him.

Angela's face filled with sympathy. "That must have been really hurtful. I know Dr Knight and I know he wouldn't have wanted to hurt you – he's actually a very kind man - but he's human like all of us and he made a mistake. He misjudged your situation completely and I'm not surprised you were hurt by the way he explained his reasons for discharging you. Dr Keogh and I agree he made a mistake. You aren't wasting anyone's time. You did the right thing coming here and I'm glad you did."

"I came all this way," said James. "I didn't want to. It was hard. But I thought… maybe this time. Maybe this time someone would listen. Sometimes I say things and no-one hears. They come out with their stock phrases that are meant to be reassuring, but how can they be when they contradict everything I say? It makes me wonder if I really said anything at all. Maybe I just said it in my head and that's why no-one heard. I heard my voice and I thought I was speaking, but I wasn't. These complete strangers who have never met my family tell me I'm wrong: that they do care. It doesn't matter that I was there and they weren't. They still know better than me. I'm so insignificant, my feelings and opinions and experiences don't count. I say the words and they hear something different. It makes me wonder if I'm even real. How can I be real if no-one can see me and hear me as I am?" He turned towards Dylan. "But you listened. You heard what I said about my family. So I know I really said it."

Dylan nodded. "You really said it, James."

"And we're listening to you," said Angela. "You've done very well. I hope that doesn't sound patronising – I think you've done well because what you've done must have been really difficult. Asking for help isn't easy. Even when you've made up your mind to do it, that doesn't make it easy. You have to find the right words that not only convey what you're feeling but convey that you need help and so much depends on the person you're talking to and how they interpret it. If they get it wrong, it's not your fault, but it can mean you don't get the help."

"We have so little time," said Dylan. "Our patients only have a few minutes to convince us. They're feeling unwell or in pain or both and they have to put how they're feeling into words. I get very impatient sometimes."

"But I'm sure Dr Keogh isn't impatient with you, James," said Angela. "Because he's here."

James lifted his head. "I think… I'm not sure, but I think Dr Keogh would have said if he was getting impatient."

"Oh, I would. Believe me," said Dylan. "If I thought you were wasting our time, I would have said so a long time ago. But I don't think that."

* * *

Zoe came up to Cal in the nurse's station and touched his arm. "Sorry, Cal. I know you're busy. But can I have a word?"

"Yeah, sure," said Cal, only to stop when he saw the serious expression on Zoe's face. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm afraid it is," said Zoe. "Would you mind coming to my office for a chat? It's really important."

Cal hesitated. "Yeah. That's fine. I'll come now." He looked at her in confusion, then a sudden fear gripped him. "Is it Ethan? Oh God, is he okay?"

"It's nothing to do with Ethan," said Zoe at once. "Or not directly. As far as we know, Ethan is fine. It's about a patient you discharged recently."

The relief that Ethan hadn't – to Zoe's knowledge – taken a turn for the worse was immeasurable, but Cal was still worried as they walked to Zoe's office. It sounded as though he'd made some sort of mistake in a diagnosis, which was always possible. It was quite odd that Cal had seen so many time-wasters and so few genuinely-unwell people who needed the services of the ED. Perhaps one of them really had been ill.

He hoped they were okay.

It upset him but didn't completely surprise him that he'd made a mistake. After all, his focus wasn't the best. Cal had tried hard to give his full attention to every patient and to keep Ethan out of his thoughts – he felt guilty for doing that, but it wasn't as though thinking about Ethan could help him – but it was possible he'd missed something.

"Okay, Cal, have a seat," said Zoe, when they'd reached her office. "I understand you saw a patient named James Colton, who presented with suicidal feelings?"

"Yes, I did," said Cal. There was a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I spoke to him for a while and then discharged him. Why? Is he okay?"

He didn't know why he was asking. Zoe wouldn't be speaking to him if everything was fine.

"No, he's not okay," said Zoe. "I'm afraid he's up on the roof now. We don't know if he intended to jump, but he was standing close to the edge. Dylan is talking to him and we've contacted the psych team."

"What? _Dylan?_ " said Cal, his panicked brain clutching on to the wrong fact and not letting go. "How come he's doing it? Why not you or… or…" He stopped. Ethan would have been brilliant if he was well – not that Cal would let him go near the roof: he might have coped on the Ferris wheel, but Cal wasn't going to let him do anything like that ever again – but Ethan wasn't here.

"I don't know why Dylan wanted to go," said Zoe. "If it was anyone else, I'd think he was trying to impress the pretty psych nurse, but this is _Dylan_. Maybe he feels his OCD gives him more of a connection to mental health patients. Or maybe he's met the patient before – I don't know." Her confusion fell away as she faced Cal. "But we're not here to discuss, Dylan."

"No," agreed Cal, his head dropping. They weren't.

"Cal, it is very difficult to judge in mental health cases," said Zoe. "We can't help everyone who feels depressed – we just don't have the resources. All we can do is assess every patient and make a decision about how serious the situation is – and we're not always going to get it right. Also, discharging someone often does make them feel a lot worse. That can be the thing that pushes them over the edge, so it is a very difficult situation."

Cal said nothing. He knew he hadn't done his best.

"But this wasn't just a depressed patient who deteriorated following discharge," said Zoe. "This was a patient who presented with suicidal feelings. Cal, I am sorry to do this to you, but there will have to be an investigation. I am sympathetic to your situation and it's understandable that this would be a particularly difficult case for you, but we need to establish exactly what happened and I can't promise it won't be taken further."


	38. Chapter 38

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal really doesn't need to be the subject of an investigation when he's so worried about Ethan! He might be worried about missing the signs in Ethan too, but I don't think that's likely as he knows Ethan so well.

 **Tanith Panic** , I personally don't judge Cal too harshly because I know what he's going through, but I thought it needed to be addressed for Cal's sake as well as James'. Dylan and Angela are a good team... but will Dylan realise that? Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. It is sad it's not possible to help everyone with mental health problems, though I find it's similar with physical health. The GPs ignore me until I get rushed to the ED, who tell me I was right all along. My CMHT gives everyone a specific amount of support and if you need more, tough.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you like the slightly caring Dylan. I think he does care, but he struggles to show it. I'm scared of showing it too because I expect to get pushed away, literally and figuratively. Rita, Lily, Lofty and Big Mac weren't sacked, so I think Cal's job will be safe. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked it.

 _Thank you to **Scottish-Bambii** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Cal tried to ignore the pounding of his heart. He knew the procedure. Zoe really had no choice in the matter. There were times when his colleagues had helped him out by withholding information or delaying tests, but this was different. Cal had made a serious mistake and someone could die as a result. If Zoe didn't push for all the details, someone else would.

He stared down at his hands as he spoke in a small, defeated voice. "I honestly thought he was a time-waster. I mean, I didn't blame him. He called the mental health team, which was the correct thing to do, and they told him to come here. All he did was follow instructions."

"Okay, so why did you feel this wasn't a cause for concern?" said Zoe.

Cal's head came up and he looked helplessly at Zoe. "Because he didn't seem depressed to me. He was laughing and joking! How could he do that if he felt depressed?"

"You should know, Cal, that doesn't always mean anything," said Zoe. "A lot of depressed people hide their true feelings from the world. They put on a mask to convince everyone they're fine and that's not always a bad thing. The mask can help them to do what needs to be done and sometimes the act of doing it can help. I think a lot of us do to an extent. If we don't want to talk about something, we laugh it off and pretend it's not serious."

"Yeah, I get that," said Cal. "But…"

"But the downside is that they get so used to wearing the mask, it can be difficult to drop it and say how they really feel," said Zoe.

"Like you're going out with Dylan, even though you still love Max?" said Cal. "Because you don't want the world to see you're heartbroken?"

He regretted the words immediately, especially when he saw anger in Zoe's eyes. For a moment or two, she couldn't speak, but then a reluctant smile came to her face. "Kind of like that, yes. Except I was trying to fool myself as well as everyone else - and by the way, Dylan and I are no longer a couple."

"Oh God. I'm sorry," said Cal. "About you and Dylan, and for mentioning it. I shouldn't have brought your personal life into it."

"No, perhaps not, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it in the official meeting," said Zoe. "But anyway, when you're depressed, even when you're asking for help, it can be hard to show your feelings, even when you want to show them."

"But you can't get help if you don't ask for it," said Cal. "I know that's wrong. I know that some of the people who need help most can't ask and that means they can't get it. I think that's so unfair and this morning, I was so angry about it, you wouldn't believe. But now… I suppose I can see how difficult their job is."

"You need to look for clues," said Zoe. "It isn't easy and it isn't foolproof, but often the clues are there. One key thing for both me and James is that we were feigning happiness in odd situations. Dylan and I have no romantic chemistry. Your patient was joking about something that isn't funny. But exhibiting apparently 'normal' behaviour isn't always a sign that everything's okay. It's normal to go on dates and make jokes – but it's _not_ normal to date someone you don't fancy or to joke about mental health problems."

Cal nodded. Zoe did have a point. When you looked at it from that angle, something wasn't right.

"But even without seeing the clues , Cal, the fact is he told you he was feeling suicidal," said Zoe. "Yet you spent only a couple of minutes with him. I know we're busy, but even so, that's not acceptable. Our time is limited – but not that limited. You didn't take enough time to form a proper judgement. If you'd spent a bit longer with him and come to the same conclusion, you'd have had more of a leg to stand on. But as it is…"

* * *

Bad. Bad. Bad.

He was bad. Everything was bad. It ached. It stung. It burned. But there was nothing Ethan could do.

Except one thing.

Ethan knew he shouldn't. It would hurt people and he didn't want that. Cal was trying so hard to help him. Ethan couldn't remember how he knew that, but he knew Cal cared.

He'd spent most of the last ten years doubting that, but he knew now. Cal cared about him very much.

Ethan looked around the kitchen. He had no idea how he'd got here. He'd made no decision. As far as he remembered, he'd made no journey. He'd simply looked around and here he was.

The only thing he knew was the reason why he was here.

To stop all the pain. To stop everything.

 _But I can't do that… can I?_ thought Ethan as his feet moved him towards a particular cupboard. His arms reached upwards: the arms he'd struggled to move earlier. _I can't do this. I can't do this to Cal._

But his arms continued to move.

* * *

Dylan did occasionally admit to feeling certain emotions in this job. He admitted it to himself, and to Ben Harding when he absolutely had to. He admitted it to Zoe when she pushed him hard enough. He'd also admitted it to Angela, though without knowing he was going to do it.

He admitted to himself now that he felt relief that James had moved away from the edge. Relief so deep, it surprised him.

James was walking towards him. For a moment, he paused, his eyes meeting Dylan's. He looked emotionally drained and couldn't find any words, but for once, Dylan found he understood. James was grateful. At last, someone had listened to him.

"Well done, James," said Angela, as James left the roof. She didn't sound patronising. She sounded… respectful. "It's such a small thing on the surface, turning away from the edge of the roof and going back inside. But underneath the surface… you've done very well ."

Dylan followed them back to the ED. It was clear to him that James needed an assessment from the psych team, but until a referral had been made, he was still an ED patient. He walked towards one of the cubicles and opened the curtain slightly. "In here."

He held the curtain aside. James walked into the cubicle and climbed onto the bed. Angela stood beside him, offering James a reassuring smile.

Dylan closed the curtain. "Angela, did you say one of the psych doctors was coming across to make an assessment?"

Angela nodded. "He said he'd text when he got here." For James' benefit, she added: "It's not always possible for them to come straight away. We all work with the patients every day. We do one-to-one and group sessions. One thing we always try to avoid doing is rushing away from a patient. Sometimes there's no choice – if another patient is in danger and there's no-one else. But we don't like to leave someone during what we call 'their' time."

Dylan wondered if that was a good thing or not. Were they making an unnecessary fuss or exhibiting basic human politeness? Dylan didn't mind too much if people were rude to him as long as they got their point across and did as they were told, but he realised he wouldn't have been too pleased if Ben had left in the middle of one of his therapy sessions. Not if someone else could have done the job or at least held the fort until Ben was ready.

James looked up at Dylan. "Do you think I could be a doctor?"

"I'm not psychic," said Dylan. "I usually know if a patient's about to die in the next few minutes, but other than that, all I can do is give you my honest opinion of your chances based on the little I know about you."

James nodded earnestly. "That's why I asked you. So you can be honest. I don't want any of that 'You can do anything you put your mind to, James' or 'Someone like you couldn't be a doctor' rubbish."

Angela looked shocked, though she quickly hid it. "Who told you that 'someone like you' couldn't be a doctor?"

"My social worker. She meant that depressed people couldn't do a job like that."

"Well, she's entitled to their opinion, of course, but I completely disagree with her," said Angela. "And something like that shouldn't be said even if you do believe them – it is only an opinion, after all. Not a fact. To tell you with such certainty that you can't do something is very damaging, and grouping depressed people together like that is unhelpful as everyone is different."

"I know I shouldn't let it get to me," said James. "But I was gutted. She seemed so positive about me when she was encouraging me to clean the flat and do volunteering."

"It's very difficult not to let things get to you," said Angela. "I'd be upset too if someone said something like that to me. It's possible she didn't mean it in the way it sounded, but your interpretation was the natural one and I think most people would be hurt."

For some reason, Dylan found himself thinking he'd quite like to kill anyone who dared to speak to Angela like that. Perhaps the incident on the roof had upset him more than he'd thought.

"Being a doctor is very difficult and for some people, it might turn out be impossible," said Dylan. "But that doesn't mean it's impossible for you and I've seen nothing to suggest it is."

James was looking at Dylan eagerly. "Even though I'm depressed?"

"I think any illness can put you at a disadvantage," said Dylan. "It's a very long course of study. It can also be quite emotionally challenging. The work isn't easy – and the studying doesn't stop after you graduate. Financially, it's also a challenge. The difficulty for someone with any kind of recurring illness is that it would be very difficult to go away for a few months and then come back and try to pick up where you left off. But difficult doesn't mean impossible. Your illness will hold you back in some ways, but it will give you a unique insight in others. I can't say ultimately if you'll succeed. I don't know you well enough to judge and I have no idea what your maths and sciences are like, but I wouldn't say it was impossible, no. I have OCD and I'm a doctor."

Angela smiled at Dylan.

Dylan felt slightly dizzy.

It was probably past his lunchtime.


	39. Chapter 39

**westlife4ever80** , Dylan doesn't often connect with anyone, so for me, that makes it extra special when he does. And I wanted Angela to see him at his best! Though I'm sure, like many of us, she loves him as he is. I think you're probably right to worry about Ethan! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , helping people with medical conditions is what Dylan does, but helping on a psychological level, maybe not so much! Though I'm always happy to see the doctors getting it right, even when I wouldn't expect anything else. Cal and Ethan are both suffering in their own way. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid there's no Zax in this chapter, but Max has a scene with Dylan in the next chapter and Zoe might be mentioned. I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I don't think Ethan has the energy to be anything more than half-hearted, but I can't promise that will make him unsuccessful. It was very dangerous for Cal to say that to Zoe! It wouldn't have gone down nearly as well if he'd said it yesterday. I'm glad you like Dylan and Angela as a couple.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Cal would be devastated to lose his job - he really loves his job, even though he does love Ethan more. It would be even more difficult if Ethan can't work for a while. I'm not sure Dylan has even recognised that he's having feelings for Angela! Maybe she'll need to make the first move! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story.

* * *

"Yeah… you're right," said Cal with a sigh. "I didn't deal with James well at all. I should have talked to him more; asked how long he'd had these feelings; asked about coping methods; made sure he had The Samaritans' number – or perhaps a more specific helpline. I don't even have any idea of why he's depressed. Sometimes there's no reason that can be easily pinpointed, but if there was a specific reason, I could have given him information about organisations that can help." He looked helplessly at Zoe. "But I didn't do that."

Zoe touched his hand. "It's probably a bit close to home for you at the moment, Cal. If you're asked to take on a suicidal patient or a depressed patient, say no if you possibly can. You made a mistake and we can't change that, but we can try to ensure it doesn't happen again."

"Okay. That's fine," said Cal. He wasn't looking forward to telling Louise or Robyn or whoever offered the case that he wouldn't be able to take it, but he'd just have to deal with it. The patients' wellbeing came first.

"I really appreciate your honesty," said Zoe. "Part of the problem is that we often don't know how these situations will affect us till we find ourselves in them – on another day, your experiences with Ethan might have given you an extra insight into the patient's condition. But we can't take the risk of the same thing happening again."

Cal sighed. "It just seemed unfair that he could just show up at the ED and laugh and joke as he asked for help when Ethan has to go through a whole phone call later. The fact he's really going to struggle with that as a sign that he needs help. But the GP will just see he hasn't said the right things and then he won't get an appointment."

"You don't know that," said Zoe. "Help Ethan with the phone call today and see what happens. If you're not satisfied, you can ask for a second opinion. But there are other doctors you can go to who provide medication – you don't have to see someone on the NHS. Don't give up, Cal, okay? And don't forget that even if we can't provide medical support, you and Ethan are our friends and we care about you. You made a mistake today and there might be repercussions and hoops we need to jump through, but that doesn't change the fact we care about you and we want to help both of you."

* * *

Ethan watched his hand tremble as he poured water into one of Cal's pint glasses.

The symptoms were here already. He would never be able to work again. There was no point in being here.

Ethan had a disease and it was going to get progressively worse – unless he did something to stop it.

The glass was filled to the brim. Water sloshed over the sides only Ethan's hands and arms as he carried it to the kitchen table, placing it beside the box he'd taken from the cupboard.

He hadn't felt so calm in a long time.

It was nearly over. He wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

Ethan took a tablet from the box and swallowed it.

Then another.

* * *

Cal didn't want to go and see James.

Not only would it be a horribly awkward encounter, it was his lunch break now and there was only one place he wanted to be.

Home. With Ethan.

Zoe was sympathetic but insistent. "I do know how you feel, Cal, and once you've seen James, then of course you can go home to Ethan. But I really think you do need to apologise."

Cal sighed. Much as he disliked the idea, he knew Zoe was right. He hung around outside cubicles, momentarily encouraged to find James wasn't in the cubicle Cal had seen him in, but then he heard Dylan's voice and reluctantly pulled the curtain aside.

James was sitting on the bed. Dylan and Angela were beside him.

"Hey, James," said Cal awkwardly. "Listen. I'm really sorry about before. I should have listened to what you said and assessed you properly. I've got my own stuff going on and I'm letting it affect me, but that's no excuse. You did the right thing coming here and I'm glad you're getting help now. Dylan, thanks for doing what I should have done. James, I hope you're feeling better soon and I'm sorry for letting you down. I'll leave you alone now." He started to leave the cubicle.

"Dr Knight?" said James.

Cal turned back and braced himself.

"Thanks for coming. You didn't have to. It was nice of you."

"No. I _owed_ it to you," said Cal.

* * *

Angela smiled at Dylan as she walked him part of the way back to the ED. Dylan still wasn't sure why she was doing that, but he hadn't complained. For once, he'd quelled the urge to say he did know the way back to his own workplace.

He was actually a little bit nervous. Presumably, she wanted to talk to him about what had happened and in Dylan's experience, comments on his general bedside manner tended not to be good.

Not that he usually cared. But the idea of Angela being unhappy with him was an idea he didn't like.

"Thanks for your help, Dylan," said Angela.

Dylan looked at her closely. He was searching for signs of sarcasm, but all he could see in her eyes were sparkles.

"It's a difficult thing to have to deal with, but you were brilliant," said Angela. "It really helped to have you there."

Dylan stopped walking and stared at her, unable to believe she'd really said that.

Angela stopped too. She looked worried now. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, not at all," said Dylan. "I just… wasn't expecting you to say that. I'm… pleased I could help."

"Why wouldn't I say it?" said Angela. "You did a good job and I really appreciate it. If I'd had to do it on my own, I would have done it, but I felt more secure knowing you were there."

Dylan felt a warm glow, followed by deep concern. "Well, don't get used to it. I'm glad I could help, but I'm much better known for being rude and insensitive than anything else."

It was Angela's turn to look surprised. "But you're lovely, Dylan!"

Dylan wondered if the air conditioning had broken. His face was feeling very hot.

"I mean, you are direct and honest, but those are good qualities," said Angela. "There are times where it's better to be indirect and perhaps a bit economical with the truth, but I think that can get you into trouble later, so it's better to be completely honest if you possibly can. But at the same time, patients are individuals. Not everyone will respond to the same approach. You said exactly the right thing to get through to James."

"You do realise that was probably a coincidence?" said Dylan.

Angela touched his arm. "Oh, Dylan. You really are down on yourself, aren't you? There's no need. You're a great doctor and you were so good with James. I mean, you even offered to lend him a medical book."

"The poor man probably is going to be bored out of his mind," said Dylan. "He'll need something to read. Er, no offence intended."

Angela smiled. "None taken. And you're right – being on the ward can be pretty boring. Internet access is restricted – we're very careful about which sites they can access and we don't allow them to be online 24/7 - and we can't allow sound unless they have headphones. As far as TV is concerned, they can only watch what they can access on their laptops or phones or what's on in the TV room. It's not ideal – but as I'm sure you know, it's very difficult to achieve the ideal."

"I don't have a TV or internet access on the boat," said Dylan. "I manage perfectly well. Though I have had mental health problems."

"It can happen to anyone," said Angela sympathetically. She looked at him for a moment. "You did mean it though, didn't you? About the textbook?"

"Completely," said Dylan firmly. "I wouldn't have said it if I had no intention of doing it."

"I'm glad," said Angela. "Too many people make promises they can't keep. It's not always their fault, but getting someone's hopes up can ultimately be more damaging than leaving things as they are."

"That is true," said Dylan, thinking of his father's promises that he wouldn't be unfaithful to Dylan's mother again. Dylan had believed him the first time. Perhaps even the second.

All it had done was make it hurt more the next time.

"Well… I'd better let you go," said Angela. "But Dylan… I did mean what I said. I really do appreciate your help and I really do think you were brilliant with James. Please believe me."

"Of course I believe you mean it," Dylan found himself saying.

He was glad he'd said it when Angela's face lit up.

"I'll see you soon then," she said. "Though hopefully in happier circumstances."

Dylan watched her go.

He did believe that Angela had meant every complimentary word she'd said to him.

But it was still only her opinion – and Dylan wasn't sure it was one he shared.

* * *

Cal opened the door of the flat and shouted for Ethan more out of habit than because he expected an answer. He went to the bedroom first, but Ethan wasn't there. He'd left the bed in a mess, which was weird for Ethan. Even weirder was the fact Cal picked it up and straightened it out for him.

It was then Cal found the bottle on the floor.

Body spray. Taylor had left it here and the last time Cal had seen it, he hadn't had the heart to throw it away. That was obviously what had made Ethan sneeze. Cal took it into his own bedroom and put it into the bin. If only he hadn't been so sentimental…

But the important thing was that he had found out Ethan was depressed and he was going to help him.

When he found him.

Cal tried the bathroom, which was also empty.

Cal felt quite encouraged. He didn't think Ethan would leave the flat, but if Ethan was getting out of bed by choice, it could only be a good sign.

Or so he thought.

Cal went to the living room, half-glancing towards the kitchen as he passed it.

He stopped.

Ethan sat, slumped against a cupboard, his eyes closed.

On the floor beside him were a broken glass, a puddle of water – and an empty blister packet.


	40. Chapter 40

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry - it is horrible to think of Ethan taking an OD! I hope this chapter won't be too painful to read. I can't tell you here if Ethan will survive, but there will definitely be opportunities for Angela to be everyone's rock.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Zoe understands very well how personal problems can affect your job. I really miss her! At times like these, I'm even more glad Cal's a doctor! I thought Cal should apologise partly because it was right and partly because I wanted to show Cal treating James as his equal. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , a lot of EDs might feel they've done their job by saving Ethan's life, but I think the Holby ED staff will understand Ethan might not have wanted his life saved and they'll want to help him work through the feelings that prompted it. There will be more Dylan and Angela in Chapter 41. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you liked the last chapter.

 _Thank you to **Maxfire26** for the follow._

* * *

Cal threw himself down beside Ethan. He spoke his brother's name anxiously, but Ethan's eyes were closed and there was no reaction. Cal listened for his breathing: it was slightly raspy, but in the circumstances, that was actually a relief.

"Oh, Ethan, I'm sorry," said Cal, as tears came to his eyes. "I should have done more. I always should have done more."

There was nothing from Ethan. No sound but his breathing.

Cal took Ethan's wrist and felt for a pulse. It was fast.

"Okay, Ethan," he said, his voice shaking. "I'm going to take you to the ED."

* * *

"You look very happy," said Zoe, when Dylan arrived back at the ED.

Dylan was confused. "I am… relieved Cal's patient is safely in the psych ward."

"It looks like a bit more than relief to me!" said Zoe.

"Then I suggest you get your eyes tested," said Dylan.

He wasn't _happy_. He had absolutely no reason to be happy.

But as he walked away from Zoe, he was forced to admit that he did feel… alive.

* * *

Cal supported him Ethan one arm as he opened the car door. He placed Ethan on the front seat. He'd thought about putting him in the back, which would be more comfortable, but Cal wanted Ethan near him.

He drove off but almost immediately found himself in a traffic jam and cursed himself for not calling an ambulance. He jabbed his hand against the horn, but the cars in front of him refused to move. Cal considered getting Ethan out of the car and sitting by the road to await the ambulance, but he knew that, interminable as the wait seemed, the traffic probably would clear before the ambulance arrived.

"We'll be able to move soon, Ethan," said Cal, though he had no idea if that was true and he doubted Ethan could hear him. "Hold on for me, little brother. I'll get you there."

And then Cal found he was crying again because Ethan would probably prefer it if they didn't get to the hospital at all.

* * *

Dylan found his strange 'alive' sort of mood was difficult to shift. Even when Max sidled up and asked if he could have a word, Dylan didn't feel annoyed.

"It's just… you and Zoe," said Max. "Robyn told me you weren't together anymore. I was just wondering if that was true."

"Yes, it is completely true," said Dylan. "If you want to get back with Zoe, I would suggest making a move very quickly before Zoe finds someone else to be her fake boyfriend."

Max looked at Dylan, comprehension dawning. "You were Zoe's _fake_ boyfriend?"

"Um… well…" In Zoe's mind, it had probably been completely genuine. "Zoe has no romantic feelings for me: let's put it that way."

Max's expression was sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Dylan. It's not nice being hurt by Zoe."

"On the contrary: it was actually something of a relief," said Dylan.

"You what?" Max took a step closer.

Dylan sighed. "There's no need to be so aggressive. I merely meant that Zoe and I were clearly not meant to be anything more than friends."

"Hang on: so you broke up with _her_?" said Max. "You broke Zoe's heart?"

"It was very much a mutual decision," said Dylan, "which was only helped by Zoe's receipt of your text message last night."

Max blinked. "I didn't text Zoe last night."

"Perhaps not intentionally, no," said Dylan. "I believe the message was addressed to Zena."

Max groaned. "Oh God no. Tell me she didn't see that."

"I'm not exactly sure what she saw," said Dylan. "But it seemed to bring her to the conclusion that you were worth fighting for."

"So, she does want me back?" said Max.

"Don't you find it rather telling that the only man Zoe has even attempted to show any interest in is an old friend she really doesn't find attractive?" said Dylan.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

Dylan sighed. "She wants you back, Max. So please go and do something about it before the two of you drive the rest of us mad."

Max's face lit up. "Thanks, Dylan!" He opened his arms wide.

Dylan took a step away. "There's no need for that."

"Right. No. Sorry," said Max.

"Good luck," said Dylan.

"Thanks." Max started to walk away, then he stopped. "Oh, and if you want any tips on how to get it on with that psych nurse…"

"I don't," said Dylan firmly.

"Oh, so you know what you're doing then?" Max gave him a nod of respect. "Then I'll leave you to it."

* * *

Cal screeched to a halt outside the ED. He checked Ethan's breathing and pulse again before getting out of the car.

"Oi, you can't leave that there!" said Iain.

Cal threw his keys at Iain. "Then move it yourself!" He tore open the passenger door and lifted Ethan out. "After you sort me out a trolley!"

Iain took one glance at Ethan, then he picked up the keys he hadn't managed to catch and ran into the hospital.

Cal moved as quickly as he dared with Ethan in his arms. By the time he reached the ED, there was no sign of Iain. "It's going to be okay, Ethan. You're going to be fine. I'll get you there. I know it's not what you want, but one day you'll look back on this and be glad I saved you. I hope. Oh God, Ethan, I hope you'll be glad."

"Cal!" Zoe was coming towards him, helping Iain to push a trolley.

"i-I think he's taken something," sobbed Cal, as Iain helped him to get Ethan onto the trolley. "He had some tablets with him and the packet was empty."

"Okay: have you brought the packet with you?"

Cal groaned. He should have done. It was the sensible thing to do. But he hadn't.

"Don't worry: you had other things on your mind," said Zoe. "Do you remember the name of the tablets?"

"I think it was ibuprofen," wept Cal.

"Okay, I know these questions are difficult, but you know I have to ask them, don't you?" said Zoe.

Cal nodded.

"Has Ethan exhibited any signs of suicidal behaviour recently?"

Cal sniffled. "He hasn't done anything, but he says he wants to be dead."

Pain came into Zoe's eyes at his words, but then she blinked and it was gone. "Thank you, Cal. Okay, I'm not expecting you to say yes, but I have to ask: will you go to the relatives' room?"

"You really expect me to leave him?"

"No, but if you come, you stay out of the way," said Zoe. She saw someone ahead of her and shouted. "Dylan, I need some help, please!"

Dylan came over at once. Not even he could hide his shock when he saw Ethan on the trolley. "What happened?"

"Suspected overdose," said Zoe briefly.

" _Suspected_?" said Cal disbelievingly.

"Cal, you didn't see him do it, did you?"

Cal shook his head. "But the packet was empty…"

"Then that's the most likely explanation, but it could be there were only one or two tablets left," said Zoe. "I don't suppose you know how many were left?"

"No idea," admitted Cal.

"Okay, what was Ethan's condition when you found him?"

"Unconscious," said Cal tearfully. "Collapsed in the kitchen with an empty painkiller packet and spilled glass of water. Pulse fast and weak. Resps wheezy."

"Do you have any idea how long ago he might have taken them?" asked Zoe. "Have you spoken to him since you left this morning?"

Cal shook his head.

"Okay: so anything up to about four hours ago," said Zoe. "And you'd expect him to have taken a lot if he's lost consciousness, but you say he's tachycardic?"

"Yeah."

They got Ethan into Resus. Bays 3 and 4 were free.

"Bay 3," said Dylan quickly. No-one argued.

"Okay, let's get him on some fluids and oxygen," said Zoe. "David, I need FBCs, serum electrolytes, renal function, LFTs, coagulation studies and arterial blood gasses, please. Also APAP and serum salicylate levels. And can I get an ECG and chest x-ray, please?"

Cal watched as the two doctors and several nurses fussed round Ethan, taking bloods and getting a line in. He noticed a strange look appearing on Dylan's face and saw him take Ethan's hand in his. Cal was grateful, knowing it was possible Ethan would know his hand was being held, but then he realised it was unlike Dylan to offer comfort.

"Zoe, his hands are swollen," said Dylan. "His eyes are too."

Cal knew that didn't mean much. Ethan had probably been crying all day.

"Let me check his mouth." Dylan opened it and peered inside. "The tongue is swollen."

Zoe looked away from the ECG monitor and had a closer look at Ethan. "Cal, is Ethan allergic to anything?"

"Jam," said Cal. He wiped his eyes and took a step closer. "And Taylor's body spray. It was by his bed. He was using it to make himself sneeze."

Zoe shook his head. "I don't think it's likely to be that. Sneezing in response to perfume isn't a true allergic reaction. Is it possible he's ingested jam without realising it?"

"No, but he might have done it on purpose," said Cal with a catch in his voice. "If he wanted to die…"

"Actually, Zoe, we can't rule out the body spray," said Dylan. "A few do contain chemicals that can cause anaphylaxis. Do you know what kind it is, Cal?"

Cal thought and shook his head. "It was… pink? I could ask someone to go and get it."

"I don't think we have time," said Dylan.

Zoe looked at the monitor. "He's hypotensive, bradycardic and his ECG also supports the diagnosis of anaphylaxis. Let's check his airway: the wheezing suggests bronchospasm or muscle oedema."

It seemed to take an eternity. Zoe considered intubation but quickly decided to keep Ethan on high-flow oxygen, with aminophylline to treat bronchospasm.

"Okay, this does look more like anaphylaxis than an overdose, but we'll keep monitoring and we'll still need those blood results, David, with the addition of serum tryptase, please," said Zoe. "It's possible Ethan tried both methods, or that the allergen was an accident. Let's get some epinephrine into him and keep the fluids going, please. Cal, do you know Ethan's approximate weight?"


	41. Chapter 41

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Zoe asked Ethan's weight as the correct dosage for adrenaline depends on the patient's weight, but I do like your idea that he might be starving himself - I think I've mentioned that he doesn't have much interest in eating. I think Ethan really needs Cal at the moment. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I don't find your comment about worrying for Ethan daft - I'm just happy I've managed to make you care. Sometimes I read a book about someone suffering for some reason, I feel disconnected. I'm very happy you liked the Dylan and Max scene as they're difficult to write together.

 **westlife4ever80** , I can't take ibuprofen or aspirin. My GPs always tried to give me ibuprofen for injuries/chronic pain, so I had to be quick and remind them before they'd printed the prescription! Ethan's allergy will remain a mystery for a little while longer, but ibuprofen is a good guess. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm afraid I'm going to keep you in suspense about Ethan for a couple more chapters, but I don't think anyone wants me to kill him and I will take that into consideration.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I actually didn't consider that Cal might have tried to save Ethan alone, but you're right - that's exactly what a less responsible Cal would have done. I think Dylan is very relieved Max has backed off about the dating advice! He'd have felt so awkward. I love Zoe's thoughtfulness. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan, Zoe and Cal stood beside Ethan's bed, waiting.

The anaphylaxis had been treated, but Ethan was still unconscious. The blood results hadn't suggested an overdose of ibuprofen, but Dylan was now wondering if Ethan had tried any other methods of suicide. It was usual to stick with one, but perhaps Ethan had wanted to be extra sure of success.

Dylan didn't think he was as fond of Ethan as Zoe was, and his feelings certainly didn't come close to Cal's, but he felt a little shiver go down his spine at the thought they could have lost – and potentially could still lose – a very fine doctor they worked with almost every day.

Cal let out a groan of frustration and anguish. "Why doesn't he wake up? WHY DOESN'T HE WAKE UP?"

Zoe put her hands on Cal's shoulders. "Come on, Cal. Calm down."

"Calm down?" said Cal. "My brother's unconscious and we don't know why and you expect me to calm down?" There were tears in his eyes. "Zoe, even if he does wake up and he's physically fine, he still tried to commit suicide. My _little brother_!"

"Okay, I know you're upset. Anyone would be," said Zoe. "But can you breathe deeply for me, Cal?"

"No, I can't!" shouted Cal.

"Cal. Come on."

"My brother nearly died!" yelled Cal. "He could still die! He wants to die!" He turned to Ethan again and a shiver wracked his body."I can't do this."

Zoe rubbed her hands up and down his arms. "Yes, you can, Cal. You can do it and we're here to support you."

"I can't!" wailed Cal, tears pouring down his cheeks. He pulled away from Zoe and ran out of Resus

Zoe put her head in her hands. "I don't blame him. I don't know how he stayed calm for as long as he did. Ethan isn't my brother, but he's my friend and I feel awful I didn't spot he was struggling."

"Cal obviously didn't spot it either," said Dylan.

"He did," said Zoe. "Ethan had a phone appointment with his GP today. That's why Cal went home."

Dylan saw a movement by the doors. He turned to see someone looking through the doors and went quickly to open them. "Come in, Max."

Max looked in surprise at Dylan, then he took in the scene. "Ethan?" he said in shock at the sight of him; then: "Zoe!" as he saw his wife. A moment later, his arms were around her. "Zoe, what happened? Talk to me, okay?"

"It was anaphylaxis," said Zoe tearfully.

Max rubbed circles on her back. "It sounds awful, but he's going to be okay now, right?"

"I don't know," said Zoe hopelessly. She shouldn't really be telling Max, of course: he wasn't Ethan's relative and neither was he a medical professional, but Dylan said nothing. It wasn't as though he'd be any use at comforting her.

"How come?" said Max. He sounded worried but reassuring at the same time.

"It looks like it might have been a suicide attempt," said Zoe, her voice choked. "He was found with an empty packet of tablets. And he told Cal he wanted to die."

"Cal told me he was depressed," admitted Max. "Poor Ethan. Poor Cal."

Zoe looked up at him. "Max, what are we going to do?"

"Support Cal and support each other," said Max. "It's worse for Cal because he's Ethan's brother, but we're all going to be affected."

Zoe nodded. "Yes. You're right."

Max looked around. "Where is Cal?"

"We don't know exactly," said Dylan. "He became very distressed and left Resus."

"Maybe you should go after him?" suggested Max.

Dylan didn't quite know what to make of it. He and Zoe, two experienced consultants who had both worked as clinical lead (albeit with varying levels of success), were taking orders from one of the porters.

But Max was right. It was better for Cal not to be alone and it was clear Max didn't want to leave Zoe.

"Maybe you should contact the psych ward," said Max. "Cal's mates with one of the nurses, isn't he?"

Dylan nodded. "Yes. I think he is friends with Nurse Hamilton."

"It might be an idea," said Zoe. "Cal needs support. Obviously, we can't contact psych about Ethan till we've spoken to him – it's possible he ate jam without realising it and then got a headache, which led him to take painkillers. Anaphylaxis can cause a headache."

"Jam brings Ethan out in hives though, doesn't it?" said Max. "His face looks fine."

This caught Dylan's interest. "Then it's probably not jam. It could be an allergy of which he – or Cal - is unaware. We'll need to talk to him about it when he wakes up. Thank you, Max."

Max looked slightly surprised, but he smiled at Dylan.

"I'll contact Angela and have a look for Cal," said Dylan.

"I'll bleep you if there's any change in Ethan's condition," said Zoe. She paused. "And I'll call you if it looks like we'll need Cal."

* * *

Angela's phone went to voicemail. Dylan knew that was no reason to worry. She had a job to do: she wasn't simply sitting around on psych ward, awaiting a call from the ED.

It also wasn't very likely that she'd looked at the phone, seen it was Dylan and decided not to answer, but he found he was rather worried this might be the case.

He wondered why and came to the conclusion he was simply very worried about Ethan. After all, Ethan was his colleague and although he was unnecessarily polite at times, he had always been very understanding and respectful of Dylan.

One occasion in particular came to mind.

 _"_ _Bay 4, please," said Ethan, as he helped to push the trolley into Resus. He'd glanced at Dylan for the barest microsecond. "Oh, wait. Isn't there was a problem with the equipment in Bay 4?"_

 _Dylan looked at him and saw the briefest flash of understanding in Ethan's eyes before his expression became neutral and professional again. "No. I… had it fixed."_

 _"_ _Excellent," said Ethan, and for the briefest moment he looked so pleased for Dylan. "Bay 4 then, please." They wheeled the patient into Bay 4 and had no problems._

The incident had never been referred to by either of them, but there was so much Dylan had appreciated in the exchange.

As he headed towards the exit, he found himself hoping Ethan would be okay.

* * *

He was almost out of the building when his phone rang. He pulled it quickly out of his pocket and the emotion he experienced on realising it was Angela seemed a whole lot stronger than relief.

"Hi, Dylan," said Angela. "I'm sorry I missed your call: I was speaking to a relative. Is everything okay?"

"Um… no," said Dylan. "Not really."

"What's wrong?" asked Angela, clearly concerned.

"It's Ethan," said Dylan. "Cal brought him in following a suspected ibuprofen overdose. His blood results suggest he hasn't taken an overdose, but he was found to be suffering from… from a severe allergic reaction. Cal was concerned it might have been deliberate."

"Okay, if you're making a referral, you really need to do it through the official channels," said Angela. "I'm afraid they are clamping down on that. But I'm due for a break, so if you'd like me to come and see Ethan or Cal as a friend, I'd be very happy to."

Dylan found that just the sound of her voice was making him feel more relaxed. This made no sense, but there was no time to examine it now. "We're not making a referral at this time as Ethan is still unconscious. But Cal has been concerned about Ethan's mental state for a while and it might help him to discuss his concerns with a professional – and we're a little concerned about Cal's mental state too."

"It's always a terrible shock, even if a part of you is expecting it," said Angela. "Nothing can prepare you for a moment like that. Of course I'll come and chat to Cal. Shall I come now?"

Dylan walked outside and looked around. "We're actually not that sure where he is at present. I'm going to try his car. It's possible he's driven off somewhere in a high state of emotion – it wouldn't be the first time – but we're hoping he's still close by."

"I hope so too," said Angela. "How are _you_ , Dylan? Did you treat Ethan?"

"Yes: Zoe and I treated him together," said Dylan.

Angela's voice held sympathy but also admiration. "It must be so difficult to treat a colleague."

"I… it's certainly a bit different from treating a stranger," said Dylan. "It's actually not uncommon as we seem to get involved in incidents fairly regularly, but it's never easy. He's under observation now and all we can do is wait till he wakes up and see what state of mind he's in." He reached the car park and went over to the bays that were reserved for ED staff. "Angela, I don't suppose you know what type of car Cal has?"

"I don't know, I'm afraid," said Angela. "I don't think he's ever given me a lift anywhere."

Dylan had absolutely no idea why he was so happy to hear that. Perhaps it was because of Cal's reputation. Angela was his friend, so it was natural for him not to want her to get hurt. He looked along the line of cars, encouraged to see that there were no spaces, and finally found a flashy-looking car that seemed to have someone in the front seat. "Angela, I think I've found him. Do you think you could come and meet us?" He described where he was.

"I'll see you soon," said Angela.

"I'll see you soon." Dylan echoed the words without thinking.


	42. Chapter 42

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. Angela is definitely in the right job - I'm really glad that's coming across convincingly. I did visit a friend on a psych ward and I met one of the nurses, but there were never any emergencies and she was very different from Angela, so I'm basically just guessing.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I really liked the way Ethan looked after Dylan in the Series 30 opener - he was kind and considerate, but he kept at a slight distance, which I think Dylan appreciated. I'm quite sad we've never seen Ethan supporting David as I'm sure he'd be lovely.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid you're going to be wondering about Ethan for a couple more chapters - there are a few things I wanted to happen to Cal and Dylan first! I wanted to bring Max into the scene for the Zax fans, so I thought I'd give him something useful to do for a change! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I would hate to be referred to a psych ward, but I'm sure a lot would depend on how good the staff were. It must be a very difficult job, but I just wish a few more of them would listen properly and tell the truth. When Dylan falls for Angela, he could be the last to know! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review and your pms - I'm really glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I tend not to give very much description of characters' appearances - my best friend thinks this makes me a bad writer, but when I read, I really love imagining the characters for myself. So I let my readers do the same.

* * *

Cal was gripping onto the steering wheel so tightly, it probably ought to hurt, but he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything except for the fact he might lose Ethan. He'd got Ethan the appointment, but it hadn't come soon enough. He'd taken Ethan to the hospital, but he might have been too late.

And even if Ethan recovered this time, what would happen the next time and the time after that?

Cal felt himself shaking and had to close his eyes as the car seemed to lurch around him. No matter what happened today, this nightmare might never be over - and it was going to be so much worse for Ethan. The Huntington's wasn't going to go away and Ethan might never be able to believe he had anything to live for. And when the symptoms began to claim him, slowly but surely, he really would be trapped. Trapped in his own body with no hope of escape.

Cal knew that was what Ethan feared; why he wanted to kill himself while he was still physically able to do it. Cal could understand it. In Ethan's place, he'd be struggling too. He might even be coping worse than Ethan, if such a thing were possible, because he nearly always did. Ethan was the brave one who faced every problem and tried to make the best of it. Cal was the one who ran away and kept running - as he was doing now.

But if he could have done it, Cal would have taken his place. He would have taken Ethan's place a million times over; lived through the disease a million times if it meant Ethan could fulfill his potential and his dreams.

Cal knew he wasn't a bad doctor. He wasn't one of the best in the ED, but he was a good registrar. He could probably even get through his FCEM and become a half-decent consultant if he really applied himself and had sufficient time to prepare. But Ethan… Ethan could be out of this world. He could be the most brilliant doctor in the hospital and if it wasn't for his lack of leadership skills (though Cal would willingly help him if that was Ethan wanted), Connie would have been seriously worried about her job.

There was no point in thinking about that though. Even if Ethan had the time to do everything he'd dreamed of – and they couldn't really know whether he had three months or thirty years before the disease became too advanced for him to work – he didn't have the inclination. All the desire, determination and self-belief had gone the moment Ethan had opened the envelope. Cal had seen the shock and disbelief when he'd opened it, but he'd thought that was a reasonable reaction to finding that both brothers had escaped their mother's fate.

But it had meant something else entirely and all Cal could take from that moment was that Ethan had been kind and considerate and lovely enough to the truth from Emilie, allowing her to believe that neither of her sons would suffer as she had - and that Ethan had shared the truth with Cal as soon as they knew Emilie was gone.

Without that, Cal would simply have thought Ethan was upset by Emilie's death; perhaps that he felt guilty for not having got to know her. Ethan's non-attendance at the funeral would have surprised Cal, but he would probably have come up with a reason for that too.

Or had Cal known all long? Had he known from the moment he'd seen the look on Ethan's face, grasping gratefully at Ethan's lie because he couldn't bring himself to deal with the truth?

He didn't know. Not when his head was so mixed up. But Cal could well believe it of himself. Ethan had offered Cal a possible escape route from the truth he'd begun to guess - and Cal had taken it. When had Cal ever faced the truth when he could have run away?

Cal banged his head against the steering wheel, not bothering to keep back his sobs or control his anguish. Ethan had told him what was wrong; he'd given Cal every chance to help him - but he'd failed. He'd failed his brother.

Just as he was failing him now.

 _I can't stay here. I have to go back inside. I have to be there. Ethan needs me. It's my turn to be the strong one._

But he couldn't go back inside.

Even when he was sitting in a stationary car, Cal was still running.

* * *

Dylan had yet another look round to see if there was any sign of Angela, but he knew it might be a while before she could get here. Even though she was due for a break, she wouldn't necessarily be able to leave straight away.

When she did arrive, she would wonder why Dylan was still standing outside the car rather than attempting to comfort his colleague.

There was a very good reason for that: comforting people wasn't really one of Dylan's strengths. He had no idea what he could say to Cal. He wasn't completely sure Cal would welcome his comfort. But the thought of explaining this to Angela seemed strangely unsatisfying. She would be disappointed with him and Dylan really hated that thought.

Angela believed that he was a good doctor; good man; even a kind man. He didn't want Angela to find out he was none of those things. He wanted her to keep believing in him for as long as possible.

He wanted her... he wanted her to _like_ him.

But perhaps that wasn't so strange. Dylan's friends were few, but those who were his friends, he appreciated. He would not like it if Zoe or Lofty ceased to want to be his friend. So why shouldn't he feel the same way about Angela? She was no different from Zoe or Lofty.

The unwelcome thought kept intruding that she was completely different, but Dylan ignored it. He had no time to think about Angela now. He needed to help Cal.

Dylan edged slowly between Cal's car and the one next to it and tapped on the window.

There was no answer, but he could hear Cal crying. He sat hunched over the steering wheel. As Dylan watched, he banged his head against it a couple of times, but Dylan was sure the only pain he was feeling was emotional.

He tapped on the window again. "Cal, I'd like to speak to you."

Cal didn't seem to have heard. He jerked his head backwards, almost sharply enough to give himself whiplash, and gave one desolate howl.

Dylan was thinking that perhaps he should go away and leave this to Angela when Cal wound down the window.

"Cal," said Dylan awkwardly.

Cal's hand shot out and grabbed Dylan's arm. "Is he dead? Oh God, is my brother dead?"

"Not as far as I'm aware," said Dylan. "When I left, Zoe was waiting for him to wake up." He paused. "I think, when Ethan wakes up, he'll want to see you."

"Why would he want to see me?" moaned Cal. "I let him down, Dylan."

"No. I can't agree," said Dylan. "You discovered he was depressed, which is quite a feat in itself when the patient is determined to hide it. When you found him unconscious and believed he'd overdosed, you brought him to the hospital. As far as I can see, you did everything possible for Ethan."

"But I left him on his own!" wailed Cal.

Dylan tried to speak patiently. "You left him because you had to come to work. Did you have reason to suspect he might try suicide?"

Cal sniffled and rubbed the back of his hand across his nose. "He said he wanted to die."

"A desire to be dead and a desire to kill yourself are not always the same thing," said Dylan. "In any case, we're not completely convinced this was a suicide attempt. The ingestion of the allergen could have been accidental. You say Ethan's only known allergy is jam, yet as Max helpfully pointed out, Ethan is not showing his usual symptoms of an allergic reaction to jam."

Cal turned to face him. "Maybe it was the body spray then!"

"As I said before, we cannot rule this out, but it does seem unlikely," said Dylan. "In the first case, very few body sprays use the offending chemical and I have only heard of it being used in male body spray. I think you said this one belonged to your ex-girlfriend."

Cal nodded. "Yeah, it did."

"It's still a possibility," said Dylan, "but if Ethan was using it to make him sneeze, I don't think he'd necessarily make the assumption that it would also be possible to use it to kill himself unless he had additional breathing difficulties, which you haven't mentioned."

Cal seemed to be thinking. "I think his breathing was fine. Or at least what you'd expect it to be with sneezing and a runny nose."

"Was the bottle near to Ethan when you found it?"

"No: it was in his room," said Cal. "Ethan was in the kitchen."

"It is possible he tried the method, waited, decided it was unsuccessful and decided to try something more certain," said Dylan.

Cal made a sound not unlike a howl and buried his face in his hands.

Dylan realised uncomfortably that he'd probably said the wrong thing. Hesitantly, he reached through the window and put his hand on Cal's shoulder. "But it seems unlikely. Ethan is interested in the latest medical research so he might well know there are certain chemicals used in body sprays that can cause anaphylaxis. But due to the uncooperativeness of the manufacturing companies, we don't know which chemical or chemicals are causing the problem. Ethan has never been the kind of doctor who will try a method with such a relatively small chance of success when there are much more certain methods he could try instead."

"What does the method matter?" cried Cal. "He still tried to kill himself, didn't he?"


	43. Chapter 43

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you feel Dylan is making some good points - and he's certainly putting the effort in, which he wouldn't do for everyone. I think _someone_ 's a very good influence on him!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think it's probably worse for Cal than for Ethan at the moment - although we can't be sure, Ethan might be free from emotional pain at the moment, but Cal can't run away, even if he does try.

 **Tanith Panic** , I must have been subconsciously thinking of your review when I replied to the last one! Ethan probably is in a better place than Cal at the moment. Yes, I think we all know what Dylan's going through at the moment! I'm glad you like the links between the plotlines. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammi-X** , that's sweet of you to want to take Ethan's bad feelings away, but I'm sure he wouldn't let you! I think Dylan's people skills are improving - the fact it even bothers him that he might not be saying the right thing is a big sign of improvement because it means he cares more. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked it. I've just written a big Zax scene for the chapter after this one as I've neglected them in this chapter!

* * *

 _I can't do this. I can't make Cal feel better. It's not in me to be supportive._

But Cal was crying and there was still no sign of Angela.

Dylan knew he'd have to try something. Even if it failed.

"Until we've spoken to Ethan, we can't know if he intended to kill himself or not," said Dylan. "I think the most likely explanation is that Ethan has another allergy which was unknown to him."

"But he could still die," sobbed Cal. "And he wants to die. And he missed his phone appointment with the GP! What if he can't get another one?"

"Cal, the phone appointment doesn't matter. We will talk to Ethan when he wakes up, but it is likely Ethan will be given a psych referral regardless of what he says. That will be of significantly more value than a phone appointment with a GP."

Cal wiped his eyes. "I wish he hadn't done it. I wish he'd been able to hang on for the appointment."

"Of course, but the situation is what it is and the one positive is that he will be helped more quickly," said Dylan. "There's nothing to be gained by wishing for alternatives. How would you feel about coming back to see Ethan now?"

Cal looked away and picked at the knee of his jeans (Dylan still could not fathom why they was deemed appropriate attire for a doctor). "What if we get there and he's dead?"

"Zoe said she would phone me if there were any alarming developments," said Dylan. "Unless my phone rings, I think we can safely assume he is alive."

"Now I'm going to be scared of it ringing every minute," said Cal.

"Even if it does ring, it will mean only they're concerned about Ethan and they want your input in some capacity," said Dylan. "If Zoe has questions about Ethan, you are the obvious person to ask. Sudden deterioration is not out of the question, but we do not expect it."

Cal looked up at him. "You haven't got a clue about how to make me feel better, do you?"

To Dylan's surprise, this reaction hurt, but he replied simply: "No. I don't."

"That's exactly how I feel with Ethan," said Cal. "I keep trying new things, but it's like I'm searching around in the dark and I don't know where the light switch is. And all the time, I'm scared there isn't a light switch: that Ethan's light has been put out for good."

"It might seem like that, but it doesn't mean you're right," said Dylan. "Most people with depression don't kill themselves."

"But to live without happiness… is that really any better than being dead?" said Cal. "To have him with me every day and look at him and know there's nothing I can do? I can't make this go away, Dylan. I can't make him get better."

Dylan thought for a moment. "Ben Harding said to me in my first session that he couldn't make things go away. I nearly got up and walked out. If he couldn't make it go away, what was the point? But then he explained his job was to help me look at things in different ways so they became less important."

"Ethan's going to lose everything, Dylan! How is Ben Harding or anyone else going to make it less important?"

"I… I don't know," admitted Dylan.

"Well, one thing I can say for you is that you're honest with me," said Cal.

"I don't see the benefit in lying."

Cal wiped his eyes again. "In some ways, I want you to lie. I just want someone to tell me that Ethan's going to be fine. I need to hear the words. But if I did hear the words, would it make me happy?"

"I couldn't possibly say."

"But at least with you I don't have to worry that you're trying to make things sound better than they are. And right now, that's all I've got to hold on to. If Zoe says it's not certain Ethan was trying to kill himself, I'd never be quite sure if she really means it or if she's just trying to give me enough hope to get me through the next few minutes. If you say it's not certain… then you mean exactly that. It's not certain. And that means there's a chance. A tiny, tiny chance that I might not lose Ethan any sooner than I have to."

Dylan didn't know what to say.

"Though if Zoe was here, at least I'd get a hug," sighed Cal.

Dylan started to feel slightly nervous. "Then come with me now and I'm sure Zoe will give you a hug."

Cal spent a few moments thinking about this. Then he nodded. "Okay. I'll go with you."

* * *

They were almost back at Resus when Cal stopped walking.

One moment, he walking almost normally. Dylan was as much pleasantly surprised as he was relieved. He'd managed to get Cal out of the car and back into the ED, but he was sure that was little more than luck and he wasn't at all confident he'd have a similar level of success if he tried again.

Cal was trembling violently. "I can't do it. I can't go in there."

Dylan had another glance over his shoulder, but there was still no sign of Angela. She must have been delayed. She wouldn't be able to take her break if an incident had occurred. She'd have to prioritise her current patients over a potential future patient. "You don't have to go in there if you don't want to."

"But Ethan …" Cal had gone pale.

Dylan took a breath. Cal was a patient, he told himself. Or rather, a relative, but he was clearly suffering from some kind of panic attack and that temporarily made him a patient.

"Right. Come with me," said Dylan firmly.

Cal didn't move. He might not even have heard.

Dylan looked for Angela again, but there was no-one. "I'm going to take you to the relatives' room, okay?"

Cal swung to face him and grabbed Dylan by the arms. "I don't want to lose him, Dylan!"

"Of course you don't," said Dylan. "But there's no reason to assume you will. The anaphylaxis has been treated. There is no sign of any other abnormality in his bloodwork."

"But he wants to die!" Cal's face was red and tears were pouring down it. "My little brother, Dylan! I should have protected him. I should have kept him safe."

"You can't keep someone safe all the time," said Dylan. "What could you have done? Given up your job so you could spend every minute watching him?"

"Yes!" cried Cal. "Ethan is so much more important than my job! Ethan is everything." His knees buckled and he let go of Dylan's arms, sliding to the floor. "I can't lose him, Dylan. I can't manage without him!"

Dylan looked around in a panic. He couldn't deal with this. He had no idea what to say.

Then he saw her. Angela.

He'd never been so glad to see anyone.

"Hi Dylan," she said, coming quickly towards them. "I'm sorry it took me so long. Thanks for texting to let me know you were heading back to Resus."

Dylan looked at her with helpless appeal. "I don't know what to do."

Angela touched his arm. "It's okay, Dylan. It's always difficult to know what to do. We'll help him together."

Dylan liked the idea of the two of them helping Cal together, but he didn't believe he could help anyone.

Angela knelt down beside Cal. "Hi, Cal. It's Angela. I'm so sorry about Ethan." She gave him a hug.

Cal was crying softly. "I'm so, so scared."

"Of course you are," said Angela. "It's okay to be scared."

"But I'm a doctor," wept Cal.

Angela wrapped her arms around him.

Dylan didn't like that at all. He'd never believed there was any necessity to be physically affectionate with patients and relatives and he felt it was a particular danger if the member of the staff offering the hug was an attractive woman.

Not that he usually noticed when a woman was attractive.

Not that he'd noticed now.

"You are doctor, Cal, but you're also Ethan's brother," said Angela. "We all have so many roles in life. Sometimes they do kind of blend together, but sometimes we can only be one thing at a time. You're a doctor, a brother, a friend, a colleague… you've also been a son and that's still part of who you are. But right now, you're Ethan's brother and that's all you need to be."

"I wish my mums were here now," sobbed Cal. "Except I don't because I don't want them to see Ethan like this. But if they were here…"

"If they were here, the situation would be different," said Angela. "It might be easier; it might be harder. All we can be sure about is how you feel now."

Cal clung to her. "How do you make it stop hurting?"

Angela stroked his hair.

 _Definitely inappropriate_ , thought Dylan, but the thought was kind of at a distance because he did feel sorry for Cal and Ethan.

"Sometimes you can't – but in some ways, that's not a bad thing," said Angela. "The reason it hurts so much is because you love Ethan more than anything– and that's what Ethan needs. Someone who loves him so much, it hurts."

Cal nodded, sniffing. "I do love him. I do."

Angela nodded. "I know you do. Okay, I don't think we should stay here, so where would you like to go now? Shall we go to the relatives' room or the staff room for a bit?"

Cal lifted his head from her shoulder. "I want to see Ethan."

Angela gave him a quick hug, then helped Cal to his feet. She put her arm around them and together they walked towards Resus.

Dylan watched them go. _I couldn't have done that. I couldn't have said all that._

Angela looked over her shoulder. "Dylan, are you coming?"

"Yes," said Dylan automatically and started walking. He was one of Ethan's doctors. He had to go.

But he couldn't help thinking, as he followed Angela and Cal to Resus: _I can never measure up to someone like her._

And for almost the first time in his life, that mattered.


	44. Chapter 44

**westlife4ever80** , if Ethan wakes up, he might be able to tell Cal it isn't his fault, but it might not happen and Ethan is quite good at blaming Cal for everything. I think Cal would be glad of a hug! Dylan really needs to put his impressive diagnostic skills to good use and realise he's in love! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you think Angela and Dylan would be a good couple. Dylan might not be known for his supportiveness, but it obviously worked as Cal is nearly back with Ethan. He didn't manage to make Cal feel better, but probably only Ethan could do that.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - here's the update you requested. If you're the guest who likes Zoe and Max, there's quite a long scene in this chapter you might like.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Dylan probably wants all sorts of things in his subconscious! But he probably hasn't quite realised he wants a relationship. He'd better realise soon though as I doubt this story will reach 100,000 words! It is sad when Cal gets upset, but he does usually have reason to be Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** ,I agree with you about Dylan's self-esteem - he has confidence in himself as a doctor so I think he tries to focus on that and try to dismiss everything else as unimportant but he's very aware of what he sees as his shortcomings now he's met someone he really likes! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think a small amount of comfort from Dylan probably does mean a lot because he wouldn't usually make the effort. I think Dylan probably is jealous of Cal and Angela's friendship - he finds making friends so difficult and probably doesn't quite realise Angela sees him as a friend too.

* * *

Cal looked at Ethan and trembled. He looked better than he had done, in that he now looked alive, but why hadn't he woken up? He knew that was the question in Zoe's and Dylan's minds too.

He looked up at Angela, who was standing beside him.

"Go on," she said, rubbing his arm. "You can do this."

"What do I say to him?" he asked helplessly. "Do I tell him to wake up or what?"

Angela spoke quietly. "Every patient is different, but there's a chance Ethan doesn't _want_ to wake up. I don't mean that he wants to die – often, suicide attempts are more about not wanting to live than actually wanting to be dead, if that makes sense – but he might be afraid of what will be waiting for him if he does wake up. This might be the wrong thing to suggest as everyone is different and they don't need the same things all the time, but maybe there's something you can say to make the idea of waking up a bit less scary for him?"

Cal looked at her curiously. "Do you think maybe Ethan isn't waking up for psychological reasons?"

"I don't have nearly enough medical knowledge to say," said Angela. "It might be impossible. You'd know better than me. But the human brain is very powerful and it's capable of all kinds of incredible feats that protect you from the things you don't want to know. But even if the cause isn't psychological, he might still be scared of waking up."

Cal knew she might have a point. He looked at Ethan again and tried not to feel afraid. He had to be the brave one: the big brother.

"Go on," said Angela softly. "I know you can do it, Cal."

Cal wasn't sure at all, but he went over to Ethan. "Hey, Nibbles. It's Cal. I know you probably don't want to wake up, but I really hope you will. I miss you and all I want for you is to be okay. Maybe you'll never be okay as in not having the Huntington's gene – though who knows what they'll discover in the future: they think they're fairly close to curing it– but there are so many ways of being okay, Ethan, and I want to help you find them."

He looked over at Angela. She smiled.

"I'm not mad at you, by the way," said Cal. "We're not actually sure if you did try to hurt yourself as you had an anaphylactic reaction, but if you did do something, I understand why and I'm not mad. I'm just sorry I didn't do the right things to make you feel better, but I'm going to keep trying. I'll do whatever it takes to help my little brother to feel happy."

He stopped and wiped away a tear.

"Mrs Beauchamp actually said, if you wanted, we could apply for some time off together. We can do anything you want. Go walking. Go down to Falmouth. Even go on a cookery course if you like - I think I need it a lot more than you! Or maybe we could go to a salsa club together now you've got the moves. Whatever you want."

He paused, just in case Ethan wanted to respond. But he didn't.

"Then we can come back here and study hard for our FCEM because you're going to pass and you're going to be a consultant – and you're going to be the best this hospital has ever had. And it doesn't matter if you're a consultant for three years or thirty years. I know you wanted it to be thirty, if not more, and I want that too, but no matter how long it is, you can still be a great consultant, Ethan. You can still help people and inspire them and save their lives. You can make a difference to so many people. You just need to think about the present and the immediate future and what you want I'll be there at every moment to watch you achieve it."

Ethan showed no signs of waking.

"Just think about it, Ethan, okay? You don't have to decide now. You don't have to wake up now either, if you're not ready. I just wanted you to know I'm here and I… I love you.."

* * *

Dylan was almost grateful for the little soap opera that was playing out in front of him.

Sometimes any distraction could be welcome, no matter how irritating.

He was sure Zoe and Max would prefer it if they gave him a bit of privacy, but Dylan and Zoe both needed to be on hand in case Ethan suddenly deteriorated. They couldn't rely on Cal to be the doctor now.

The trouble was, Dylan wasn't feeling at all confident about his own ability, and Zoe seemed rather distracted too.

"I love you, Zoe," said Max. "I've tried to lie to myself and pretend I don't. I've tried being with other girls."

Dylan wasn't watching, but he saw Zoe flinch.

"Sorry," said Max quickly. "Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that."

"Don't you think I deserve it after what I did to you?" Zoe half-glanced towards Dylan. "And it's not like I haven't been with anybody."

Dylan felt this was misleading. "Not that we actually-"

Zoe glared at him. "Dylan, I realise you have to be here for Ethan's sake, but could you please at least pretend you're not listening?"

"Yes, of course," said Dylan quickly and turned away. Now he was facing Resus and he could see the tears in Cal's eyes as he held Ethan's hand.

He turned away from that too. That moment was at least as private as the one Zoe and Max were sharing.

"What happened, Zoe?" asked Max. "What was going through your mind?"

"You mean…"

"Yeah. That night."

Zoe's voice was soft. "I honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time. All I remember is waking up with him and that's the truth, Max. But I can tell you what was in my mind at the last point I remember."

There was a pause. "Okay."

"But I want you to know, Max, I'm not saying this as an excuse," said Zoe. "If I'd wanted to use it as an excuse; if I believed it was any kind of excuse at all, I would have told you before now. I don't want to hurt you, but you asked. Are you sure you want to know the answer?"

"I'm sure," said Max steadily.

Zoe paused for a moment. "Max, I loved you. I still do. But the idea of commitment; of being with one person forever… it's always frightened me. I couldn't believe I was actually going to do it. All through that day, I kept seeing all the things that hadn't bothered me before."

Dylan heard Max's gasp.

"No, I don't mean things about you. Things about _me_ ," said Zoe. "I think they didn't bother me is because they don't matter, but on that day, my fears were so great, it felt as though they did matter. I was partly afraid of losing you. I might look good to you now, but what am I going to look like in five years; ten years? You'll still be young, Max, but I won't be. I know you would never knowingly hurt me; you'd never do what I did to you, but although you can control your actions, you can't control your feelings. What if you stayed with me, unhappy, for the rest of your life because your innate goodness wouldn't allow you to do anything else?"

"You'll always be beautiful to me," said Max with certainty. "And if we're together, you could never make me unhappy."

"I'd like to believe it and most of the time I can believe it," said Zoe. "But that was one thing that scared me." She paused. "And the other thing… I was scared of myself. I know what I'm like. I know I struggle with commitment. What if I married you and I couldn't be faithful? What if it turned out I wasn't good enough for you after all?" She laughed harshly. "Well, I proved myself right about that. But that's what I was afraid of, Max. I think that's why I kept on drinking."

Dylan turned to face them. "I think it was most irresponsible of your friends to leave you alone in that state. I wouldn't have thought it was advisable or kind to leave a woman alone on her hen night at all, but particularly not when you'd been drinking heavily. I know Marmalade was unwell and… oh, what's her name, that paramedic, Pixie, had to take her home, but there must have been other people there."

"It sounds like you know more about my hen night than I do!" said Zoe. "Names aside."

"Who's Marmalade?" said Max blankly.

"Noah's daughter," said Dylan.

Max looked even more confused. "You mean like in the Bible?"

"He means _Noel's_ daughter _Honey_ ," said Zoe. She looked at Dylan in confusion. "How did you know about that? I knew because Honey apologised the next day, but you weren't there, were you?"

"Fortunately not, but you did send me a few updates," said Dylan. "Sadly, you didn't give me advance notice of your… mistake or I'd have come to the pub myself and dragged you home."

Max's face filled with amazement. "Would you really have done that?"

"Yes, I would!" said Dylan. "For the most part, if someone wants to mess up their life, it's their look-out. Nothing to do with me. As long as they leave me out of it, I don't care. But Zoe is my friend and marrying you is one of the few sensible decisions she's ever made."

"Hey!" said Zoe.

"Dylan, thanks for the compliment and everything," said Max, "but that is my wife you're insulting."

Zoe stopped looking annoyed and laughed. "You know what, Max? I think he's got a point. Dylan, as you are listening and as you obviously know more about it than I do, what do you think I should do?"

"I think you should give me a few seconds to turn my back and then perhaps you should consider kissing him," said Dylan. "I think everyone in the whole hospital knows you still care about each other so you might as well just go on with the marriage. Of course, we will have to go back to knocking on cupboard doors before entering, which is always a nuisance, but infinitely preferable to seeing you both going round looking like all your patients have died."


	45. Chapter 45

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. It was definitely awkward for Dylan hearing that conversation, but I think he ended up being quite helpful! Now he just needs to take his own advice and get together with Angela. I'm afraid there's more emotional Cal to come...

 **Guest** , I'm glad you liked the Zax ending! There is a tiny Zax moment in this chapter and a longer part in the chapter after that. I'll keep them in the story as much as I can as I think Cal and Ethan really need their support, but they'll have their own little storyline too. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Ethan has been unconscious for long enough now so I will have to either wake him up fairly soon or kill him off. I think it's good Zoe and Max talked too - as far as I can remember, they avoided the subject in the show. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Zax reconciliation and Dylan's input. Dylan is great because he says things nobody else would and I think in this case, he might have really helped! I love Dylan's misuse of names - I was quite sad he learned David's, Elle's, Alicia's Sebastian's so quickly. It's funny how Cal is always at his most loving when Ethan is unconscious. It almost makes me wish it happened more often!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you so much for the compliment. I'm not sure I agree, but it's so lovely you think that. I'm glad you liked Dylan's interjections - I'm sure there are a lot of great fanfictions where Zax get back together, but probably not many where Dylan is a reluctant gooseberry. I have to say I was glad to give Cal an excuse to tell Ethan he loves him! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , whenever I try to estimate the number of chapters, I always get it badly wrong! I think perhaps ten, so it will probably be at least twenty. It will be difficult to follow the episodes as the main characters will be going in different directions, but maybe there are some key events I could use to show the progression of time. Thank you for your review. It's lovely you don't want the story to end!

* * *

Ethan felt consciousness forcing its way into his brain. He fought it without knowing anything other than the fact he did not want to wake up, but he was powerless to resist. He felt himself moving closer and closer to reality, aware now that someone was holding his hand. He felt a moment's panic that the person might be the result of another drunken night out, but there was a warmth and familiarity about it that soothed Ethan's fears before they were able to take hold.

He didn't know where he was, but there was something beeping in the background and he didn't think it meant it was time to wake up. The thought came to him that he didn't want to know what it was and he tried to stop the thought from proceeding; tried to empty his mind and allow himself to sink back into darkness.

Then he heard the voice: the shaky and tearful yet loving voice.

"Just think about it, Ethan, okay? You don't have to decide now. You don't have to wake up now either, if you're not ready. I just wanted you to know I'm here and I… I love you."

 _Love…_ Ethan remembered the last time he'd heard the word 'love' from his brother. He opened his eyes, no longer fighting wakefulness, but as the bright lights of Resus hit him, so did the memories and he moaned softly as he realised he wasn't dead.

"Ethan?" said Cal, his voice somewhere between hope that Ethan was waking up and fear that he wasn't.

Ethan tried to say his brother's name, but his throat felt dry and he could say nothing. He realised his hand was still in Cal's and tried to squeeze it.

Almost immediately, he felt convulsive pressure in response. Cal asked someone to find Zoe, then he spoke to Ethan again. "Ethan, it's Cal. I'm right here, buddy. I'm not leaving you. How are you feeling?"

"Cal…" Ethan managed the word now, but he couldn't begin to answer his question. Tears filled his eyes and began to drip down his cheeks. He wasn't okay. He never would be okay. And now Cal had taken his chance of escape.

He didn't blame Cal. Almost anyone, particularly a doctor, who found someone in need of medical attention would see that it was given. Ethan would have done exactly the same.

But he so wished Cal had left him to die.

"Ethan…" Cal's voice was full of anguish. He wiped at Ethan's tears with his fingertips. "Don't cry. I know you don't want to be here, but I'm going to help you. I'm going to do everything I can."

Ethan gripped his hand as more tears fell. He knew Cal wanted to help and he loved him for it, but what could Cal do? Even if he gave up working at the ED and spent the rest of his life searching for a cure for Huntington's, that didn't mean he'd be able to help Ethan.

"I know there's nothing that can be done for Huntington's." Cal sounded like he was crying too. "But there are things that can be done for depression and I'm not going to give up till I've found the way that helps you."

 _But there is no way_ , thought Ethan helplessly as he lay there. _Nothing but a cure and we both know that won't happen._

* * *

Dylan turned as the door opened. Angela stood there, her face full of emotion.

"Ethan's awake," she said simply.

"Thanks. I'll come now," said Zoe. She looked at Max and spoke awkwardly. "Thanks for staying with me. I'm so happy you were here."

Max looked into her eyes. "Come and find me if you need me," he said simply, and left them.

Zoe walked through the doors, leaving Dylan and Angela alone. Dylan looked at the floor, suddenly aware of all his inadequacies and ashamed of every one of them.

"Dylan? Are you all right?" asked Angela softly.

"I… yes," said Dylan, but it was a lie. He wasn't all right. There had been something wrong with him ever since he was born and he knew he could never measure up to Angela.

Or anyone else, but he didn't care about that. He didn't know why it mattered with Angela, but the fact was it did and there was nothing Dylan could do about it.

"I know it must be difficult," said Angela. "You work with Ethan every day."

Dylan nodded, happy for her to ascribe his mood to Ethan. Anything better than the truth.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" said Angela.

Dylan shook his head, but it didn't surprise him when the words came anyway. "I wish I'd known what to do."

Angela looked surprised, though perhaps by the emotion in his voice rather than the words themselves. "Dylan, it's very difficult to know exactly what to do in that situation, but the end result is that Ethan is awake and Cal is by his side. That's the best we could have hoped for – and it's happened. And that's partly because you went to Cal and persuaded him to come back to the ED. You did that all on your own, so whatever you did, it was right."

"I couldn't get Cal into Resus," said Dylan hopelessly.

"We got him in there together," said Angela. "Sometimes it's a two-person job, if not more. Cal needed both of us."

"But I…" Dylan's voice trailed away.

Angela put her hand on his arm. "Please believe me, Dylan. You did well and I'm so glad you were there to help me today."

Dylan looked at her hand and suddenly longed for her arms to be around him. He didn't know why, but perhaps it was natural that Ethan's possible attempted suicide had hit him hard. Zoe and Max were upset. Why shouldn't Dylan be upset?

"It's okay," said Angela gently.

"How can it be okay?" snapped Dylan. "He nearly died. He could still die. That's what he wants."

"You're right," said Angela. "The way Ethan is feeling isn't okay and I really hope we can help him. But the way you're feeling _is_ okay. In both our jobs, we see some very sad situations and sometimes it's going to affect us. It's very easy to feel that's wrong; that we've got to be professional and stay detached, but that's not always realistic – and that's okay. It's okay if you're upset, Dylan. It really is."

Dylan wanted to tell her he wasn't upset, but he knew it wasn't true and with he didn't want to lie to Angela. "Staying detached might be difficult, but it's important."

"There are times where it is important, yes," said Angela. "But it's also important not to deny your feelings. Ethan might want to die and Cal knows this. The pain for both of them must be unimaginable. But it doesn't mean they're the only people hurting or that other people have no reason to be upset. It is an upsetting experience."

"I wish I'd done more…" The words were out before Dylan had realised he was going to say them. As soon as they'd left his lips, his mind filled with horror, not so much at the words themselves but at the raw emotion in them.

"Of course you do," said Angela. "I wish I'd done more too. So does Cal, I'm sure. It's natural in this situation. But you did so much, Dylan. You really did."

Dylan closed his eyes for a moment and wondered how he could make her understand. "But I'm not like you. I could never be like you."

"And that's a good thing!" said Angela.

Dylan stared. "I don't think I understand. How could it be a good thing?" He personally felt the world would be a much better and less stressful place if everyone was like Angela.

"Because if we were the same, we wouldn't be able to help as many people," said Angela. "There are only a limited number of ways I can help people. I'm limited by my personality; my experiences – even by my age and gender."

"Your age and gender are completely irrelevant," said Dylan firmly.

"It's easy to say it should be," said Angela. "But there are people who feel uncomfortable accepting help from a woman – or from a man – and some people feel more comfortable with someone close to their own age. Maybe it's wrong, but that's how it is. If we can challenge their prejudices and help them to see things in a different way, then that really is great, but that's usually not our priority."

Dylan nodded slowly. Angela had a point about that.

"We all have preferences whether we realise or not," said Angela. "When it comes to choosing a partner, gender is usually relevant. When it comes to choosing friends, we tend to look for people who share our lifestyle or interests. And when we want help or comfort – when we're feeling weak or vulnerable – it makes sense that we'd also then have a particular type of person in mind. Someone who gives the kind of comfort we can respond to. Someone we wouldn't be embarrassed to cry in front of or admit weakness to."

Dylan thought about this. He certainly didn't like the idea of admitting his vulnerability to Angela, but he realised that was exactly what he was doing.

"Dylan, if I'm the wrong person for you to talk to, that's fine," said Angela. "You don't have to talk to me. It could be I'm getting this completely wrong and you don't need to talk to anyone. But I just want you to know I'm here."

The next moment, her arms were around him. For a few seconds, Dylan could do nothing but gasp and try to convince himself this moment really was real, but then he was able to move his arms again and they did move. He held Angela close to him and it was so different to hugging Zoe. It returned to him some of the strength he'd been lacking and despite everything, he felt almost happy; as close to happy as he felt anyone ever could be after what had happened to Ethan.

"It's okay, Dylan," Angela whispered into his ear, her breath tickling it and making his heart speed up. "It's okay."


	46. Chapter 46

**westlife4ever80** , I think hugging Dylan would give me goosebumps too! He is really gorgeous and it would be special too because it's such a rare event. I think Cal and Ethan both need a hug too! Perhaps not from Dylan though. They've had far too many shocks lately already. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you could be right about Ethan not wanting to be helped - in his eyes, help is probably impossible because nothing can cure Huntington's. I think Angela will try to help everyone if she can. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , of course it was a love scene! Dylan might not know it yet, but it was definitely a love scene. I'm glad you think Angela and Dylan would work well together despite their differences. It would have been nice for Ethan to wake up feeling happy, but as you say, that was never going to happen. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm not planning a sequel at the moment, but if I have any ideas, it's always a possibility. I hope it's not too much of a spoiler to say Rihanna will be making an appearance. I love seeing Dylan and Rihanna together - I hope she's in more episodes. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal stroked Ethan's hand and spoke gently. "It's okay, Ethan. Just take your time. I'm here, okay?"

He didn't know how he was keeping his voice so steady. Inside, he was a sobbing mess, but outside, he somehow had to stay calm and be there for Ethan.

The psychiatrist sat calmly, waiting for Ethan to reply to his question.

"Can you remember?" asked Cal.

Ethan shook his head and another tear slipped down his cheek.

"What's the last thing you remember, Ethan?" asked the psychiatrist.

Ethan sniffled. "I… was in the kitchen." There was a long pause. "I wanted to die. I got the tablets."

"The ibuprofen?" said Cal.

Ethan shook his head. "Not enough."

"There weren't enough tablets?"

Ethan nodded, then shook his head. "Two tablets."

"Did you take something else instead?" asked the psychiatrist.

Ethan nodded again.

"What were they, Ethan?"

"Sleeping tablets."

"Did you take them so you wouldn't wake up?"

Ethan nodded.

"Oh God." Cal quickly turned to Zoe and gave the name of the tablet. "They're _my_ tablets. I got them after I lost Matilda. I was having trouble sleeping. I know she was only with us for a few weeks, but I found I was waking up in the night, just as if I'd heard her crying. Once I actually went over to where the cot had been..." Cal stopped. Matilda was irrelevant now. Only Ethan mattered. "Could Ethan be allergic to the tablets? They can cause anaphylaxis, can't they?"

"It's certainly possible," said Zoe. "If Ethan was allergic, he might not have got as far as taking an overdose."

"But that was obviously his intention!" Tears filled Cal's eyes. "Zoe, it's all my fault. I should have got rid of them!"

Zoe took his hand and spoke firmly. "No, Cal. You didn't know Ethan was allergic to them or what he was going to do. You mustn't blame yourself. It was a terrible coincidence that led to a terrible accident, but it's no-one's fault."

Cal tried to keep his tears back. A part of his brain knew that Zoe was right, but he couldn't help thinking... if only he'd done things differently. If only he'd stayed at home today. Of course, if he'd been home, Ethan might simply have postponed his plans until Cal was out, but if Cal had been there, then Ethan could have had his phone appointment and maybe then...

 _Of course it was my fault._

Ethan dropped his head in his hands and began to wail. It was a horrible, tearing sound that went right through Cal. He wanted to run, but for once in his life, he didn't. He put his arms around his brother and hugged him tightly. "I'm here, Ethan. I'm here. I know everything's horrible, but we're going to look after you. You won't always feel this bad. I promise. I love you, Ethan, and I'm not leaving you." He looked helplessly up at the psychiatrist.

He was looking concerned. "Perhaps we could step outside for a moment, Dr Knight."

"No!" said Cal sharply. "I'm not leaving Ethan and if you're going to make any kind of decision about… about his future, I have no right to know before he does. It's not like you can keep a secret from him anyway – if you're going to admit him or even just give him anti-depressants, he's going to notice."

The psychiatrist inclined his head. "As you wish. I'm very sorry, Dr Knight, but I do think Ethan needs to be admitted for his own safety."

* * *

"I can't believe it," said Zoe. She wiped away a tear. " _Ethan_."

Dylan wanted to say something comforting. He knew he couldn't. "Right. Let's go and find Max, shall we?"

Zoe wiped another tear. "All this drinking and behaving like Cal… I thought it was a good thing. A sign that he was happy. I had no idea…"

"None of us did except Cal and he let Ethan get on with it, so it's a bit silly blaming yourself for not knowing better than Ethan's own brother," said Dylan. He managed to keep his voice reasonably calm, but inwardly, he was frustrated. Why didn't he have any idea what to say? He wasn't stupid. Far from it. He was an experienced doctor. A consultant. He really ought to know what to say after so many years of speaking to patients and relatives.

"I just keep thinking," said Zoe. "What if Cal hadn't gone home till this evening?"

"Then there might have been a very tragic outcome, but it didn't happen," said Dylan. "Cal did go home and he did find Ethan and we were able to save his life. I think that's enough to think about without worrying about what _didn't_ happen too."

Zoe sighed. "You're right. I know you're right. And I know I shouldn't let it affect me so much. But he's my colleague and my friend."

"I know," said Dylan as gently as he could. He reached into his pocket for his phone, but before he could find Max's number, he saw the porter coming towards them. His gaze focused on Zoe and the concern on his face deepened.

"Max!" said Zoe, and ran into his arms.

Max held her tightly. "I'm here, Zoe. I've got you." He held her for a moment, stroking her hair and looking rather as though her tears caused him physical pain.

Dylan was glad Max was here, but it only highlighted his own inadequacies. It showed how little intelligence actually mattered. Max couldn't have saved Ethan's life, but there were so many things he could do that were completely out of Dylan's reach.

Then Max spoke, his voice hushed and sounding as though he was afraid of what the response might be: "How is he?"

"He's been admitted," wept Zoe.

Dylan saw the shock on Max's face, but he wasn't too shocked to put his arms even more tightly around Zoe.

"He's got Huntington's Disease, Max," said Zoe. "And he wants to die."

Max stood frozen for a moment, the look of devastation on his face showing that he knew what Huntington's was, but he somehow found the strength to keep his emotions under control. He took Zoe's face in his hands and bent down to her level. "He's getting help now, Zoe, and that's because of you. Because you're so amazing at your job. I know it won't mean much now, but I'm proud of you. And I love you."

"I love you too," said Zoe tearfully.

Max brushed Zoe's tears away. "Come on. Let's take a break."

"I've got to go back to work," said Zoe. "Cal obviously can't carry on working, and Lily's still off sick. And Ethan…"

"You can still take a break," said Max. "We're not that busy and I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp would understand." He gave Zoe a tiny smile. "If she doesn't like it, send her to me. I'll sort her out."

Zoe gave a sob, but there was a laugh in there too. "Okay. I'll take a break. If only so I can see you sorting Connie out."

Max kissed her. "You've saved your friend's life today. You've saved _my_ friend's life. You couldn't be the person I love and not be affected by that."

* * *

Cal helped Ethan into the bed and pulled the cover up over his knees. "Is that all right, Ethan? Do you want to lie down? Sit up?"

Ethan made no response. He was still crying, but quietly now.

He made no move to lie down, so Cal decided to leave him sitting up for now. "Can you sit forward for me, Ethan?"

Ethan didn't seem to hear, but he didn't object when Cal put his hand on his back and pushed him slightly forward.

"I'm just doing your pillows for you," said Cal, and propped them up so Ethan would be more comfortable. At least, he would _look_ more comfortable, even if he didn't feel it, and it would stop him getting backache on top of everything else. "There, how's that?" He pushed Ethan back against the pillows. "Is that better?"

Ethan didn't seem aware of anything. Cal wondered if he even knew where he was.

"You can bring in your pillows and bedclothes from home if you like," said Angela. "Some people find it helps."

Cal looked around the cubicle. "I think I might do. It doesn't look like much at the moment – no offence."

"It's fine. The cubicles are lacking in personality," said Angela. "It's mostly for funding reasons, but it's also easier to adapt a plain room to suit you than a fully-decorated one."

"I'll bring you in some of your books, Ethan," said Cal. He looked at Angela. "That's okay, isn't it?"

"Of course it is," said Angela. "There are certain types of book that aren't allowed, but I don't suppose Ethan owns any."

Cal smiled. "I bet some of his medical books have rude bits in."

"We'll make an exception for those," said Angela.

Cal rubbed Ethan's back. "Yeah, we can make this place look quite nice. It might be better than home because you won't have to clean up after me."

No response from Ethan. He probably didn't care what his cubicle looked like. He stared out into the distance, his tears still falling.

Cal took a tissue from the box beside Ethan's bed and offered it to him, but Ethan either ignored it or didn't see it. "Ethan? Come on, Nibbles. You don't need me to do it for you."

Ethan, apparently, did.

Cal turned Ethan's face towards him and gently wiped his eyes and nose. "There. That's better. Good boy, Nibbles." He tried to smile. He didn't want Ethan to know how much it had hurt him.

One day, he would need to wipe away all Ethan's tears. Ethan wouldn't be able to do it himself. Apart from being desperately sad about Ethan's condition, Cal didn't expect to mind doing it, but he didn't want to do it _now_. He didn't want to take one second of Ethan's remaining independence away from him.

Cal put the tissue into Ethan's hand. "You will feel okay again, Ethan. You'll even feel happy again. I know I haven't done a good job of looking after you so far - I should have stopped you from acting like me. I let it go on because you seemed happy and… well, I didn't know what to do. But now you're Ethan again and you'll always be Ethan and I'm going to help you remember how wonderful being Ethan is." He pulled Ethan close to him and felt Ethan leaning against him. "Do you know something? There was a time when I tried to be more like you. It didn't work. I was absolutely terrible at it and I ended up getting myself into even more trouble. You're much better at being Cal than I am at being Ethan. But you shouldn't be Cal. One in this family is more than enough. You're the best at being Ethan and I never want you to stop."


	47. Chapter 47

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the way the characters are all supporting each other - that's something I've always loved about Casualty: the big network of support between the characters. I expect most of the ED will visit Ethan at some stage, though how welcome they'll be is another question.

 **Tanith Panic** , Cal does like his comfort and although he's a doctor, I think when he's not at work, he usually prefers to be the one who's being taken care of! But he does always want to protect Ethan, even if he rarely shows it in the best way. I'm glad you liked the other scenes - I had to put some Zax in! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I agree Angela would be good for Dylan. He just needs to realise how perfect she is! Dylan and Angela will start spending more time together now, so their friendship will develop. I think she'd do her best for all her patients and their relatives, but maybe Cal and Ethan are extra special.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your reviews of both chapters. I'm really glad you think Angela is good at her job as I'm kind of making things up as I go along! I would love a mental health worker like her. It is sad for Ethan, but he does have Cal and I think you're right that everyone will want to support him. I'm really happy you like Angela - she's based on westlife4ever80. But your OCs are lovely - they struggle so much, but they keep finding more strength. I hope you're feeling better now.

 **LoveFiction2016** , the changes in Dylan and Angela's relationship are about to begin - I've just written Chapter 48, which is all Dylan and Angela, and there's a definite turning point for them in this chapter. They'll be spending time together in Chapter 49 too. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the last chapter.

* * *

Dylan was glad to be leaving the ED. He liked to think he was good at detaching himself, but the truth was he hardly ever needed to. He hadn't been at the ED when several members of the team were injured in a minibus accident. He admitted to himself he hadn't been at his best following the explosions on his boat, but he was still trying to get his OCD under control at the time and it _was_ his home that had exploded.

Ethan's situation was a little bit different. It hurt Dylan for reasons he couldn't understand and while he'd managed to push his concern for Ethan out of his mind and concentrate on his patients, he was more tired than usual by the end of the day and actually almost regretted the fact he had to take Dervla for a walk later.

"Dylan?"

He turned to see Zoe approaching, her hand firmly held in Max's.

"Dylan, are you okay?" said Zoe. "I know it's been a tough shift. I certainly wasn't at my best. I just wanted to say that if you want to talk or just be distracted, you're welcome to come home with me and Max."

Dylan was touched. Extremely touched that Zoe and Max would even consider his company when they were taking the first important step in putting their marriage back together.

Being Dylan, he hid his feelings. "Considering you two are going to be getting reacquainted, I'm really not at all sure I _want_ to know where I'd fit in."

A wicked smile appeared on Max's face. Without even looking at him, Zoe gave him a painless but warning slap. "Behave, Max. I know what you're thinking." She turned back to Dylan. "Max and I have a lot of talking to do, but we're not the only important people in each other's lives. If you need me, I'll be here."

Dylan nodded. "I'll keep it in mind."

Zoe smiled as though he'd thanked her profusely and gave him a hug. "We're just going up to see Ethan if you wanted to come."

"You seem almost disturbingly desperate for my company for someone who's just rekindled her relationship with her husband."

"Kindle," said Max thoughtfully. "We've made videos, but we haven't done an ebook yet."

"Thank heavens for small mercies," said Dylan. "I won't go up and see Ethan now. He probably won't want too many visitors at once. I might visit tomorrow."

"Okay: I'll let Ethan know you might drop by," said Zoe. "I'll see you tomorrow. And remember: if you need a chat, my phone is always switched on."

They said goodbye. Dylan watched as Zoe and Max walked away. They were still holding hands, but as they reached the lifts, they let go and wrapped their arms around each other. Dylan was surprised by a pang of jealousy. Not because he wanted to get anywhere near sharing a bed with Zoe again ( _I wonder if she kicks Max too. Yes, that's another thing I really don't want to think about_ ) but because… well, he wasn't quite sure.

The lift doors opened. A few people exited; Zoe and Max went inside. Dylan turned away and started to walk, aware of the sound of the lift doors behind him, but he didn't realise it was the doors of the other lift opening until he heard her voice.

"Hi, Dylan."

Dylan turned. The change in his emotions was quite startling. He found he was actually glad to see her.

"How are you?" said Angela.

Dylan had the sense she really wanted to know the answer, but this was one case in case the conventions of conversation were rather useful. "I'm fine, thank you. And you?"

He realised he really wanted to know the answer too.

"I'm okay, thanks. It's always hard treating someone you know – but you've known Ethan much longer than me, of course." Angela smiled. "Would you like to go to the pub?"

"No!" said Dylan in utter horror. He disliked the pub at the best of times. He certainly didn't think he could cope with anything like that now.

He saw Angela's face fall. "Okay. Sorry. You probably want to get home after the day you've had – and of course, you've got to pick up Dervla too."

Two thoughts went through Dylan's mind at once. One was: _She remembers Dervla's name!_ The other was far less welcome: _I've hurt her feelings._

"I… I never feel like going to the pub," said Dylan. "I know it's supposed to be good for relaxation, but I always find it has the opposite effect."

"I feel the same way a lot of the time," admitted Angela. "If you want peace and quiet, it's definitely not the right place, and if you want to get away from work, sitting around a table with your colleagues doesn't always help with that. I do like my colleagues, but the conversation always seems to turn to work stuff - not patients, of course, but how unnecessary all the paperwork seems and whose turn it is to buy the next lot of teabags." She smiled. "I'll see you again soon, Dylan." She started to walk away and Dylan was stunned to find himself calling after her.

"Angela!"

She turned and smiled again.

Dylan's words almost tripped over each other in his unexpected anxiety to get them out. "Angela. I want you to know. My objections were only to the pub. Not to your company."

Angela's whole face seemed to light up.

 _She most certainly isn't ugly_ , thought Dylan. _Rather the opposite, in fact_.

"We could go to a café, if you prefer," said Angela. "Or you and Dervla would be welcome to come back to my flat."

Angela's flat. Dylan waited for the warning bells to ring in his mind, but only one thing bothered him him. "Er... what number is your flat?"

"Number 19," said Angela, as though this was a perfectly reasonable question.

No 4s. Not a multiple of four either.

"I… yes, I'd like that," said Dylan, much to his own surprise. "But I'll need to collect Dervla first. If you'd rather go back to your flat and wait for me…"

"Oh, no, I'd be glad to walk with you unless you'd like some time alone," said Angela. "I'm looking forward to seeing Dervla again."

"Then I'd be... delighted to have your company."

* * *

Cal was filled with relief when he saw Zoe and Max. He knew Ethan wouldn't be keen on having visitors and they'd be lucky to get a single word out of him, but after an afternoon of sitting at Ethan's side and feeling completely helpless, the sight of two good friends really was a welcome one.

"Look, Ethan: it's Zoe and Max," he said, cursing himself for sounding like Ethan was six years old. He tried to sound more normal. "I'll just be a minute. Zoe's looking hot and I want to give her a hug."

Cal had to admit that didn't sound very normal either. But nothing seemed normal now.

He went over to Zoe and Max. "Thanks for coming." His relief was audible.

Zoe hugged him tightly. "I know. It's really tough. Is there anything we can do? Or is there anything we need to avoid doing?"

"To be honest, everything I do seems wrong," said Cal, his eyes filling with tears. "I just don't know what to do. He just sits there and cries. He won't talk. He won't eat. He won't do anything for himself. I feel so helpless!"

Zoe held him more tightly and he felt Max patting his back. "I'm sorry, Cal," said Zoe. "And I know there's not much we can do, but we care about you and Ethan and we're here for both of you."

"Thanks." Cal stayed in her embrace for a moment longer, then he let go and wiped his eyes. "So, um, do you want to go and talk to him?"

"Just for a moment," said Zoe. "Ethan's had a tough day too."

She walked over to Ethan and sat beside him. Cal and Max followed more slowly. Ethan was sitting up in bed as he had been all afternoon. His back was ramrod straight and he looked tense and uncomfortable. As he was crying so much, Cal hadn't put his glasses back on and his eyes looked red and sore.

"Hey, Ethan," said Zoe, sitting in Cal's chair. "We just thought we'd come up and see you before we left.

Max stood at the end of the bed and waved. "Hey, Ethan. Guess what. Me and Zoe are going to give our marriage another try."

Cal knew Ethan had heard because his eyes filled with tears. He lowered his head. Cal knew he was thinking that marriage wouldn't be a possibility for him. Cal could only hope he'd change his mind.

Cal turned to Max, his hand held out in congratulation. "Max, that's brilliant news! I'm so happy for you, mate." The handshake turned into a hug. Cal embraced Zoe too. "I'm really happy for you, Zoe."

"I know it's not what I deserve," said Zoe, looking slightly embarrassed. "But…"

"I don't deserve a brother like Ethan, but I've still got one," said Cal. "And the last thing I'm going to do is let him go."

Zoe smiled. "I wouldn't say you don't deserve Ethan, but I take your point, and thank you." She turned back to Ethan, putting her hand gently on his arm. "I'm really sorry you're not well, Ethan. But you just take as much time as you need to get better and there will always be a place for you in the ED."

Cal wasn't sure this was the right thing to say, but he didn't expect Ethan's reaction.

He threw his head back, his voice rising almost to a screech. "I'm never going to get better!" Then he dropped his head into his arms and sobbed.

"Oh…" Zoe looked upset. She touched Ethan's arm again. "I'm really sorry, Ethan. That was a stupid thing to say." She stood up and waved Cal towards the chair.

Cal quickly sat beside Ethan and hugged him tightly. "I'm here, Ethan. I'm here. I've got you."

"Oh God. I'm so _stupid_ sometimes!" Zoe said in a low voice to Max.

"You're not," said Max reassuringly. "You know how sometimes there isn't a right thing to say? I think now is one of those times."

"But there must have been something better to say than that…"

Max spoke quietly but firmly. "Ethan's probably had enough for today. Anything would have been wrong. Shall we go home?"

"Yes," said Zoe in relief. "Cal, we're going to head off now. I'm so sorry I upset Ethan."

Cal looked at her over Ethan's head. "Believe me, I've been upsetting him ever since we got here. It's not your fault or Ethan's either. Thanks for coming up, both of you. I really appreciate it and I'm sure Ethan does too. And congratulations again."


	48. Chapter 48

_I'm sorry I haven't updated this for ages. I've been struggling generally and this has always been a difficult story to write. I hope to update more regularly from now on._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure it helps Dylan to know he can confide in Zoe. He didn't really feel quite comfortable with her when the relationship charade was going on, so he must be very glad that's over! It must be so horrible for Cal seeing his brother in the psych ward. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the change in Angela and Dylan's relationship! And they'll be together for at least the next two chapters, so I hope you'll enjoy reading about them together. It was a real foot-in-mouth moment for Zoe - I'm sure only Ethan didn't know what she meant. Even Cal reacted well.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the friendship between Dylan and Angela and the banter between Zoe and Max. Casualty have written three really good characters for me, which really helps. Although it's much worse for Ethan, I do feel sorry for Zoe - I think she'll be kicking herself rather than Max in bed tonight!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you're enjoying the growing closeness between Angela and Dylan - it's taken them a while, but that's what Dylan's like! I think since Zoe left, the ED has been less of a family, but she's still here in this story (and probably not leaving), so she's holding the family together for Cal and Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you liked the latest chapter.

Thank you to **Fantasyfictionwriter** for the follow.

* * *

Dylan sat awkwardly on Angela's sofa – which would probably have been very comfortable if only he could relax – and wondered if she'd really meant it when she'd told Dervla she could sit 'anywhere a human could sit'.

Dervla was now sitting proudly on the sofa beside Dylan, having inspected all the available chairs before making her choice.

Another concern was whether he and Angela would have anything to say to each other.

On the way to Doggy Care and back, it had been easy. Angela had asked about Dervla, then the conversation had moved on to former canine companions, with both of them talking about the dogs they'd loved and lost. Angela was thinking of buying a new dog now she felt truly settled into her job and Dylan had willingly given advice and information about the dog rescue centre, pet shops, food and Doggy Care, as well as pleasant places for walks.

But they'd probably exhausted the subject of dogs for the time being and Dylan wasn't sure what he was going to say next. Some people liked to talk about mutual friends, but Dylan wasn't sure he really had any apart from Zoe and (he hoped) Lofty.

"Here we are." Angela came back into the room, carrying two mugs. "I've got some biscuits too – does Dervla eat biscuits?"

"She'll eat far too many than is good for her if you let her," said Dylan.

Dervla gave him a reproachful look.

"Don't look at me like that," said Dylan. "You know I'm right."

"Dylan's got to be tough on you because he's family," said Angela, kneeling so she was level with Dervla and gently stroking her head. "But I think you look beautiful and a biscuit or two won't do you any harm."

Dylan was surprised to find the flat had become quite warm and stuffy all of a sudden. As Dylan waited for Angela to return with the biscuits, he wondered if opening the window might be beneficial, but it would be ridiculous at this time of year.

Angela came back with a plate. "Here you are."

Dylan automatically looked at the plate to check there were no chocolate biscuits, but there were none. He looked up and met Angela's gaze and she smiled as though she understood what he was doing and why.

"Can I sit next to you, Dervla?" asked Angela.

The strangest thought popped into Dylan's head: that he wished Angela could have sat next to _him_.

Dervla promptly moved along the sofa, leaving a space between her and Dylan. Dylan looked away in embarrassment as Angela sat down. Were his feelings as obvious to Angela as they had clearly been to Dervla?

"Dylan?"

Dylan realised Angela was offering him the plate of biscuits and was annoyed with himself for not realising. He took one, relieved not to have to say anything just yet.

"Did you enjoy that?" asked Angela when he'd finished.

"Yes," said Dylan, and immediately realised she'd been talking to Dervla.

He wanted to sink through the floor and never return.

This was a bad idea. It was one of the worst ideas he'd ever had. He'd never been able to socialise and it had been stupid of him to think he could start now.

What must Angela think of him?

He turned slowly to look at Angela and was caught off guard by her smile. He'd expected her to pity him for not realising she was talking to Dervla, but it seemed more as though she hadn't noticed or had already forgotten.

"Dervla's such a lovely dog," said Angela. "Is she this friendly with everyone or am I lucky?"

"She is a very friendly dog," said Dylan, "but perhaps she trusts you more than most people. She's very intuitive. She knows who the dog lovers are and she knows who's scared too. She's always very cautious and gentle with anyone who's scared."

"She'd be wonderful on the psych ward," said Angela. "We all try to be gentle with our patients and cautious when necessary, but we do sometimes get it wrong. But dogs seem to have such a good instinct."

"Well, they vary, just like humans," said Dylan. "But Dervla is certainly exceptional. I.. I wish I had half her abilities in that regard."

He stopped, aghast that he'd confided in Angela again, but Angela didn't seem to mind.

She was smiling. "I think most people would like half the abilities of a dog like Dervla! But Dylan... maybe you don't want my opinion and that's completely fine, but I thought you were phenomenal today. It must have been deeply upsetting to see Ethan so unwell, but you coped brilliantly. I sometimes struggle on the ward when I see someone in that condition, and until Ethan, I've never had to work with anyone I already know."

Dylan looked at her, several feelings warring inside him. He was slightly embarrassed to be complimented. He was extremely confused as he was sure he didn't deserve it. But he could also feel a warm glow inside him.

Angela thought he'd done well. She thought he was good at his job.

Dylan knew he was good when it came to diagnosing and treating and making tough calls, but talking to patients and relatives had never come easily to him.

"Are you all right?" he asked, the question surprising him but apparently not Angela.

She smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. I am worried about Ethan, of course. But I have to try to detach from that. I'm incredibly lucky to have a job that gives me the chance to try to help people. But if I thought about it 24/7, I'd end up in the bed next to Ethan."

Dylan nodded slowly. "The stress probably would start to affect me if I thought about my patients after I left the ED." He paused. "Though perhaps my job is easier in that respect. They're never in the ED long enough for me to get to know them. But you have to see the same patients every day. You can't help getting to know them and then I would imagine it's more difficult to detach." He was sure he'd manage it without too much difficulty, but he wouldn't be very good on the psych ward.

"I imagine you spend several hours with your patients sometimes," said Angela.

Dylan considered. "Some remain in the hospital for several hours, yes, but I'm not usually with them the whole time. If I'm working in cubicles, I'm usually dividing my time between several patients. If I'm working in Resus, a lot of my patients are in no condition to speak and those that are don't usually want to. Which I have to say suits me very well. I'm there to save their lives, not to make friends."

"You seem to be very good at detaching," said Angela. "I really struggle sometimes, but I'm working on it."

"A lot of it will come with experience," said Dylan. "I think you said that you qualified relatively recently. I've been a doctor for more than fifteen years."

Angela smiled. "Sometimes I feel like I've only been in my job for fifteen minutes! There's so much I still have to learn. But I love it. I do feel terrible when I make a mistake, even though everyone does it, including the most experienced members of the team, but on the positive side, I can usually learn from it and do a better job for my next patient."

"Yes, you'll learn from your mistakes; from textbooks; from other people," said Dylan. "But you learn from the successes as well as the failures. They're very important because they give you the experience of doing it _right_. But what you mustn't do is allow either the successes or the failures to affect you while you're working. You can use them to help you decide what to do next, but you have to keep your focus. There's always time later, when your shift is over, to go through the successes and failures and take what you can from them. But when you're working, the _next_ thing you're going to do is always the most important thing."

Angela watched him, her eyes slightly wide. "Have you ever given any lectures, Dylan?"

Dylan felt his body slump slightly. He'd talked for far too long and he probably had been quite forceful about it.

"No, what I meant was that you'd be really good at it," said Angela quickly. "It was so interesting and you seemed really passionate about what you were saying. And you explain it so clearly." She touched his arm. "I'm sorry if I sounded rude."

"No, it didn't," said Dylan. The fact he'd misinterpreted her words was hardly her fault. "I actually haven't done any lectures in the official sense and I'm not entirely sure I'd like it, but I have often supervised and instructed junior doctors, both at foundation level and registrars."

"Do you find it satisfying?" asked Angela.

"When they get it right, perhaps I do," said Dylan. "Though the patient is always the most important person. For the most part, instructing another doctor is incredibly frustrating. They're very slow at first, which is always a concern in an emergency department, and I think it can be quite nerve-wracking for them, which can lead them to make the most ridiculous mistakes."

Angela smiled. "I can understand why it's difficult to watch someone do something slowly and with mixed success when you could do it perfectly in half the time."

Dylan nodded in agreement. "Exactly. But despite all that, it's something I continue to do because it's important. Often the best thing I can do for the current patient is to move Lily or Cal or whoever aside and do it myself. And if the situation became sufficiently serious, that's exactly what I'd do. But I also need to consider our future patients and the best thing I can do for them is to ensure that my juniors become the best doctors they can be. If that means I have to stand aside and watch as they make a complete pig's ear of a simple procedure, that's what I'll do."

Angela was smiling. "I do enjoy talking to you, Dylan. You make such good points and you make me smile too."

"I wasn't aware I was particularly good at either," said Dylan. "But… thank you."

Dervla made a small whining noise.

"I'm sorry, Dervla. Are we ignoring you?" Angela put her arm around Dervla. "Why don't you put your paws on my lap so you can join in?"

Dervla, of course, understood every word and did as Angela had suggested. She lay there, her head resting on her paws and looked extremely satisfied with events.


	49. Chapter 49

**westlife4ever80** , I'm glad you can see them as a family! Dervla obviously approves (and why wouldn't she?) so the only thing standing in Dylan's way is Dylan. Their 'date' continues in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Dervla certainly made herself right at home in Angela's flat! I'm glad you liked the last chapter being centred on Dylan and Angela - this chapter is too, but Cal and Ethan will be back in the next one. There will be lots more chapters, but I'd only written one of them. Sorry for the confusion. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad the parts with Dervla worked - I was quite worried about those as my interaction with dogs has mostly been focused on running away! I'm happy you think Dylan and Angela work as friends - I'm not sure Dylan would get into a relationship with someone who just started flirting!

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're still enjoying this.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I hadn't thought of Dervla as a child needing attention, but I think you're right! She's one of those adorable children who are really lovely but know how to get exactly what they want! I agree Dylan has a bit of a romantic side and one nice thing is that if he compliments you, he really means it. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Angela put the plate down in front of Dylan. "There you are. I'm sorry it's nothing fancy. I didn't want to keep you waiting for hours when you're hungry."

"It looks lovely," said Dylan – not because it was because he ought to say or even because he wanted to reassure Angela, but because it was true.

Dylan reached for his knife and fork and started to eat. He didn't say anything and neither did Angela, but the silence was somehow companionable. Dervla sat on the floor beside him with a plate of sausages. Angela had asked Dylan if she liked him and his answer had been almost drowned out by Dervla's enthusiastic yes. He'd told her off for being a greedy, bad-mannered dog, but Angela had given her a cuddle and told her it would be a pleasure to cook sausages for her.

"I hope it's okay," said Angela, clearly referring to the dinner. "If you do need anything else I haven't brought out, just let me know."

"It's perfect," said Dylan with a smile, after swallowing a mouthful. "It's very good, Angela."

Angela smiled back at him. "Thank you."

Dylan knew he should stop smiling now and go back to his dinner, but he couldn't. All he could do was look at her. It could have been very embarrassing and awkward, but she was looking back at him and he somehow knew she wasn't uncomfortable. She was happy for him to look at her.

It made no sense at all to Dylan, but very little was making sense to him at the moment.

For one thing, what was he even doing here?

When Angela had invited him to stay for dinner, his first instinct had been to say no. He'd taken up too much of her time already; he valued his time alone; and he'd spent the last eight hours or so interacting with other people, which was more than enough in his opinion.

But apparently, it wasn't enough today.

Dylan became aware Angela was still staring at him and had a horrible thought. "I haven't got food on my face, have I?"

"Oh, no. I'm sorry. I was just… thinking." Angela blushed and looked down at her plate.

"I like a woman who thinks," said Dylan.

 _What?_ What had he just said that for?

"Or a man," he quickly added, before wondering if that didn't make it even worse.

He was almost relieved when the text arrived, even though most of his text messages he received were far from welcome. They tended either to be from Zoe (and often contained very personal information he would have preferred her not to share) or from his network provider offering him unlimited free texts if he spent the same amount of time on the phone this week as he had in the last year.

Or they were from… Dylan closed his eyes for a moment and put the phone back down on the table. He would have to delete it later. He would only draw attention to himself if he deleted it now.

Unfortunately, he seemed to have drawn Angela's attention already. "Are you all right, Dylan?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Dylan's voice was curt, which wasn't his intention, but there were certain people and certain subjects he really wanted to avoid.

"Dylan, I can see you don't want to talk about it, that's fine," said Angela. "But I just want to say, if you do want to talk, I'm here. And if you need to leave for whatever reason, I understand."

Dylan wasn't sure what he wanted. Texts like this always made him want to run far away from people; from the truth. He wasn't even sure why. The person who was sending the texts had never been anything but nice to him, but that didn't mean he was able to deal with it.

He stared down at his plate, his appetite gone, as he started to think about them.

Dervla whimpered softly and rested her head against Dylan's knee. She always seemed to know when the texts came. Dylan stroked her and wondered if perhaps he should leave. He felt even less able to talk to Angela now.

"Dylan, are you sure there's nothing I can do?" Angela sounded worried. "I don't want to keep pushing you. I know it's not my business. But if there is anything…"

"I just… don't know what to do," said Dylan hopelessly.

He sensed movement from the corner of his eye and looked up to see Angela moving towards him. She sat in the chair next to him and took his hand. "What's happened, Dylan?"

Dylan stared at her and wondered when anyone had last asked him what had happened in such a kind and concerned voice. Zoe could be kind, of course, but she could also be impatient. "It's nothing bad. Not at all. But…"

"Good and bad are relative terms," said Angela. "Anything can be bad from the wrong person, in the wrong way or at the wrong time."

Dylan looked into her understanding eyes and he wanted to tell her. He needed to. "I… I've just had an email from my… my stepmother."

It felt strange calling her that. Not least because she was hardly any older than he was - and looked much younger than he did, according to Brian.

Angela nodded and waited for more. When it didn't come, she said: "I hope everything's okay."

"It is okay," said Dylan. "She's okay. At least, I assume she is. She didn't say much."

"Would you like to tell me what she did say?" said Angela.

"She… she sent me a photograph," said Dylan awkwardly. He didn't know why he was talking about this. Angela had made it clear she wouldn't pry if he didn't want to talk about it and he knew she was only still talking about it because he had continued to talk about it – and because she knew, somehow, that that was what he _needed_ to do.

"A photograph of herself?" prompted Angela gently.

It occurred to Dylan that Angela might think it was an inappropriate photo, but there was nothing in her face or voice to suggest that. Of course, Angela had no idea his stepmother was only about six years older than Dylan. "A photograph of… her daughter."

"Your sister," said Angela, her eyes softening.

"My stepsister, yes," said Dylan. He looked into Angela's eyes and for some reason, he felt safe. "She's probably about three months old now. I'm not sure. She married my father shortly after they found out about the baby. And now she keeps sending me pictures of her."

"And you'd prefer that she didn't?" said Angela, as though an aversion to seeing pictures of his own baby sister was entirely reasonable.

"She's… she's my father's daughter," said Dylan, aware that this explained very little, but it was as near as he could get. "I want nothing to do with him."

Angela nodded as though that made sense. "And so you don't want to have contact with his family either."

"No," said Dylan. He waited for a moment, but Angela said nothing. "Well? Aren't you going to tell me they're my family and family is important?"

"I think it is important to be cared about," said Angela. "But the people who care about us won't necessarily be members of our family." She smiled. "Though I would say you do have family to care about you. You have Dervla."

Dylan looked down at Dervla, smiling despite the tension inside him. Angela was right, of course. Dervla was certainly family.

He turned back to Angela. "But you don't think I ought to be close to my family? Most people do."

"Not everyone gets on with their family," said Angela. "And there are all kinds of reasons for that. It's your choice if you speak to them or not, Dylan. I really don't know enough to advise you one way or the other, but I'm sure you have a reason and I'm happy to accept that. And if you want to tell me what the reason is, I'm listening."

"So, you don't encourage your patients to see their families?" asked Dylan.

"We look at it on a case-by-case basis," said Angela. "We do often suggest it, especially if we know the families want to visit and we feel satisfied their intentions are good, but we would never force someone to see a family member. If we had patients under sixteen, perhaps we would have to let parents see their children, but our patients are adults and we let them or help them to make their own decisions. We don't know better than them. Even when we feel we have no choice but to give them therapy sessions, that's not because we know best but because we want to try something that might help."

Dylan looked at her for a moment, then he nodded his head. "I don't get on with my father. He treated my mother horribly. He treated me horribly. I don't want to see him again."

"That's understandable," said Angela, somehow knowing he didn't want sympathy. Just validation.

"I don't know how he's treating Hazel or my… the baby," said Dylan. "But I don't want to get involved. I failed to protect my mother. They're not even my…" He stopped, appalled. He hadn't meant to say that much. He _shouldn't_ have said that much.

Angela squeezed his hand. "It's okay if you don't want to say any more, Dylan. If you do, then I'm here and I'm listening. If not, then we can change the subject whenever you'd like to."

"I'd… I'd like to change the subject now, please," said Dylan awkwardly. "I'm not… I'm not used to talking about this."

"It can be really strange talking about something for the first time," said Angela. "Especially with a new friend." She squeezed his hand gently, holding his gaze for a moment, then she let go of him and stood up, returning to her seat at the table.

Dylan expected her to change the subject to something he was sure he couldn't even begin to talk about now, but she didn't. She simply resumed eating her meal.

Dylan looked at her with a gratitude he couldn't express and did the same.


	50. Chapter 50

**westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I don't think Dylan meant to open up to Angela, but I think he finds it difficult to stop himself from talking about her! He probably still doesn't know why, but he's probably the only one who doesn't know.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It was nice of Angela to cook dinner for Dylan - thought she gets something out of the arrangement too. She gets to have dinner with the man she likes!

 **Tanith Panic** , it is a breakthrough and an important one, especially as it's not very long till Hazel, Brian and Rihanna are due to visit the ED. Hazel has the most appalling taste in men, but she's lovely apart from that. I love Dylan for helping her and Rihanna in Casualty, Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter.

* * *

Cal had never been very quick at leaving the house to go to work. He took ages to get out of bed; he took his time in the shower; he never hurried his breakfast. If it wasn't for Ethan, he'd probably have been fired long ago.

And now, when he was going to be arriving not on time but early, that was because of Ethan too.

He passed Zoe and Max, but he only gave them the briefest wave before hurrying away. The stairs up to the psych ward seemed to go on forever, but at last, he was there and anxiously asking the receptionist if he could go and see Ethan.

The receptionist eyed him doubtfully. "I'm not sure. Let me just check for you." She spoke briefly on the phone to someone, then turned back to Cal. "Someone will be here in a minute to take you through."

"I know the way," said Cal. "I was here yesterday and I work at the hospital, so I know where all the wards are."

"The doctor shouldn't be too long." The receptionist smiled. "In fact, there she is now."

Cal heard the sound of a door shutting and turned to see a smartly-dressed but not unfriendly-looking woman. "Hey, I'm Dr Knight. Ethan Hardy's brother."

"Hello, Dr Knight. I'm Dr Harris, one of the psychiatrists. I was wondering if you could step into my office for a moment."

The nervousness that had been brewing below the surface increased with a sharp lurch. All Cal could do was nod and follow the psychiatrist. He'd known that Ethan was unlikely to be in very good shape after his first night on the ward.

"Sit down, Dr Knight."

Cal tried to invite the psychiatrist to call him Cal, but all that came out was a sort of squeak. _Just tell me about Ethan. Please. Tell me what happened._

"I'm sorry to have to tell you Ethan didn't have a very good night last night," said Dr Harris. "He was very distressed, though he was quiet and did his best not to disturb the others."

 _Yes, that's my brother!_ thought Cal as he fought back tears. _Even now, he doesn't want to inconvenience anyone._

"Obviously, we're very concerned," said Dr Harris. "We don't know Ethan very well yet, so we don't always know how best to proceed. We can't assume every patient is the same, so talking to relatives is always very valuable."

"I'll be happy to help you in any way I can," said Cal . He hated the thought of Ethan being alone and upset in a strange place, yet at the same time, it probably was the best place for him. Cal had no confidence he'd be able to help Ethan.

"Thank you," said Dr Harris. "Could you tell me if Ethan is usually sociable? He's shown no interest in interacting with the others so far."

Cal wasn't sure what to say. Ethan had been quite sociable recently, but he hadn't really been Ethan. "Ethan's quite shy. If you put Ethan in a new situation with new people, he either talks complete rubbish or says nothing at all."

"Is it better to encourage him or to let him have some time to himself, would you say?"

Cal sighed. If he only had he answers, maybe Ethan wouldn't be in the psych ward. "Leave him alone for now. He's had so much to think about lately. I'm not sure it would help to push him into anything, but I understand if you want to try. When Ethan is like this, I want to try everything in the world to see if it helps."

* * *

Dylan thought it was just a dream at first. The idea that he had willingly socialised with someone he worked with, much less that he'd actually enjoyed it, seemed completely impossible. But as he slowly woke up and the more he remembered, he was surprised to find he felt no annoyance with himself or even embarrassment that he'd revealed so much.

He was happy he'd had dinner with Angela. He'd genuinely enjoyed himself. He was even happy he'd spoken to Angela about Brian, Hazel and Rihanna. It hadn't really helped things to become any clearer in his mind, but it had been good to talk about it and to receive validation and understanding. He'd been so sure everyone would see it as a terrible thing that he had no contact with his baby sister. Lofty would probably understand – he really seemed to understand everything - but Lofty was gone. Everyone else would see the big picture but miss the details.

As Dylan walked towards the ED, he found he was looking around. He didn't let himself wonder about why, but he didn't stop looking. When he heard a voice call his name, his heart… well, it didn't really seem to jump inside his chest. That would be ridiculous. But he had a feeling the sensation her voice had produced was probably the one that was so-described: his heart seemed to give one extra strong beat that vibrated through his chest. Then the beats the became weaker but very fast.

"Hi!" Angela came over to him, a smile on her face. "Don't worry: I know you've probably had enough of me lately, but I wanted to thank you and Dervla for coming over last night. I really enjoyed it."

Dylan's heartbeat calmed just slightly, but he was hit by a burst of happiness so sudden and unexpected, he was unable to prevent himself from smiling.

Not that there was anything wrong with smiling, but it was one of many normal human activities he tended not to do.

"I had a good time too," he said, and if he hadn't known better, he'd have said he sounded shy.

"I'm glad," said Angela, and smiled at him.

Dylan's knees felt peculiar.

"I'm sorry: I really need to go," said Angela. "But if the offer's still open to join you and Dervla on one of her walks, I'd really like to."

"I'd really like that too," said Dylan, whose heart couldn't really be singing, but he thought he might know what all those silly romantics were on about now. He felt strong and happy and able to cope with anything. Which was probably just as well, considering his job.

"My hours are pretty regular, but I know things can be a bit all over the place in the ED with double shifts, night shifts and working late," said Angela. "So why don't you work out a time that suits you and then you could text me?"

"I don't always get much notice about working late," said Dylan.

"That's okay. If you have to cancel at the last minute, that's not your fault," said Angela. "I'm not going to take it personally. I know it might not always be possible to let me know, or even to ask someone else to tell me, so don't worry. If we arrange a meeting and you don't show up, I'll assume it's because work got in the way. And that's really not a problem."

"I'll try to let you know," said Dylan.

Angela smiled. "I appreciate that. But as I said, don't worry if you can't. The patients come first."

"Then… perhaps I'll text you soon," said Dylan.

"I'll look forward to it," said Angela.

* * *

Cal sat in the chair beside Ethan's bed and smiled at his brother.

Ethan didn't respond. He thought about it, but his mouth didn't move. Smiling seemed to hard; everything seemed too hard. He hadn't said anything since Cal had arrived. Ethan didn't want to ignore his brother, but his voice seemed like such a long way away and he couldn't reach it. He'd tried to reach out a hand to Cal instead, wanting to acknowledge his presence in some way, but his hand wouldn't move. At last, Cal had taken Ethan's hand in his and he'd used all his energy to produce a convulsive squeeze, but Cal's face had lit up as though Ethan had quoted the whole of the Karma Sutra.

Was that a joke? wondered Ethan. _Did I just made a joke inside my head?_

 _If I did it probably wasn't funny._

"So… how have you been?" said Cal, and groaned. "Sorry. Stupid question."

 _It is a stupid question, but it's one so many people would ask. Please don't feel bad, Cal._

"So… um… I've got work later," said Cal. "Quite soon, actually. But if you need me, all you've got to do is let me know. Or ask someone else to let me know."

 _But how can I do that, Cal? If I can't talk to you, how am I supposed to talk to other people? I'm trapped, Cal. Trapped in my mind; trapped in my body and I know that even if I do manage to escape this time, it won't be free for ever. One day, I will be trapped again and not even you will be able to let me out._

"Ethan…" said Cal, the name almost a moan of pain. He lifted his hand to Ethan's face and brushed at his cheeks with his fingertips. "I'm here, Nibbles. I'm here."

Ethan guessed he was crying. He cried a lot. It wasn't like there was anything else he could do. This time, felt something wet running down his face a second before Cal wiped it away with his thumb.

"I know it feels awful," said Cal, "and I also know I don't know exactly how you feel, so I'm not going to tell you I do. But this isn't the end, Ethan. I believe you'll get better. You'll go back to work and you could easily have another fifteen, twenty years. Maybe thirty if you're lucky."

Ethan closed his eyes. Now he was aware of it, he could feel the tears falling; he could hear his hitching breath. He knew Cal meant well, but the fact he was talking about the end at all showed there would be an end; that he'd be lucky to work past fifty.

Ethan had dreamed of being the doctor's equivalent of Charlie Fairhead one day, but there was no chance Ethan would still be working in his sixties. He might not even be alive – but that thought gave him more comfort than regret.

Ethan's head dropped and he leaned forward slightly, his shoulders shaking. He felt Cal's arm going across his shoulders and leaned in to him as the sounds he was making changed from half-suppressed gasps into loud sobs. Cal held him closer and stroked his hair, murmuring words that made little sense to Ethan.

"I promise you'll get out of here." Cal's voice was choked. "I promise, Ethan."

 _But what's the point in getting out of here?_ wondered Ethan. _I'll only come back. If not here than to another establishment where I'll depend on doctors and nurses in order to survive._

 _I don't want that to be my future! It's bad enough that's it happening now; I don't want it to be my future too._

 _But what choice do I have? The disease is eating away at me every day, taking another part of who I am. Soon there will be nothing of me left. Why did this have to happen to me? I don't want it to happen to Cal either, but why me?_


	51. Chapter 51

**westlife4ever80** , you could definitely be right about the kiss! Not quite yet, but I'm sure it'll happen. Ethan will have lots of support, but he probably feels like his time is very limited. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It is really hard for Cal and Ethan - neither of them can see a way through at the moment, but although Ethan has given up, Cal hasn't yet.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the support Cal gives Ethan - if only it gave Ethan a sense of comfort too! Thank you. I like writing relationships, which is strange considering how much I complain about relationships in Casualty!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm not sure Dylan would see himself as going on dates with Angela, but he so is! There's more than one sort of date. I'm sorry Ethan's part s upset you. There might be more about that in future chapters. Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you think it's looking good at the moment.

 _Thank you to BexieID and UsernameID for your follow and favourites._

* * *

Cal took the lift back down to the ED. He leaned against one of the walls, his eyes closed, listening to the humming and slight shuddering of the lift as it moved downwards. He thought for a moment that perhaps the lift was like Ethan: moving down and down and no-one could stop it.

But that wasn't quite true, of course. Cal could stop the lift if he wanted to. He could press the emergency stop button; he could ask it to stop at another floor on the way down. He could stay in the lift and made it go all the way up to the top back up to the top.

He couldn't do that for Ethan. Even if Cal could somehow get him out of his depression, he couldn't stop him from declining physically.

The lift arrived on the ground floor. The doors opened. Cal stumbled out, his eyes blurred with tears. He was aware of people standing by the lift, but he couldn't see who they were. A couple of them said hello to him; he thought it might have been Zoe and Robyn, but Cal didn't care who it was. He didn't really want to see anyone. He turned and walked away from them, not completely sure where he was going.

A hand touched his arm. "Cal, how is he?"

Cal blinked his tears away and looked sadly at Zoe. Max was standing beside her, a worried look on his face.

"Come on: I'll make you a cup of tea," said Zoe, rubbing his arm.

Cal jerked away from her. "What is tea going to do? How can that help Ethan?"

Zoe's face softened. "It can't. You don't know how much I wish it could, Cal."

Her voice quivered slightly and Max put his supportively hand on her back, his anxious eyes now turned to his wife.

"But it might help you?" said Zoe, her voice quiet and sad. "I know it's going to be difficult for you to get through the day. You don't look like you slept very well."

"Would you sleep well if your brother was on the psych ward?" Tears had sprung to Cal's eyes again, but he felt no embarrassment. Only hopelessness.

"Of course not," said Zoe. "I didn't sleep much as it was."

Cal threw her a slightly scornful look. He could guess why Zoe hadn't slept and it wasn't anything to do with Ethan.

"Not like that," said Max quickly. "The mood wasn't right. All we could think about was Ethan."

Cal looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity. He was glad, in a way, that Ethan had friends on his side, but Zoe and Max couldn't help him any more than Cal could and it made him feel more hopeless than ever. Zoe was such a great doctor; Max had such a deep understanding of human emotions and relationships, but they could do nothing.

"Ethan would want you to work hard and do your best for your patients," said Zoe.

Cal knew she was trying to help, but it only made him angrier. " _'Would want_ '? Why would you say it like that? My brother isn't dead, Zoe. He's not even getting symptoms yet. How can you stand there and talk about Ethan like he's already gone; like he's already beyond help?"

Zoe's eyes widened with hurt, then filled with understanding. "Cal, I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it the way it sounded, but… yeah, it was a stupid thing to say."

"I think maybe Zoe means Ethan probably isn't in the right mood to mind about how much you work at the moment," suggested Max. "It's hard to care about things sometimes when you're depressed. But if he was in the right mood, he'd want the same things he's always wanted because he's the same person he always was."

"Yes, that's what I mean," said Zoe with a grateful glance for Max.

Cal put his hands over his face. Everything was going wrong. He felt everything spiralling further and further away from him. He couldn't stop what was happening to Ethan. He couldn't even stop what was happening to himself; he couldn't stop the fear from engulfing him.

How was he ever going to be able to work?

"Come on," said Zoe gently. "I need a coffee even if you don't. We'll sit together and talk if you want to – and sit in silence if you don't."

Cal had no strength to argue. He followed Zoe and Max to the staff room and sat down with Zoe at his side as Max started to make the drinks; some unspoken agreement between husband and wife had obviously been made. When Zoe put his arm around him, Cal made no objections. He rested his head on Zoe's shoulder and started to cry.

* * *

Ethan barely glanced up when Angela sat beside him. She reached out and gave his arm a rub. He didn't push her away – he hoped he would never do that – but it didn't help. It just showed how weak and worthless he'd become. If he was downstairs in the ED where he'd once belonged, a nurse from the psych ward would never comfort him. A nurse from the ED might, but that would be a colleague; a friend. Someone who knew him well enough to comfort him.

But now he was the patient and that meant any nurse could comfort him.

Ethan wasn't sure why that felt so wrong. There was nothing wrong with being a patient; nothing wrong with needed comfort.

But it was wrong when it was Ethan.

"How are you feeling, Ethan?" asked Angela gently.

Ethan didn't answer. He'd have thought that was obvious.

"It can be really difficult coming here," said Angela. "It's very different from what you're used to."

 _But very similar to what I'm going to have to get used to._

"Is there anything we can do to help you to feel more comfortable?" asked Angela.

 _Take this gene away from me! And then let me out of here so I can go back to my job._

"No," whispered Ethan. There really was nothing she could do.

"A lot of people feel like that," said Angela. "It's difficult to imagine how you can be comfortable here. A lot of people get used to it and even come to like it. But if you don't, you don't have to stay here. We'd really like you to give this a try, Ethan, but if you're really unhappy here, we don't want to keep you here against your will."

 _But if I'm not here, where will I go?_ thought Ethan. _What if everyone thinks I'm too ill to go back home?_ His heart clenched. _What if Cal doesn't want me?_

Angela stroked his hand. "Would you like me to go, Ethan? It's fine if you do. I know you don't want to talk, so if you'd like me to go, can you squeeze my hand once for me?"

Ethan wanted her to go, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to hurt her. He knew how being hurt felt and she was only doing her job. He respected her for that. It wasn't as though Ethan could do his job at the moment.

"Okay," said Angela softly, when the hand-squeeze didn't come. "How about I tell you about some of the activities we do here? Don't worry if you zone out. I know concentration can be hard. If you have any questions or you want me to repeat anything, just tell me or squeeze my hand. Otherwise, don't worry."

Ethan looked at her and gave a slight nod.

Angela started talking.

Ethan didn't hear a word.

* * *

Dylan was more than ready for a cup of tea.

He didn't mind if his patients didn't like him. That didn't matter. He didn't particularly like his patients either, though it wasn't something he often thought about.

Patients who did like him were a different matter.

Dylan wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. He had a feeling he should feel grateful that a random stranger had realised Dylan wasn't all that bad really, but he only ever felt embarrassed and awkward and completely at a loss.

After getting rid of a (presumably) lovely lady who'd called him by various endearments before hugging him goodbye, he'd decided he was perfectly justified in taking a break.

As soon as he entered the staff room, he found himself in yet another worrying situation.

Cal was sitting on the sofa in the staff room, his head in his hands, sobbing.

Dylan immediately started to back out. This was not his field of expertise and he very much doubted Cal wanted Dylan to see he was crying. But at that moment, Cal lifted his head and looked around the room, catching Dylan's eye.

Cal looked embarrassed and hastily turned away, scrubbing at his face with his hands. Dylan thought again about leaving, but he couldn't help thinking of Angela and he knew she would never walk away from anyone in distress – at least not unless she was asked to leave.

Dylan took a step closer to Cal. He didn't ask what was wrong. It wasn't the kind of thing he'd usually ask and in any case, it was obvious what was wrong. Cal's brother was in the psych ward; of course he was upset. Dylan spoke hesitantly. "Can I… get someone?"

Cal shook his head, though he managed something approaching a smile. "No. But thanks."

Dylan nodded and turned to leave the room. If Cal didn't require help, he wasn't going to stay and insist on offering it. Dylan still wanted a cup of tea, but he didn't think Cal wanted company at the moment and that was a feeling Dylan understood very well.

As he left the room, he had another glance at Cal. The registrar seemed lost in his own dark thoughts, but he wasn't crying anymore. That was probably a good sign. It probably meant Dylan hadn't made him feel worse.

But he couldn't help thinking he'd done a terrible job of supporting his colleague and although he wouldn't usually have minded too much, Dylan couldn't help thinking Angela probably wouldn't be very impressed at all.


	52. Chapter 52

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal really needed someone to be kind to him and Zoe can be very motherly sometimes. I suppose Duffy is the motherly one now. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I think Cal would really appreciate a hug! Though he might not believe you if you told him everything was going to be okay. I agree Angela wouldn't be disappointed with Dylan - she probably thinks he's perfect! Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2016** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , I agree that Zoe didn't want to offend Cal - in a situation like that, the comforter will resort to clichés that aren't actually that comforting! And as you say, Cal is feeling very negative at the moment. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **meriwether30** for the follow._

* * *

Dylan was in the middle of examining a patient who was showing symptoms of acute ascending cholangitis when his phone rang. He considered ignoring it, but he received few phone calls and most of them were important. He apologised to the patient and took his phone out of his pocket to check who it was.

His heart seemed to lift, then plummet when he saw who it was (another ridiculous description: it was physically impossible for his heart to do either). "Excuse me: I need to answer this."

In any other circumstances, he would have been perfectly happy to speak to Angela, but he was sure she'd only phone him in the middle of a shift if something was very wrong.

Doctors usually only got called by the psych ward if a patient had sustained some injury, which was very often either self-inflicted or caused by another patient. Both were extremely worrying situations and not one Dylan would wish on anybody, but he'd always been able to detach without too much difficulty.

But everything felt different now he had a friend working on the psych ward and a colleague in one of the beds.

Dylan was beginning to understand why some people – Cal being one of the main offenders – spent time staring at their phone before reluctantly answering it. In the past, it had always seemed pointless to Dylan: if they were going to answer it, they might as well answer it straight away. It wouldn't change anything except possibly to make the caller feel annoyed it took him so long to answer.

But now Dylan understood. Every second that past was another second where he still had hope.

Slowly, Dylan lifted the phone to his ear. "Angela?"

"Dylan!" said Angela in obvious relief. "I'm so sorry to call you like this. I know you're busy. I need to speak to Cal, but he's not answering his phone. I don't suppose you know where he is?"

"I… I haven't seen him for a while," said Dylan. He found himself unwilling to admit he'd left Cal on his own when he was upset. "I could go and look for him if you wanted me to."

"Would you mind?" said Angela. "I know you're busy, but we can't really spare anyone at the moment and it is quite important."

"Is it Ethan?" asked Dylan, before quickly adding: "I'm sorry. I knowyou can't tell me."

"Well… I shouldn't, but.." Angela paused. "Will you please tell Cal… Ethan hasn't harmed himself or anybody else, but he really needs his brother."

Dylan would probably have told anyone else to tell Cal themselves, but it was different when it was Angela. Perhaps it was because he knew Angela wasn't lazy. If she said she wasn't able to come to the ED to find Cal herself, that must be the truth.

Besides, she could hardly come running over to the ED and start peeping into all the cubicles.

Dylan went to reception and asked Noel where Cal was working today. Noel thought Cal was in cubicles, so Dylan went to cubicles and listened for Cal's voice.

"Dylan? What are you doing?" asked Zoe.

Dylan turned to face her. "I'm looking for Cal."

"Why? What do you need Cal-" Zoe stopped. She lowered her voice. "It's Ethan, isn't it?"

Dylan nodded. "I don't know exactly what's happened, but Angela asked me to find him."

Zoe looked very interested. "Oh, Angela asked you especially, did she? Um, not that it's relevant. Don't worry. We'll find Cal." She opened one of the cubicles to display Max lying on one of the bed with his shirt off.

"Oh, Dr Hanna, I have an itch that needs scratching," said Max. Then he saw Dylan and looked awkward. "Oh. Um… hi, Dylan."

"Max, where's Cal?" asked Zoe.

Max shrugged. "Haven't seen him all day."

"That's very helpful," said Zoe. "We need to find him now. Max, try the staff room and the nurses' station. No: put your shirt on first. We'll do cubicles. You do the higher numbers, Dylan."

Dylan didn't know whether to be grateful or annoyed, but he decided to let it go. He went to the furthest cubicle, listened for a moment or two, and then pushed the curtains aside.

Cal turned to look at him, then went very still. "Is it Ethan?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

Dylan nodded.

"Excuse me," Cal said to his patient, and left the cubicle. "What's happened?"

"Angela says Ethan hasn't harmed himself or anyone else, but he needs you," said Dylan.

"But how bad?" burst out Cal. He started to pace, his hands in his hair. "What's happened? I need to know what happened!"

"I can't tell you, but you will find out if you go," said Dylan.

Cal nodded and turned towards the exit, but then he began to tremble. "I can't go. I can't."

"Of course you can," said Dylan.

"I can't!" said Cal. "I don't know what I'm going to find there. I don't know what 'he needs you' means."

Dylan really wasn't sure what to say. "Well, he can't be in need of emergency medical treatment or they'd have brought him here or called for another doctor. If his life was in immediate danger, the same would apply."

Tears filled Cal's eyes. "I can't go, Dylan. Don't make me go! But I've got to go. I don't know what to do!"

"I would suggest not panicking for a start," said Dylan. "You won't be any use to Ethan if you do."

"How am I supposed to not panic?" said Cal, pacing again. "My little brother might have tried to kill himself. Or someone else might have tried to kill him. You've got a little brother or sister, haven't you?"

"My father and his wife have a baby daughter."

"Well, think if it was her!" said Cal. "Don't you think you'd panic a little bit?"

"I wouldn't have thought so. I'm not given to panicking and I've never met her," said Dylan.

Cal groaned. "Just... just come with me, Dylan. That's all I'm asking. Don't make me do this one my own."

Dylan froze. "I'm sure… someone more suitable…" He looked around for Zoe and Max, but they'd disappeared. Dylan couldn't take the time to look for them. David might do: He didn't say much, but that didn't seem to stop him from getting through to the patients.

Lofty would be perfect, of course. But Lofty wasn't here.

The only people Dylan could see were Louise and Lily. Both more than competent at their job, but probably no better than Dylan at being supportive.

"Please!" said Cal. "You know what's going on." He was crying now. "Please, Dylan?"

"Oh, all right," said Dylan. "It's probably quicker than arguing with you and if Ethan does require medical attention – and Angela said nothing to suggest he did – I'll be better-placed to provide it than you. Come on."

Cal gave Dylan a look of gratitude that made him feel even more uncomfortable. "Thank you."

"Yes, all right. Are we going to go or not?"

* * *

After Dylan had asked Lily and Louise to let Zoe and Max know he'd found Cal, they headed for the lifts. Dylan pressed the button for the correct floor and cast a wary glance at Cal. He was breathing hard. "Okay. You might feel better physically if you breathe through your nose. And a bit more slowly. You don't want to be admitted as patient."

Cal's face was unusually serious as he said: "If I was admitted, I'd be with Ethan all the time. So there's nothing I'd like more."

"Well, don't look at me," said Dylan. "Even if I did refer you, you'd fail the psych assessment. So forget about that and concentrate on getting calm so you can help Ethan as much as possible."

The suggestion of a smile flickered across Cal's face. "You know, I always used to feel sorry for your patients. But you're actually making me feel a bit better."

"In the past I've had concerns about some of _your_ patients," said Dylan.

Cal's smile seemed stronger this time. "The young female ones, right?"

Dylan nodded.

"Well, you won't have to worry about them anymore," said Cal. "It's all about Ethan now. I've got to get him better and get him back to work. The ladies of Holby will have to do without me. I've got more important things to think about now."

* * *

Cal walked up to the psych ward reception as though he'd done it many times before. "Hi. I'm here to see Ethan Hardy."

"It's Dr Knight, isn't it?"

Dylan waited for Cal to tell her she could call him Cal, but he didn't. He just nodded.

"If you take a seat, Dr Knight, someone should be with you shortly." She reached for the phone and told someone Dr Knight was here.

"I should probably go back," said Dylan, but Cal immediately panicked.

"No. You can't leave me now. Not yet."

"All right. I'll stay," said Dylan. "But I'm sure the er, hand-holding isn't strictly necessary."

Cal looked down at his hand in surprise and quickly let go of Dylan's, though he seemed too frightened to be embarrassed. He turned towards one of the doors and stared at it almost desperately.

Almost immediately, it opened and Angela was there. "Dylan!" She looked startled, but Dylan liked to think she didn't look displeased.

"I… came up with him," said Dylan.

Angela smiled. "That was sweet of you. Hi, Cal."

Dylan wondered when he'd last been described as sweet.

Then he wondered why he wasn't completely appalled that he'd been described as sweet.

"Come with me and I'll talk you through what's happened as quickly as I can, then I'll take you to Ethan," said Angela. "Would you like Dylan to come too?"

"I really should be getting back," said Dylan. "But…"

"No, it's fine," said Cal with an effort. "I'll be fine with Angela. Thanks for coming up with me, Dylan."

"That's all right," said Dylan. He hesitated. "If there's any news and you want to tell me about it, I don't mind."

He knew that hadn't come out quite as it ought to have done, but both Angela and Cal smiled.

"Thanks, Dylan," said Cal. "I appreciate it."


	53. Chapter 53

**westlife4ever80** , I'm not sure we'll get him to admit it quite yet, but I think Dylan would do pretty much anything for Angela. Even something really difficult for him like comforting a distressed colleague! I'm so glad you still like their relationship. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it is a good thing Dylan was there when Cal needed someone and he is surprisingly good in this kind of situation, as he showed in last week's episode with David too. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you've enjoyed catching up with this story. You have no reason to feel bad for getting behind - it happens to everyone and that definitely includes me, so please don't worry.

 **BexieID** , thank you for your review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the chapter. I sometimes save chapters as a kind of reward for getting through something that was either difficult or unpleasant or just to celebrate the end of a really long day!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the way Dylan supported Cal. You'll find out about Ethan in this chapter. I'd really like it if Cal and Dylan became friends in Casualty. It would help take Cal's mind off Sam and Ethan. I'm not sure Sam wants to be friends with Cal and Ethan's just being an idiot.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I think Dylan is definitely a bit of a softie inside! I love that side of him too. He might well show more of it in this story! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal was grateful for Angela's presence as they walked into the office. The sight of the desk and chairs made Cal tense up. A knot of apprehension formed in his stomach as he wondered what might be wrong. He knew it might be something fairly small – though probably not that small considering they'd called him away from his job – but nothing would seem small when it was Ethan.

He sat down and Angela took the seat beside him. "It's not necessarily anything serious as it is Ethan's first full day here, but we don't want to ignore it and do nothing unless we're sure it's the right thing to do. Ethan won't eat; won't talk; won't stop crying. But he does keep saying your name."

Cal's eyes welled with tears. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but Ethan was so sad and he didn't see what he could do.

"We were wondering if you might be able to persuade him to eat," said Angela. "Not because we've given up – we definitely haven't – but it can be helpful sometimes to see a patient interacting with someone who knows them well. It can help us get to know the patient a bit better and get to know the kinds of things they respond to. It doesn't always work, of course – he might respond to you because you're his brother. But we're concerned and we'd really like to give it a try if that's all right with you."

"Yeah… sure. Of course we can try," said Cal. He looked helplessly at Angela. "But why would that work? If I couldn't help him before. Why would that change now?"

"I'll be honest - sometimes it doesn't l," said Angela. "But sometimes people try to hide their feelings – from themselves as well as from other people. Even though they might be feeling terrible and it's very clear they do feel terrible, they haven't completely given up and at that stage, they sometimes do have the strength to resist help. But when a patient makes a decision like Ethan did, then they're very often asking for help or at least admitting they can't manage alone. There's often a change in their mindset in this point. Much as we want to help someone before they reach that stage – and we really, really do – it's not always possible."

"No. I suppose not," admitted Cal. "In the ED, if a patient refuses treatment, there's not really very much you can do."

"We do have a little bit more power than that, but our problem is similar," said Angela. "We can only do so much. But situations do change; mindsets can change. Perhaps Ethan is ready to be helped now."

Cal tried to speak casually; as though he wasn't terrified. "So can I see him?"

"Of course," said Angela. "We'll go now."

Cal was trembling as he got to his feet. His chest felt tight and the walk to the ward seemed impossibly long, but then he was there, his brother right in front of him, and he wished he was still walking because he never wanted to see his brother in this state.

He blinked away the tears that were threatening to fill his eyes and sat down. "Hey, Ethan." His voice trembled slightly, but it was remarkably steady for a man who was watching his brother cry with great, groaning sobs, his face buried in his knees.

Ethan didn't reply.

Cal touched his shoulder and felt Ethan start slightly in response. "It's Cal. I'm right here, buddy. Want to have a proper cuddle?"

The relief that hit him when Ethan lifted his head and looked at him almost made Cal cry again, but he knew he had to be the strong one. He sat on the bed and pulled Ethan into his arms. Ethan wrapped his arms tightly around Cal's waist, his sobs quieter now. Cal stroked his hair and murmured every stupid cliché that came into his head, but it didn't seem to make matters worse and that seemed all Cal could hope for at this time. Not making it worse.

At last, Ethan lifted his head, his face sticky and wet from crying. Cal offered him a tissue and was so pleased when Ethan took it and used it by himself.

"That's right, Nibbles. Well done," said Cal, wondering if it was all right to say that or not. He didn't want to patronise him, but he was proud of his little brother. Cal had been depressed. He knew how much effort it could take to do anything at all and Ethan was much more depressed than Cal had been.

"Cal…" said Ethan, looking up at him; the name saying so much and so little.

"Yeah, I know," said Cal. "It's horrible for you and you can't see how it's going to get better and everyone keeps trying to get you to do things. It is really hard. But it's the first step to getting better and you can do it, Ethan. I believe in you."

Ethan said nothing, but his gaze was fastened on Cal.

"Okay. I don't want to be a nag because it's so annoying when you do it to me… just messing… but Angela says you're not eating," said Cal. "I know you're probably not hungry. Being sad either makes you want to eat everything in sight or nothing at all. But you're a doctor. All that nutrition stuff is a bit annoying, but it is usually right. Except about brussel sprouts. No way are those things meant for human consumption."

Ethan sniffed and his lips quivered a bit. It might have been an attempt at a smile.

"So how about we get something and eat it together?" said Cal. "You could just have a tiny bit. I don't mind scoffing more than my fair share."

"You never do," whispered Ethan and rested his cheek against Cal's chest.

Cal hugged him.

* * *

Dylan was about to check on a patient, but he stopped when he saw Cal walking towards him, his head down. He considered saying nothing. Everyone knew about Ethan and they'd probably offer better support than Dylan could. But still, he found himself asking: "How's Ethan?"

Cal looked up and stared at Dylan for a moment as though he was having trouble understanding what he'd said. "Um…" His eyes seemed to focus. "Better than I was expecting. I got him to eat something. He's having therapy now. He didn't want to do it and I don't know how much he'll participate, but he's agreed to give it a go."

Dylan nodded, unsure what to say. "First sessions can be the most difficult."

"That's true," said Cal. He rested his hand briefly on Dylan's arm. "Thanks for your support, Dylan. It really helped."

Dylan nodded again, uncomfortable with the physical contact, but he didn't want to show it. "If… if you want to go and see Ethan again, I can cover for you."

Cal's eyes widened slightly, then he smiled. "Thanks. That would be really good if I could go up a couple of times during the afternoon. I probably won't stay long unless… something's happened, but if you could keep a bit of an eye on my patients…"

"Of course," said Dylan.

"Thank you."

For a horrible moment, Dylan thought Cal was going to hug him, but to his relief, he just patted him on the shoulder and left.

* * *

Dylan was relieved when the end of his shift finally arrived. For once, he was able to leave almost on time, but he felt like he'd been working for a lot longer. Helping with Cal's patients as well as treating his own had probably contributed, but he felt it was more than that.

He'd always done well with staying detached from the other doctors and their personal problems – Zoe, of course, excepted. But somehow he'd found himself involved in the problems Cal and Ethan were facing and he realised he was actually worried about them.

"Dylan?"

Dylan felt his mood and his energy lift almost immediately. It made little sense considering Angela was involved in Ethan's care and the fact she wanted to speak to him could mean more bad news, but nevertheless, the sound of her voice made him feel lighter and calmer. "Angela."

"I'm glad I caught you," said Angela, falling into step beside him. "How are you?"

"Fine," said Dylan awkwardly. "How's Ethan? And, er, you, of course."

Angela smiled. "I'm well, thank you. Ethan's making some progress. I just hope…" She broke off. "Sorry. It doesn't matter."

"No, you can tell me," said Dylan without meaning to. "If you want to. If it's not confidential. Though even if it is, you can trust me."

"I…" Angela looked at him for a moment. "I just hope I'm helping him and not making it worse. It's difficult when you know a patient. As I'm sure you know. I always want to help my patients. But with Ethan, it seems more important that I help him and that might be affecting my judgement. I shouldn't have called Cal away from his job just because Ethan wouldn't each his lunch. I worried him and it disrupted the ED. But I had to do something."

"Maybe you shouldn't be working with him," said Dylan.

Angela looked a little hurt.

Dylan felt angry with himself. Why couldn't he just say the right thing? Everyone else managed it. "I mean… as you said, it's difficult to work with someone you know and although it can only help him to have the support of an excellent mental health nurse, perhaps it might help him more if another mental health nurse fulfils that role and you continue to be Ethan's friend. Which is another role I'm sure you'll perform very well."

Now, Angela looked not so much surprised as startled. And definitely not hurt. "An excellent mental health nurse?" she said as though she could hardly believe it.

"Yes. You are," said Dylan. "I wouldn't say that unless I meant it."

"Oh, Dylan…" Angela seemed quite emotional.

Dylan waited for the impatience and irritation, but it didn't come. "You really do need to believe in yourself, Angela. I'm sure there are plenty of people who do believe in you, including me, but you need to as well. We all have moments of self-doubt, but we can't let them take control."

"You're right," said Angela, sounding more like herself now. "And I usually wouldn't."

"But it's different when you know the patient," said Dylan, genuinely sympathetic. He paused for a moment. "Do you like boats?"

"I… yes," said Angela, looking slightly surprised. "Yes, I do."

"If you'd like some company, then you're welcome to… no. Of course you don't."

"If you're inviting me to visit you and Dervla, Dylan, I'd love to."


	54. Chapter 54

_I'm sorry I abandoned this story for a while. I hope I'll be able to keep writing it._

 _The Story So Far: Dylan has made a real connection with mental health nurse Angela. He enjoys her company and finds her very easy to talk to - he's even told her about the baby sister he's never met. Angela loves Dervla too. She seems perfect for Dylan, but he just won't seem to make the first move. A severely depressed Ethan has been admitted to the Holby psych ward where Angela works. Cal is desperate to help him enjoy life again. After a disastrous attempt at a relationship with Dylan, Zoe is reunited with Max and they want to make a go of their marriage._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It is really sad for Cal and Ethan. All Ethan can see is his diagnosis and Cal feels so helpless. I agree that Dylan's awkwardness can be very cute!

 **westlife4ever80** , I think Dylan might love Angela! He's certainly letting into his life a lot more than he would most people. But I don't think he can see what is obvious to all of us! I really like that you can see the sweetness in Cal and Ethan's relationship as well as the sadness. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. It is getting more difficult to keep the Cal and Ethan scenes fresh and interesting, but I'm glad I'm just about managing it! I'm glad you like the pace of the relationship between Dylan and Angela. I think some people find it too slow.

 **LoveFiction2016** , I find Dylan's awkwardness very cute too and that's part of why I love him. His awkwardness can be amusing, but it can also be very touching because it's a sign he's really trying to connect, which is unusual for him. Thank you for your review.

 **Lou** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're reading and enjoying the story, even if you do think it's a bit slow. All I can say about that is... please read this chapter! I am actually planning for someone to have an accident.

 **Amyxoxo** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. You'll find out some of what happens to Dylan and Angela on the boat in this chapter - I hope you like it.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. It doesn't sound evil - we're Casualty fans and it wouldn't be Casualty without accidents! Don't worry: someone will be admitted to the ED fairly soon.

 **MrsDylanKeogh** , Dylan is a really interesting character and great to read about, but he has such a distinctive personality, I find him difficult to write and I'm probably not the only one. I hope this chapter will help make up for the shortage of Dylan stories! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **hot2trot619 LaughLikeTheJoker** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Cal paced the corridor near the psych ward and wondered what was wrong with him. He was only going to see his brother. He'd actually seen him several times throughout the day, thanks to Dylan's kindness and generosity (which Cal would have expected to find surprising, yet somehow didn't) and although Cal loved being with his brother more than anything, it still broke his heart every time he saw him.

"Cal?"

Cal turned to see Zoe and Max walking towards him, hand in hand. Cal wished for a moment that he had a hand to hold on to, but he couldn't think of anyone he'd like to hold hands with. Except his beautiful little Matilda, but he was glad she didn't have to see her Uncle Nibbles like this.

"Cal?" said Zoe gently. She placed her hand on his arm. "How are you?"

Cal shrugged.

"It's always hard," said Zoe. "Seeing Ethan like that… of course it's hard. And that's okay. It's because you love him. "

Cal nodded. He loved Ethan so much.

"But he does need you," said Zoe softly. "And you can help him, Cal. It might take time – it probably will take time – but I believe in you."

Cal knew she was right. He did need to go in.

But he was so scared.

"We'll go in with you if you like," offered Max. "If that would help."

Cal didn't think anything would help. Nothing but seeing Ethan restored to his old self. He'd thought it was bad before when Ethan had been getting drunk and bringing shopping trolleys home, but at least he'd been happy. "I know it's stupid. But the idea of walking in there and seeing my brother… it scares me."

Zoe gave him a hug. "I know, Cal. I know."

"He's only been in there for a day." Cal tried not to cry. He didn't want Ethan to see the signs of tears on his face. He couldn't give Ethan another reason to hate himself. "But it can't be just a day. It feels so much longer than just a day."

Zoe held him more tightly.

"Um, there's some chairs over there if you want to…" Max nodded towards them.

Cal felt Zoe guiding him forward and then gently lowering him into a chair. Zoe sat beside him and hugged him again. Max sat on his other side.

"I just…" began Cal. He stopped. Zoe wouldn't want to hear how he was feeling. Ethan was the one who was really suffering. What Cal was going through was nothing.

"You can tell us, Cal," said Zoe. "We're listening and we want to support you. Not just Ethan. Both of you."

"I just… I'm so scared…"

Zoe stroked his arm.

"…so scared he won't get better," said Cal. Tears crowded his vision again; he paused before continuing. "And every time I go in there and he's still not better, the more I feel that maybe he won't and I've lost my brother forever."

* * *

Dylan unlocked the door of the boat and was about to go in, only to realise he should really stand back and let Angela go in first. He stepped back onto something soft and heard a muffled gasp from Angela. Dylan stepped away quickly and turned round. "I'm sorry. Was that your foot?"

"Oh, no, I don't think so," said Angela. "It's fine, Dylan."

Dylan looked at her for a moment, trying to remember what he was meant to be doing. "After you."

Angela looked slightly surprised, then she smiled and walked into the boat. As soon as she had, Dylan started to panic that he'd left it in a mess. He knew Angela wouldn't complain, but that wasn't the point.

He followed Angela into the boat, Dervla at his heels, and he was relieved to discover it was reasonably tidy.

"Dylan, it's lovely!" exclaimed Angela, turning to smile at him.

Dylan felt rather dizzy. Clearly, he was in need of food.

"You are lucky to live here," said Angela. "It's a lovely boat and you're right here on the river… does it get noisy?"

"Sometimes," admitted Dylan. "But the nearest pub is several streets away. So it's mostly quiet."

"It's lovely," said Angela, as though she really meant it. "It's like being part of a different world – and after working in the ED, perhaps that's what you need most: to leave it all behind and step into a different world."

Dylan looked at her in surprise.

Angela lowered her head. "I'm sorry. That probably sounds so silly."

"No, not at all," said Dylan. "I was actually thinking you're probably exactly right, though it had never occurred to me before. Shall we sit down?"

Angela went to sit on the sofa, Dervla immediately jumping up beside her and lying her head in Angela's lap.

Dylan wished he could do that and was immediately appalled by the thought. "Would you like some coffee?"

To his relief, Angela said yes, and Dylan took the opportunity to put a bit of distance between them. But as soon as they were further apart, the atmosphere of the boat seemed to change. It seemed several degrees colder, for one thing, and though his unexpected jitters had gone, he found he almost missed them.

Something was certainly missing that he'd been very aware of just seconds before.

Dylan made the coffee and carried the mugs over to Angela. They sat in silence for a while, though not an uncomfortable silence, then Dylan decided he really should mention his reason for inviting Angela to come to the boat. "It does become easier."

Angela looked slightly confused, but then she smiled and said: "I'm sure you're right, Dylan," in a grateful tone of voice.

Dylan nevertheless had the impression she didn't know what he was talking about. "I mean treating patients you know becomes easier. It never becomes _easy_ and for that reason it's usually not advised, but detachment becomes easier with time. You also, with experience, develop more confidence in your own ability to help. Also, as you get to know your colleagues, you feel more confidence in them when you work as a team."

He hoped he wouldn't offend Angela. Dylan knew he quite often offended others without meaning to and he didn't usually let it bother him, but he didn't ever want to offend Angela. She was so…

"Thank you, Dylan," said Angela, smiling at him. "That really helps. I really can't imagine being detached from helping Ethan, but knowing you can do it… it gives me a bit of hope that perhaps I'll be able to do it to a small extent too. One day."

"I'm sure you can," said Dylan. He hesitated. "I'm telling you this in the strictest confidence and I can't give any details as I wasn't working at the ED at that time, but shortly before I did return, a number of the staff were in a bus crash, including Ethan. Cal was distraught, naturally, but he performed a pericardiocentesis – a procedure on the heart – and saved Ethan's life."

Angela's eyes widened. "That's incredible. That was so brave of Cal."

Dylan nodded. "It was. I've never had a sibling – well, of course, as you know, I do have a sibling now, but I can't say I know her – but I can… imagine the difficulty. It would be similar to my performing a procedure on Dervla, though of course I'm not qualified for that."

Angela smiled. "I'm sure it's exactly like that. It's hard to see someone you care about suffering, especially when you have to do things that could make it worse. That's part of the problem for me with Ethan. With all my patients, it's easy to say and do the wrong thing. The right thing is different for every patient and it isn't the same all the time. If something works once, that doesn't mean it'll work five minutes later. It's like we're feeling around in the dark for the light switch, knowing that the chances are the bulb has gone. And even if I find the switch, it might not be the light switch at all. It might be the switch that causes a horrific electric shock."

"That's very eloquent and descriptive," said Dylan, "and it describes your situation exactly. It's an excellent way of explaining it – but I'm not sure it helps you."

Angela looked at him eagerly. "Do you know what would help?"

"Of course I can't be absolutely sure it doesn't help," said Dylan quickly. "We're all as different and varied as our patients are. But I find it helps to make everything as simple and basic and technical as possible. If we're thinking of a situation in an emotional way in our minds, we feel the emotions and it's difficult to be objective and detached."

"Yes, that's a really good point," said Angela.

"Of course, I usually go too far in the other direction and become too detached," said Dylan. "This can make the patients feel threatened and then they're less likely to confide in me. It's a delicate balance which not everyone is ever able to work out." He looked at her and smiled, finding it came naturally to him as he looked at her. "But I believe you can do it. You have the intelligence, but you also compassionate and insightful. You're an exceptional mental health nurse and I believe you will become even better."

"Thank you," said Angela breathlessly.

Her eyes looked so big and wide; Dylan had a feeling he should be looking away from her now, but he couldn't. All he could do was watch as her eyes appeared larger than ever and it was only at the last minute that he realised she'd moved closer to him and only when her lips touched his that he knew why.


	55. Chapter 55

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , It is horrible to think of Cal being frightened of seeing Ethan, but he's just like you - he doesn't like seeing Ethan in pain. Mental pain is probably worse than physical pain. If it was physical, Cal might be able to do something. I'm glad you find Max less annoying in my stories. I don't think the Casualty writers are sure what to do with him - I don't think they'd dare pair him up with someone who wasn't Zoe! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , yes, Angela kissed Dylan, and it only took her 54 chapters! But will they now live happily ever after? I think you're right about Cal being able to help Ethan. I'm sure Ethan feels slightly better when Cal's there, even if he's not sure why. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I was going to keep this story with just Dylan, Cal and Ethan as viewpoint characters, but I have actually written a scene in this chapter that's just Zax! I hope you enjoy it.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you liked the ending to the last chapter! I'm really glad Angela isn't talking complete rubbish all the time. I just write random stuff and hope it makes sense, so it's really good to know it does. I'll probably never stop being sad about what the writers did to Cal and Ethan. I suppose Richard wanted to leave and they couldn't stop him, but why didn't they just send him to South Africa? Thank you for your review.

 **LoveFiction2017** , thank you for your review. Yes, I am back and I haven't left you yet... I thought it was about time there was some sort of kiss between them and Dylan was never going to make the first move, so it had to be Angela. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I am a bit worried about it!

* * *

Max waited until the door had closed behind Cal, then he turned back to Zoe. "Are you okay?" he asked with obvious concern.

Zoe shrugged. She didn't know if she was okay or not, but that didn't seem too important. "I'm more worried about Cal and Ethan at the moment."

"Yeah, me too, but don't forget about yourself," said Max seriously. "Cal's brother's on the psych ward. That's awful for him." He put his arm around her. "But your _friend_ is on the psych ward."

Zoe looked at him and smiled. Some people thought Max's simplicity was a sign of stupidity, but Zoe believed he cut to the heart of the matter in a way that few people could. He saw a situation as it was and knew what was important and wasn't afraid to say so. "Yeah, you're right. I know you're right." She rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm glad we're back on track."

"Me too," said Max. "I couldn't handle seeing you with Dylan."

"I know. I'm sorry," said Zoe. She touched his arm. "I promise you there was never anything real between us."

"No, I know. I didn't mean that." Max put his hand over hers. His grip was firm but relaxed. "It was the terrified look in his eyes! I knew I shouldn't laugh, but it was _hilarious_! He looked like he wanted to run a mile – and Dylan's not the sort of person you can imagine running anywhere. He wouldn't need to because he'd never be late."

Zoe lifted her head from his shoulder and glared at him. "So I'm terrifying now, am I?"

Max smiled, seemingly unfazed by her anger. "Only to someone like Dylan. He just didn't know where to put himself. But I've always liked a predatory female. It's hot and it saves me the bother."

"Oh, so now I'm predatory?" Zoe moved her arm away. "Need I remind you Max _Lindsay Gerald_ Walker, you were the one chasing me? And what's all this about saving you the bother? You just want a woman to do the hard work while you lap it up?"

"Well… that doesn't sound completely bad to me," said Max, his eyes sparkling. "But maybe you shouldn't talk about it in a public waiting room."

Zoe was even more annoyed when she realised how close she was to laughing. "Max, I didn't mean it like that and you know it. You are so immature. Sometimes I wonder why I married you."

Max kissed her. "How about we go somewhere else and I'll remind you?"

Zoe thought about it just for a moment. The secret, stolen moments. Squeezed into a cupboard with barely enough room for both of them. Their attempts to be quiet, which made the whole experience even more erotic. The fear of being caught, which wasn't so much a turn-on as an irrelevance when they needed each other so much.

But she shook her head. "We can't do it now, Max. We told Cal we'd wait for him. He might be ages, but we don't know what kind of mood Ethan will be in. If Ethan just wants to sleep or something…"

Max looked disappointed, but he managed to smile anyway. "I suppose it won't be as good if you're thinking about Ethan the whole time."

"Maybe I won't be be thinking about him the _whole_ time," said Zoe. "And I think you'll find even if I am thinking about Ethan, you won't be having a completely awful time."

"Well, there are worse things you could call me than Ethan… like my middle names…"

Zoe reached for his hand. "I'll make it up to you later. I promise."

"I'll look forward to it, Mrs Walker," said Max.

* * *

Ethan wasn't sure if he was glad Cal was here. He wasn't sure if he was capable of feeling glad about anything.

But nothing was quite so awful when Cal was there.

It changed nothing, but it showed Ethan there was still one good thing left in his life: his brother. His big brother, who'd always seemed so selfish, was actually kind and giving and supportive and patient and really lovely. Ethan was lucky to have Cal.

But it wasn't enough to outweigh the sadness inside him. Ethan didn't want Cal to give up his whole life to care for him. He wanted one of them to have a future. He wanted one of them to become a consultant. Cal had got really low marks the first time he'd sat FCEM, but he'd hardly had any time to prepare. It usually took a year and Ethan still wasn't sure why Connie had allowed him to apply. Ethan was sure that when Cal took the exam again, he would pass easily.

But Ethan had wanted to be a consultant too. He'd wanted it even longer than Cal.

The tears started in Ethan's eyes again. He heard Cal say his name, then he moved so he was sitting on the bed beside Ethan, holding him tightly in his arms.

"I don't want to die, Cal!" sobbed Ethan.

There was a pause before Cal replied, a tremor in his voice. "I know, Ethan. I don't want you to die either. But it won't be for a long time. The only symptom you've got is depression and that might not actually be a symptom. You might live to be an old man of ninety; you might outlive me!"

Ethan sniffled. "But how will I know if it's a symptom or if I'm just depressed? When will I know? One day, it will be a symptom and then what will I do?"

"Just keep being Ethan," said Cal. "Don't be me. Don't be anyone but you. We love Ethan. It's the only person we want you to be."

Ethan kept his face hidden in Cal's chest. He remembered he'd always been quite happy being Ethan until he'd decided it would be better to be Cal instead.

Cal ruffled Ethan's hair. "Tell you what, Nibbles. I've had an idea. You probably won't like it and that's okay. I know you're not much into liking anything at the moment and that's understandable. I didn't like anything after Taylor left me. Except you, I mean: I _always_ liked you. I just never told you because I was embarrassed. But anyway, I thought maybe I'd take you away for a few days. When you're out of here, I mean, which I'm sure will be very soon. What do you think?"

Ethan didn't say anything.

"I thought maybe the Peak District," said Cal. "You can hire cottages. Well, you probably know that. You've probably stayed in one. As I'd know if I ever bothered to listen to you. But I thought we could get a cottage and go hiking every day. You'll have to help me: you know I've got no sense of direction; just a homing beacon for beautiful women. But it'll be great. Then maybe in the evening, we could get some studying done."

"You'd hate that," said Ethan.

"No, I wouldn't," said Cal. He smiled brightly. "Just think about it Nibbles! Either you'll have a really nice time with your big brother or you'll get to prove me wrong again! It's a win-win situation for you."

* * *

Dylan sat frozen as Angela kissed him. Her arms were around him, her lips were pressed tightly against his closed ones and… was that her tongue?

Dylan's arms remained tensely by his sides ad he couldn't have moved them even if he'd wanted to. He didn't know how to move.

But he had to. He couldn't allow this to continue.

Dylan jerked away from Angela and slid along the sofa, wanting to get away from her but not actually feeling strong enough to stand up.

Angela had kissed him. She'd actually kissed him.

"Oh, Dylan, I'm so sorry." Angela sounded as shocked as he was feeling. "I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry."

Dylan said nothing. Speaking would involve moving and he wasn't sure he could. Now he'd managed to put some distance between them, his muscles seemed to have locked into place. There was an ache across his shoulders from the tension and he was trembling. He couldn't turn his head so he couldn't look at her, but he wasn't sure he wanted to look at her.

 _Why… how…_ it didn't seem possible that Angela could like him like that. Why would she choose Dylan over a man like Cal? How could she possible want _Dylan_? What was wrong with her that she couldn't see the many things that were wrong with him?

"I… I'd better go," said Angela.

Dylan looked at her out of the corner of his eye and realised she'd stood up.

"Thanks for inviting me," said Angela. She managed to smile, but it was definitely a big shaky. "Bye, Dervla. I'll see myself out."

Dylan could tell from the patter of feet that Dervla was seeing Angela out and was grateful to his dog for doing what he couldn't. Dervla was predictable, unlike humans. She always did the right thing.

"Oh, are you seeing me out, Dervla?" said Angela. "Thank you. That's very kind of you."

Dylan heard the door opening. He heard a tiny bark of disappointment from Dervla.

"Goodbye, Dervla," said Angela softly. "It was lovely to see you." And then the door closed.

There was a momentary silence, then Dervla returned. She walked up to Dylan and sat down in front of him, her head tilted back so she could look at him, reproach in her eyes.

Dylan bent down and stroked her head, more out of habit than anything else. He didn't know what to do. "Dervla, what have I done?"

Dervla gave a slight whine but didn't break her gaze.

"I didn't know… I had no idea," said Dylan.

Dervla whined again, as if to say he ought to have known.

And perhaps she was right. She usually was.

"I just didn't know what to do," said Dylan.

Dervla's whine was more like a growl this time.

"Yes, I know I was married!" said Dylan. He might not be able to understand his own behaviour, but everything Dervla was thinking was crystal clear. "I'm not completely… but I still didn't know what to do, all right?"

Dervla sighed and relaxed slightly, resting her head against Dylan's knee.

"Yes, she's lovely," said Dylan and as he spoke the words, he felt an ache deep inside him. "She's very lovely. In every way. But I can't… I can't do this. And I don't know how to explain that to her."


	56. Chapter 56

**westlife4ever80** , Dylan has messed up, but he hasn't blown it completely! He was stunned and nervous. I think you have to be very special to capture Dylan's attention and not many women meet his exacting standards! I'm happy you liked the scene between Cal and Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I agree Dylan, Angela and Dervla could be a lovely family - whatever Dylan might think, they do all love each other! I think Dylan and Zoe could work in another story, but I don't think Angela and Max will let it happen here! I'm glad you liked Cal and Ethan.

 **BexieID** , Dylan does need to get it sorted! He likes her and she couldn't have made it much more obvious that she likes him. If he doesn't sort it out soon, Dervla will have to herd them into Dylan's bedroom and guard the door. Zoe does like to be quite dominant with men! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you liked the Zax scene. I'm afraid there isn't a Zax scene in this chapter as Zoe is needed elsewhere, but she probably won't be able to stay away from Max for long. Zoe might have a little project in mind and I think she'll want Max's help.

 **Tanith Panic** , Dylan really isn't the spontaneous type. He was never going to make the first move, but he'd also be uncomfortable with Angela making the first move! 'Gerald' is quite old-fashioned and 'Lindsay' is much more often a girls' name, but there are much worse names Max could have been given.

 **LoveFiction2017** , I think people who are unconventional are often disliked, but I think Dylan is a lot more popular than he realises. And not just with the fans. I think Brian made a big contribution to Dylan's insecurity. Thank you for your review.

 **MrsDylanKeogh** , I want to hug Dylan too, but there's a chance we'd get pushed away, just like Angela! Angela's probably upset now, but I think she'd find it much easier than Dylan to accept she made a mistake and then move on. Dylan could really torture himself over this. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **meriweather30** for the favourite._

* * *

Dylan knew he'd reacted in the only possible way, but he was still angry with himself. The exact reason for this varied. Sometimes he was angry with himself for pushing her away; sometimes he was angry with himself for giving her a false impression. But he was always angry.

As soon as he could reasonably justify taking a break, he went into the staff room to make a cup of tea. To his relief, the room was empty and he could only hope it would remain that way. The last thing he wanted now was to see other people. He could cope with patients. They didn't know him. But if someone he knew came in…

Of course, the person who walked into the staff room was probably the person he least wanted to see.

"Hi, Dylan," said Zoe, in the cheerful voice of one whose romantic problems were now well under control.

"I'm going to take this outside," said Dylan, and tried to walk past her, but she blocked his way.

"Number one, it's pouring with rain outside. Number two… I can see there's something wrong."

Dylan could have told her he'd had an exceptionally difficult day. He'd lost one of his patients; he'd had a bit of an argument with another (or rather, the patient had ranted and raved while Dylan had calmly stated the facts); he might have been assaulted by a third if Jacob hadn't stepped in, though Dylan hadn't personally thought it was likely.

But never used his patients as an excuse. He wasn't going to start now.

"Dylan." Zoe touched his arm and he flinched, but she didn't move. "Why don't you come to my office and we'll have a chat."

He could have said no. He'd intended to say no. But somehow, Dylan found himself sitting beside Zoe in her office, his mug of tea untouched beside him. He'd told himself that he wouldn't tell Zoe anything, but he could already feel himself wavering.

What had happened yesterday with Angela had shocked him. He hadn't expected it and he was struggling to make sense of it. Perhaps he did need the insight of another person; someone with a better understanding of relationships than Dylan.

Even so, he was only considering it. He didn't _need_ to tell anyone, after all. He wasn't regretting his actions. He didn't need Zoe to reassure him he'd made the right choice.

"It's Angela, isn't it," said Zoe gently.

* * *

Cal could see immediately that there was something wrong. Her smile was different. She looked… unhappy.

Cal was sure someone who worked in the psych ward would always see reasons to be unhappy. Cal knew from his time working in the ED that no matter how professional you were most of the time, some cases just got to you. Even people like Connie, Dylan and Lily, who didn't usually get emotionally involved, let it get to them sometimes. They were human.

But it was unusual with Angela.

"Hi, Cal," said Angela. "How are you?"

Cal knew she wasn't asking out of politeness. She cared about his response. He also had the impression that she wouldn't mind at all if he answered: "My brother's in the psych ward: how do you expect me to be feeling?" Perhaps that was the reason why he didn't say that. Instead, he said: "I think I'm probably doing good under the circumstances. It's hard, of course. But after everything Ethan's been through…"

He sighed and his eyes came to rest on Angela's face again. She really didn't look happy. He wondered if she was ill and his doctor's brain started to make a visual examination which was quite different from the sort of visual examination he usually gave women.

Angela touched his arm gently. "We're here for you as well, you know, Cal. We know Ethan's problems don't just affect him."

"But I don't suppose you've got a spare bed for me, have you?" said Cal lightly, though a part of him did want to fall to his knees and beg Angela to give him a bed on the ward too so he could be near Ethan.

"No, I don't think we have just at the moment," said Angela. She smiled again, but it wasn't the same. Her desire to encourage and comfort him was genuine. She was as warm as ever. But there was something…

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

Angela looked for a moment in surprise that was swiftly replaced by guilt.

"You can tell me, you know," said Cal. "I know some things are confidential. I get that. But I often confide in Ethan without telling him, you know, _everything_."

"It's nothing, Cal," said Angela sadly. "I really am fine. But thank you for offering to listen."

"But you're not fine, are you?" said Cal gently.

Angela looked on the point of refuting this, but then some of the strength seemed to drain from her and she shook her head.

Cal patted the seat beside him. "Come on. Tell Uncle Cal all about it."

To his relief, Angela managed to laugh. "You're hardly old enough to be my uncle. You're probably younger than me!"

"I doubt _that_!" said Cal gallantly. He thought she was probably in her late twenties. "You don't look a day over twenty-two."

"You're sweet, Cal," said Angela, and her smile did seem genuine. "I don't believe a word you're saying, but thank you. It helps just to know you want to make me feel better."

Cal smiled back. "So, are you going to tell me? Because if you don't, I will keep bothering you till you do. So you might as well just tell me now. Save us both a bit of time and effort."

Angela laughed again. "You're certainly persistent! But in a good way. Thank you, Cal. I didn't think anyone would make me smile today, but you have – which is great for Ethan as well as for me. He's so lucky to have your support."

"I don't know if Ethan would agree, but that's something else I'm not giving up on," said Cal. He fixed her with a stern gaze. "Now, stop changing the subject and tell me what's wrong."

"It's silly really," said Angela.

"Doesn't matter," said Cal. "If none of us got upset over silly things, can you imagine how bored we'd all be? Ethan gets upset about me leaving dirty dishes in the sink. I mean, what's wrong with that? That's where you're _supposed_ to leave them! Is he saying he prefers it when I leave them in the middle of the floor for him to fall over? But it's the little quirks that make me lo… I mean like Ethan even more."

Angela smiled and reached out to give him a hug. "I'm sure Ethan lo… I mean likes your little quirks too. I know I do. I don't suppose you'll really want to know what's wrong, but it's a relationship issue."

Cal nodded wisely. "I know all about relationship issues. The last two women I had feelings for were a prostitute and a con artist. So is he a pimp? A burglar? A drug dealer?"

"I suppose he's a drug dealer in a sense," said Angela. "But only legal drugs. And it's not his job that's the problem. I kissed him last night and he… he didn't exactly react the way I was hoping."

Cal looked sympathetic. "I'd like to say that's never happened to me… but the truth is I've been there, Angela. More times than I want to admit to. If they'd all turned out to be lesbians, I wouldn't mind so much."

"Did you ever manage to change their minds?" asked Angela, a wistful expression on her face.

"Yeah, some of the time," said Cal. "There's all kinds of reasons why someone might say no. It might be their orientation – there's nothing you can do about that. They might have a very specific type and there's not much you can do about that either. If a woman has a thing for short, old-fashioned geeks, there's not much chance of her preferring me to Ethan."

Angela sighed. "That's true. Maybe I'm just not his type. That's no-one's fault, but there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"But there are all kinds of other reasons too," said Cal quickly. "Sometimes they just don't want a relationship at that time. They might have enough complications in their lives. Relationships are a lot of fun and everything, but they also take time and effort."

"That's true as well," said Angela. "Maybe it's not a good time for him. He does have stuff going on. Family stuff."

Cal nodded sympathetically. "That can make a difference. When I had Matilda – it's a long story, but the con artist conned me into believing her daughter was mine – I had no time for relationships then. It was the same when my I was caring for my mum – my biological mum, that is: sorry my family's so complicated." He decided not to talk about what he'd been doing when his adoptive mother had died.

"So maybe that's it," said Angela. "He's only told me a little bit and he's the type to downplay his problems rather than exaggerate them, but it does sound really difficult for him."

"But sometimes it's just that they're shy," said Cal. "It took Ethan _months_ to make a move on Honey. He even knew she liked him – she was so obvious about it, even _Ethan_ could tell! – but even when she was making a move on him, he didn't respond because he didn't know what to do. We met her in… it must have been October, and they got together in like.. July? Some guys are shy and they're not sure how to react so they panic a bit and back off. Or they think they wouldn't be a good boyfriend and they're scared of disappointing you."

"Maybe," said Angela, looking a bit happier. "So what's the best thing to do in those cases?"

"That depends on the guy," said Cal. He smiled. "And in your case, it's a very unusual sort of guy."


End file.
